# Unwanted 'buddies'???



## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

Hey, have you ever been made someone's 'buddy', by a person with whom you've never had any contact? In the past, it was on a few occaisions that someone, using an alias, added me to their buddy list. No feedback, no contact, and it left me wondering what the purpose was. It turned out to be someone making improper comments, following me around by using Buddy activity notices. Surely the individual would have made some sort of personal contact, connection, conversation for me to think it was legitimate. So.. this person today made some sort of spammy comment on one of my projects, saying 'hi, Dear"... How do I get this person-bot to remove her name from my Buddy list? Well, it's either spam, or yet another mischief-maker. Any idea? Is it possible to prevent unsolicited people from making me their buddy? Shouldn't we be able to accept/decline a buddy request? Thanks in advance for your thoughts on the subject!


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## JBfromMN (Oct 19, 2010)

WOW is all I have to say


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## Rustic (Jul 21, 2008)

block that person


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## CharlieM1958 (Nov 7, 2006)

I imagine it would be pretty complicated for Martin to make it like Facebook, where you have to accept a buddy request. Actually, I don't see how that would prevent someone from stalking you on the site anyway. All a person has to do is go to your home page to view your activity, and they can jump in on any thread or project you have commented on.


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## DanLyke (Feb 8, 2007)

I've always assumed that "buddy" simply meant "email me when this person updates something".

If you're having trouble with them making untoward comments, just block them.


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## Toolz (Feb 26, 2008)

I use the "Buddy" list more or less like Dan does.


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

Thanks for the replies, so far!
This is the message I received on a project: * hi dear how are you my name is amani and i am living in coquitlam .i made cnc and i will Happy to contact with you my phone is 778 855 60 47please call me thanks bye* So that's what I mean by an inappropriate message.
If I could just flip a switch and make it so that 'Buddies' are by mutual consent, fine! Charlie, you're undoubtedly correct; the option probably is not set up in the LJ site. I respectfully asked this person to remove me from her buddy list. I don't need ridiculous comments like that posted on my projects. It discourages real people from coming forward with legitimate feedback.


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

Hey, Doctor Livingston!
Don't worry, your comments are always welcome on my threads, and I'm flattered that I'm your buddy! I like your new tagline also…cuz we gotta accommodate those who gotta win the prize for the most comments. I took Rustic's advice, by blocking this person, he/she does not have me as a buddy now. Didn't know that was all there was to it! Agreed, this is by far the best woodworking site, glad to be a part of it!


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## TJ65 (Jan 19, 2010)

Glad you got it sorted, haven't had that sort of thing here myself . 
And I always thought the same as Dan, that it was just to notify you when a certain person posted something. It can be a bit off putting when you get targeted like that or even taken the wrong way and a person has a go at you. But hey…. it takes all types to make teh worl go round and boy isn't it getting smaller by the day! 
Anyway, Have a good one!


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## KnotWright (Nov 6, 2008)

If it were me, not to give Martin any more work, but I'd cut and paste the offending message and email it over to Martin to have them remove this person.


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## sbryan55 (Dec 8, 2007)

Poopiekat, getting added to someone's buddie list without any comment is pretty normal. It is supposed to be used to follow that buddy's posts.

What you are describing is a spam event. Send Martin a PM about this and he should remove this member from the site. I get private messages like this occasionally but, usually, am not the first one who is contacted.


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## Maggiepic (Aug 26, 2010)

I had the some odd posts such as these and PM'd Martin with the persons username and desription of the posts and the odd links that were with the posts. The posts and that person were gone in a couple days, so I assumed Martin remove him/her.


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## beckerswoodworks (Dec 26, 2009)

Most of the people on my buddy list are folks that I have had little or no direct contact with. I added them because I found their posts and work interesting or educational, usually both. Most of the folks who have added me to their buddy list have also had little or no direct contact with me. I assume they added me for similar reasons and I find it flattering.

I like the way the friends feature works in Facebook because I use it for keeping in contact with people and family that I know outside of the internet and I don't want random people I've never met browsing or posting on my site. Lumberjocks is very different, I use it to show off my work and to learn from and interact with other woodworks so I want random people I've never met to browse my site and post comments. Because of that I like the buddies feature just like it is.


