# Tape Measures Of Your Dreams



## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

I don't dream about tape measures or any other tools, just wanted to get in on the dream action. ;-)


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

30 views in 20 minutes! Caught you looking…..


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## Fresch (Feb 21, 2013)

I was sleep clicking so no you didn't!


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## DS (Oct 10, 2011)

That last post belongs in the web-surfing in your dreams thread.


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

Views are climbing! ;-)


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## DS (Oct 10, 2011)

Back on subject, Once I got a Stanley Fat Max I was ruined for all other brands.










I now have 3.
Two 25' and one 16'


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

Hey DS, you trying to ruin my fun? ;-)


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## lew (Feb 13, 2008)

I do sometimes dream of measurements 38-24-....nevermind!


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

> I do sometimes dream of measurements 38-24-....nevermind!
> 
> - lew


Now we're talking, welcome to the party Lew!


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## Smitty_Cabinetshop (Mar 26, 2011)

One of my faves.


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## Handtooler (Jul 24, 2012)

I personally prefer the righty or righty/lefty tapes, so when I hold the tape in my left hand and pun to extend I read the numerals right side up and the increments on the correct side. The tape however, is second to my folding 36" dogwood Chester Rabone rule, which I've regularly used since 1978; and it's still in excellent condition; stays in my apron pocket.


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## DS (Oct 10, 2011)

> Hey DS, you trying to ruin my fun? ;-)
> 
> - papadan


Now, are you trying to ruin mine? ;-)

P.S. I don't think I've ever dreamt about a tape measure…. sorry.

(I may start dreaming about Smitty's though.)


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

They sell the Stanley LeverLock 16' at HD for $5, so it's hard to not keep a half-dozen around. I'm still always looking for one though.


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## DS (Oct 10, 2011)

Hey, papadan, be careful - this thread is in danger of drifting back ON topic. heheh



> They sell the Stanley LeverLock 16 at HD for $5, so it s hard to not keep a half-dozen around. I m still always looking for one though.
> 
> - Rich


Rich, I've learned that if I only have one, I can always find it. This works for pencils too. 
Turns out that if I have lots of them, I am less careful about remembering where I leave them. 
When I have only one, it seems I make a point to remember where it is at all times.

Since I have three tapes (good ones), I am always searching for one. 
I have dozens of pencils - dang they are hard to find!


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

I dream about pencils and donuts. I wonder what it could mean?


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## 280305 (Sep 28, 2008)

> I dream about pencils and donuts. I wonder what it could mean?
> 
> - Rich


I have no personal experience with such dreams, but they both are sold a dozen to a box. I'm sure that is the only possible explanation. I bet you dream about eggs too.


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

I'm dreaming of the recoil Smitty's tape has! ;-) Views up to 319. LMAO


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## Smitty_Cabinetshop (Mar 26, 2011)

> I m dreaming of the recoil Smitty s tape has! ;-) Views up to 319. LMAO
> 
> - papadan


Only 319? Clearly no appreciation out there for quality tape measures…


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

> I dream about pencils and donuts. I wonder what it could mean?
> 
> - Rich
> 
> ...


You just saved me a visit to the shrink.


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

Here is my contribution


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

> Here is my contribution
> 
> - woodbutcherbynight


Two ply?


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

OK. Let's get serious here. Why the heck don't they make tapes with interior measures that are in whole inches? Am I supposed to add 2-27/32" to the tape reading for that? And the spot on the tape for the starting point is barely discernible because the tape's mouth is not flat.

I have an old White Chief 6' measure from the '50s ('40s?) that was my dad's that I still use for that. The case mouth is perfectly flat and readable, and the inside measure says to add 2". Is that so hard these days?


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## jbertelson (Sep 26, 2009)

You are degenerate, you sly old curmudgeon, you!!!!


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

Should we consider the metric system???? 27/32" Really, like I just call that out all the time. Metric would be 122 millimeters, to find the center divide by two minus all that screwing around with eight layers of fractions…...


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

> You are degenerate, you sly old curmudgeon, you!!!!
> 
> - Jim Bertelson


Jimmy, so nice of you to visit, 3921 views so far, not sure what a curmudgeon is but if it is anything like a degenerate, I'm all in! LMAO

Where you been hiding Jim and have you ever finished that table?

