# New Economic Stimulus Payments



## Karson (May 9, 2006)

The New Economic Stimulus Payments

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? 
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money? 
"A. From the taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? 
"A. Only a smidgen.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment? 
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China? 
"A. Shut up."

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely: 
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, 
Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Japan.

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.


----------



## JohnGray (Oct 6, 2007)

I like the prostitute part BUT I don't think my wife would go for it.


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

keep the money in America by spending it on quarter sawn white oak


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

+1 Dan. And Black Walnut, AD only, though.


----------



## Sean (Jul 2, 2008)

You know what, Econ was the only class i ever flunked in school. but i thought that was the whole point of the stimulus package, was that they didnt want to give out tax cuts and money, just for the reason above, or because it would get used to pay bills or get thrown into savings. The stimulus was supposed to go into infrastructure, manufacturing and construction type stuff right? because those industries support a lot of other subsidiary industries, suppliers, manufacturers, restaraunts where the people eat, gas stations they stop in to get donuts on the way to work, cars to get people to work, roads paved to get people to work, etc. Didnt they orignially have not much in tax cuts?

And this might be for another forum, but can someone please explain something to me: the current downward spiral, as i hear all the pundits and economists and everyone say, was started by the crash in the housing market, which is continuing to pull us down because it shut down credit that everyone needs to continue working, building, buying…And the market crisis was brought about because of these balloon interest loans, fraudulent loan officers, etc. that people cant make right? so…why cant the banks just realize they're going to have to eat it for that extra interest they want to charge, and just charge a regular interest rate? I mean, yeah, they'll take a huge hit, or at least their investors will…but, wont they take a huge hit by not being able to get ANY money, principal or interest, if they foreclose and no one buys the house? I havent heard anyone just tell the banks to suck it up and drive on.


----------



## mrtrim (Oct 11, 2007)

if you spend it on prostitutes watch out for the ones with all their teeth , they are cops !! i heard that any ways


----------



## Blake (Oct 17, 2007)

Hilarious, Karson.

Time for another tattoo.


----------



## itsme_timd (Nov 29, 2007)

Oh man, Sean, I'm getting dizzy from all the seriousness you're laying down in here!!! 8-P

Good one Karson, now I finally understand the stimulus plan. But, even our domestic beers (Budweiser) are owned by foreign companies (InBev) now!


----------



## Sean (Jul 2, 2008)

Im just wonderin! i mean, honestly i really did flunk econ, i dont get it at ALL. and you can never get a straight answer out of anyone, they keep looking to see if you are 'left' or 'right' first, so they can toss an insult your way.


----------



## scottb (Jul 21, 2006)

beer and prostitutes - well it is a stimulus package


----------



## Quixote (Jun 9, 2008)

Sean, you're right, in this volatile time too many people are very emotional about the whole issue, which leads to insults and not a lot of good info. I like to share analogies.

The idea behind the stimulus package is sold to the voting public as a way to stimulate the economy, to help people buy things, from people who produce things who then have to buy things from other people and pay employees who take their paycheck to buy other things… It's a magic dollar that keeps passing around to keep folks working and spending.

The problem is that many people do not understand economics, and kudos' to you Sean for saying so.

Many people believe that the federal government is like Aunt Sally who sent you a $10 bill for your birthday. Aunt Sally saved it in her cookie jar and shared it with you. Hey, for you it's free money…

Unfortunatly, Uncle Sam, or any government who is handing out money, only has a limited number of options for getting the money in the first place. The government cannot create wealth or value.

Through taxes, the money Uncle Sam gives you, is money that he took from your brother. Except he took twenty bucks from your brother, spent part of it to pay salaries of federal workers and other giveaways that you aren't part of , but you still get ten dollars. To you it's free money.

Next week your brother gets ten bucks, but it's from the twenty Uncle Sam took away from you… Hey, look, now your brother has free money.

Congratulations, you now both have stimulus money to go out to lunch.

Q


----------



## dustyal (Nov 19, 2008)

I took up woodworking so I could help stimulate the economy! A new tool here, there a tool, everywhere a tool… one of these days I might even get some wood…

Vocabulary word for the day:

Liquidity: When you look at your investments and wet your pants.


----------



## Quixote (Jun 9, 2008)

Karson,

You're an absolute gem, thanks for posting this..

