# Best Puns of the year.



## Karson (May 9, 2006)

Best Puns of the Year

A couple months ago, I entered a contest and ended up winning a few acres of swamp land below the flood plane in Mississippi. Before I knew it, right after that I won a $250,000 house, so naturally I built it on my new land. Last week, I won enough money in the lottery to quit my job and move down there for good. And just last night, as sat on my new porch watching the rain and listening to the thunder, it all started to sink in.

My son, Ken, was married yesterday. I heard him tell his bride, Caryn, that his ring was so tight it was cutting off his circulation. She replied, "That's what it is supposed to do."

Have you heard about the pharmaceutical company that developed a new drug which, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent? The FDA refused to license it. Seems it was habit forming.

A naive young lass was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a minute or two and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans…" "What makes you think you need all these?" " Well," replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganised."

The policeman couldn't believe his eyes when he saw a woman drive past him on the freeway, busily knitting. Quickly he pulled alongside the vehicle, rolled down his window and shouted, "Pull over!" "No," the women yelled back cheerfully, "Socks!"

I was in the waiting room of my doctor's office the other day when the doctor started yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" I went up to the nurse and asked her what was going on. She told me that the doctor liked to call the shots around here.

The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under "Reason unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook."

I saw some strange goings on in the city today. A group of sterile monks in white robes were circling a large urn containing flowers, chanting, raising their hands, bowing to the urn, and performing some kind of ritual on one young member of the group. It appeared to be a vase sect to me.

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just go ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an Angel!"

This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, "You know, Benny's a walking economy." His friend replies, "How so?" "His hair line is in recession, his stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting him into a deep depression."

I noticed the neighbor down the street was home every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue." A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened. Turns out my neighbor's boss got sick and tired of him.


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## lew (Feb 13, 2008)

OOOHHH, Karson!


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## patron (Apr 2, 2009)

the way it really is …
thanks for the laughs , karson .


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## rikkor (Oct 17, 2007)

A frog hops into a bank and asks for a loan. He is ushered in to see the loan officer, Ms. Mack. She has him fill out all the appropriate forms. As she is reviewing them she asks what he has for collateral. The frog hands her an object that she doesn't recognize. Not wishing to appear ignorant, she excuses herself and goes to the bank manager's office. She explaines the dillemma, shows him the object, and asks if he knows what it is.

He says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Mack, give the frog a loan."


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## 33706 (Mar 5, 2008)

I sent ten great puns to a national pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.


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## itsme_timd (Nov 29, 2007)

HAHAHA, good stuff! I LOL'd at the one with the doctor 'calling the shots'.


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## a1Jim (Aug 9, 2008)

A real kick karson thanks


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## Roger Clark aka Rex (Dec 30, 2008)

Karson: You must have had a lot of fortune cookies!
The medical profession has at last offcially designated lesbianism as "Strapadictome"


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## Roger Clark aka Rex (Dec 30, 2008)

The hooker had to leave the leper colony as business was dropping off.
Also at a card game in the same colony, one guy threw his hand in and another laughed so much his head rolled off.
There is no such thing as Rape: A woman with her skirt up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
A woman came running out of wooded area shouting Grape, Grape. A man came to her aid and said surely you mean Rape, but the woman replied - there was a bunch of them.
Love: A fellow feeling. Hate: Another fellow feeling.


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## Innovator (Jan 20, 2009)

Pretty good Karson!


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## Dennisgrosen (Nov 14, 2009)

thank´s for the laugh

and happy new year

Dennis


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## shopdog (Nov 9, 2008)

A hungry Buddhist monk goes up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything"


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## cabinetmaster (Aug 28, 2008)

ROTFLMAO Thanks Karson for the laughs. HAPPY NEW YEAR.


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## nmkidd (Sep 18, 2009)

A nice jolly way to end the year…...thanks Karson


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## miles125 (Jun 8, 2007)

A dyslexic man walks into a bra…


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## ward63 (Dec 12, 2009)

Nice post, Karson. And a Happy New Year to all.


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