Woodbutcher, your picture is exactly how I feel about most tape measures…..CRAP

I just found this thread on page 3, we can do better than that, let's keep it up front for the world to enjoy. ;-)


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## jbertelson (Sep 26, 2009)

From the lookup in Outlook:

*Curmudgeon*

*noun*

A bad-tempered or surly person.

synonyms: grumbler, complainer, moaner, curmudgeon, grump

Seems appropriate, right? ...(-:

The table is in use. I have pictures, but no time to post, it seems. I just caught up on a bunch of email. Went to the doc the other day for the annual, and I had lost 6# without trying. Undoubtedly from being the shop slave for the Queen of the house. Woe is me.

I also refinished 4 colonial style chairs, you know the ones with 20 or more turnings per chair. What a pain to repaint. Got to figure out a way to shoe horn a sprayer into my shop.

So the table and chairs are in use at my handicapped daughter's new condo. Whew.

But there is more…

I am now refinishing two end tables, donated by the neighbors, and a coffee table built by my brother-in-law a number of years ago. The end tables will be pretty easy. The coffee table got some hard use the last couple of years when it was repurposed for my handicapped daughters house. It was built for my mother-in-law who took good care of it for 10 years, and then she passed away from heart disease.

So I had to fix some cracks, dents, and joint failures. Upgraded the drawer slides as well. Put in a few extra screws in strategic places. Kind of like we do in the morning for ourselves after a previous day of self-abuse. You know.

Will put a bar top finish on these pieces as well. Best way to prepare for war is with armor.

OK, that's new blood for the thread.

You are welcome!

Jim


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

I want those picture Jim, and what about the entry hall bench?


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

This bump will get it over 4k views! ;-)


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

> I dream about pencils and donuts. I wonder what it could mean?
> 
> - Rich


Would you like me to answer here or send you a PM?


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

> Would you like me to answer here or send you a PM?
> 
> - Desert_Woodworker


ChuckV offered a fine analysis that makes total sense, and it was G-Rated! I don't dream about eggs though, probably because I buy cartons of eighteen.


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

These type of eggs? Or to keep Pappa's forum alive- Wooden eggs….

http://bangordailynews.com/2017/04/14/news/lewiston-auburn/the-maine-company-that-makes-wooden-easter-eggs-for-the-white-house/


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## 280305 (Sep 28, 2008)

> Would you like me to answer here or send you a PM?
> 
> - Desert_Woodworker
> 
> ...


Rich,

Oh no, not cartons of 18 eggs!

I've heard of cases like this, but it is well beyond my ability to help you. Please seek a specialist in non-dozen egg units. I'm afraid that you have no time to waste.


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## 000 (Dec 9, 2015)

> Should we consider the metric system???? 27/32" Really, like I just call that out all the time. Metric would be 122 millimeters, to find the center divide by two minus all that screwing around with eight layers of fractions…...
> 
> - woodbutcherbynight


I don't use the metric system. Describing a women's body as 
914.4
609.6
914.4
Just doesn't seem right…


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

> I don t use the metric system. Describing a women s body as
> 914.4
> 609.6
> 914.4
> ...


And the Kardashians would be 1424.6, 494.2, 1937.8.


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## jbertelson (Sep 26, 2009)

Since I was an OB-GYN, there is some things I really can't say. Medicine is mostly on the metric system, kinda, but I always translated it into SAE. So someone gave me the babies weight in kilos, being good with math, I immediately translated it into pounds and ounces. I could understand that. I never got the weight stuff. But the centimeters, I got. You don't get to know the reason why.

If a woman gave me her dimensions, well, I probably wasn't in the office, and maybe I was somewhere I shouldn't be… don't you think?... (-:

Can't recollect that ever happened, but I suspect, I just wouldn't recollect, right?

So, I have a lot of digital equipment, and a lot of charts to translate into decimal, instead of fractions. Fractions are definitely idiotic. But, it seems, I really know what a 1/16, 1/8, 1/4 inch is. And I bet the rest of you do as well.

Just an old timer, getting old timerer.

Pleasant discussion, reminiscent of old times, I do say, so staying tuned….......


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

Jim I was invited to AKguys place in February, mabe you can drop in for a visit


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## robscastle (May 13, 2012)

Jim you could have had those table photos posted by now.

Bloody tapes you can never find one when you want them, next minute they are snapping your finger, or stop short of what you want to measure.


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

> I don t use the metric system. Describing a women s body as
> 914.4
> 609.6
> 914.4
> ...


LOL, see that's were you move the decimal and make them centimeters 10mm = 1 cm
So that makes it 90 cm 60 cm 90cm. Sound better?


> ?


