# Introducing the First LumberJock Roast of Roger Clark



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

Lumberjocks Roast
Man of the Week 
Rodger Clark
Hello everyone and welcome to LumberJocks first roast. We will be roasting Rodger Clark aka Rex over an open fire of walnut and cherry. This roast is to pay tribute to Rodger so all comments are welcome.
I'll start with a bit of history on Rodger. It seems Rodger once applied for a lumberjack position in Canada. The boss man said, "You look a bit on the small side there young fellow." Rodger replied," Give me a chance and I will show you."
Boss man " See that big oak tree there see if you can chop it down." Half an hour later the big tree was felled and the boss man was amazed. He said, "Where did you learn to cut trees like that?" Rodger, " The Sahara Forest." Boss, " You mean the Sahara Desert don't you?" Rodger, " That's what they call it now."
Rodger was going to study being a tree surgeon. He found that he fainted at the sight of sap.
I would like to thank Rodger for his many……..few brilliant comments here on LumberJocks. You know Rodger I have always liked you as a friend but never as a project builder. When I see your projects I think , what was that? But your a fantastic woodworker. I know cause you have told me that many many times.
You and I have never met, I guess that makes me a lucky guy. We have never had our paths to cross or even seen each other. But you see we have an indirect relationship. I am fooling around with his wife. So we do have some things in common. You know you have a lovely house. Incidentally you are out of scotch.
I will say this Rodger never forgets a friend. Either of them.
So I will close in saying he is a wonderful guy and if any other of you fine people would like to give some insight on dear Rodger comment here.


----------



## devann (Jan 11, 2011)

Got a match?
I have some pine fat, 
lites real easy.
It's great for starting a roast.


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

Darrell I am awaiting on the man of the week to show up. He asked for it so I started it.


----------



## a1Jim (Aug 9, 2008)

I have know Roger on line for some time even before he was AKA Rex(I think he stole that name from his dog). I would like to join in on the roast but I like ribs better.Roger tries to convince people he's originally from Great Britten but we all know that's not true because we all know the Britts don't have a sense of humor.


----------



## Roger Clark aka Rex (Dec 30, 2008)

Thank you Dave (bastard) for such an eloquent bunch of half truths as an introduction to the Great One.
Yeah, i can understand being quoted as the worst woodworker on Ljs, BUT i'm bloody good at everything else. I can't believe you have been fooling around with my wife, I take my hat off to you, I wouldn't touch her with your's, let alone mine. And Darrell, yeah I got a match, - your face, my ass.
Now for some Baileys.


----------



## devann (Jan 11, 2011)

Rog, I'll bring the Kalula, you start the coffee. & hey you don't have that much hair on your ….


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

Darrell I am under the understanding his nose hairs are just fine…


----------



## boxcarmarty (Dec 9, 2011)

Roger, I haven't been around as long as you have but I've seen some pretty weird but interesting stuff. Like the guy that made some Honey-do quick planters…. Oh wait, I guess that was you. But I got to hand it to you on your universal box for the LJ survival kit. That is a must in any Lumber Junkies suitcase and I'm sure that's enough to even make Stumpy proud…..

One more thing, I went on vacation last year to the Sahara forest. You can imagine my disappointment when I got there. You owe me $126.50 in gas…..


----------



## Magnum (Feb 5, 2010)

*This is an ABSOLUTE PLEASURE!! *

Perhaps one way of Honoring Roger and KNOWING who this GREAT Person JUST MIGHT Really be is to Understand His *"Signature Line".*

*"Always Look On The Brighter Side Of Life" * A song written by Eric Idle for Monty Pythons … *"Life Of Brian"*

UTube has a number of Videos on it that I could link you all to.

*HOWEVER!* ....Listening to, and Watching a Video is NOT the same as Understanding what the WORDS really mean.

*To me …the WORDS that follow ARE Roger Clark.*

------------------------------------------------------

"Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say.
Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle,
Don't grumble, ....give a wistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the best…
And….........always look on the bright side of life!
(whistle)

Always look on the bright side of life…
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten!
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,

When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps,
Just purse your lips and whistle-that's the thing!
And… always look on the bright side of life…

(whistle)
Come on!