Q


----------



## chscholz (Mar 29, 2007)

In my opinion the problem we have created "virtual wealth" (creative financing, borderline Ponzi schemes, overinflated appraisals, etc.), whereas our competitors have created real wealth (in the traditional way: buy raw materials add labor, sell the results for more than you spent). 
Of course that had to collapse eventually.
No doubt the stimulus plan will help but hardly address the fundamental problem.


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## jm540 (Jan 14, 2009)

I am hearing we are going to spend this and spend that to do this and that.
What I want to hear is get of your butt America it's time to get back to Being the greatest industrial nation in the world and we're going to do it off the sweat of our brow . we need to make better products and competitive prices then Walmart (I hate those guys) would tell chinees manufacturers if you can't produce this level of quality for this price we'll help you relocate your manufacturing to America. not creative bs pass out money to a bunch of people iee.. the fed who already lost 100 billion so they can spend=lose money

Dave Ramsey had the best stimulus plan I have heard he said they should give a $20,000 dollar tax credit to every business for every employee they hire and keep. It would only cost 60billion to get everyone of unemployment. so that money would not be going out and income tax would be coming in
I would go hire someone to work in my basement for $14 an hour right now. with my $20,000 credit I would have a free employee for a year. If I couldn't make a profit on things with free labor I'm an idiot and should go work for someone else for $10 hour. anyway less cost. everyone has a job they buy cars, houses, and lumber.

win win


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

a lumberjock is … what a lumberjock does … got WOOD ? be happy …


----------



## EEngineer (Jul 4, 2008)

DAN says:
… got WOOD ? be happy …

Hey, we're back to prostitutes!


----------



## jm540 (Jan 14, 2009)

we got $18 a week we can by a good board for that


----------



## odie (Nov 20, 2007)

My brother-in-law sent me this also. I took the advice and saw the hooker. She did make me ditch the halo during our time together. I still don't understand why she wanted to meet in the Home Depot parking lot though.


----------



## Josh (Aug 14, 2007)

Mr. Trim that tip is a keeper.

karson, not even baseball games are safe. For instance Seattle is not owned by an american.

I think we could turn this country around using hemp and marijuana. We have four big problems that could be fixed be relegalization. Oil, the deficit, overweight people, and to many people popping pills.

If our farmers started growing hemp we could use it to fuel our cars destroying our need for foreign oil.

Hemp could also grow in place of corn, and cotton. This way maybe we wouldn't have to have corn syrup in everything we eat. Not to mention all the chemicals we would keep out of the ground because hemp can grow chemical free. I know our local farmers are in trouble this year because of the floods last year. Hemp would be the perfect crop for them, but our state doesn't allow it.

Our money shortage would be fixed with a simple tax on marijuana. Not to mention a lot of american money would be staying home, and not headed to mexico. The states could sell a simple tax stamp. I'm guessing we have close to 100 million marijuana smokers, over 18, in the states. With a simple 200 dollar a year tax stamp the government could bring in 20 billion. And if they start taxing the sale, who knows how much money could be made.

Marijuana could also help in getting everyone off these pills. I can't be the only one that sees a drug store on every corner. The science of marijuana has come along way in the past years because of prohibition. If you can't sleep at night, they know the right strain. Are you in chemo, they know the right stuff to take away the nausea. Have head aches? They know the right stuff to take away the head aches. You don't even have to smoke the stuff anymore. You can put some extract in your grape juice. You can get all the pros without the draw back of having to smoke it. And it is all natural.

They want to stimulate the economy this is the way. The best part is my plan doesn't cost the government anything. Hard to stress american recovery when we borrow the money from china.


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

mrtrim,
Thanks, I needed the humorous and practical advice. I may be a 68 YO and, even though I have to get really close to see their teeth, I will check, next time.
Do cops have bad breath?


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

Josh,
Great ideas. 
How about this one, California and many other states could open the areas owned by the states to oil exploration. California, at least, could solve their budget crisis overnight by simply opening up off shore areas and borrowing against the anticipated lease revenues. Whether oil was produced or not wouldn't make a difference. Just the leases are worth more than California's deficit. Production revenues would be a bonus.
Makes more sense than driving out residents and businesses with higher taxes…IIMO.


