# Add to the story...



## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

Allison has a great thread about the 6 words you would use as it relates to you, your woodworking, etc.

So, heres an "add to" the story thread. We'll see how long we can keep it going and what type of imagination we all have. There is no limit as to the words you use it just has to be open ended so it can be added to.
I'll start it "generically", if you will.

While ripping down lumber one day I suddenly discovered…


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

....a shiny object in the wood. As I dug at it with my pocket knife, .......


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## Padre (Nov 5, 2008)

but it was buried too deep for me to successfully dig it out.


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## Karson (May 9, 2006)

I thought the jig saw would be the perfect answer


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## Kindlingmaker (Sep 29, 2008)

and searched the tool drawer until I found just right length…


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## Karson (May 9, 2006)

Dang that blade was made for my old jig saw now . . .


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## oldworld124 (Mar 2, 2008)

I just need to find the blade wrench …


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## Tangle (Jul 21, 2007)

I had no choice but to swat the dang thing with my hammer, but…......


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

The head fell off the hammer and landed right on my…


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## dennis (Aug 3, 2006)

start wearing shoes in the shop. I think I broke my…


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## ShannonRogers (Jan 11, 2008)

To make a new hammer. Now I just need to…


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## jockmike2 (Oct 10, 2006)

remember what I did with the head of the old one when I tripped on an extention chord and…...


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## saddlesore (Oct 17, 2007)

found it with my chin.


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

...so I took the old hammer head, which I found with my chin and decided to make a handle out of…


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## FatherHooligan (Mar 27, 2008)

that perfect piece of hickory I'd been saving for just such an occasion…


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## dustygirl (Mar 11, 2008)

an old broom stick I was saving for something just like this.


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## CharlieM1958 (Nov 7, 2006)

I couldn't find my crosscut sled, so I just…..


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## Kindlingmaker (Sep 29, 2008)

...with my found chin in hand I placed it on the broom stick and picked up the good hickory…


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## Gene01 (Jan 5, 2009)

>>I couldn't find my crosscut sled, so I just…..

Called my neighbor and borrowed his….


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

...wife who was exceptionally skilled at…


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## 93mwm (Jan 13, 2009)

as he dropped it of he pointed out that…


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## Karson (May 9, 2006)

But of course the slots matched up but the blade didn't. No problem I'll …


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

change it with the thin kerf blade I recently…


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## rtb (Mar 26, 2008)

salavaged while dumpster diving


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## Radish (Apr 11, 2007)

I'll have the neighbor's wife take the blade into get that tooth re-brazed and then…


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## Padre (Nov 5, 2008)

The neighbor's husband wanted to know why I was talking kerfs with his wife…..so then


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## Karson (May 9, 2006)

I showed him the shiny object in the wood and asked him if . .


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

... something that had been shot into the wood when the tree was alive. It didn't look like lead, because it had such a brilliant color. As we got to looking further, we discovered….


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## Karson (May 9, 2006)

That it was his car keys he had hung over a branch, while he was …


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## Karson (May 9, 2006)

Well maybe carve a heart with initials in the tree showing …


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

,,,that he is in…


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## CharlieM1958 (Nov 7, 2006)

....love with my wife, because it was HER initials he had carved into the trunk right next to…..


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

big ugly looking


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

me! It was a horrible carving, but is was me, none-the-less! So I…


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

got thousands of dollars of plastic surgery so I wouldn't resemble the carving, but as I was healing from the surgery, the foot that the hammer head fell on started to swell up and turn an ugly shade of purple, and all of the toe nails curled up and…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

I began to realize that I should ….


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## Steelmum (Jul 21, 2007)

get some ice for my foot


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

...as I was picked to be the field goal kicker in the inaugural Lumberjocks vs Jocks footbal game in which the winner would receive a…


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## Broda (Oct 7, 2008)

big hug from a…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

to demonstrate a beard shaving skill using spokeshave while…


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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

balancing a screwdriver on my


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

car keys tht were dug out of the tree….


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

...that was going to be made in to the lectern for President-elect Obamas first speech as President until…


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## Karson (May 9, 2006)

Supreme Court Justice Roberts screwed up the Oath of Office, and so he wasn't president when the speech was made so..


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

I wonder whether he has to


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

...take the oath over again which apparently he did but it came to Obamas attention that Mr Roberts was not fond of solid wood lecterns due to the fact that…


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

..legs…of the lecturn that were in fact taller than Justice Roberts because…


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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

of the hole he dug himself into.


