# I just have an honest question



## ArlinEastman (May 22, 2011)

Why is it when some individuals have a poll or ask a question They really do not want an honest answer or an answer that in contrary to what they want.

Then if they have an individual answer their question they do not agree with the poster gets very hostile and curses and insults anyone and everyone.

To me personally either that person does not really want an answer or he is a bigit with zero tolerance for someone that might have a more intelligent answer them them.

I have found this on several new posts by one individual and he then drops to the 2nd grade level of being a verbal bully.

Anyone have an answer. Also Keep it clean. I do believe there are intelligent individuals that can get a point across without profanity and degrading someone eles views.

Arlin

If you can not abide by my rules Please do not respond you are NOT welcome and I will Flag you or whatever it takes to get you off of my post.


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## TopamaxSurvivor (May 2, 2008)

Good question. Just be thankful you are not in a job where you have to deal with the public all day, every day!


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## scharx (Jul 31, 2012)

Haha nice one, working with people can really suck


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## scrollgirl (May 28, 2010)

Sometimes I think when people are asking for opinions and they already have the answer, they are looking for affirmation. Perhaps they are not quite confident that their answer to the problem is correct and they want to hear others confirm their thoughts.

However, if they become abusive as you say, I would think that these people are being very egotistical. They are trying to strut their stuff and say "Look what I know!" and anyone who disagrees or gives other suggestions is regarded as a spoiler to them and they become hostile. I think these individuals are very self-centered and aren't here to receive help or help others, but rather to show off and boost their own self-esteem. Many times people like this are so insecure in themselves, they tend to over compensate for their insecurities by posting here only to brag, and not really wanted others' help.

If you are aware of a certain individual, I would just ignore him and leave it at that. Certainly you are not going to be able to change his ways and trying to point this out to him will only draw you into a conflict with him. I think your energy is better directed elsewhere, Arlin. You have so many wonderful and positive things going for you. That is where I would put my time and attention.

Just my thoughts on it. 

Sheila


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## ShopTinker (Oct 27, 2010)

When a person does a poll trying to prove that their opinion is the right one or at least the majority agrees with them and then they become unhappy, angry, or hostile to those with opposing views. I'd say it's because they aren't mature enough to admit they are wrong, or at least that the majority don't agree with them.

My dad used to say "You can't argue with an idiot unless you stoop to their level." He would say, about the person you mentioned above, "My mind's made up, don't confuse me with facts!"

The best polls seem to be ones where the poster is looking for everyone's opinions to help them form an opinion of their own. Most everyone has an opinion on most things and as my my dad used to say to me "two heads are better then one even if one of them is yours".

In my opinion I'm always right, except when I'm wrong. That's just my opinion; I could be wrong about being wrong and actually be right all the time


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## JAGWAH (Dec 15, 2009)

What Shiela said~


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## CharlieM1958 (Nov 7, 2006)

Sheila is right on the money about people looking for affirmation.

I would suggest, though, that the primary reason people become hostile when you disagree with them is that they suffer from low elf-esteem. They already have a deep-seated negative opinion of themselves, so when others affirm that negative opinion by disagreeing with their ideas it makes them feel even worse about themselves, and they respond by fighting back like a wounded animal.


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## helluvawreck (Jul 21, 2010)

People are very complicated creatures.

helluvawreck
https://woodworkingexpo.wordpress.com


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## KnickKnack (Aug 20, 2008)

Why is it when some individuals have a poll or ask a question They really do not want an honest answer or an answer that in contrary to what they want.
Anyone have an answer

My view is that most of these such "questions" are posted with the specific aim of creating discord and starting fights. That simple.


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## dkirtley (Mar 11, 2010)

They do not have the background in actually knowing how to have a civil debate. They are unaware of logical fallacies. Many people only have a few talking points and are generally ignorant of the full issues involved, all they have left is to try to bully their way through.


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## Porchfish (Jun 20, 2011)

Arlin, the best way to deal with a bully is to ignore it ! I have asked questions before myself and have gotten some very childish and nasty responses. I don't mind so much that there are nasty folks in this old world and ignoring them usually handles the matter. I will tolerate most anything from such a person….once… with repeated unwanted or unwarranted contacts I find it necessary to respond in kind, but very seldom does that really nasty situation present itself. There is room for everyone in this old world, even the obnoxious ! Just think of how boring it would be if everyone were as civil as we expect ! Good on'ya friend. Thanks for the post !


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## JollyGreen67 (Nov 1, 2010)

IF I ask a question, I am hoping for an honest answer. Not because someone believes I already know the answer, I'm just looking for someone to answer a question of what they believe, NOT some crass, smartass, below the belt, really stupid remark. Is that so difficult ? As it happens, I will no longer be asking these questions because of all the cranky garbage someone likes to interject to an HONEST QUESTION.


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## PineChopper (May 21, 2012)

Arlin, They already have not only the answer but a small mind to match.

~Never Under Estimate the Stupidity of the General Public~


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## JollyGreen67 (Nov 1, 2010)

Chipmunk, Sad but true.

PineChopper, The small mind is a wonder to watch when the answers show up.