----------



## oldworld124 (Mar 2, 2008)

Drilling off the California coast or any other coast won't solve anything. These rats will have the money spent before the ink drys on the new OK to drill bill. They just stuck us with more tax increases thanks to some turncoat, weak kneed so called conservatives. Not one cent of reduced spending on illegals (which is about 12 billion/year here). They increased our car licensing fee by 50%. That is called getting stuck in the back with a big knife. I feel great knowing that 4 million illegals are going to keep getting OUR tax dollars to stay here.


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

Totally agree John.
Just allowing the drillers to lease would generate billions. Drilling AND producing would just bring in more$$.
As far as the rest of your post; You guys are getting screwed royally. 
Move or fight.


----------



## DannyBoy (Oct 26, 2007)

Just remember, before the government can give it must first take.

Right now, the government is giving more than it takes.

Eventually, the government won't be able to go further in the red (Kansas is barely paying it's tax returns).

Before the stimulus, we all (regardless of age or ability) owed about $6,900 each to get back to the black. The stimulus added another $2,800 to that. So the government has taken $9,700 from your pocket, from your kid's pocket, and from your momma's pocket. The bully is stealing our lunch money and there is no teacher around to tell.

It is time to face facts:
1) The government *cannot *help, they can only make it worse.
2) Businesses can't keep operating on borrowed money (yes there are successful business out there that don't and they are able to weather through this time; example UMB Bank; that's right, a bank!).
3) People can't have lifestyles that cost 110% of their income.

What can you do? Save money, pay down your debt, and stop buying crap you don't need/like to impress people you don't like/need.

~D.B.


----------



## jockmike2 (Oct 10, 2006)

Marijuana kills brain cells, it's a proven fact. Nice one Karson. I for one, wouldn't want the pilot of my jumbo jet, after taking an extract of marijuana for a headache, while trying to land the plane in the river. LOL


----------



## WoodSpanker (Feb 10, 2009)

Beer and Prostitutes… Well, I dont know about the economy, but that certainly stimulates something! The redesigned Delta Unisaw is completely assembled here in the US, maybe that would be a better bet… and it would keep the wife from killing me (maybe).


----------



## unknownwoodworker (Apr 5, 2008)

Hookers are suspicious of my bag.


----------



## unknownwoodworker (Apr 5, 2008)

At first I thought this was funny…then I realized the awful truth of it. Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties, 
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink, Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me to my doom…'

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
It's time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Privilege Tax 
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
So Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Use Tax 
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids
What in the hell happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'
And I still have to 'press 1' for English????


----------



## EEngineer (Jul 4, 2008)

Marijuana kills brain cells, it's a proven fact.

No, it is not! Google is your friend. Alcohol, on the other hand, most certainly does.

the pilot of my jumbo jet

is allowed to drink. However, they are routinely tested for drug use, including marijuana, and grounded even for provably false positives. I would rather have my pilot smoking pot than drinking.


----------



## Josh (Aug 14, 2007)

Jock Mike, I can't speak of the effects on the brain. I have read studies that say no effect. I have read studies that say it does have an effect. I have also read studies that said it killed off cells, but they were weak cancer causing cells. Who really knows? If I'm paying for the study, chances are they will make it say whatever I want.

What we do know is 100 million people are buying and using marijuana tax free. We know our country needs money. You never hear of anyone happy to pay a taxes, but this is one tax the people would be happy to pay. They are begging for marijuana to be taxed. Worse case, give it a few years, if all the studies on decriminalization are wrong, we can always go back.

Man made booze, god made marijuana, who do you trust?


----------



## DannyBoy (Oct 26, 2007)

That's true, Cess. My uncle was stressed out beyond belief up until the day he retired from flying airliners. But even he said he was on the sane side of it. He knew guys that were nuts and flew their max allowed air time every week/month.

That being said, if you consider that before the Q400 crashed in New York it had been 2 1/2 year since a fatal airliner crash and probably 15 sec since the last fatal freeway accident.

~DB


----------



## LocalMac (Jan 28, 2009)

This is an interesting tangent. Legalize it! People think that if pot is legalized, teachers, pilots, cops, and everyone else will be high all the time. They forget that alcohol (which causes far more crime in the form of accidents, domestic abuse, and violence) is readily available and just as damaging if not more. But you don't see drunk cops, teachers, pilots….and that's because companies can still require no tolerance for this substance. I can honestly say that I smoked marijuana in high school and I was a straight A student. Even the biggest pot heads in my school never got into trouble for crimes due to marijuana aside from its possession. However I lost two classmates in separate drunk driving crashes and one who shot themselves when drunk. Both sides make a good argument but I think that the revenue and resources we can get from it outweighs risks involved.