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

Well, ok perhaps it is a bit unreasonable of me, but the people who I wish to be buddies with are ones with whom I've had banter with in various discussions in the past. You know, my peers, people I'd hang out with in real life, not perfect strangers and hangers-on who won't even identify themselves to me. I AM under the presumption that everyone else in LJ is possibly a friend maybe at some point in the future, and those we select as buddies are those who have a mutual alliance in their philosophies toward life.


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## ShopTinker (Oct 27, 2010)

I'm very new here and I presumed that I should buddy those members who I wanted to keep track of, for many reasons. In the short time I've been on I've buddied people who tickled my intellect, or my sense of humor, or out of pure admiration of their skills. I believe that given the opportunity I would probably be friends with the majority of those people.


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## Abbott (May 10, 2009)

PK that sounds more like SPAM.


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## beckerswoodworks (Dec 26, 2009)

I don't think your being unreasonable PK. You're using the feature they way you want which is what we all do. The only people who are using wrong are those that use it in a negative manner.


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## Quixote (Jun 9, 2008)

I have added people to my list the same way Dan has described, someone I wanted to follow because something they posted either intrigued me, impressed me, or something simply resonated with how I was thinking. No scientific method, just when it interested me. I thought it was a nice welcome or method of participation in a group this large.

I never considered that someone would not want to be added, but then again, I can see how someone starting to spam or stalk in some manner would be a huge turn off.

Thanks PK for bringing this to our attention.

Q


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

Yeah, I may be a bit cranky about who buddies me, but I once had somebody include me in their buddy list who sent me PMs threatening physical violence against my family and I, and then posted a 'google-streets' view of my house! And then stole pics out of my projects pages (or my photobucket account), and reposted them in a coffee shop thread, presenting the pics as items he'd found on eBay. Not to mention the links to you-tube videos of animals defecating. Sheesh. So if I sound just a little cynical about the intent of strangers, so be it. Hope you all understand. The other 99% of folks here are just fine!


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## beckerswoodworks (Dec 26, 2009)

Completely understandable and the guy should be flogged. He could have done all that without adding you to his buddy list though.


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## stefang (Apr 9, 2009)

I have gotten quite a few that show up like that. They are so patently obvious an attempt at a scam that I just delete them.


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## scrollgirl (May 28, 2010)

I usually ask people in a PM if they mind if I add them as a buddy. If they add me in and I don't know them, I go look at their projects and stuff and then if they do things I am interested in, I reciprocate and add them to my list. It is a good way to meet people and makes me aware of some great LJ's that I would like to follow. I don't usually approach someone without kind of introducing myself to them, as I would do in person. To me it is just being courteous to others. I don't want anyone to think I am stalking them 

Sheila


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

Thanks, scrollgirl! PM'ing a potential buddy first is the best way to go! It's a diplomatic way to increase your own sense of community here. It's all about consideration of each others' feelings.


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## RandyMarine (Mar 5, 2009)

I am not that good..I don't have that problem…LOL. I do ask permission before I buddy someone…and they are usually someone that I admire their work and want to be kept in their loop. Although I have friended a few people because they are military. But, I always ask..


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## SCOTSMAN (Aug 1, 2008)

I never ask people. If I make them my buddy ,it's because I respect and like them.I never bother them with emails and false hello's and tel numbers thats not nice.Buddies is a great Idea it sometimes gives me more confidence when someone makes me their buddy.SO you are all technically my buddies.LOL Alistair


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## nailbanger2 (Oct 17, 2009)

I never thought about the possibility someone might use the buddy function in a negative way, so I rarely ask for permission. As stated above, I follow certain people because of their amazing talent (Jordan), their very informative blogs (rhett), or sheer lunacy (steveinmarin). Now I feel a little ashamed, scrollgirl, and will do so in the future.

The others are right, though, PK, the block function can solve some of these problems.


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## JAGWAH (Dec 15, 2009)

I have several I listed as a Buddie for the same reason *DON* gave. But since Martin created the *Projects* folder I've turned off the notices.

This is because the notice feature didn't differentiate between BS and actual Project postings. The Projects listing lets me check better the good work here of LJ'ers I've missed.