Always look on the bright side of life…
(whistle)

For life is quite absurd,
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow!
Forget about your sin-give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it-it's the last chance anyhow!

So always look on the bright side of death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
Life's a piece of ********************,
When you look at it.

Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
You'll see it's all a show,
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you!

And always look on the bright side of life (whistle)

Always look on the bright side of life (whistle)"

--------------------------------------------------

*Those are the WORDS. They are also OUR Dear Friend ROGER CLARK!!*

*Thank You for being who you are Roger. **I'm PROUD to know you as a Friend and "MY BUDDY".*

*Warmest Regards: Rick*


----------



## greasemonkeyredneck (Aug 14, 2010)

Roger?
Roger Rabbit?
Who the hell is Roger?

Ooooooooooooooooh!

*THAT ROGER!!!*

I like him. He's that old guy that makes me look young. And makes me seem to have a great memory.

In all seriousness. I like Roger. He's a good guy. He's one of those Lumberjocks that always helps anyone he can on here. He doesn't take everything too seriously like some people do. In other word, HE CAN TAKE A JOKE.

And I happen to be real good friends with SuperD,
And I have some bad news for you Roger. He is fooling around with your wife. I didn't know it till now though when I read your response, but I knew he borrowed mine last weekend for something. I know now what he needed it for. Now make him bring it back!!!


----------



## JoeLyddon (Apr 22, 2007)

Well, howdy Roger… you old COOT… you!

Just stick around & see if we give a HOOT!

Do we like it Rare, Medium, Well Done?


----------



## Roger Clark aka Rex (Dec 30, 2008)

I hope you guys all understand I'm taking down names.
Dave, my old fart nasel hairs have been adapted to sensors and wild eyebrows to antennas, so now I'm able sense where the straw is when taking my RegenOF elixior, and I can pick 128 Hd channels on my eyebrows.
Rick, you are one sick puppy with diarrhea
William, yeah, I sure can take a joke - I talk to you, don't I? If anyone is fooling around with my wife then they are bigger fools than me, so anyone fooling around with her, Thanks for the premium break, just wish they would take it on permanately.
And Joe, what a wonderful friend to not have around.
Jim, what planet are you on? It's the bloody colonials that have a stiff upper crutch, Brits can deliver more homour than you guys can understand.


----------



## stefang (Apr 9, 2009)

Hi Roger. I probably shouldn't give you medical advice, but I understand that sawdust contains free radicals (not the kind associated with British politics), Just breathing them in regularly might improve your health.

Unfortunately I haven't seen most of your posts Roger and so I really don't know you too well, but it seems obvious from all the posts that you have lightened up the lives of many overly serious LJ members ( I am not one of them). Just knowing that you are a Brit living in Texas is funny enough for me, but your humorous nature described by others seems to just magnify that fact.

Thanks for inspiring us with your indomitable will to get into your shop regardless of the circumstances, and please don't forget to turn off your dust control system when you do!


----------



## StumpyNubs (Sep 25, 2010)

It's hard to insult someone like Roger. If you say something funny, he may laugh himself into a heart attack. If you say something mean he may get angry and have a heart attack. If you say something over the top he may be so shocked that he has a heart attack.

Old people are funny that way…


----------



## tierraverde (Dec 1, 2009)

Here's to the guy that's strictly in it…....
Doesn't lose his head for a minute…....
Know's the game and play's the limit….....
and still get's all the fun that's in it !!!!!!!!!

Happy Roast Roger!


----------



## CharlieM1958 (Nov 7, 2006)

Roger once shared his life story, and it was so sad in parts, it brought a tear to my eye. Then he posted a photo of himself and I realized God did have a sense of humor after all..


----------



## saddletramp (Mar 6, 2011)

Roger Clark, what can I say about Rex that hasn't already been said or at least muttered under some one's breath? Roger once tried to pull that old Henny Youngman one liner on me, you know the one: "Take my wife, PLEASE." but when I tried, he threatened to shoot me. I think that is why he moved to Texas, so he can tote around his own personal hog leg, can't have them bad boys in jolly old England.