----------



## jockmike2 (Oct 10, 2006)

EE and Local I agree about alcohol being more of a problem then MJ. However the pharmacology classes and degree in substance abuse that I have says you both are wrong. Local there are drunk cops, teachers, pilots, etc. I worked for 12 years in rehab and met people from every walk of life and do you know what, many of them started by smoking cigarettes then mj then alcohol then on to other drugs. The majority of people treated nowdays are poly addicted. There is rarely an alcoholic being seen. They are mostly alcohlic, cocaine, marijuana, herione, cough syrup drug addict. Yes alcohol is a drug. And yes Marijuana kills brain cells especially in younger people whose brain is not fully developed. Talk to a Dr.


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

""This is an interesting tangent. Legalize it! People think that if pot is legalized, teachers, pilots, cops, and everyone else will be high all the time. They forget that alcohol (which causes far more crime in the form of accidents, domestic abuse, and violence) is readily available and just as damaging if not more. But you don't see drunk cops, teachers, pilots….and that's because companies can still require no tolerance for this substance. I can honestly say that I smoked marijuana in high school and I was a straight A student. Even the biggest pot heads in my school never got into trouble for crimes due to marijuana aside from its possession. However I lost two classmates in separate drunk driving crashes and one who shot themselves when drunk. Both sides make a good argument but I think that the revenue and resources we can get from it outweighs risks involved.""

I'm all for legalizing any and all drugs. But, not for the revenue. Caveat Emptor! 
I guess I'm just an old (67) anarchist. 
I took the upper guard off my TS, too.


----------



## Josh (Aug 14, 2007)

"I took the upper guard off my TS, too."

You crazy anarchist.


----------



## jockmike2 (Oct 10, 2006)

Me too. I've just seen too many people die from all kinds of that crap. They also say MJ isn't habit forming, ya, right. Go to WebMD not the Marijuana users annual for your answers.


----------



## Pie (Jan 28, 2009)

I vote for prostitutes and beer but not in that order. I also propose visiting the local strip clubs to support the strippers etc….

Here are some interesting facts concerning drugs & deaths. Judging by this I am gonna skip the prostitutes and beer and go right for the weed lol. Sexual behavior??? WTF

Tobacco 435,0001 
Poor Diet and Physical Inactivity 365,0001 
Alcohol 85,000 1 
Microbial Agents 75,0001 
Toxic Agents 55,0001 
Motor Vehicle Crashes 26,3471 
Adverse Reactions to Prescription Drugs 32,0002 
Suicide 30,6223 
Incidents Involving Firearms 29,0001 
Homicide 20,3084 
Sexual Behaviors 20,0001 
All Illicit Drug Use, Direct and Indirect 17,0001, 5 
Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drugs Such As Aspirin 7,6006 
Marijuana 07


----------



## LocalMac (Jan 28, 2009)

Nicely put pie.


----------



## pommy (Apr 17, 2008)

i have one thing to say on this very interesting conversation

*BARACK OBARMA THE DRUG PUSHER * I CAN'T SEE IT SOON

ANDY


----------



## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

Karson, I think I'm ready to send you the numbers and stuff on my bank account now…............ if you still want it. LOL
- JJ


----------



## Tangle (Jul 21, 2007)

HELP!!! I need help deciding how to spend my $13 per week(after I get back to work). WOW!!! I can't stand the prosperity!!!!!


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

Gee, Will I see all that $$ reflected in my SS check….yeah, you bet.


----------



## miles125 (Jun 8, 2007)

Our police in Alabama don't have teeth. So whats plan B?


----------



## DannyBoy (Oct 26, 2007)

Uh… Bake sale?


----------



## DrDirt (Feb 26, 2008)

Bill Explained
Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says,
"I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?"

The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed.
At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.
They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed.
The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.
The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.
The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?"
The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.
The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.
However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!"
The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, "Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill."


----------



## Josh (Aug 14, 2007)

On cnn today there is a story asking if taxing marijuana could save our economy.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2009/02/24/wian.pot.tax.cnn


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

tax on pot …. next there will be lumberjock tax >grin< ... maybe even an old hippie stimulus payment


----------



## mrtrim (Oct 11, 2007)

im sure the gangs will hire lobbyists to prevent drugs becoming legal lol


----------



## CharlieM1958 (Nov 7, 2006)

I was happy to hear the president promise last night that no one under a $250K family income will see a tax increase.