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## AlNavas (Oct 16, 2007)

As he administered the oath a second time, ...


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## rikkor (Oct 17, 2007)

...it was noticed that HE didn't use a bible…


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

but a tools and shops issue of Fine Woodworking, to which Obama replied, " Ha, I once tried to use a table saw but….


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## Sawdust2 (Mar 18, 2007)

...I had to compromise on the blade because I could not afford a Forrest…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

blade. While testing the cheaper blade I was unable to push the board I was ripping through and instantly switched off the machine because..


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## AlNavas (Oct 16, 2007)

I pinched my finger between the board and the fence. ;-) It hurt! .....


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

so bad my finger got as big as a…......


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## CharlieM1958 (Nov 7, 2006)

...Washington lobbyist's expense account. Then all my blood rushed to my humongous ears, causing me to pass out and nearly fall into the….


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

spinning blade of the tablesaw…..............


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

which in fact I already switched off. While still in the state trauma and confusion, I looked around to find….


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

a phone and a rag to….


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

put in Joe Bidan's mouth…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

but couldn't find one.


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

So..


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## HallTree (Feb 1, 2008)

my rip fence is not parallel with the blade. Look out!


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

But, Once we got all this straightnd out we then…


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

run all my boards thru backwards too, and…


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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

I'll probably do the same thing with the White House. Anyway..my next project will likely be….


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

a box for Sarah Palins brain, but the box was going to have to be so small I decided to whittle it with my pocket knife as we sat on Sarah's front porch, while she called everyone a maverick and kept an eye on the Russians when all of a sudden a car pulled up with Joe six pack driving, Joe the plumber (who really even isn't one but we will keep calling him one so we dont look like a couple of dumb asses) in the passenger seat, and her crazy minister in the back seat and he insisted on performing an exorcism on me, but it turned out he only exorcised some cash from my wallet and just then…


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

the phone rang and it was Sarah's gynacologist…turns out she's pregnant again and this time they decided to name the baby "Spatula Tire-iron Palin". When John McCain heard the news hey screamed "holy S***" and his dentures whistled so loud that every dog in the neighboring three state turned their heads sideways, and….


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## Sawdust2 (Mar 18, 2007)

looked at the cockerdalmaschnauzer being led off to the East to its new home where it will be so confused it will fit right in at…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

The White House…..


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

...where we've been using Lincoln's Bible for toilet paper, due to pay freezes and other cutbacks…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

But the cockerdalmaschnauze got hold of the Lincoln Bible and….


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## Radish (Apr 11, 2007)

…tongue lolling, thoughtfully placed it back in it's hallowed nook inside the Rose Mary Woods Memorial Outer Office. Fortunately the only damage done was to three antiquated maps of the Holy Land, ten pages of footnotes to the Apocrypha, six grocery lists (in Mary Todd Lincoln's own hand) that had been tightly wedged in a flyleaf and a tiny trace of doggy drool on the dove-gray pebble-grained leather spine and gilded page edges. Just then, a convoy of Army surplus M35 "deuce and a halfs" skidded to a halt outside the White House portico. They were filled to capacity with case after case of Angel Soft™ Double Quilted Bath Tissue that had been earmarked for New Orleans during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, but had been stored in a Halliburton Company warehouse just outside of Panguitch, Utah at an expense of $75,000 per year.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief at the rosy prospects of improved hygiene, and saved expenses when suddenly…


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## Radish (Apr 11, 2007)

That'll do Dog, that'll do.

The preceding message was brought to you in the public interest by:
The Office of Verbal Verbosity under the direction of the Department of Redundancy Department,
and the Adjectival Awareness Council.

…and now back to our program already in progress…


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

LOL
So, after my reality check, I realized that I'm standing in my shop, holding a hammer, wondering how I'm going to get this shiny thing out of the board when…


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## AlNavas (Oct 16, 2007)

in walks Spiderman! ...


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

Low and behold he….................


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## AlNavas (Oct 16, 2007)

says, "Here, lemme help you take that shiny thing out of the board." ...


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

he lowers his head to look at the object and….................


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## Sawdust2 (Mar 18, 2007)

a bright flash blinds him from the embedded TSA security camera …
(ALWAYS remember to wear your safety glasses and use T8 lights in the shop)


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

and he falls head first to the floor and HE hit his chin on another hammer head that…


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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

flipped in the air, landed on the board and knocked the shinney thing right out onto the floor. With that I said…....