Frankly that's all I'm here for, seeing a fellow LJ's fine work or occassional catching someones bad joke. If I want the BS I'll hang out with my family or political rallys.


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## BarbS (Mar 20, 2007)

Hmmm.. good point, PK. Many on my 'buddy' list I added just wanting to follow along on their projects posted, not even thinking they may not Want me to add them. If anyone feels that way, please feel free to let me know. I really had not even considered it in the past, but will in future pm someone to ask. Thanks for bringing it up.


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## closetguy (Sep 29, 2007)

What a pointless thread. The "Buddy" function could just have easily been called "Bookmark This User". Its sole purpose is so we can more easily follow other users that tend to post blogs and projects that we find interesting

Taking it personal that someone wants to be your "Buddy" is just downright petty. I don't necessarily want to be anybody's buddy. I just want to know when they post something because I find their projects, blogs, or posts interesting. I don't know 75% of the people who "Buddy" me, but I find it flattering that they are interesting in what I do. If you don't want someone commenting or sending you PMs, then block them and move on. There is no conspiracy.

Don't you 'all have some sawdust to go make?


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## scrollgirl (May 28, 2010)

Oh, Nailbanger2! I don't think you should feel that way. The reason that I ask is in a large part because of my own sense of insecurity. I - like you - would have never even thought of anyone using the buddy system for anything but to well, be buddies! I suppose I am naive in that respect. It never would have occurred to me.

I just felt with me being new to the community, it was best to introduce myself and let others know that I like and respect their work and I am not just lurking around in the shadows stalking them. It got to be a habit and I don't regret it because it does allow me to get to know each person individually, even through a quick PM.

It is scary coming to a site this big - especially being a female (and no, I don't want to start a debate on that please!) and I was very happy to see that some here wanted to befriend me and chose me for a buddy. It was a great feeling of acceptance in a new place.

I realize though that others aren't as outgoing as I am and I don't hold it against anyone if I don't really hear back from them. My partner is quiet and although he reads a lot he is not the kind that participates in forums as much as I do. Yet, he does contribute and he reads every day and enjoys it a lot. We are all different and respecting each others differences is how we all get along.

As always, it is up to people to set their own boundaries and preferences. We are all here for different reasons. We all get something out of it or we wouldn't keep coming back. I am happy for the buddy system and enjoy seeing what my friends are up to even if I don't have the time to respond to each post. I still get to stay in tuned and learn. 

Sheila


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## Mogebier (Feb 4, 2010)

We can have "buddies" on here?


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## clada (Jun 2, 2010)

every time that a member is add as someone Buddy that member receive an e-mail, at that point the member is free to say no I don't want to be in your body list, and by the way guys I don't have any objection on been in any member list of body just a simple solution to the problem


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## brianinpa (Mar 16, 2008)

I just delete the messege and if the messeges become a problem, I PM Martin and the problem goes away.


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

A pointless thread never has to beg for replies, *closetguy! * ; sorry if the point was lost on you. *Mogebier*, you are remembered for some quite timely advice you offered regarding that guy who was scraping our RSS feeds, and I'm grateful for your words. *Jagwah*, I recall what a good sport you are, from that April first joke I did!
I can't speak for everyone, but I scan all new projects, forums and blogs on a daily basis, and I go back far enough through the pile 'til I get to stuff I've already viewed. This way I don't ever have to tag anyone to keep tabs on what my favored folks are doing.
Mostly, what I actually meant to say in addition to my OP is that when LJ-X makes me a buddy of theirs, I haven't got a single clue what it was that I did, said, made, or blogged that made them approve of me enough to add me. * A simple "Hey, nice desk project" or something.. ANYTHING…rather than keep a guy guessing why I'm on somebody's list!!!* Just common courtesy. How hard can that be?


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## 2 (Feb 26, 2006)

Well said, closetguy:

*"... The "Buddy" function could just have easily been called "Bookmark This User". Its sole purpose is so we can more easily follow other users that tend to post blogs and projects that we find interesting …"*

There is a very weird trend recently - overanalyzing almost every single feature of the website.