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## carver (Nov 4, 2010)

I can't help but think that some of the verbally abusive behavior I see on these forums must create really crappy dinner conversations. Probably a lot of people figure they're looking at an idiot across the table.


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## Bertha (Jan 10, 2011)

It's called trolling, Arlin. Or "trawlin" as us Louisiana boys call it.
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You put a bunch of lines in the water and sacrifice some to get what you want. 
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The real question is at the end of it, are you really a kingfish champion?


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## dkirtley (Mar 11, 2010)

Bertha:

I disagree. It is more like telephone or dynamite fishing. If you are trawling, you have to use bait.


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## ArlinEastman (May 22, 2011)

Rose

I was not talking about you my friend, however, one thing to think about is how you ask the question and also respond to others. Nothing personal since I do not know you and only seen your post once and thought it was ok

The other thing that happens after I have read some of peoples very bad comments is they then to to another post to tell other How good they are and how smart they are and how bad everyone else is.

To me personally (I do not think right all the time since the bombing and head injury) these individual/s have not advanced past the 2nd grade since that is what we us to do there and also pass notes talking about someone.

Just kind of cheesy to me
I was just wondering how everyone else felt about it or if I was the only one.

Thanks
Arlin


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## derosa (Aug 21, 2010)

Falls under the heading of "if you aren't going to like the answer maybe you shouldn't ask the question" 
I think Sheila nailed it first time.


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## oldnovice (Mar 7, 2009)

For the most part I agree with Sheila! But I think there is one more element.

I think one other reason may be passion. Some people are very passionate about some issues/topics and will defend it their point of view to almost any end. There is no reasoning with those very passionate people and it is better to change the subject and/or walk away (click off in the case of the LJ site).

As I heard a long time ago … don't remember the source;

*"I like to have a battle of wits with you but I don't fight with an unarmed man."*


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## bandit571 (Jan 20, 2011)

A sign is posted on the lid of my roll-around toolbox at work:

"Just because you have the right to remain stupid, does not give you the right to abuse it."


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## ArlinEastman (May 22, 2011)

oldnovice

What you said then brings up another question in my mind. If that person always and will continually use abusive language and insults towards others should he/they/she be allowed to remain here?

When I first got here everyone seemed to "Mind their Manners" even when politics or religian was mentioned. Now, I find very little to no tolerence of a persons views or ideas by just a few. Some individuals like this in a regular community that do not conform are sent to jail or prison.
What can we as a web community do with people like this?

Arlin


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## TopamaxSurvivor (May 2, 2008)

I remember those days too. I have no opinion about banning people from the site except in obvious cases like those posting porn.

I think it has to do with the times we live. We are at a historic crossroad; we are divided as severely as in the times of the Revolution and the Civil War. Way too many R's think the party is still the reasonable party of Eisenhower. Too many think the D's are still the party of labor unions. Most need to educate themselves and learn the truth, as hard as it may be to accept. It is not easy learning those you have supported and trusted your whole life are lying and stabbing you in the back.

I supposed about all you can really do is ignore those who bother you. If it was your next door neighbor, would you sell out and move?


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## oldnovice (Mar 7, 2009)

Arlin,

Abusive language, name calling and insults do not belong on this site! Whether it is directed at another member or person; i.e president in particular (as an immigrant, I love this country regardless of who is president). We have had bad and good presidents … the country has survived!

I was raised to respect people first until they show that they do not deserve that respect. Obviously, name calling, insults, and abusive language is are way to lose respect.

The best way to cure one of these individuals is to NOT return the "complement" ... mind your manners and perhaps it will sink in. If it doesn't, leave them alone. In other words, when no one will talk to them maybe they will figure out they are the problem! It works on a speaking level maybe it will work on a writing level too!

*One other thing*, blocking someone does *NOT* solve anything! Another forum is started just to vent why they were blocked. Those that block do not want your opinion, their mind is made up so just stop typing and the the he.. out the thread!

Maybe a public block list should be on LJ showing who is blocked by whom to shame them into reality!

*I don't know if what I wrote is understandable … it is 1:26 AM and I may be a little too many typos.*


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## superdav721 (Aug 16, 2010)

I don't need to go looking for a argument. People that fish for negative, catch it. Be a positive person and your day will be a lot nicer.
My father taught me that when in public with strangers. ( as well as the internet) Do not discuss, religion, sex or politics. Its a no win situation.


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## Bertha (Jan 10, 2011)

David, I stand correctly corrected


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## Bertha (Jan 10, 2011)

*It is not easy learning those you have supported and trusted your whole life are lying and stabbing you in the back.*
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Ain't that the truth. It's a jagged pill to get down, Topa.


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## roman (Sep 28, 2007)




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## TopamaxSurvivor (May 2, 2008)

*Do not discuss, religion, sex or politics. Its a no win situation.*

I would have agreed in the past. Today I still agree with the first 2. It is the duty of every patriot to expose the corruption in WA DC. The media was a public service with strict rules to insure as much neutrality as possible.

During the 80's, media consolidation and moving news departments to the entertainment divisions has caused too great a downward spiral in public information. Today, the media is a propaganda arm of the "1%". The most glaring example being Rupert Murdoch and News Corp.


