# How to Save on Gas



## Grumpy

OK jocks, there is now a new vehicle that needs no gas, it produces it's own gas (methane) which can be recycled, also used as a fertiliser plant a milk vending machine & a ride for the kids.

*It's called a Cowasaki*


LOL


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## lew

OOOHHH, Grumpy.

But at least you'll be safe in an earthquake. You know what they say- "we bulls wobble but we don't fall down"


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## mski

Grumpy we need to get that Cow in this , you know got to get there faster!

http://www.woodmagazine.com/community/a-240-mph-car-made-of-wood/


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## ChicoWoodnut

Glad I'm from California. We only have happy cows here.

If your not from North America you might not understand this one.






So here's one for the other side of the pond.


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## trifern

I'm not sure I can turn one of these Grumpy, no bull.


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## PurpLev

how many HP…err…. I mean Cow Power does this thing have?


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## SteveKorz

LOL…

Sooo… if you wreck your Cowasaki, does that make it an UDDER disaster?

I guess most standard models are equipped with not just one, but two horns?...


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## Karson

That's bad Grumpy.


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## Grumpy

Thank you Karson. Glad you liked it. Will have to dig another one up just for you.
Steve, you won't be able to catch this one it's "*past-your-eyesd*. Won't even have time to turn the siren on. LOL
Purplev, 1 cow power of course.
Trifern, you can dry out the paddies & try turning them. Let me know when you do it I wan't to watch.
Brilliant Chicko, brilliant.
Mski, I got my copy of wood mag this week, thats a great car alright gut it';s no match for the Cowasaki.
No bull Lew, no bull.


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## SteveKorz

Grumpy… LOL…!!

It must be so fast that no one can Tail-Gate it, huh?


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## boboswin

Chico, those ads are pretty cheezy ;-)

Bob


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## odie

Here's the new energy source Al Gore is creating. It's moo-va-lus …....


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## MsDebbieP

not sure if I should groan or roll on the floor laughing! 
ok.. I'm rolling on the floor laughing


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## Chipncut

My cow has MOO! power than your cow.


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## Zuki

Lots of time on your hands Grumpy??


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## Grumpy

THIS JOKE HAS REACHED NEW HEIGHTS, IT'S OVER THE MOON


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## SteveKorz

OK, Grumpy… now you're just milking the joke…. LOL


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## Grumpy

PULL THE *UDDER *ONE STEVE


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## SteveKorz

You're still chewing the Cud, but I think you'll be Hoofing it to the next joke before long… lol….


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## Grumpy

I think you're right, there's no cream left in this one.


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## SteveKorz

LOL…


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## LeeJ

Man, you guys have problems! lol

These jokes are all pretty cheesey.

Lee


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## CelticDreamer

But you have to admit they are pretty amooooosing!


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## CharlieM1958

I'm pretty sure the folks from PETA are going to have a beef with this topic.


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## Grumpy

Charlie, now you have the tail waging.


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## DanYo

someone should invent diapers for cows that extracts methane, .... compress it, .... and drop it on the ground in pill form … . farmers could pick them up and send them to Washington. Candidates could use it to power their soapboxes !



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## Grumpy

Dan, you could call them *moo poo boxes*, or perhaps *Pill Boxes*. LOL


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## scottb

Yeah, but the cows belch methane,... Happy cows don't wear diapers on their face…. that would be udderly ridiculous!


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## Grumpy

Scott, you have me speechless but I will think of something on the hoof.


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## DanYo

never stand behind a cow with a lit match ! I think it comes out both ends ….


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## scottb

was surprised as well myself - something I heard on TV last night…. (BBC) - QI, with Steven Fry, he's one erudite dude.


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## alain

somebody ever calculate the volume of methane that cows "blow" for day, week, month, year… !!!!!
enormous and then they want we beleived in any responsability in the ozone hole !
Right Dan we coulld plumb the cow ass and produce a true legal car combustible, better than alcool, pipe builder will be happy


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## Grumpy

Imagine the pipework you would need.