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## robbi (Jul 28, 2007)

holy crap, that's a


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

a piece of batman's batmobile that got …...................


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## rikkor (Oct 17, 2007)

...confiscated by the thought police. (It was a JP4 burning turbine, after all, and that just couldn't be tolerated.) Batman turned to the right and said…


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## AlNavas (Oct 16, 2007)

"... ummmm … The JP4 fumes are horrible, and are giving me a headache. I wonder where BatWoman is today?.... She had all that wine last night." ....


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

no wonder I wrecked the Batmobile and lost that JP4…............. What will


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

...Robin say when he finds out I've been doing Batwoman…


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

now where is that Batwoman and ….........................


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

Hey,....Wait a minute ,That was really Batwoman's initials that he was carving in that tree!!!!....


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

SO….that really make Batwoman…..S..a..r..a..h…....PALIN….....


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

No way…............It can't be…..................................


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## rikkor (Oct 17, 2007)

...but then again, superheros are unpredictable. Later that day, Batman…


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

s wife bat woman, did an interview with Katie Couric, and couldn't name any newspapers that she regularly reads, because she really doesn't read any newspapers she spends most of her time removing books from the library and burning them, and firing people that don't do what she says, but just then the new batwoman signal ( a woodscrew next to a bowling ball) flared up in the sky and…


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## Sawdust2 (Mar 18, 2007)

being out of JP4 she grabbed her broom…


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

...and swept my entire shop floor (wow, it was messy.) So, with a clean shop, I grabbed my board, which is now JP4 engine part free, and continued to make….


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

shiny objects in wood….....


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

to be extracted out without hurting the wood, just like my dentist did to my tooth, but the only different is….


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

The wood doesn't bleed "BLOOD" but I did, altho…...


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

.. my handy tube of Super Glue sealed the wound but after looking at the tube a little closer I discovered that in fact, I had not used Super Glue afterall but had used…


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## Sawdust2 (Mar 18, 2007)

Spiderman's Artificial Web String…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

..Gel that my four years old kid has been playing with in the shop, trying to swing from the workbench to my brandnew hybrid saw. Although he hasn't been successful in the experiment so far, I'm happy that he did not get injured and proved that my hybrid saw is…


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

...a real piece of Chinese crap! Why did I ever let that guy talk me into buying that? What was his name?


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

Ah yeah, Guud Salizman, brother of Sum Yung Guy. I'll never forget that name. So, I called the company to complain but then, all the sudden….


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

I get" Sorry we are no longer in business and you will have to…....................."


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

...take a long hike through the mountains of outer Mongolia with your hybid tablesaw on your back to walk to our only store. This is the only way to get your refund."

So I….


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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

buy a pocket knife. You know, they're real good at digging shiny objects out of wood that you might be thinking of ripping.


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

...Sum Yung Guy but on second thought it would be more economical to…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

search for my Rainbow knife I bought 50 years ago when I visited Hollywood. I hope this would help solve the shiny object's problem. 
Nevertheless, my "hybrid saw issue" is still pinching my artery and caused blood clogging at the back of my skull. Why so unfortunate that every time I wanted to solve a problem, I always encounter another new one? 
"There you are…" finally I found my fold-knife. "phew…!" looked like it was not readily usable. While trying to unfold it "...darling, can you help me prepare breakfast…?" That whisel from a lady refree distracted my attention and has caused…"ouch…" I got cut on my palm. Applied two-part CA and it was immediately..


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

cured. But I pressed on, hiking through the mountains with my hybrid table saw strapped to my back when I was feeling really tired, so I laid down and took a nap. I had an awful nitemare…I dreamed I belonged to an on-line woodworking site and loved to post abrasive obnoxious messages declaring my vast knowledge and telling everyone else they are wrong about everything…then all of a sudden I was in bed snuggling with my wife but when I looked closer it wasn't my wife, it was a table saw trunion…but I didn't seem to mind…in fact I liked it better than my wife….but then the trunnion exposed itself for what it truly was…top mounted not cabinet mounted, and Chinese in origin!...I was shocked and I screamed like a school girl and ran away flailing my arms like a T-Rex, with the trunnion chasing me, and I woke up violently in a pool of sweat and somebody…


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## Radish (Apr 11, 2007)