Actually, I have never met Rex. Can you imagine going to either Texas or England for a visit let alone living there (sorry Andy). Gives me the beejeebers just to think about it. Roger ended up in Texas by default. After he was booted out of England, Texas was the only place that would take him, and even Texas had reservation.


----------



## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

Rogers wife likes to talk on the phone during sex..last week, she called him from Pittsburgh…(rim shot)


----------



## renners (Apr 9, 2010)

Phewww! Thank goodness this isn't a "Roast" in the style of Premiership Footballers…


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

I am sitting on the sideline, smoking a nice cigar. And laughing so hard I might need a breathing treatment.
You know Roger never puts off until tomorrow what he can avoid altogether. Thats why his projects never get done.
The fact that no one understands your projects doesn't mean you're an artist. 
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. But we still love you sense of humor. You see we've set aside this special time to humiliate you in public.
So seriously I hope this has made you feel better. Makes you believe there are a few of us out here that really do like you. Rodger I would love to be sitting outside enjoying a good cold drink and telling war stories.
Get well soon.
We still need a few good men. Even limeys


----------



## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

How the hell did I miss this thread???


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

The podium and mic are all yours JJ…...


----------



## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

It'll take some time, but I'll come up with something. One thing for sure (and I'm sure a lot of you will say - -Roger is a hell of a guy).... I mean that in a good way.


----------



## greasemonkeyredneck (Aug 14, 2010)

When someone dosn't get Roger's jokes, it's ok, neither will he in a minute when he can't remeber what he's laughing at.

I am sorry for joking about Roger's wife before. We should not be talking about his wife like that. We might make the man go check on her. That would be cruel. He's been running and hiding from her for years. He may not remember what she looks like.

Ya'll know he's called Rex because he had a T-Rex dinasour for a pet when he was a kid don't you? Him and Moses used to ride it to school.

Ya'll should have better prepared Roger for this. Ya have to explain what things mean to men his age, SLOWLY.
You mentioned roast and thirty minutes later I seen on the news about a guy out in Texas running down the street in his underware, tweety bird slippers, and a ******************** skin hat. He was pulling a wagon with a dead pig on it and carrying three bags of marshmellows. It caught my attention, and I started watching, *OH CRAP, THAT'S REX!!!!!!.*

BTW, there was some old woman running behind his with a shotgun. The news reporter said it was his wife.


----------



## Roger Clark aka Rex (Dec 30, 2008)

WOAH, the sun goes down and out comes all the creepy crawlies, weirdos, half wits who don't know their apex from their base (work that one out) and its not unusual for this lot to fall base over apex on a regular basis.
Thank you Charlie, glad the French left you behind as excess baggage when they left the swampland. 
Boxcar, that Sahara is now a desert, you don't need to take food with you because of all the sand which is there.
Brad, get your facts right, it was Milwaukee, not Pittsburgh. I expect Mike will correct you on that too.
Hey JJ, how's the hangover? Welcome to 2012.
Wud, Now let's get this straight, you started off with your foot in your bloody mouth. I was just born awkward, I guess you had to work hard to become a twit.

True story: I was at a USAF airbase in England, a concert with bands and acts were going on. Then this English comedian came on and was getting really pissed about all the heckling, so he told this story.

"When Noah built the ark he also built a huge barge for the ark to tow so that all the animals could "do their business" on. The days went by and the animals went across a gang plank to and from their depository, then during a violent storm on the 39th day, this huge, and by now vastly overloaded barge broke fee and sank. No animals or people were lost, and thousands of years later, Christopher Columbus discovered the half sunk barge and called it America."

Wow that little Brit had the balls to tell that one in the midst of US service men, and you know, they applauded him and was an instant hit.


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

Applause Applause….


----------



## devann (Jan 11, 2011)

Roger, I'm glad to see you made it back to Texas. How did that Virgin Island gig work out? Bet you lost your pencil and ran out of virgins didn't you? Well you're always welcome here in Texas, just stay away from my cows. If I hear you out there again I'm turning the dogs loose. ;^)


----------



## Roger Clark aka Rex (Dec 30, 2008)

Wow Darrell, I thought 9pm was lock down time for you. 
The Virgin Island gig was really exhausting and those virgins are not all that cracked up to be what you think, you get fed up with teaching all the time, and the screams give you a headache. Don't worry about your cows, I'm getting me a herd of sheep just as soon as I get me some BAAAA clamps to hold them down.