Buddy feature is for those that want to follow your posts. It could be easily names Follow, Bookmark, Like etc. there are so many options. And no it's not a two way relationship in the current implementation like Facebook friends. Maybe I will add buddy approvals and rename buddy feature in the future or just introduce a new Friending feature.

The spam account that you're referring to was removed as soon as I got a report. Since it has been removed from the site it has been removed from your "reverse buddies" list. That's it.

And I know we need to better have spam and abuse reporting soon. New system is already in works.

Just enjoy LJ


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

Okay….I did not mean to offend….
This was not an attempt to over-analyze what is by all accounts a very good feature.
Indeed, people who have 'buddied' me obviously have some sort of common interest as I do, yet I am not given a chance to reciprocate, having no idea what it was I said or did that strikes a chord in them. I'd really like to know, as I'm all over the place here on myriad subjects. 'Nuff said, I guess.


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## Randy63 (Jun 25, 2010)

I have made several people "buddies" not thinking that it might be offensive to anyone. I saw it as a way to be aware of new postings and projects of someones work you thought to be eceptional. Possibly there should be another way of tracking a particular woodworkers new postings without calling them a "buddy". I just thought this was a group of woodworkers willing to share techniques and info. If this is problem I guess I should eliminate some that I have marked. A shame I think. 
Just read Martin's post and that's the way I had used the feature, so now I don't feel I abused the feature.


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

To randy, and a few others: * For the last time already*, I am really not expecting changes made to the format of Lumberjocks!!! And from where I sit, I see Martin is obviously besieged with requests to make this site something other than it is, and he must find it annoying.
There are people who would argue the color of the sky with me, and I like to manage that nonsense with judicious use of the block button. I'd rather have fewer posts on my threads, for the sake of intelligent readability.
*The point I am trying to make is that for those people who tag me as a buddy, I'd really like to know what it is we have in common, so that we can explore the possibility of sharing some like-minded thoughts, project details, construction methods….instead of just being a silent statistic on my home page.* Can anyone really fault me for that?


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## Rick Dennington (Aug 27, 2009)

Greetings PK:
I just took a look at your woodshop, and you have a very impressive collection of tools, especially the nice collection of modern and antique planes..not to mention the assortment of clamps and other equipment. I've never seen wallpaper in a shop before…not a bad thing…just different….. I like it. Dresses up the shop!!!!
I wish I could work with handtools and planes, but my old bad back just won't let me….that "stoop" over the bench kills me..wrong position, I guess. Don't know why I haven't looked at your shop before….missed it somehow, as I like taking the "shop tours". Keep up the good post… I like this side of the fence…...


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## Maggiepic (Aug 26, 2010)

If your curious about someone that has selected you as their buddy, why not send them a PM and ask what they found interesting, ie. a project, post, blog, ??? If they don't respond then it's their loss for not sharing with you.


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

Well, *GaryL*...nobody's preventing these people from introducing themselves to me…since they are obviously somewhat acquainted with who I am first, wouldn't you think they'd like to share their thoughts, projects questions…anything..with me? Instead of just being a statistic on my "Those who call poopiekat a Buddy" list. Frankly, I prefer those kind comments from strangers, on my threads, blogs and projects, rather than those silent, anonymous buddy-makers. Just an opinion, folks! So don't get honked off by it, okay?


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## Maggiepic (Aug 26, 2010)

I'm sure there are alot of Lumberjocks that remain silent and never post. They may chose buddies on some common interest and still remain silent. They just soak up info like the rest of us but choose not to respond. Nothing wrong with that I guess.


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

True enough, GaryL… fact of the matter is,....*I'm irresistible*.


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## Maggiepic (Aug 26, 2010)

OOhhhh…BABY!!! (Just kidding, don't hang out on that side of the fence.)


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

*Rick Dennington*: Thanks for the kind words…I blew out some walls in the cellar which were once a rec room and a bedroom. Thus the wallpaper,put up by the previous owner of the house. I compressed the tool storage area down to one corner. I debated whether to leave my shop details up, after getting some not-so-flattering comments about my 'closet'. I have scanned all workshops, projects, and blogs, and periodically page through all new ones, til I get to where I left off previously. It's truly the best experience in the Lumberjock site. ...LOL *GaryL*!