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## DanYo

my patent pending cow-methane-diaper-thoughts were:

something like a nano-technology plastic injection molded device similar in nature to Coalescer or gas filter with self optimizing exhaust settings. Perhaps several of them in a circular pattern.

... may need a little testing >>>> evil squinty grin <<<< !!!!





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## ChicoWoodnut

Ha!

Here is an interesting article if you care to read it. It is actually somewhere along the lines of this topic.

Just to whet your appetite, it has something to do with bras and kinetic energy.

http://green.msn.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx?bid=499&GT1=45002


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## DanYo

Funny story Scott … kinetic energy electricity driven by flopping jogger boobs

my cow pie idea is wind powered


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## Grumpy

Dan, I could put my bull with your cow & we could have lots of cowasakis.


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

Brilliant idea Dan. We should go into business & save the planet.


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## DanYo

this one is sick humor …

I recommend *NOT* reading it ….


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## Grumpy

Sick allright.


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## ChicoWoodnut

You have discovered our secret. Somebody will pay dearly for this.


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## Grumpy

Holy Cow, I think you are right.


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## DanYo

perhaps there are other alternative fuels ….



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## Grumpy

I will see what I can sniff out.


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## DanYo

another sicko … oh well


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## Grumpy

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; *no bull!*' exclaims Daisy.


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## DanYo

Cows are everywhere


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## Grumpy

How's this for *cow power*


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## SteveKorz

Here's the vintage model….


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## DanYo

cow lick


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## Grumpy

Here a some moo shoes to go with the Cow-a-Socky


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## Grumpy

Cow lickin good.


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## DanYo

have you ever looked into a cows eyes ? what do you see ?


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## Grumpy

A good lookin Bull


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

This one is a bit on the nose….......


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## cabinetmaster

Holy Cow. What a bunch of jokers. I just love this. Keep it up Grumpy.


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## DanYo

I'm thinking licking noses is something cows like to do


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## Grumpy

I just found a new source of fuel. Cow lickin good.


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## SteveKorz

Well Grumpy, this is my formal apology… apparently all the BULL in this thread has more methane in it than I previously predicted… lol


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## Grumpy

Steve, that was a real *blast*


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## cabinetmaster

Man o man Steve, a guy would lose a lot of hair by standing behind one of those Blasts…...............................roflmao. You guys are hill air we us.


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

I think the cows are worried about all this attention


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## SteveKorz




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## SteveKorz




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## SteveKorz




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## Grumpy

Unbelievable source of information Steve. I really got a *blast *out of that one.


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## SteveKorz

I like the sneakers he put on the front feet of the cow… lol


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## SteveKorz

This rancher got BOARD when he was milking…. (yeah, I know, that one was bad…. lol)


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## Grumpy

First cow in space. This *Cow-stronaut *was propelled by natural gas. Lots of it.


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## Grumpy

Collecting fuel for the Cow-stronaut flight.


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

Dan, that one's *stretching it* a bit. LOL


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## DanYo

back on topic .... cows have lots of gas


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## SteveKorz

*How swiss cheese is made….. *


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## Grumpy

My cow is *space*d out or maybe lost in space. There might be an *orbit*al milking machine up there


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

Holy cow Steve, thats a big moo


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## Grumpy

You're not *chicken*ing out are you Dan


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## DanYo

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## Grumpy

Ahhhhhhhhh thats the spirit.
Whoops I think my cow is getting horny


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## Grumpy

Climbing cow.


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## Grumpy

Biggest rocket ever, the *JUMBO ROCKET*.


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## DanYo




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## ChicoWoodnut

That's the scariest one yet Dan.

Yikes!


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## odie




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## DanYo

Hey Warthogs are a funny subject too !


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

Dan, thats freaky stuff & Odie there's a strange wiff in the air


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## odie

*Back at you Grumpy with one of my favorite photos.*


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

YOU BOYS ARE REACHING FOR THE SKY WITH THOSE POSTS

LOOK OUT FOR FLYING ELEPHANT FUEL.