…had absconded with my cursed hybid saw (good riddance to bad rubbish, I thought), leaving only a dozuki that looked like it had been made from a flattened gallon pickle can. There was even a Heinz 57 Varieties logo faintly visible near the heel of the blade. And the handle wasn't wrapped with rattan, but was a roughly varnished nondescript pale hardwood. As I held the saw up closer to my eyes, I noticed something shiny, something metallic firmly embedded in the handle. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end and my blood ran cold when I realized…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

that…


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

it was the original piece of wood with the shiny object embedded in it from about a hundred posts ago. I smashed the dozuki with my fist causing the blade to fly up and hit me in the forehead leaving a reverse impression of the Heinz logo faintly visible on my skin. Just then I noticed some tracks in the snow that weren't mine and I followed them along for a while till I came upon a camp of Himalayan Sherpas and one of them had my hybrid saw strapped to his yak. I yelled to them calling them thieves but to no avail because they only spoke Sherpa, and the sub titles were turned off. So I picked up some snow and made a quick statue of…


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

a giant Yetti. The Sherpa's all ran off in fear like a schoolgirl with flailing hands like a T-Rex from a couple posts ago… (lol)

I knew that the Yetti gig would only work for a short period of time, so in order to communicate to the Sherpas, I quickly made a remote control to turn on the subtitles.

Just when I thought I had this problem solved…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

I noticed that my snow Yetti was shivering, so I moved closer to have a very close look at his face…







Thanks God you're my real..


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

snow Yettie savior! But upon close inspection I realized it was that Sasquatch from the Jack Links beef jerky commercials. So I played a cruel trick on him and he proceeded to fling me 100 feet into the air where I landed in a tree right next to a….


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

brand spanking new quality cabinet style tablesaw. I tried to take off with it, but the thing must've weighed 600 pounds. I fed the Sasquatch my beef jerky and he gladly picked up the saw with ease. So, with the saw on the Sasquatch's back, me without beef jerky, and a handle of a dozuki in my pocket, we were off. As we were heading out, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the handle to the Dozuki. Immediately, I stopped in my tracks as my gaze fixated back on the shiny thing in the handle, similar to that from 100 posts ago. I thought, "Is this a sign? An omen? Surely not… or is it?"

So, I showed the wooden handle with the shiny thing to my Sasquatch friend. When he saw it, he…..


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## pete57 (Jan 22, 2009)

old saw mill built on an old mobile home trailer bed run by a 1966 pontiac V8


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## AlNavas (Oct 16, 2007)

exclaimed, "OneHunglo! What has happened to you??? Please tell me it ain't so…Gone…Forever…The shiny thing…<sigh> Please…don't let it be so…this can't be real."

Just then…


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## Radish (Apr 11, 2007)

a shimmering fissure formed in the sky itself. The sky folded aside like the walls of a cheap pasteboard box, revealing an infinite jet black fundament, devoid of any feature - starless, lightless, beyond the capacity of the human mind to fathom.

Just then I heard the sawmill engine of the '66 Pontiac begin to grind and labor. "Great", I thought; "this is either the end of the world or I've entered the space-time rift and am about to discover that OneHunglo/Spatula Tire Iron Palin/Batman are one entity with the ability to move through time and space with complete impunity, assuming any form it desires. What an absolutely crummy time to throw a rod." But you know…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

Things look different as the giant Yetti looks on….


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## woodyoda (Dec 7, 2008)

he could tell I was only hallucinating, because of the cold and hunger, all that I had thought was going on, was just a hallucination. The Yetti made me some kind of tea, made from droppings, in melted snow (something he learned from Bear Grylle, I imagine) w..hen


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

fell out of the wood and ….............................


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

made me instantly awaken. I looked at it in all it's metallic brilliance, then I realized one very important thing….


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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

therapist and asked him what this all meant. He said…......


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

you LJ's are a bunch of lunatics that need…...................


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

more therapy than I have time for. Hey, all I wanted was an answer. Anyway, I started off to the hospital and….


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

just ignored the shiny object in the wood, my so-called Hybrid Saw and my…


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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

Rainbo knife gone forever….I started to dream about….......


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

chocolate covered marshmallow pinwheel cookies, which are awesome when you…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

come to visit me and enjoy the spinning pinwheel cookies while I am bussy building my log-home from aromatic cedar after my feet









is totally cured. Since I can wear my boots again, I set out to…


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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

find a computer so I could order another knife from Lee Valley. Just as I found the computer and got on line, a pop-up came on the screen. It said…...


