# woodworking humor



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

got this in an email today …

This is the story of a woodcarver who lived in a house in a forest with a rabbit and a housemaid. Among the duties of the housemaid was to dress the rabbit each morning, as he was unable to dress himself. One day, after they had had their breakfast and the rabbit was dressed, the rabbit and the woodcarver went out into the forest to find wood that would be suitable for carving.. They soon found what they agreed was a wonderful piece of wood! Just perfect for a wood sculpture. 
Unfortunately, they couldn't agree on what to carve. The woodcarver wanted to carve a mother sheep feeding her lambs. The rabbit wanted to see the piece become a wooden Dutch shoe.
Finally, they agreed to let the housemaid decide, so they went back to the cottage and explained their problem. The housemaid decided to flip a coin. Heads would mean that the woodcarver would carve the sheep; tails would mean that the shoe would win. You can imagine the suspense when she flipped up the coin, caught it, and peeked.
Wood ewe or wooden shoe? Only the haredresser knew for sure.


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## degoose (Mar 20, 2009)

OK


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## bigdave (May 29, 2009)

Uh huh . . . . . it must be late somewhere!!


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## Russel (Aug 13, 2007)

Oy!


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## littlecope (Oct 23, 2008)

Ba-bump!! Where's Henny Youngman when you need him?
"My Doctor gave me six months to live. Couldn't pay the bill, he gave me another six months!" "I Love this Crowd!!" 
Or Phyllis Diller? "My Husband brought a book to bed on our wedding night. I wouldn't mind so much if he had read, but he colored!!"


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## kiwi1969 (Dec 22, 2008)

Yes but did the russian guy shoot the rabbit with a bow and arrow or did the carver get electrocuted plugging in his dremel. You,re drinking way too much of that cat crap coffee dan.


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## PineInTheAsh (Jun 14, 2009)

No, no… remember, it's gin AND tonic.


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## RAH (Oct 14, 2007)

A couple where on a country drive. A rabbit ran out in front of them and was rolled by the car. They stop to see if the rabbit was Ok. The rabbit was breathing but not moving, they did not know what to do. 
They where stopped in front of a beauty salon and an hairdresser came to see if she could help. She saw the rabbit and said she would be right back. When she came back she had a bottle and spoon and proceeded to give the rabbit some fluid. All of the sudden the rabbit jumped up and ran into the bushes waiving. The couple was amazed and asked what did you give the rabbit. the hair dressed exclaimed Hair restoration with a permanent waive.


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## a1Jim (Aug 9, 2008)

HMMM


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## odie (Nov 20, 2007)




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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

I'm with Odie. Where's the humor that's suppose to be here???


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

I guess I must have missed it all…................LOL


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

read it again … very slowly … and check the punch line spellin


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## RAH (Oct 14, 2007)

Yea, I should have read it again myself, thats why I don't post much.


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## Grumpy (Nov 9, 2007)

DUH, ARE WE THERE YET?.


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## odie (Nov 20, 2007)

I'm with you grumpy …. would the rest of you please catch !


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

I didn't write ... just cut and paste !!


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

Bob's woodworking shop was a one-man operation til the housing boom of the 90's made it necessary to hire two people. So he hired Jack, a professional cabinetmaker, and Jill, an apprentice. Things went very well for Bob until this recent downturn of the economy. Bob's accountant made it clear that one of his crew would have to go. Jack was unreliable, taking days off and not very productive, but had the skills. Jill was learning, and ambitious, and had good managerial skills but not yet competent on all machines.
Bob's dilemma was this: Should he lay Jill or Jack off?


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## SCOTSMAN (Aug 1, 2008)

That was a beauty Dan it's the way you tell them that has me laughing for seconds.Alistair


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## boboswin (May 23, 2007)

Well, I get it and it's a bit funnier than you think.



myspace layouts

Bob


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## odie (Nov 20, 2007)

*Did someone say "Woodworking Humor"?*


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## woodsmithshop (Sep 10, 2008)

Dan, don't quit your day job.


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## GMman (Apr 11, 2008)

Ya well poop I am not laughing, maybe the next one


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

Someone from Germany sells this wooden boob on Ebay.
The artist says that he had boobs of his wife in front of his eyes when he was making this wooden copy.
When you want to buy one it will cost you 129 EUR.


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## odie (Nov 20, 2007)




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## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

Re: The outhouse.
I think I'd have to hold it or write my name in the snow.


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

Pinocchio went to see his old friend Gepetto about a problem he was having. Seems Pinocchio had a new girlfriend, who complained of getting splinters every time they were intimate. Gepetto brought Pinocchio into his workshop, and handed him some sheets of fine sandpaper. "Take these and sand yourself smooth, and you won't have that problem anymore" Gepetto advised. 
Two weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio skipping down the street. "Pinocchio, did you solve that problem with your girlfriend" he asked. 
"Girlfriend? Who needs a girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied.


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## navyman (Jan 28, 2009)

Before I ret. we would it red ******************** hair they were smaller


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

I seen some on a ladies face once. Right under her nose.


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## odie (Nov 20, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## odie (Nov 20, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

got WOOD?


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




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## BuzzCut (Oct 26, 2015)

An old thread indeed, but ya gotta admit,.......this is funny!


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## jacksdvds (Jun 13, 2015)

Doctor says, "I'm sorry but you are terminally ill.
I said, "How long?
He said,"Five".
I said, "Years, months, what?
He said, "Four, three, two….."


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## BuzzCut (Oct 26, 2015)

> - BuzzCut


OK, finally found the "Posting Rules" and see that I am in violation. Now I can't figure out how to delete or edit the post.

Sorry for the disruption, I'll try to figure it out. Sorry if it offends anyone. People tend to find the above tools to be very funny.


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