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## DanYo

I gave the wifey a wood rolling pin for Christmas


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## DanYo

*had a bit of flooding here in the states*


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## kolwdwrkr

maybe not related but funny. LOL
http://www.jibjab.com/v/253084Bambee! | Funny Jokes at JibJab


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## odie




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## Grumpy

You boys leave my all cut up.


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

What's in that drink. My cow is almost legless.


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## Grumpy

YOU COULD CATCH A TRAIN.


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## odie

*OK*


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## Grumpy

ODIE, THAT ONE MADE ME LEGLESS


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## odie




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

...

...


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## odie




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## DanYo




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## odie

*This topic makes me smile.*


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## Grumpy

ME TOO


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## odie

*Speaking of GAS and COWS*


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

SOCK IT TO EM'


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## Grumpy

I KNOW YOU DID


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## DanYo




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## DanYo

This is HORSE POWER



















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## Grumpy

WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOUR PHOTO DAN. ARE YOU ON SOME YOUTH DRUG?


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## DanYo

wonder why Peggy changed my avatar to my son Nate ? hmmmmm the plot thickens …..


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

HOLD ON TO THOSE DOLLARS. THINGS MIGHT JUST BURST.


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## odie

*GAS ?*


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## Grumpy

DID YOU SAY GAS?


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## DanYo

Found a website that debates kangaroo and cow farts ,,,,  link to article ..... another link ... this one in Ireland website


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## Grumpy

AHHHHHHH!, THE AIR IS VERY CLEAN DOWN HERE


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

....


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

the History of the Middle Finger
Well, now…...here's something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it? 
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the a ct of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction w ith the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'
IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH TODAY!
And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.


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## DanYo

WISCONSIN RAPIDS, Wis. - Sure, gas prices have come down lately. But to 34.9 cents a gallon? That's what Kelly Joosten and dozens of other motorists paid at a Citgo station Monday. The sign advertised $3.43 for a gallon of premium fuel, but the pump cost read $0.349 a gallon.

"That was amazing," said Joosten, who normally spends about $100 to fill up her 1998 Ford Expedition.

Joosten proudly showed off her receipt for 25.36 gallons at $8.85. She said she saw other motorists filling gas cans, too, at the discounted price.

Station owner JP Raval says the attendant on duty couldn't figure out why the station was suddenly so busy.

Raval estimated 30 to 40 customers fueled up at the incorrect price - between 200 and 300 gallons worth - for about 90 minutes.

"People kept coming, so fast," Raval said. "Everything was crowded; it was like a fairground."


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## Grumpy

DAN, there was a lot of plucking in that battle. The English were heavily outnumbered by the French but the French got bogged down in the mud in their heavy armour & much plucking was done by the English.

Try singing this one fast
*THE PHEASANT PLUCKER'S SONG *
Me husband is a keeper, he's a very busy man, 
I try to understand him and I help him all I can, 
But sometimes of an evening I feel a trifle dim, 
All alone and plucking pheasants when I'd rather pluck with him.

I'm not the pheasant plucker, 
I'm the pheasant plucker's mate 
And I'm only plucking pheasants 
Cause the pheasant plucker's late.

I'm not good at plucking pheasants, pheasant plucking I get stuck, 
Though some peasants find it pleasant I'd much rather pluck a duck, 
Oh, but plucking geese is gorgeous, I can pluck a goose with ease 
But plucking pheasants is sheer torture, for they haven't any grease.

I'm not the pheasant plucker, 
He has gone out on the tiles, 
He only plucked one pheasant 
And I'm sitting here with piles.

You have to pluck them fresh, if they're fresh it's not unpleasant, 
I knew a man in Dunstable, could pluck a frozen pheasant. 
They say the village constable has pheasant plucking sessions 
With the vicar of a Sunday 'tween the first and second lessons.