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

"click here, you are this sites one millionth customer. You've won a cheap Chinese hybrid saw and a handleless hammer… "

I sighed, then….


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

closed that nonsense ad and made a fresh search. While navigating the internet I heard an irritating cough came from..


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

Spatula Tire Iron Palin, who due to his close proximity to Russia came down with the Bulgarian whooping cough. When his mother was asked if she had any non narcotic cough syrup with an expectorant, she replied "you betcha", just as Spatulas father mushed up on the back of a dog sled loaded with a case of chocolate covered marshmallow pinwheel cookies, a new handle for the hammer head, a new rainbow knife fresh from Lee Valley, some Jack Links beef jerky and an American made cabinet mounted table saw trunnion and said…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

I think that giant Yetti was REAL…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

YES he was REAL ….! A real marketing rep. *OR* rapper, sent by a reknown giant conglomerates of "Woodworking *Missionery *Manupulators" which were originated from No mans land and claimed operate their business in…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

The beautiful wooded area of…...


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## rikkor (Oct 17, 2007)

A.N.W.R.










Totally befuddled, the Yeti declared…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

their Hybrid Saw is *The Beast Hybrid Saw * from 10 other makes being cynically tested and reviewed…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

by the A.N.W.R. TOOL REVIEW TRIBUNE and they always….


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

give free pocket knives with every purchase. So I considered….


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

they carry out fair and unbiased *Tools & Fool *reviews without due and undue influence or conflicting interest whilst maintain good repoire with…


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

...the people who live in the trees and make such delicious pinwheel cookies! Then all of a sudden there was a huge rumbling noise…


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

...and it was the Yetti making his way through the brush. Turns out that he was actually a sales rep/quality control manager for the Hybrid saw company and they were looking for…..


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

Pocket knives and shiny objects that they could hide in pieces of ….


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## Sawdust2 (Mar 18, 2007)

aromatic cedar brought by yetti's with two left feet…


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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

meanwhile, back at the ranch, FEDSAWDAVE was making up a new story. It all started one dark and rainy day when FEDSAWDAVE said…........


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

my glue bottle was as empty as….


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## AlNavas (Oct 16, 2007)

it was really sunny, and not a cloud in the sky.

Suddenly, FesSawDave realized all of this had taken place in one single day. As he munched on one cookie, and drank the remaining milk, he heard footsteps. Or… is it… is it possible??? Nah, it can't be! ... She left hours ago…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

with a rattan basket full of assorted cookies but without pinwheel cookies she has finished.









She looked in a hurry heading towards…


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

..the bathroom. Some of those cookies contained salmonella contaminated peanuts and they were beginning to take their toll on her bowels. Upon arriving on the throne, and none too late mind you, she horribly discovered that there was no toilet paper! Oh the horrors she screamed! But thinking quickly she…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

remembered asking me what 0000' steel wool has to do with woodworking. So she had better idea to use it for…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

cleaning. She found out that that "stuff" cleaned better with less tear out. With peaceful mind and relieved emotion she decided to make…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

steelwool and peanut paste cleaning pads to sell to…..


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

7,640 Lumberjocks, under the brand name of Woodworking Missionery Manupulator, the dying conglomerates which operate their business in A.N.W.R that were bailed out….


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## woodyoda (Dec 7, 2008)

....suddenly, she noticed a herd of wild elephants, attracted by the abundance of peanuts. They got terribly excited when….


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## rikkor (Oct 17, 2007)

...the hysterical monkey, that had been plaguing the yeti, suddenly…


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## woodyoda (Dec 7, 2008)

jumped on the elephants back, just as the salmonella struck the elephants G.I. track…..


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## GaryC (Dec 31, 2008)

and the elephant trainer said…"who is this Sal Monella guy anyway?"


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

"Salmonella is not a guy, neither is a gal…" replied the Yetti with anger, and started beating his..


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

...sausage on a nearby rock. "Look! Now it's hamburg!" he stated as the end suddenly came flying off and went like a 2×4 shot out of a tablesaw at the…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

IWF show, where Rainbow demonstrated how to safely use his knife in an attempt to prove that Riving Knife 
is…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

Is not the correct type of knife to dig out the shiny objects from the


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

wood for some reasons. Firstly, Riving Knife is not sharp enough, secondly you tend to forget to put it back to where it belongs, and…


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

Thirdly…Hey! Lookit at the cute bunny! Lookit at him hoppin across the…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

mountain high sawdust pile at the back of…


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## rikkor (Oct 17, 2007)

...the elephant's dressing room, where…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

the monkey had hidden the Rainbow Knife of which no one knew that until…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

The yetti went looking for it to….....