I even kept the speech on a DVD. So in a couple years, when I owe the IRS more money, instead of sending a check, I will just send a copy of the DVD.


----------



## dennis (Aug 3, 2006)

My republican governor wanted to tax canoes. We have a walking tax. You want to walk in the forest you need to drive 15 mile north of town to buy the permit to walk in a forest owned by tax payers. A little fishing hole near me cost 4.00 a day (state park) I'd say about 20 cars a day show up. I bet it cost them close to $40.00 a day just to collect them money. Sorry just feeling grummpy.


----------



## CharlieM1958 (Nov 7, 2006)

That's how government works, Dennis! In fact, I'd be surprised if they're not *losing* money by charging the fee.


----------



## DannyBoy (Oct 26, 2007)

Yeah. How much did the sign about the fee cost?


----------



## woodyoda (Dec 7, 2008)

My aunt use to have some Hotels in San Francisco…....for sure…..lots of beer, then the prostitutes.
Charlie, I like the DVD idea…...Idon't like the stimulus package idea.


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

When you really think about it, every problem this country experiences was caused or made worse by our government.

Recently, I've begun to believe that some are not unintended consequences.

Maybe Ayn Rand was right.


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The
farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad
news… the horse died."

Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back.."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"

Chuck said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with
that dead horse?"

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece
and made a profit of $998."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He's the one who figured out
how Obama's "stimulus plan" is going to work.


----------



## oldworld124 (Mar 2, 2008)

Let's see, My wife and I are expecting to get about $13 per week from the Stimuless Bill.

Our great Gov and legislature just raised our car license fee 50% and GAVE us a wonderfull 1% increase in sales tax along with more spending increases.

My math says we will be paying much HIGHER TAXES to the thieves.


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

Hope the defense spending doesn't dry up … my son recently found a job bolting armor on Humvee's at a factory north of Cinci. He relocated from Tennessee in November, when both he and his wife, got laid off from automotive parts factories near McMinnville.


----------



## mrtrim (Oct 11, 2007)

well after 60 posts im still voteing for hookers and beer ! whats good enuff for the guvner of n y its good enuff for me . lol


----------



## DannyBoy (Oct 26, 2007)

Trim, what do you think that $13 a week is for???


----------



## CharlieM1958 (Nov 7, 2006)

$13 might buy you enough beer for a Saturday night. I'd steer clear of the $13 hookers if I were you.


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

The gal that did my son's taxes called him to say that he may as well up his withholding because that $13 will be counted as income. The rates are not being lowered and the $$ is a taxable credit.


----------



## DannyBoy (Oct 26, 2007)

So at the end of the year they want $4 extra for every week ($208). That sucks. Pass me a hoo- I mean beer!


----------



## mrtrim (Oct 11, 2007)

they all look good thru the bottom of a glass !


----------



## unknownwoodworker (Apr 5, 2008)

*What was the original question?*


----------



## mski (Jul 3, 2007)

I think something about prostitutes tattoo's and beer .
Tatto's give me the he be gee bee's (needles)
Prostitutes and beer , now your talking!!! 
Odie, Vice would never think to look at Home Dumpo, besides they would feel sorry for you if you were there!
Nice PIC of Schmucky the clown .


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## Karson (May 9, 2006)

I get it - lets do them all. We'll spend our way out of this and cut the deficit at the same time.

Talk about Voodoo economics


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

Doesn't really fit the topic … unless you dwell on the subject … but wouldn't recommend doing that too long










​


----------



## timrowledge (Sep 22, 2008)

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world
Hmm, it's been a while since I did economics but as I recall back in 1904 (ok, 104 years ago, big deal) the UK was by far and away the richest country with some 60% of total world trade. The US didn't get particularly big (economically speaking) until WW1.
And taxes do get used to produce a few useful things in between pork projects; roads, fire services, the net, most medical advances, education, stuff like that. I don't like paying large tax bills any more than the rest of you but I prefer that to living in a state akin to say, traschcanistan. If you don't like paying your dues towards civilisation you can probably get permission to move to a real rough-and-tumble free-anarchy-capitalist place like Russia and try that out.