----------



## Dennisgrosen (Nov 14, 2009)

Roger you claime to be so clever and have showed it many times 
so can you tell me how havy I need to make the contraweight , how big the trebuchet
need to be so the balistic curve is right to sent a tasty fruitpie right in your head as tanks for 
having mooved to the barge to spread intiligent cultur amonge the savage´s and not to ran around 
desturbing us anymore 
looks forward to get the balistick answer 
thank you in advance

have a great day my freind 
Dennis


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

Hey guys, I would like to add a few words about the great one. The insults are fun and games but on a serious note. Rodger told me I could let you know he has had pretty bad time. He is in good spirits but in bed with not much energy. Chemo has a tendency to take the wind out of a person. We love to see you here Roger and will make this an annual roast for a long time to come.
I would like to quote Rodger" Please don't worry if you don't "see" me for several days, it will only be by bad meds and I'll be back again as soon as they go." 
God Bless and get well!
Now let the party continue.


----------



## greasemonkeyredneck (Aug 14, 2010)

Before we let the party continue, I want to add that (for those us who believe in doing such a thing) that I will keep you in my prayers Roger.
Get well soon and come back to give us all hell, buddy.


----------



## devann (Jan 11, 2011)

You hit the nail on the head William. Give those nurses a run for their money Roger, hope to see you in the shop soon.


----------



## Dennisgrosen (Nov 14, 2009)

once more you trying to hide from your wife Rogr

better get well fast so can get you notty on those nurses ... 

we look forward to hear your sharp tungue when the nurses get tired of you

take care
Dennis


----------



## JoeLyddon (Apr 22, 2007)

One other thing Roger…

It takes an old fart to know one!

... and *you are definitely and Old Fart!* LOL


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

Joe i got to ask just how old are you? If you don't mind me asking.


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

I like my Rex rare, bbq sauce anyone….....


----------



## JoeLyddon (Apr 22, 2007)

75 young… but getting older each day! LOL

How old are you?


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

Joe I am a Grandpaw at the ripe old age of 43. I love it. You need to keep all us young guys on our toes. And you do


----------



## Dennisgrosen (Nov 14, 2009)

Joe he is like me tooo young to bee told the worst jokes :-(


----------



## greasemonkeyredneck (Aug 14, 2010)

I just can't help but give this old thread a bump. 
This was when the greatest of the old farts on this site was at his best. 
I will miss Rex very much.


----------



## toeachhisown (Eddie) (Mar 30, 2011)

miss you Rex, William hear him now keep that *********************************** over there in Louisianian out of Texas  never saw any one out wit him ,he was just as sharp as a tack even going thur the pain he was


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

Amen guys.
Rex keep em smiling up there.


----------



## greasemonkeyredneck (Aug 14, 2010)

There were a few times when I was going through some of my worst times that Rex brought me back up. 
I'd be headed into one of my deep depression states, having a pity party, and Rex would email me, when he had it worse than me, joking with me and telling me to pull myself up by my boot straps and get into the shop.

I asked him once how he did it. He was picking me up when chemo was keeping him out of his own shop so much. 
He replied (and I quote because I just went and read it from the saved email), "don't feel sorry for me you no good son of a horse's ass. I'm a Brit in Texas. Feel sorry for yourself. You're a damned ******************** ass in Mississippi. Between your American roots and your crappy wood work, you need to be in the shop getting all the practice you can get. "

That's the way Rex was. Even if you only knew him online, you knew his insults were all in jest. If he didn't like you, he wouldn't waste his time talking to you. So he insulted his friends more than anyone.


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

Damn right. Rex thought my first name wAs bastard.


----------



## Doe (Aug 26, 2010)

I'm pretty much a newcomer to the Stumpy Nubs Workshop so I saw Rex's caustic wit for only a short while. Whenever I saw his posts, I'd start to hum Always look on the Bright Side of Life. When he was going through radiation treatments he said that parts of his anatomy were glowing. Then I started humming Shine little glow-worm, glimmer, glimmer.


----------