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

...clean his toenails.


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

But when the Yetti found it too small for his 16sq. in palm, he threw it away and…


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## JimmyC (Jan 31, 2009)

then he felt something in his pocket and pulled out a …........


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

pockethole jig he took it when he sneaked in someone's workshop located at the boarder of A.N.W.R. Since he did not know how to use it, he decided to…


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## NY_Rocking_Chairs (Jul 20, 2008)

Find some nice elves to help him…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

assemble the jig and show how to use it. Upon receiving a sms from Yetti, three beautiful elves agreed to help Yetti. 









After waited for about 25 minutes, finally…


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## woodyoda (Dec 7, 2008)

(though he didn't find them beautiful…...not hairy enough!) He sat on a pile of lumber and spread 
his toes and….....................


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

showed his ebonized toenails to one of those beautiful elves and said…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

do you want some of this?.....


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## woodyoda (Dec 7, 2008)

Yes, there were dozens of slow running sherpas, neatly jammed under his toe nails, one with a shiny little object between his teeth, that….


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

closely resembled the shiny thing in the wood at the beginning of this post. So, I grabbed the sherpa and showed him to the Yetti. The Yetti growled like a 100 mile per hour freight train. The Sherpa opened his mouth wide and screamed. When his little mouth was open, I could clearly see the shiny thing. It was…...


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## donbee (Feb 7, 2009)

*The end of the story, PLEASE?*


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

imbeded in a small piece of wood that…


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

was jammed between his two front teeth. The Yetti quickly grabbed a hammer and…


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

....knocked 3 times….. on his hardcore skull in an attempt to..


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## rikkor (Oct 17, 2007)

...learn the meaning of life. Failing at that, he quickly…


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

ditched the hammer for a toothpick, where he easily picked the piece of wood with the shiny object out of the Sherpa's teeth. Once the Sherpa realized that he wasn't going to be eaten, and his teeth felt better, he quickly explained that he had lodged the wood with the shiny object in his mouth on accident while….


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## JimmyC (Jan 31, 2009)

cleaning his teeth, which had become so full of gunk from something or someone that he had…...


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

...covered in chocolate and eaten. "Boy! Was that ever good" said the Sherpa when suddenly Barack Obama walked into view. "What is with those big ears?" the Sherpa declared. "I'll bet they're tasty covered in chocolate!" he declared again as he likes to declare stuff. But Barack was captivated by something else…Something shiny sticking out of a piece of wood.


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

Barack said, "Hey, I'm a woodworker. I think I've seen this before. My father and grandfather taught me. I've seen something like this in their shop before. It was highly valued and treasured. My grandfather said that only a handful of trees per millennium have this trait." Barack was then whisked away by secret service and CIA to keep him from talking. I was standing there, holding the wood, wondering about the mystery, when…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

Gov. Blogoyovich{spelling}told me he would sell me the answer to the mystry for $250,000.


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

but 1st, I had to do the woodworkers dance with Mrs Blago who was…


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## pitchnsplinters (Dec 26, 2008)

... still cussing like a sailor on leave with his ….


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

...leave cut short so I did a little dance, made a little Blago, got down tonight but when I turned around to see if Ex-Gov Blagos wife was still offering the $250,000.00 I realized that Blago was now out and after his Letterman stint he decided to pursue a career in…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

late night comedy in taxi cabs in New York's China Town where he …..


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

finally got put in prison for extortion. So, after I almost had the answer through former Gov Blago, I had to come to the realization that I was on my own to solve this mystery. So, there I am, still standing there with the Yetti and Sherpa, all three of us looking at this object in the wood, staring in amazement. The Yetti suggested that we go to a local university and have them take a look at it. We all agreed and started on our way when another person….


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

it appeared to be …..yeah it is….Gov. Palin was back to help solve this mystery for FREE…


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

...but her husband, the 1st dude interupted and said…


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

"Oh Sara baby! You are sooo hot!" and then leaped up into the air, executed a perfect 3 1/2 Gainer and plunged headfirst down into a hole in the ground. SteveKorz, not to be outdone and desperately needing to impress Sara Palin shouted "I can do that! Hey watch this!" as he leaped up about two feet, tried to turn and immediately belly flopped to the ground! Sara, none too impressed then said…


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

"Famous last words of any Hillbilly-"Hey Y'all, watch this!"" Palin disappeared into the hole after the first dude when I realized…


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## WoodSpanker (Feb 10, 2009)

the hole went all the way to China! Governor Palin poked her head out of the hole and shouted…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

Wow, look at that big wall…and look at those tanks….they look just like the tanks that I can see across my back yard to Russia !