----------



## Hacksaw (Feb 26, 2009)

When will these idiots in washington realize that the first thing you do when you find yourself in a hole you don't want to be in (recession) is stop digging? WE simply cannot allow them to continue this way.I challenge every lumberjock to call thier representatives in DC and tell them how you feel…even if you disagree with me the only way to change anything is to get involved.Now back to the prostitutes and beer I say drink whatever beer you like imported or not chances are your corner liqour store is owned by an American (maybe not born here but still American) and I agree avoid the hookers with all thier teeth unless your in Nevada at the Bunny Ranch


----------



## mski (Jul 3, 2007)

Back in the day Americans had jobs in the manufacturing sector.
Who do you think buys everything (keeps the economy going) DUH!!
Eliminate the middle class, elimanate America!!!
As far as Beer, Drink Micro brew!!
As far as hookers, Yea watch the teeth.


----------



## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

We live far out in the country so we don't have ready access to hookers, and besides, my wife has a real problem with me bringing home stray women (her problem involves deciding who to shoot first!). So if you guys don't mind, I'll use my money to support our Canadian brothers who brew such good beer! And then I'll support my local farmer who grows those big Angus Porterhouse steaks that goes sooo good with that Canadian beer!


----------



## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

And not to forget the guys who work in the salt, pepper and charcoal mines to help me season and cook that big Angus steak!

And to Mark DeCou for giving me the inspiration to make a Damascus steel steak knife to cut that steak!

And to all the other LumberJock brothers here who've inspired us all to do so much more! There's a cold one here anytime you want to drop by…but bring your own hooker. And steak.


----------



## LocalMac (Jan 28, 2009)

Dan

That last cartoon is hilarious!


----------



## kiwi1969 (Dec 22, 2008)

Hilarious thread guys! now I know why so many of you yanks are living in the Philippines. Beer is a dollar and all the hookers have their teeth. Anyone seeking a guided tour let me know.


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## saddlesore (Oct 17, 2007)