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## hairy (Sep 23, 2008)

Some have made me a buddy first. I take it as a show of respect and have returned the favor.

I have made others a buddy first. Some have not responded in kind.

I got over it, no hard feelings, I will respect them until they prove me wrong.


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## SplashMaster (Jul 26, 2010)

Yeah I use the buddy list so that I will know when some of my favorite people post there projects or blogs as far as personally knowing them well i dont really know any body on this sight but the people that have commented on my projects are usually very nice and helpful but I have encountered so not so nice people although it has been few I still feel a bit new here. Also if I see a project I like I compliment it if I dont like it I keep my mouth shut. Like mom always said if you don't have any thing nice to say don't say any thing at all. p.s. You have very good post and are a really important to this sight and all of us thanks for hanging around. -SM


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## Roger Clark aka Rex (Dec 30, 2008)

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

OK send all your unwanted "Buddies" to me.


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## Abbott (May 10, 2009)

I got a buddy for ya!


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

Hi Roger! 
At the risk of further over-analysis, I just discovered that somebody who had some very bitter, profane words for me yesterday, somebody with whom I am mutually blocked, decided to 'favorite' my most recent Coffee Lounge thread today!! Boy, does that ever creep me out!! Heehee….


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## CiscoKid (Jul 14, 2010)

Well, I'm fairly new to LJ and I don't have many buddies yet, but I do enjoy getting a heads up when one of them posts something new. I've actually met one of my buddies in person and he and I went wood shopping together. Had a good time. Guess I am too new to be affected negatively by this yet.


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## bubinga (Feb 5, 2011)

poopiekat; nothing wrong with your concerns, or your post here

I agree that , The "Buddy" function could just have easily been called "Bookmark This User , because that is basically, the way I look at it , and that's how I use it.


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## Roger Clark aka Rex (Dec 30, 2008)

I think most do not fully understand what the buddy designation really is to some - like me.
Buddies, as far as I am concerned are people who interest me, either by their fantastic projects, WW knowledge, Wit, generally friendly attitude and other items like location, interest in some other pastime, Health issues.
I see my buddies as people of interest whose posts about anything I would hate to miss, hence they are on my buddy list. Anyone who wants to have me on their buddy list is most welcome and will not be turned away.
I believe some believe that being buddies equates to being in cahoots people of closed minds, nothing is further from the truth. I have buddies that disagree on certain items, but that does not stop them and I remaining buddies, it's a sign of true respect.


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## DonnyBahama (Jun 21, 2011)

nevermind


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## Roger Clark aka Rex (Dec 30, 2008)

cr1,
sorry for your dismay, perhaps a Nigerian Prince will come your way soon.


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## Jim Jakosh (Nov 24, 2009)

I think you put some people on your buddy list because you like the products they make and want to be notified when something new comes out. I don't see any mischief or anything like that. I agree with Closetguy. I don't personally know half of my buddies- so what?


> ?


??? I like to meet people where ever they are. If they want to send a message first, that's cool too… but not necessary from my point of view.


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## DonnyBahama (Jun 21, 2011)

Looks like I just joined the club.

A new user "jennyhills" decided to use a comment on my blog post to try to promote her real estate business. I flagged it and blocked her. What a pain…


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

True enough, donny! 
In addition to those 'buddys' who blatantly exist for the sole purpose of furthering their own web-based enterprise, there are those who just want to remain in the shadows, gleaning bits of information without reciprocal good will. It is this group that triggered my original intent of posting this thread. There is, sad to say, a third faction of buddy-makers, and that is those who are motivated to malicious activities, and in fact I have (or had) LJ members who contacted my other buddies and slandered me without any appreciable reason. They keep tabs on me by buddying me with their phony alternate IDs. I'm sick of having my good friends tell me that 'member XYZ' is saying crap and causing trouble. JimJ: This is the mischief that does exist. This is why I'm concerned whenever an unknown member adds me to their buddy list. I'd hate to hear of yet another member receiving obnoxious PMs from a disgruntled LJ.


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## WayneC (Mar 8, 2007)

It's too bad that this feature is not always used as intended. As I see it the main reason I add someone to the list is I am interested in what they have to say because they share a common interest or I respect and want to follow the work that they do. It really should not go beyond that.


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