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## rikkor (Oct 17, 2007)

...But then I could only see them when I was playing Tina Fay on TV. Just then the Yeti exclaimed…


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## jockmike2 (Oct 10, 2006)

I'm going to the office of silly walks, there, I believe I can get some answers, or at least a good five minute argument. If not maybe Douglas could…


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

...do a Shop Tour of her place! (get some bikini shots in there Doug!)

But meanwhile, not too far away, on the other side of the planet, in an old crumbling castle with pink curtains, and a moat full of voracious Large Mouthed Bass, a sinister giggle was heard.


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## woodyoda (Dec 7, 2008)

Yes, it was Bill Clinton, holding onto Hillary's belt loop….eyeballing another chubby little lady, behind Hillary's back.
Bill looking for the nearest sink…..


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## JimmyC (Jan 31, 2009)

hoping to spit out the saliva that he had swapped with his wife. While at the sink he saw a cigar on the floor, not just any cigar but a very large one, he picked it up, looked at it a started gazing….......


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

(Eeeeew! Swapping spit with Hillary?!)

...then he noticed an odor. Something familiar yet faint. "Strange", he mused, "I wonder why this smells of fish?" "Maybe Hillary knows", as he turned towards his wife, and then suddenly…


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

...Hilary turned around wieliding a Cocobolo night stick, pointed it at Bill and exclaimed…........


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

You want some of this????..........................then she noticed …there was something shiny in the Cocobolo nigh stick…......


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

... She looked like she went into a deep gaze, time seemed to have frozen still… she could only hear the faint playing of some dramatic, suspenseful music, and a single Yetti yell. Just then, she realized that this was part of a much bigger, deeper mystery. It's as if the different pieces of wood with the shiny things in it are all related…. given to the people to discover for one, single, related cause. She felt as if the wood was drawing her to….


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## GFYS (Nov 23, 2008)

...seek help from a qualified psychotherapist and join a recovery group funded by…


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## rikkor (Oct 17, 2007)

...ACORN. This little side adventure lead quickly to a place where…


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## Sawdust2 (Mar 18, 2007)

a community organizer moves into government supplied housing with a cockerdalmaschnauzer that hunts squirrels and barks a song about economic stimulus…


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

a place where there was a complete shop full of brand new tools. A brand new hybrid saw, a brand new rainbow knife. All of the latest new features were on each of the tools . All except…..................


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## GFYS (Nov 23, 2008)

...the newest alternative energy power tool…the STIMULIZER…which…..


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

should revolutionize the housing starts in this country ,by making private homes available in the range of $1200 to $1500…..this solves the mystery of what the yetti's (and Robert Gibbs) were trying to tell us.This will put people back to work, even if…......................


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## woodyoda (Dec 7, 2008)

the $1200 to $1500 houses are extreme birdhouses built by…. john. Not realizing that grown people can't live in 12 to 15 sq ft houses….he went out and bought millions of dollars worth of frisbees and condoms for some country in Europe. Then pissed the rest of the money into some bank or inferior car makers account when…


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

...all of a sudden Bernie Madoff appeared offering to double your frisbee account if you'r only help him build a…


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

...laminated wife attitude alignment tool with an automatic anti-whine feature built into the handle that when activated…


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## bamasawduster (Jul 23, 2008)

loudly proclaim, " you know full well what the definition of "is" is and no you cannot go with me when Obama sends me to…...


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## FEDSAWDAVE (Jan 1, 2009)

...a 3 year advanced woodworking school which I have just enrolled in thanks to the stimulus package.

In the end, the sun came up, the lumber dries…Bernie Madoff looks wonderful in pinstripes, the three elves and the Yetti lived happily ever after eating chocolate covered pinwheels while handing out free pocket knives and all Lumber Jocks balanced a screwdriver on their car keys while Gov. Blago and Gov. Palin learned the true meaning of life from the powers of the Rainbow Knife!

THE END~~~~~~~~~~~

To be continued…..............................................


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## woodworm (Jul 27, 2008)

And the snapshots of the next episod is…


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