? In keeping with the thread I used a metric tape measure.


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## oldnovice (Mar 7, 2009)

How does this sound?

*2.0 cubits, 1.3 cubits, 2.0 cubits*

Or

*9 hands, 4.5 hands, 9 hands*


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

> *Jim you could have had those table photos posted by now.
> 
> *Bloody tapes you can never find one when you want them, next minute they are snapping your finger, or stop short of what you want to measure.
> 
> - robscastle


_*ROTFLMFAO*_


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

> Rich,
> 
> Oh no, not cartons of 18 eggs!
> 
> ...


I wondered why this third leg was growing. It must be the eggs!


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## AlaskaGuy (Jan 29, 2012)

> Jim I was invited to AKguys place in February, mabe you can drop in for a visit
> 
> - Desert_Woodworker


That would be perfectly fine DW. That would give you a bunk mate out there in the shop. Mucktuck and seagull eggs served promptly at 6:00 AM daily.


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## newwoodbutcher (Aug 6, 2010)

You think you have tape measure issues! Ha! There are more laying about.


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

Yeah but are any of them metric???? LOL


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## 280305 (Sep 28, 2008)

> Rich,
> 
> Oh no, not cartons of 18 eggs!
> 
> ...


Well, better that than what happens if you buy eggs by the 1/2 dozen.


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

> Well, better that than what happens if you buy eggs by the 1/2 dozen.
> 
> - ChuckV


LOL. Good one. If they ever hold the LJ Comedy Awards, I'm going to nominate you.


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## jbertelson (Sep 26, 2009)

Desert_Woodworker, and the other usual suspects:

OK, but AlaskaGuy's shop is just too big for me, I would feel lost in a wilderness of monstrous tools!!!

February in Eagle River, hmmm. I think we are scheduled to be at our vacation home about then, in Washington. If we aren't, it still sounds like a better idea than Eagle River in February, yes??

About then the weather is below zero… unless the traffic trolls have summoned rain to make all our snow covered streets a massive skating rink when it freezes again that night. The only critters that rejoice over that are the urban moose who now can outrun the roaming packs of blood thirsty wolves on our slippery streets. But that screws up the weekly lottery for the moose versus wolves tally.

Here is a cow moose and baby (yes, that is a baby) in our front yard, taking a breather, and a snack of birch twigs, after eluding a rabid wolf pack…










You can't win for losing with the Alaskan winter.

Too warm is bad, because that brings rain, and who likes below zero weather? The best winter weather is about 25 degrees. Too cold to rain, but still bearable.

Stupidly, I moved to Fairbanks AK instead of Hawaii in 1975, and I chalked up 8 winters with 60 deg below zero weather. At those temperatures, hitting a nail with a hammer just shatters it, meaning the nail, and the hammer.

Your car sounds and acts like a tank that needs grease. If your square tires hit a bump, they just disintegrate into shrapnel of black rubber, hard as steel. The surgeons make a good living in the winter, removing tire shards from the idiotic winter tourists…I guess that could be you, DW… (-:

Just an old sourdough talking here. A sourdough is a seasoned interior Alaskan who has survived a winter. I now reside in the Alaskan banana belt down in Anchorage. The term "sourdough" comes from the gold rush days. Now that I am retired, I have been relegated to being the *Sourdough House Husband*, since my wife still foolishly toils at the office.

I guess you live in the desert, DW, but really have a bad case of *AlaskaEnvy*!

We old sourdoughs never go to the desert, because we just melt into a puddle of pink slop in the noonday sun.

So I am not coming to the desert, but you are welcome here…
... to mingle with the other foolish winter tourists… (-:

If you are really coming in February, bring your crampons so you can negotiate from the house to the car to go sightseeing. AlaskaGuy is sure to have a spare expedition parka for you…

SDHH


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

Dammit Jim, that was a long post, we need to find you something to do!


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

> Jim I was invited to AKguys place in February, mabe you can drop in for a visit
> 
> - DesertWoodworker
> 
> ...


What about buck wheat cakes?

Jim- " DesertWoodworker, and the other usual suspects:

OK, but AlaskaGuy's shop is just too big for me, I would feel lost in a wilderness of monstrous tools!!!"

Don't fret about it being too large of a shop- I thought that we would all be hunkered down together, around the table saw; you know "cozy bonding".

AKguy- so far we possibally have 2 LumberJocks; do you have enough eggs and Muktuk, do you serve it pickled or raw?


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

With a name like Muktuk, it better be raw….....Raw makes for better bait for wolves and bear!