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## GregD (Oct 24, 2009)

Why is it so difficult for adults to have civil discussions on religion, sex, or politics?
REAL adults should have no problem having the discussion.
Just stay respectful, and mindful of what is really important in life.


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## TopamaxSurvivor (May 2, 2008)

Because there are so few REAL adults ;-))

A public block list would not accomplish anything. WE have had too many members block all active members as a means of driving traffic to their own website.


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## DrDirt (Feb 26, 2008)

Greg - I doubt the acrimonius discussions that have erupted on this site would EVER happen face to face. If some of the pissing matches that have gone on here were happening in a restaurant, you would be tossed, and even other patrons would be dialing 911.

But from the anonymous location behind a keyboard, and using google to bludgeon others with out of context "reliable source" snippets is all too common and easy. Have people discuss face to face, and actually defend what they personally believe - off the tops of their heads is going to be completely different.

Kind of like a great quote from Dave Barry

"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."

Or much as I dislike him George Bernard Shaw - he accurately desribes what happens in Politics.

"The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it."


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## JollyGreen67 (Nov 1, 2010)

Arlin, No offense taken.

Maybe I was phrasing my questions in a not so respective manner, so somebody ought to tell me, as I will not be offended. "Sticks and stones . . . . . . . . . . . . .".


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## ArlinEastman (May 22, 2011)

I am thinking sometimes it is just someone haveing a bad day. For these guys it would be nice to have a friend to talk to before you get on the forum.

Then again there are afew individuals that act worse then very spoiled child.

Maybe we just need to send the person a nice pm and say "Is everything OK" 
I do thing we should beable to talk about any subject like men and women.

Arlin


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## oldnovice (Mar 7, 2009)

Arlin,

I have tried that with a couple of LJs. Two of them have never replied even after I sent a second PM asking what I did to piss them off.

I thought that we had come to an understanding with another LJ, but it wasn't two days later he blocked me. I won't write his name but his initials are JL.

So from my perspective, nice PMs do not work!


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## ArlinEastman (May 22, 2011)

oldnovice

Not preaching, but how did you approach them and how did you word your note. Make alot of difference between honey and lemons.

Also if you tried once maybe twice would be like you really are intrested in resolving the conflect.

Arlin


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

oldnovice … got your PM … tried to reply … but ran into a snag >grinz< ... next time I'll respond in a timely manner


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## JoeLyddon (Apr 22, 2007)

Arlin,

There are times when I just get plain TIRED of rehashing the old stuff over & over again… when I get my fill, I resort to block it just to maintain a little order & frustration… and Yes, that is why I blocked Oldnovice… I just do not understand his so-called Logic… it does not 'compute' as a robot would say.

His logic again… won't write the name BUT gives the initials… That Reasoning does not compute…


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## ArlinEastman (May 22, 2011)

Joe

I know you and you know me. Smile awhile. If something bugs you do not go to the bugs. We all do not think alike or reason the same nor will we change how individuals think or feel. But, we can live and talk nice to them.

ok 

Arlin

Dan - Big man there in saying that. +1 in my book

Arlin


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## SteviePete (May 10, 2009)

It's always been the high art of the instigator to "Roll a booger across the table and see who goes for it." Then he sits back and laughs at both sides. This medium is a poor conductor of emotion and makes topics of high emotion a waste of time. Wrestlers ready? Wrestle!


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## JollyGreen67 (Nov 1, 2010)

I guess I hit the bone with something I said to Joe.


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## oldnovice (Mar 7, 2009)

*I dint want to name names … there are other JL on the web site!*

But if the shoe fits!


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## JoeLyddon (Apr 22, 2007)

oldnovice, if it was stuck in your craw, why didn't you just outright say it?
... I guess you believe in that Political Correct stuff… and just don't DO those type of things?

Makes no difference to me… Makes no sense to me to play all the games… The air is clear… LOL


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## oldnovice (Mar 7, 2009)

*Joe,*

*I couldn't write you a PM since you blocked me. Believe, I tried!*

*I use words cautiously because the wrong words can hurt!*


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## JoeLyddon (Apr 22, 2007)

*oldnovice* OK… You got me… Sorry… LOL


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## oldnovice (Mar 7, 2009)

*Joe, we are even and off to a fresh start!*


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## mojapitt (Dec 31, 2011)

I have seen the ones that block anyone that disagrees with them. That is not a discussion. Unfortunately the ones that can't discuss without hostility have other issues. They tend to be very unhappy, insecure individuals. It's sad but it is a mental health issue. Becoming more prevelant all the time. I only go to posts if I trust the person that is posting. Anything that is marginal I won't join in. Ultra negative conversations serve no purpose. I will not be brought down by them.


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## ArlinEastman (May 22, 2011)

I guess this is part of the problem is what I see here. Two guys that can not get along but need to. So fix it guys.

Stevie

It seem you have an entertainment issue. I asked for solutions and you say you are part of the problem. So start your own post somewhere else OK. Thanks

Monte-I see that as spot on.

Arlin


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