I'm not the pheasant plucker, 
I'm the pheasant plucker's son, 
And I'm only plucking pheasants 
Till the pheasant pluckers come.

My good friend Godfrey's most adept, he's really got the knack, 
He likes to have a pheasant plucked before he hits the sack. 
I try and lend a helping hand, I gather up the feathers, 
It's really all this pheasant plucking keeps us here together.

I'm not the pheasant plucker, 
I'm the pheasant plucker's friend, 
And I'm only plucking pheasants 
As a means unto an end.

Me husband's in the woods all day, a-banging with his gun, 
If he could hear me heartfelt cries, then surely he would run, 
For I've fluff in all me crannies and there's feathers up me nose, 
And I'm itchin' in the kitchen' from me head down to me toes.

I'm not the pheasant plucker, 
I'm the pheasant plucker's wife, 
And when we pluck together 
It's a pheasant plucking life!


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## Grumpy

Price of gas in France

A thief in Paris planned to steal some

Paintings from the Louvre



After careful planning, he got past security,
Stole the paintings, and made it safely to his 
Van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away
When his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime
And then make such an obvious error, he replied,
'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings'



I had no Monet



to buy Degas



to make the Van Gogh.'



See if you have De Gaulle to send
This on to someone else.


I sent it to you because I figured
I had nothing Toulouse.


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## MacTownFish

The funniest things don't have to be made up…


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## DanYo

Cool truck


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## DanYo




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## DanYo

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the

house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to

break something, but the boy continues.

'Johnny!' Mom screams. 'Knock it off.' You're going to break something.

He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping

center.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the

store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he

leaves it.

Mom comes in and while put ting away the groceries gets the urge, A

diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH,

out it comes.

When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing.

She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her

doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he

assures her he'll be over shohtly to examine everything.

When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his

knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out

his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The

balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

'Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?' she asks.

He says, 'I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the

first time I've ever actually seen a fart !'


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy

Nursery Rhyme Num #1

It's Raining, It's Pouring 
Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming.


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## Grumpy

Nursery Rhyme Num #2
Mary had a little lamb 
It ran into a pylon. 
10,000 volts went up its @rse 
And turned its wool to nylon.


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## Grumpy

Nursery Rhyme Num #3
Mary had a little lamb 
Its fleece was white and wispy. 
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease 
And now it's black and crispy.


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## DanYo




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## Allison

You guys are a riot! Another great thread here at LJ's! Even tho it got off of cows a bit I do have to agree with chicowoodnut, being from california and all. We do have happy cows here.


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

Yep I failed. Does that mean I'm not dumb. Duhhhhhhhh!


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## Grumpy

*New form of street drag racing, really saves on gas.*


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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## jim1953

Eat more beans thats how you save gas


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## DanYo

Hey Jim … maybe that's how they do it in Kentucky, butt up here in Ohio we do it in a more clever way ....


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## jim1953

DAN WHAT IS MORE CLEVER


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

HUH!


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

HOLY COW


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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## odie




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## dustygirl

Great thread.I'm ROTFLMAO.


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## woodturnersupply

What a great thread… LOL


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## Grumpy

Odie, that koala is a *bit truncated*


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## Grumpy




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## Tangle

You guys are a little rough on us cow-men.

Last fall two cows met in the sale yard at Vale, Oregon. One was a pretty, slick, fat Hereford cow and the other looked like a cowhide throwed over a hat rack.The skinny cow walked over to the fat one and asked,"Agnes, how was yer summer?" 
"Ah gosh, Effie," she replied, "It was just great. I was up in the top of the Blue Mountains, grass up to my belly, a bunch of the best ol' girls fer company and the best looking ol' Hereford bull ya ever did see. Agnes, how was yer summer?" 
"Ah heck, Agnes, I was stuck out in Harney County, 10 miles to water, eat all day and never get enough to eat, dust blowing all the time and all I had fer company was one old steer and all he wanted to talk about was HIS OPERATION!