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

Dave: Think we can outrun this bear, Bob?
Bob: I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

Rich, bet I can outrun you! ;-)


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

But which one of you guys are comitting to the February AKguy "Winter woodworking Retreat"

Pappa - the pickled Muktuk is the better…. Why do you think AKguy is still alive?


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

For this retreat who is going to be the *Keynote Speaker* for the topic of Tape Measures???


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

How about a celebrity-style roast of papadan? I could do Dean Martin, since all that requires is drinking heavily and laughing at everything, funny or not. I'd recommend ChuckV to be Don Rickles for sure.


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

Smitty, we're talking about your tape measures! ;-)


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## jbertelson (Sep 26, 2009)

Life is all about measuring up, but sometimes it is about measuring wrong, somethings are a whole lot more fun to measure than others, taking the measure of one's self is a little tricky, but some appendages are easier to measure than others, and some measures are dry, and others are fluid.

Think I'll go for the fluid…

Where's my tape?... (-:

Note the improvement in brevity, Dan…


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

In Smitty's post- would you get a better measurement; if you were to use your hands instead of letting her use the tape measure?


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## Smitty_Cabinetshop (Mar 26, 2011)

Hah! Perhaps, but it was a workshop.


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## AlaskaGuy (Jan 29, 2012)

> Desert_Woodworker, and the other usual suspects:
> 
> OK, but AlaskaGuy s shop is just too big for me, I would feel lost in a wilderness of monstrous tools!!!
> 
> ...


YES crampons are a must when we get what we call a "January thaw (the temperature shoot up to 40 degrees it rains and the wind blows). That will turn snow into ice in no time.










I have slipped and fallen and few time when I was too lazy to put on my cleats. These falls have caused me to tear rotator cuff in both shoulders. Both requiring surgery. 5 months off work for one and 3 months off for the other. When condition are like in the picture the absolutely no way to stay on your feet without some kind of cleats or you have to sand the area you walk on.

For DW, Tommorow I'll be starting a batch of pickled Muktuk, should be ready for your arrival.


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

Can't wait! How many guys have signed up?


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## AlaskaGuy (Jan 29, 2012)

> Can t wait! How many guys have signed up?
> 
> - Desert_Woodworker


It starting to look like all the bunks are filled. You better bring a sleeping bag in case you end up sleeping on the concrete floor.


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

> Can t wait! How many guys have signed up?
> 
> - Desert_Woodworker
> 
> ...


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## AlaskaGuy (Jan 29, 2012)

> Can t wait! How many guys have signed up?
> 
> - DesertWoodworker
> 
> ...


Were you going to say something??


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

I was but Crickett just shut down a forum and gave warnings. 
See you in February


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

Yes indeed that thread went sideways very quickly.

In adding to the orginal OP one thing that frustrates me is the crappy clips they seem to put on some of these tapes these days. I had one when I first bought the house you could hang yourself on if you clipped a corner too close. Now I pull if off my belt one time too many and the clip falls to the floor.


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

Be careful everyone, that guy can't come in here, but if we start talking about tape measures we may be shut down.


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

Life is similar to a tape measure- that is why I work on projects less than 70", yet preferably, my projects lets say, are between 18" width maybe 24" but my CNC is comfortable with 36". With that said, what dimensions do you guys like to work with?










ps Since this is about "Tape measures of your Dreams" the above is my dream.


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

Poor Papadan- the children are rebelling…


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

Jaybay- is there a version similar Fat Max


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## AlaskaGuy (Jan 29, 2012)

A good tape measure can save you a lot of steps.


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

I liked the other video, check this one out. Might make one for myself. LINK


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## Desert_Woodworker (Jan 28, 2015)

AK and WBN good video's; here is another that explain how to use a tape measure-


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## Smitty_Cabinetshop (Mar 26, 2011)

My fave tape measure (really):










I'm on my second one. The first lasted 20+ years before shooting craps, found an exact "NOS" replacement on eBay a few months ago. 3/4" tapes fit my hands, and I prefer the retract mechanism on the bottom vs. at the thumb.


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## jbertelson (Sep 26, 2009)

Regarding rotator cuff surgeries, my wife is recovering from the second surgery on the same shoulder. I don't get orthopedic problems, probably because my joints and bones are built the same as my thick skull.

My wife is quite small and light, which in general is considered a good thing, but it definitely is a risk for traumatic injuries. She is a 61 year old version of DW's dream project picture. But just a minor slip and fall on some carpeted stairs did her shoulder in.


