# And then the fight started.



## BigStick (Jan 16, 2009)

*My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a scale.
*
And then the Fight Started

*Lets see where this goes..*


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## lew (Feb 13, 2008)

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her Not as much as the dress that she had worn yesterday.
And then the fight started…..


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

My wife asked me to get her watch fixed the other day and I replied "why bother…there is a clock on the stove"

And then the fight started…...


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## woodsmithshop (Sep 10, 2008)

I haven't spoke to my wife for three weeks now, I don't want to interrupt her.
( if she sees this, there will be a fight)
Smitty


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## Ageingwood (Dec 8, 2007)

My wife asks if I can do some thing and I answer , I could !!
( and then the fight starts )


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## Cantputjamontoast (Jan 1, 2009)

In a discussion with the wife once about the frequency of physical activity I said, "Without that part of our relationship we're just friends…and not even really good friends."

Big mistake.


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## mrtrim (Oct 11, 2007)

my ex wife ask me if she happen to die would i remarry . i said i suppose i might . she said i guess youd give her my golf clubs ? i said probably not shes left handed ! and thats when she took my house and buick !


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## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for
our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she
said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started….


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## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as Iwas flipping channels.She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started…


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## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

A woman was standing nude, looking in the
bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to
her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'

And then the fight started…..


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## Karson (May 9, 2006)

My wife keeps asking me, "When are you going to finish the kitchen cabinets?". I tell her that her Aunt had curtains over the cabinets for 40 years, so what's the problem,.

Then the fight started . . .

True story on the curtains. Her aunt died 5 years ago and her uncle just a month ago. I asked her if he ever got cabinet doors made. She said no.


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## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of
Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for
$7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better
at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started….


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## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour .

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back
into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be
bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed,
and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is
terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you
believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started …


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## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

I've got a million of 'em….... well not really. But a bunch. 
- JJ


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## SCOTSMAN (Aug 1, 2008)

my sister went to the doctor she asked to have about 40 pounds of ugly overlapping fat removed he cut off her head LOL Alistair


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## BigTim (Jan 17, 2008)

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for retirement benefits.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later with my I.D.

The woman said,'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said,'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said,'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability benefits, too'

And then the fight started…..


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## Dadoo (Jun 23, 2007)

When we got married I commented on how glad I was that she was wearing white…as she would easily match the rest of the appliances!

And then I bent over to pick up my teeth…


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## Brad_Nailor (Jul 26, 2007)

My wife told me last week she liked to talk on the phone during sex….yeterday she called me from Cleveland…

And then the fight started…


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## motthunter (Dec 31, 2007)

my wife asked for something shiny to go on her finger. I got her a set of reflective welding gloves… now she has something shiny for all 10 fingers… Hey honey, can I borrow the gloves? I need to do some welding.


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## Tangle (Jul 21, 2007)

I happened to be in the bath room when my wife stepped out of the shower. I said," That is one wrinkly butt." I got the stare and thought to correct myself, "That's OK, I like corduroy." That was some fight.


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## roman (Sep 28, 2007)

the wife was wiping this cream across her chest and noticing my inquisitive eye she said "It's gonna make them grow"!

I said "use toilet paper"

"Why"

"well, you've wiped that across your backside for years and look at the size of it!"

I awoke in an ambulance


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## matter (Jan 30, 2008)

My ex asked if her jeans made her butt look fat.

I told her, No- but your ass definetly makes the jeans look bigger.

When I came to she was gone.


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## jeffthewoodwacker (Dec 26, 2007)

When my wife was 8 months pregnant with our son we went shopping for a new dress that she could wear to a formal occasion. After a full day of hitting every store in the state with no results she was very upset. I told her that I knew a place she could get a dress. I headed to a place I knew about and pulled into the parking lot and she asked why we were there and I stated "you should be able to find a dress here" --Lexington Tent and Awning Company and that is when the fight started.


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## rtb (Mar 26, 2008)

The secret of a long, painless marriage is for men to learn to keep their mouths shut and for wives to remember not to ask such leading questions.


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## Rustic (Jul 21, 2008)

It seems funny that most of these start out with "my ex-wife"


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## sry (Jul 9, 2008)

The one piece of marriage advice my boss gave me was a simple phrase: "You're right, I'm wrong, what on earth was I thinking". It may or may not actually work, cause I can't deliver the line without cracking up

Sometimes even an attempt at that phrase can diffuse a "and then the fight started" situation, other times it makes it worse


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## DerekL (Aug 18, 2008)

A newlywed couple was in their honey moon suite… The man tossed his pants to his bride and said "put these on". She replied, "I can't fit in those!". "That's right!" he said, "Remember who wears the pants in this family."