The gold standard has advocates, but the problem is, there are competing versions. The government-enforced gold standard is the one that gets all the space in the history textbooks. This is because it is the only version governments allow.
The Private Money Guy (PMG) continues to cross examine the State Money GUY (SMG), who advocates a government-enforced gold standard.
PMG: What are the main features of a government-enforced gold standard?
SMG: The government fixes the price of gold by selling gold at a specified price or buying gold at this price.
PMG: Where does it get the money to buy gold?
SMG: From the Federal Reserve System.
PMG: Where does the Federal Reserve System get the money?
SMG: It creates it.
PMG: Out of nothing?
SMG: Out of nothing.
PMG: Isn't this inflationary?
SMG: Not at all. It removes the gold from circulation.
PMG: Why can't a commercial bank do this?
SMG: That was what commercial banks did for years, until 1933.
PMG: Then why can't I do this?
SMG: You can. Just be sure you store the gold in a safe place. Your promise to pay gold on demand is a warehouse receipt.
PMG: How could I afford to do this? That's money out of my pocket.
SMG: I guess that's why you don't do it.
PMG: Then how can the Federal Reserve afford to do it?
SMG: Because it makes money lending money to the Treasury.
PMG: By buying Treasury debt.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: With money created out of nothing.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: What can't I do this?
SMG: You're not a central bank.
PMG: But how did commercial banks pay money to buy gold at a fixed price, then store it?
SMG: Because they lent it out again at interest.
PMG: You mean they did not keep the gold in storage?
SMG: They didn't. They turned it over to the Federal Reserve, which stored it.
PMG: Why did they did this?
SMG: Because the FED counted this gold as legal reserves, which allowed the banks to issue new loans and earn interest.
PMG: But isn't issuing more receipts for gold than you have gold in reserve inflationary?
SMG: Yes.
PMG: But isn't the idea of the gold standard to restrict the expansion of money?
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Then why should commercial banks be allowed to inflate?
SMG: Because that's how they stay in business.
PMG: But that's how counterfeiters stay in business.
SMG: But they don't make loans to people.
PMG: No, but they spend money. Isn't that good for the economy?
SMG: They spend too much money. They are not scientific in the amount of money they spend.
PMG: But bankers are.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: What makes them scientific?
SMG: They are afraid of runs on their banks.
PMG: When people demand gold.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: And currency.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: What happens historically when there are runs on banks?
SMG: Some banks collapse.
PMG: The unscientific ones.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: This shrinks the money supply.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Like in the Great Depression.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: So, Roosevelt made it illegal for Americans to own gold.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: So that banks would not have to pay gold.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Then the Federal Reserve bought the gold from the Treasury.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Was that the end of the gold standard?
SMG: No. The dollar was still backed by gold.
PMG: And Treasury debt.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Lots of Treasury debt.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Mostly Treasury debt.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: But there was still a gold standard internationally.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Until August 15, 1971, when Nixon ordered the Treasury to stop delivering gold to foreign nations and central banks.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: When did the United States government go off the gold standard?
SMG: August 15, 1971.
PMG: Not in 1933.
SMG: No.
PMG: Why not in 1933?
SMG: Because the government still bought and sold gold at a fixed price.
PMG: Who did it buy gold from?
SMG: Gold mining firms.
PMG: That got rich in 1934 because of a 75% increase in gold prices.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Which was why gold mining shares were a great investment in 1933.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Because gold was not a free market commodity.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Because it had a government-guaranteed price floor.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Is a government-enforced gold standard is a rigged standard?
SMG: It is a scientifically administered procedure for balancing supply and demand of gold.
PMG: Increasing the supply of gold by a 75% price hike.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Decreasing demand for gold by making it a felony for Americans to own gold.
SMG: Temporarily.
PMG: Until 1975.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: What is the scientifically administered price for balancing supply and demand today?
PMG: $42.22.
.PMG: With gold over $900.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: I would like to buy gold at $42.22.
SMG: I would, too.
PMG: Why can't we?
SMG: Because the country went off the gold standard on August 15, 1971.
PMG: Not 1933.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: So, under a government-enforced gold standard, the government can buy gold at a fixed price.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: And it can change that price at any time without warning.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Commercial banks could buy gold at the government-fixed price until 1933.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: And they could make loans based on the gold in their warehouses.
SMG: Or stored at the Federal Reserve.
PMG: Which means the banking system could issue warehouse receipts for more gold than they have gold is reserve.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Just like they do with currency.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: But private citizens are not allowed to do this.
SMG: No.
PMG: Why not?
SMG: Because they are not licensed by the government or regulated by the Federal Reserve System.
PMG: In a scientific way.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: Banks do not store gold today.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: Why not?
SMG: Because the government removed the gold at $20 an ounce in 1933 and sold it to the Federal Reserve System for $35 in 1934.
PMG: So, depositors lost their gold.
SMG: Yes, but that didn't matter.
PMG: Why not?
SMG: Because, beginning in 1933, it was illegal for them to own gold. 
PMG: But foreign central banks and governments could buy gold from the U.S. government.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Until 1971.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Why was the law changed in 1971?
SMG: Foreign governments and central banks were buying gold.
PMG: So, governments could buy gold from the Treasury for $35/oz until they actually did.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Then they couldn't.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: And that was the end of the gold standard.
SMG: Yes. A tragedy.
PMG: Because governments could not trust our government.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: So, with a government-enforced gold standard, the government winds up owning the gold.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: Other government can buy gold.
SMG: As long as they don't sell it to the public.
PMG: Or until the U.S. government starts running out of gold, as it did in 1971.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: With a government-enforced gold standard, the money is as good as gold.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Until the rules change.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: Who has the right to change the rules?
SMG: The government.
PMG: So, money that is as good as gold really is no better than the government's willingness to honor contracts.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: So, the government-enforced gold standard is a government standard.
SMG: Yes.
PMG: We need a gold standard to keep governments honest.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: Then we turn enforcement over to government.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: Why not let anyone mine gold, or coin gold, or store gold for a fee, all based on contract?
SMG: It's not scientific. 
PMG: Because there is no government-fixed price of gold.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: Because it's not a free market price based on supply and demand.
SMG: Correct.
PMG: Then why do we need government money?
SMG: Tradition.
PMG: But the tradition is that governments wind up with the gold and then debase the currency.
SMG: Except for the Byzantine Empire, 323-1453, yes.
PMG: What made the Byzantine Empire different?
SMG: Just lucky, I guess.
PMG: Not because the public used gold coins and there was no central bank.
SMG: Highly doubtful.
PMG: But you favor a gold standard.
SMG: If it's scientific.


----------



## daltxguy (Sep 7, 2007)

TomK - exactly. And you wonder why the monetary/banking system doesn't work????

btw, if you buy gasoline in the US, most of that money is going to Canada, not the Arabs, so that can't be all bad, can it?