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## jbertelson (Sep 26, 2009)

*NO FACEBOOK OR TWITTER FOR ME, I GOT LUMBERJOCKS!!!*

Oh, and by the way, Dan, my wife bought a simple bench to go in the entryway of the new condo. Relatively cheap but built of solid wood, at least, so one less project to do.

You know, if you didn't keep starting these crazy topics, then I might get about 5 completed projects posted.

But OH NO!!!..............

Ol' Dan just has to mess with our brains and trap us into some useless piece of conversational drivel…the kind of stuff we LJ's are addicted to.

In another era, you would have been a traveling snake oil salesman, for sure!!!

...or maybe a carnival act, yah, that would be it.

Of course, since I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account, LJ's has to be my social media. People here are more interesting and a lot nicer here. And there are a bunch of old farts here like me.

Anybody else out there like me??


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, you are border line on losing your LJ status. Allowing the wife to BUY a simple wood bench. I told you to use the sewing stand, wouldn't have taken more than a few hours to have something awesome! Be careful my friend would hate to have you banned for conduct unbecoming! ;-) As for these threads, When my health problems act up and I can't work in the shop, I get bored! What can I say….



> I liked the other video, check this one out. Might make one for myself. LINK
> 
> - woodbutcherbynight


WBN, that's a lot of work to make one of those for a total POS tape measure.



> Life is similar to a tape measure- that is why I work on projects less than 70", yet preferably, my projects lets say, are between 18" width maybe 24" but my CNC is comfortable with 36". With that said, what dimensions do you guys like to work with?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


DW, I married a girl that looks exactly like this one…..That was 42 years ago… she still looks like that to me…......I'm getting old and senile, ya know!


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

We lost another good thread. The gimmicky tools thread. The main LJ A-hole jumped in and stirred things up. Thread got closed, I emailed and got a BS reply. I will never unblock the A-hole and suggest everyone else block him to prevent losing your threads. He is a troll and loves causing trouble.


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## AlaskaGuy (Jan 29, 2012)

> We lost another good thread. The gimmicky tools thread. The main LJ A-hole jumped in and stirred things up. Thread got closed, I emailed and got a BS reply. I will never unblock the A-hole and suggest everyone else block him to prevent losing your threads. He is a troll and loves causing trouble.
> 
> - papadan


I don't know who you are talking about.


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

Go back and look at that thread, I'm not mentioning names because they would close this thread.


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## AlaskaGuy (Jan 29, 2012)

> Go back and look at that thread, I m not mentioning names because they would close this thread.
> 
> - papadan


Check your private messages on this board


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## RichT (Oct 14, 2016)

My first and only block. Definitely called for though.


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

LMAO!


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

Let's get back on the non-topic.


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## Cricket (Jan 15, 2014)

> We lost another good thread. The gimmicky tools thread. The main LJ A-hole jumped in and stirred things up. Thread got closed, I emailed and got a BS reply. I will never unblock the A-hole and suggest everyone else block him to prevent losing your threads. He is a troll and loves causing trouble.
> 
> - papadan


Are you sure you want to mess with me today?

Seriously, one person cannot bicker by themselves. It takes at least 2. When YOU are also involved and then report others. THAT is an issue. I am not playing games with this anymore.

I will not babysit the bickering. I will simply lock accounts.


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## 000 (Dec 9, 2015)

Then she will go over to Stumpy's and gloat about it.


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## bandit571 (Jan 20, 2011)

Been nice knowing ya….jbay…


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

okay lets stay on topic no need to get the admin hot and heavy.

Still waiting on who will present the forum at this meeting on *Metric to Imperial Conversions in the Modern Shop*

Would also be nice to have a discussion on Evolution of the Tape Measure.


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## papadan (Mar 6, 2009)

Well Cricket, since you brought it up, because I mentioned no names, You as the moderator of this site need to stop Trolls like [username removed by admin] from starting the fights on every thread he posts on. READ THEM I had nothing to do with it but he attacked me and you want to blame me. READ THE THREAD Now go ahead and ban me from this site if you want, I don't care, but you are being paid to do a job you're not doing MODERATING to keep trouble out. We the members of this site have no figfhts or arguments until [username removed by admin] comes on and starts them. I know you will delete this but you wont talk to me in private you only throw blame. So Ban me and kiss [username removed by admin] ass.


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## Cricket (Jan 15, 2014)

Okay, I am done with the drama.

This thread is closed.


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