She handed him her panties and said "why don't you put these on?" He looked at her and said "I can't get into those."

"That's right. And you aren't gonna until your attitude improves."


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## mart (Jun 23, 2008)

In an effort to be helpful I pointed out to my lovely wife that there was a timer on the stove and she no longer needed to rely on the smoke detector as a timer.

And then the fight started


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## ND2ELK (Jan 25, 2008)

A man was not feeling good so his wife took him to the doctor. The man went into the doctors office and the doctor examined him. When the doctor was done he asked the man if his wife was with him. He said yes and the doctor said he wanted to see her alone. When the wife came into the office, he told her that her husband was depressed and if she did the following things he would get better. When your husband comes home at night, let him sit in his easy chair, massage his feet, let him watch what programs he wants, fix what ever he wants for supper, give him all the sex he wants and he will get better. She said okay. When she went back out in the waiting room, the husband said "What did he say?" She told him, "YOUR GOING TO DIE!!!" When the husband found out what the doctor really said, the fight started!!


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## BigStick (Jan 16, 2009)

I was hoping to get more wood or tool jokes.. 
Tommy [BigStick]


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## oldworld124 (Mar 2, 2008)

My wife wanted diamonds for her birthday, so I bought her a diamond sharpening stone.


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## dennis (Aug 3, 2006)

...she said why do spend so much time on Lumberjocks. 
Then the fight started.


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## Kindlingmaker (Sep 29, 2008)

She asked would I go to the store for her and to the wood store I went. ...and then the fight started…


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## oldworld124 (Mar 2, 2008)

My wife said she was having trouble with her lower lumbar, so I had her raise the stack of lumber higher.

that's when the fight started.


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## eagle124 (Dec 17, 2007)

A *********************************** FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH TO VIRGINIA TO SEE 
GOD`S COUNTRY. 
WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN, HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES TO 
STAY. BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!! 
HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND FILLS OUT AN 
APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR. IT`S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! THEY JUST 
HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN TAKES HIM FOR A 
RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS. 
THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A TREE. 
"SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW 
MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS." 
THE *********************************** PROMPTLY ANSWERS, "THAT THAR`S A WHITEPINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF 
LUMBER IN `ER." 
THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT A 
MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER WINDOW 
AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT`S A BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT 
CLASS. 
THAT`S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE`S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET. 
THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL` BOY, HE HAS BEEN QUICK AND 
GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR!!!! ONE MORE TEST. 
THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN. THIS 
TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, 
"AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?" 
BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE *********************************** SAYS, "WHITE OAK, 242 
BOARD FEET AT BEST" 
THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A LITTLE 
TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. 
AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP 
OUTSIDE. HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE THAT TREE OVER 
THERE?" I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE!! 
THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT 
OF THE TREE?" 
WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE WHILE LOOKING AT 
THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK. 
HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. "THAT THAR`S THE 
FRONT", THE *********************************** SAYS. 
THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, "HOW DO 
YOU KNOW THAT`S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?" 
THE GOOD OL` BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT 
BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A DUMP BEHIND 
IT!" 
HE GOT THE JOB AND IS NOW THE FOREMAN!!!!!
AND OF COURSE THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED


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## SteveKorz (Mar 25, 2008)

I've ran to an ATM just to enter my debit card pin number incorrectly 4-5 times so that it would revoke my wife's card when she went shopping. (Hey, it saves me a ton of cash to spend on tools… lol)

THAT'S when the fight started.


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## MsDebbieP (Jan 4, 2007)

And I hear Red Green saying, "I am a man. I can change. If I have to"


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## Rustic (Jul 21, 2008)

Why should we change? and the fight started


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## lazyfiremaninTN (Jul 30, 2007)

The best way to avoid fights is to follow these simple rules….

#1- The woman is ALWAYS right.

#2- If the woman is wrong, refer to rule #1.

#3- The woman reserves the right to change the rules at any time.


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## DerekL (Aug 18, 2008)

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife, Ann, listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'
Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered, 'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'


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## pitchnsplinters (Dec 26, 2008)

Starting fights is key. Make-up sex is a sure thing in my house.


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