# Shopping Costco



## nmkidd (Sep 18, 2009)

A retired friend of mine sent this to me and decided to share it with everyone here…........enjoy!

This is a warning to all not yet retired to watch out for those of us over
62 looking to make people laugh and stretch our imaginations.

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Kirkland Nutra
Nuggets dog chow for my loyal pet, Katie, and was in the checkout line when
woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little
to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting
the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up
in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in
an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs
in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it
works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a
car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
world to think of crazy things to say.


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## Abbott (May 10, 2009)

HILARIOUS!!! That reminds me of me  I was at Target with my wife a couple of days ago, she was in the checkout line and I was wandering around the checkout area lost in thought of what I was going to do when we got out of there. One of the Cashiers thought I was older and senile and asked "Sir, are you ok, do you need help finding something?" I replied "No ma'am, I'm just a bit lost and looking for my mom". At the next isle over my wife turned beet red and the cashier and folks in line starting chuckling, the poor lady who asked looked like she still hadn't figured it out as my wife finished up her shopping and we walked out.


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## CharlieM1958 (Nov 7, 2006)

Classic. I've heard it before, but I still laughed out loud.


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## PetVet (Nov 7, 2008)

My wife and I were in line, she was buying a box of GasEx. I looked at the price of it, and said "Wow, this stuff is expensive". Without missing a beat my wife said "the cost of gas is going up". The entire line cracked up.


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## fourpugs (Jan 15, 2010)

We used to buy duct tape at Sam's 200 rolls at a time (I have a plaster co.). I fellow ask why so much tape I told him I had a roof leek. He beleved me. Then a lady came up and ask the same thing and I told her that my kids were imposibale to control. She truned and was gone. As I was loading the tape in the truck a cop pulls up with the women going "she's the one get her". The officer gets out like he is ready to take me down and I scream I was just kiding I don't have any kids. Thank God the man I had told about a roof leak showed up.


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## Raspar (Oct 12, 2009)

And here is your sign…


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## degoose (Mar 20, 2009)

You know you are a *********************************** when…....


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## bobkberg (Dec 26, 2009)

Yes - old joke, but GREAT delivery! Sometimes using the widest possible shovel is the key to success.


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## reggiek (Jun 12, 2009)

I think that goes under Bill Engval's "here's your sign" - for idiots that ask a question about something that is glaringly obvious….I had a guy at the hardware store ask me if I was doing a little painting when I was standing in line with a can of water seal and some brushes. I had to bite my tongue before sarcastically replying, "no…I soak my dog in it to keep her from getting wet when it rains"....."here's your sign"..LOL


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## Sawkerf (Dec 31, 2009)

Several years ago when #2 daughter was still in her teens, we were in the checkout line at the grocery store when a very large lady's beeper went off. Completely bypassing my (alleged) mind, my mouth immediately went into overdrive, and I loudly said "Run for your life, she's backing up!!"

There was dead silence for a few seconds, then people started cracking up with laughter. #2 daughter was looking at me in total disbelief while she tried to decide whether to laugh or act like she had never seen me before in her life.


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## patron (Apr 2, 2009)

i took the sissy rack of my suv , 
and had a welded rack made with sides ,
and tie down cleats every where on it .
( 50"wide for sheet goods ) , and carry 
all my job site materials that way .
if i'm lucky enough to get some help loading ,
these guys ask ,
" where would you like to put it " ?
( some times 20 foot boards ) !

" well , if you can put it in the glove box ,
that would be nice ,
just let me see how you do it ,
as i have to unload by myself " !


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## Sawkerf (Dec 31, 2009)

David -

One of my favorites is when I'm buying something and they ask me which credit card I would like to use. There's usually a moment of stunned silence when I respond…......"Can I use yours?"


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## fredf (Mar 29, 2008)

David-

I LOVE it! -consider it appropriated!


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## blackcherry (Dec 7, 2007)

My son when he was two years of age was such a one liner and this one I 'll share. We at the grocery store in the middle of the cereal isle. He looking around for his favorite cereal when along come a lady weighing well over 300 lbs. He finally look up and make eye contact with the on coming costumer and yell at me "Dad would you take a look at that" I look to see what up and all I can say is son let go get some ice cream.


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## REK (Aug 30, 2009)

So the penalty in new mexico for sniffing an irsh setters butt is to be hit by a car?


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## nmkidd (Sep 18, 2009)

Bob…...probably better than going to the city pound!


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## noknot (Dec 23, 2008)

It took me a few min to get the tears out of my eyes. Now yall are funny


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## TheDane (May 15, 2008)

During a visit with my sister and her family, my brother-in-law asked if I wanted to ride along when he went to the grocery store to pick up a few items for our cook-out.

At the store, we found the items we needed, but were confronted by a long check-out line at the one and only register that was open.

Finally, my brother-in-law started rubbing his throat and said (loudly) "I don't think these mumps look so bad … how about you?".

It was amazing how many people suddenly remembered they had 'forgotten something' and scattered throughout the store.

The line disappeared, and we were on our way home in no time, laughing all of the way.


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## Michael121 (Jun 30, 2008)

An avid reader I also find it hard to get rid of good books. I have had so many people ask If I read them all my standard response is…
"Not yet I am just collecting them to read when I retire."

As to the Happy Holidays thing I always ask "Which Holiday?" that always leaves them with a blank stare.


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## lilredweldingrod (Nov 23, 2009)

Last fall, my mothers lap warmer had her first run in with a skunk. She came in the house thru the dogie door before she could be stopped. The skunk had made a direct shot in her face and she could not see or breathe. She was rubbing all over the carpet and throw rugs.

Mom finally caught her and tried to clean her with no success. Mom headed to the store for more supplies. It was like the parting of the Red Sea. Everyone in the store left except the cashier, and she was suffering.

By the way HD Supply in Denver delivered a gallon of Odo-Ban the next morning for less than $16.00 including UPS. Home Depot wants $60.00 in the store. And this stuff works. Just don't use too much, a little bit goes a long way.


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