# FOR THE OLDER FOLKS ON HERE



## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

--------------------------
Thought a lot of you would get some fun out of these….............Enjoy

> > An elderly gentleman….. 
> > Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. 
> > He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have 
> > him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the 
> > gentleman to hear 100% 
> > The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the 
> > doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. 
> > Your family must be really pleased that you can hear 
> > again.' 
> > The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family 
> > yet. 
> > I just sit around and listen to the conversations.. 
> > I've changed my will three times!' 
> > 
> > 
> > --------------------------
> > 
> > 
> > Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were 
> > sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the 
> >other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just 
> > full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How 
> > do you feel?' 
> > Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 
> > 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 
> > 'Yep.. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my 
> > pants.' 
> > 
> > 
> > --------------------------
> > 
> > 
> >An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, 
> >and after eating, the wives left the table and went into 
> > the kitchen. 
> > The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last 
> > night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really 
> > great… I would recommend it very highly.' 
> > The other man said, 'What is the name of the 
> > restaurant?' 
> > The first man thought and thought and finally said, 
> > 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you 
> > love? 
> > You know…. The one that's red and has thorns.' 
> > 'Do you mean a rose?' 
> > 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then 
> >turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the 
> > name of that restaurant we went to last night?' 
> > 
> > 
> > --------------------------
> > 
> > 
> >Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients 
> > being discharged. However, while working as a student 
> > nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and 
> > sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who 
> > insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. 
> > After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly 
> > let me wheel him to the elevator. 
> > On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting 
> > him.. 
> > 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in 
> > the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.' 
> > 
> > 
> > --------------------------
> > 
> > Couple in their nineties are both having problems 
> > remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells 
> >them that they're physically okay, but they might want to 
> > start writing things down to help them remember … 
> > Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets 
> > up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the 
> > kitchen?' he asks. 
> > 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 
> > 'Sure..' 
> > 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can 
> > remember it?' she asks.. 
> > 'No, I can remember it.' 
> > 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe 
> > you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' 
> > He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of 
> > ice cream with strawberries.' 
> > 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll 
> > forget that, write it down?' she asks. 
> > Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I 
> >can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped 
> > cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' 
> > Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 
> > minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands 
> > his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the 
> > plate for a moment. 
> > 'Where's my toast ?' 
> > 
> > 
> > --------------------------
> > 
> > 
> > A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 
> > 'So I hear you're getting married?' 
> > 'Yep!' 
> > 'Do I know her?' 
> > 'Nope!' 
> > 'This woman, is she good looking?' 
> > 'Not really.' 
> > 'Is she a good cook?' 
> > 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 
> > 'Does she have lots of money?' 
> > 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 
> > 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 
> > 'I don't know.' 
> > 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 
> > 'Because she can still drive!' 
> > 
> > 
> > --------------------------
> > 
> > 
> > Three old guys are out walking. 
> > First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' 
> > Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' 
> > Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.' 
> > 
> > 
> > --------------------------
> > 
> > 
> > A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new 
> > hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's 
> > state of the art.. It's perfect.' 
> > 'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?' 
> > 'Twelve thirty..' 
> > 
> > 
> > --------------------------
> > 
> > 
> > Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a 
> > physical. 
> > A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down 
> > the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 
> > A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris 
> > and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' 
> > Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get 
> > a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' 
> > The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 
> > 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' 
> > 
> > 
> > --------------------------
> > 
> > 
> > One more.. . .! 
> > A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream 
> > parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a 
> > stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana 
> > split. 
> > The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 
> > 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis…' 
> >


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## Timbo (Aug 21, 2008)

I'm laughing out loud at these! Thanks for chuckle cabinetmaster


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

Dammit Jerry, I resemble them remarks!


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## 8iowa (Feb 7, 2008)

I'm a gittin thar too!


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## branch (Oct 6, 2009)

great jocks even if you are old

stiff 
deaf

blind

o what was i saying


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

Ha ha ha…
I can't finish reading all, coz I haven't take breakfast, must continue later.
And I think I'm getting toward all that, coz I still cannot recall what I did last year at this time. Do you?


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## TopamaxSurvivor (May 2, 2008)

I live all he hearing ones )


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## a1Jim (Aug 9, 2008)

There all great Jerry can't stop laughing.


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

Return from food stall nearby, still smiling to myself and now start laughting…*BUT* I do not have heart murmur to myself! LOL

P/S I don't think I can start painting my Tool rack right now, still chuckling..!


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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

This is good


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## mikethetermite (Jun 16, 2009)

You know you are getting old when you can relate to these old folks jokes.


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## Dusty56 (Apr 20, 2008)

Started my day off with a few good laughs !!! Thank you so much : )


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## davidmicraig (Nov 21, 2009)

I would be laughing more if it weren't for the fact that 3/4 of these jokes could apply to me and I am in my forties….

David


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## Chipncut (Aug 18, 2006)

*Thanks for the morning laughter!*

It reminded me of this one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This old timer is in the doctors office.

He said, I can't remember anything anymore Doc.

The Doc said, How long have you had this problem?

The old timer paused, & said, What problem?


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## Berg (Aug 31, 2009)

Laughing? I thought this was pages from my diary…


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## SnowyRiver (Nov 14, 2008)

Those are great….especially for us "old folks"


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## bhack (Mar 19, 2008)

I would have posted a comment a few hours ago but I forgot my password. Yesterday was my 65th birthday and I relate to theses way too much.


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## patron (Apr 2, 2009)

jerry , glad you are improving ,
and over the ' withdrawals ' ,
i think it happens to us all a bit at times .
in the end , the good out weighs the bad ,
and well , hard to forget good friends .

bill , HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!

now we need to pace ourselves ,
even if we can't remember why !(LOL) .


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## odie (Nov 20, 2007)

*I are one too …*


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

Glad you all got some good laughs from these….............................Now what was it I was going to do?????


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

So now you started to having problem remembering thing to do? 
You too have to write it down, Jerry…LOL


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

What was I suppose to right down?....................................

Wood what?


> ?


?


> ?


?


> ?


?


> ?


???


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

Thing(s) to do that you cannot remember! Can you remember?


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## Cher (Dec 6, 2009)

Oh hell I better hurry up & do what I want to do, before I forget!!


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## MJWoodworker (Jan 30, 2010)

Thanks for the laughs. Love this one.

Thanks,

MJ Woodworker

Woodworking Plans & Projects


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## Karson (May 9, 2006)

Those are starting to get too close to home.


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## odie (Nov 20, 2007)

*Karson, do you recognize this one ? I Do …*


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