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## unknownwoodworker (Apr 5, 2008)




----------



## Sawdust2 (Mar 18, 2007)

Now all we have to do is get this to the media so they can get the REAL facts out to the public.

Of course, that assumes that a public educated at a government school can read.

Lee


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

>> Subject: FW: Dementia quiz for my smart friends
>>
>>
>>
>>

>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Enjoy! Have fun!
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Dementia Quiz
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Below are four ( 4 ) questions and a Bonus question to
>> > test your perception,
>> > reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing.
>> > They are stated simply
>> > so you should try to answer them instantly. To assure the
>> > accuracy of the
>> > results, you should not take your time , but instead,
>> > answer each of them
>> > immediately .
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > OK?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Let's find out just how clever you really are….
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > ....
>> >
>> > Ready? GO!!! (scroll down slowly to uncover Q's and
>> > A's )
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > First Question :
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Y ou are a participant in a race. You overtake the second
>> > person. What
>> > position are you in?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are
>> > absolutely WRONG!
>> > If you overtake the second person and you take his place,
>> > YOU are in second
>> > place!
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Now answer the second question, but don't take as
>> > much time as you took for
>> > the first question, OK?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Second Question :
>> >
>> > I f you overtake the last person, then you are…?
>> > (scroll down)
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Answer : If you answered that you are second to last,
>> > then you are ; ; ;
>> > ;WRONG again. how can you overtake the LAST person??
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > You're not very good at this, are you?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Third Question :
>> >
>> > Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your
>> > head only. Do NOT use
>> > paper and pencil or a calculator . Try it.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 Now add
>> > 30 . Add another
>> > 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 . Now add 10 .
>> > What is the total?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Scroll down for the correct answer…..
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Did you get 5000 ?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > The correct answer is actually 4100 .
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
>> > Today is definitely not
>> > your day, is it ?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Maybe you'll get the last question right… Maybe…
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Fourth Question :
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene,
>> > 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and


> ?
> >> > What is the name of the fifth daughter?
> >> >
> >> >
> ...


 If so Do NOT let them see your answers for this
>> > test!
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
>> >
>> > SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
>> >
>> > Have a nice day, one and all.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>>
>>
>>
>>
>


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)




----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

cool photo … or is it photoshop ?


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

Bucket.


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

STRANGE THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW!! (BUT DO NOW!) :

A shrimp's heart is in its head.

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

23% of all photocopier faults world-wide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.

If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

Horses can't vomit.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

It's possible to lead a cow upstairs…but not downstairs.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

A snail can sleep for three years.

No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

All polar bears are left-handed.

In ancient Egypt , priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.


----------



## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)




----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth.

You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The chief nodded that it was so.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!"


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

​


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

Mortgage Backed Securities are like boxes of chocolates. Criminals on Wall
Street stole a few chocolates from the boxes and replaced them with turds..
Their criminal buddies at Standard & Poor rated these boxes AAA Investment
Grade chocolates. These boxes were then sold all over the world to
investors. Eventually somebody bites into a turd and discovers the crime.
Suddenly nobody trusts American chocolates anymore worldwide.

Hank Paulson now wants the American taxpayers to buy up and hold all these
boxes of turd-infested chocolates for $700 billion dollars until the market
for turds returns to normal. Meanwhile, Hank's buddies, the Wall Street
criminals who stole all the good chocolates are not being investigated,
arrested, or indicted.

Mama always said: 'Sniff the chocolates first, Forrest'.

Quote of the day from a fund manager:

"This is worse than a divorce… I've lost half of my net worth and I still
have my wife.."

The bailout, a different perspective

Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for
tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it
closed. Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of nit-wits
who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling booze?


----------



## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)




----------



## DrTebi (Jun 16, 2009)

*+1 on hemp*, the industrial hemp version, which, by the way, will not get you high.

The US is missing out on a multi-million dollar market, which other countries have started to explore years ago. Currently, most hemp products sold in the US (a retail market estimated at $500 million dollars per year) are made from hemp imported from China, Canada and Europe. Hemp could be grown in all 50 states of the US.

There are countless products that can be made from hemp, including MDF boards. I am planning to test some hemp board soon, and will report back to lumberjocks.

I just wrote two essays on this topic, I could post it here if anybody is interested.


----------

