# Wood joke



## Vrtigo1 (Mar 18, 2010)

Sorry if this has been posted before. This was sent to me and I thought it was funny.

Two Trees and A Woodpecker

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.

A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.

It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.


----------



## Roger Clark aka Rex (Dec 30, 2008)

Talking of trees. Two peanuts went for a walk in the woods ….... one was assaulted.


----------



## Roger Clark aka Rex (Dec 30, 2008)

Talking of trees. Two peanuts went for a walk in the woods ….... one was assaulted.


----------



## CharlieM1958 (Nov 7, 2006)

Boudreaux, a Cajun woodworker, makes an unauthorized midnight visit to his local lumberyard and steals some lumber. After a few days, being a good Catholic, he is overcome by guilt and decides to go to confession.

He enters the confessional and says "Bless me Father for I have sinned. I broke into the lumberyard and stole some lumber."

"How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest.

Says Boudreaux, "Well, it was quite a bit, Father."

"Enough to build a doghouse?"

"Oh, it was more than that," Boudreaux replied.

"Enough to build a garage?" asks the priest.

"More than enough for that," said Boudreaus sheepishly.

"Enough to build a house?" asks the priest incredulously.

"More than enough," Boudreaux whispers, quite ashamed by now.

The priest by this time realizes that a pretty serious theft has been committed, so he begins thinking about a fitting penance.

"My son, do you know how to make a novena?"

Boudreaux is quiet for a moment, then answers cheerfully, "No, Father. But if you've got the plans, I've got the lumber!"


----------



## StumpyNubs (Sep 25, 2010)

After you went on about how hard it is to find clean jokes I was surprised at what you considered "clean". Funny, but this one is still not for the kids.


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

For shame!
I thought this was a woodworking site, not a place for humorous attacks on Cajuns, Catholics and woodpeckers.
Please stop this before someone gets upset or mentions something political. ;-)

Luigi, a perpetual bachelor, owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing businesses in Miami , a furniture manufacturing shop. Friends convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to check out the latest trends there, and maybe he could meet an available young Italian woman at the same time.

As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and he only spoke English-neither understood a word the other spoke. So he took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded. So they went to dinner.

After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

He was dumbfounded. To this day he says that he's never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture manufacturing business.


----------



## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

Yall stop I almost drowned my keyboard. Good stuff


----------



## DIYaholic (Jan 28, 2011)

I can't sell a single project. No one is responding to my newspaper advertisement…...

"FREE STOOL SAMPLES!"


----------



## childress (Sep 14, 2008)

Stumpy, he didn't say anything about "clean". Read his post again and you will see "dirty word or two"...


----------



## idigjars (Mar 15, 2011)

I got a chuckle from these. Thank you. Paul


----------