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## Grumpy

Tom, looks like that bull is getting his revenge.


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy

*Are you ready for this?*



*It's a Smorvette*


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## Grumpy

*a smorsche*


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## odie




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## odie




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

A SMAUDI


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## DanYo

http://w209.photobucket.com/pbwidget.swf?pbwurl=http://w209.photobucket.com/albums/bb317/dan_walters/8353e7ef.pbw


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## odie




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## Grumpy

*A Smamborghini*


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## odie

*How about fish power?*


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## odie




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## Grumpy




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## pommy

For you grumpy

mary had a little 
pig she couldnt stop it grunting
she took it round a little hill
and kicked its f*#king c*#t in

mary had a little bike 
she rode across the grass 
everytime the wheel went round 
a spoke went up her arse

ps sorry if i upset anyone just the english sense of humour


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## odie




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## Grumpy




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## odie




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## odie




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## DanYo

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## odie




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## DanYo

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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his 
Window. 
The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?' 
'I'm out of gas,' the man replied. 
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. 
Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew 
To his car and into his gas tank. 
After a few minutes, the bees flew out. 
'Try it now,' said one bee. 
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. ' 
Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?

The bee answered,

Wait for it..wait for it…... 
You're just gonna love this…

;


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## DanYo

another kind of BP


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## MattH

What do you call an explosive consumed by a male bovine

Abominable

What describes the situation after the bomb goes off?

Noble.


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## odie




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## DanYo

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## DanYo

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## odie




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

http://w209.photobucket.com/pbwidget.swf?pbwurl=http://w209.photobucket.com/albums/bb317/dan_walters/abdd1ba3.pbw


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## odie

Grumpy, this way I get to mix our two topics.


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## Grumpy

ODIE, MY KANGAROO IS CONFUSED. IS THAT A COW OR A DOG?.
[IMG]http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm3/TiaMaria04/KANGAROO.jpg[/IMG]


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## odie




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## Grumpy




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## odie




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## odie




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

This is cute… don't do anything just watch.

You have to wait a few moments before it starts. Just sit back and enjoy, no scrolling no clicking….











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## Madcow

I was just a cow before I read all of those offensive cartoons. All of that disprespect has left me a


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb317/dan_walters/humor/What_The_********************_Are_You_Doing____by_m.jpg


















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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

Hey Grumpy

Is that a self portrait ?


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## Grumpy

NOT THAT COLD OVER HERE YET DAN


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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## odie




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## odie




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## odie




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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## odie




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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k1/1sweetrustyfan/gascash.jpg[/IMG]


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## DanYo

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## odie




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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k1/1sweetrustyfan/gastanker.jpg[/IMG]


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## DanYo

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## DanYo

Microbe-powered 'fart' machine stores energy
Could improve fuel cell technology by turning CO2 into methane
http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Photo/_new/090423_Discovery_fart-machine.hmedium.jpg

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30372491/








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## odie




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## DanYo

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## DanYo

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## odie




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## DanYo

I smell something !










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## Grumpy




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## FEDSAWDAVE

Holy crap….now this is one useless thread…but I love it !!

(must figure out how to post pics so I can show those Lumber dudes a thing or two)


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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

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## odie




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## odie




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## Grumpy




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## odie




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## DanYo

​found a goofy website … check it out http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/130142.html


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## DanYo

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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

​MERRILL, Wis. - Mark Krombholz had to look twice at his new calf, Lucy - one time for each nose. "I didn't notice anything too different about her until I got her in the barn," Krombholz said, "and all of a sudden I went to feed her a bottle of milk, and I thought maybe she'd been kicked in the nose and there were two noses there."

The second, smaller nose sits on top of the first.

"It's a functioning nose because the middle of her second nose, the flap would go in and out when she drank out of the bottle like that," Krombholz said. "It was kind of funny."

Breeder Scott Grund said Lucy's noses seem to be working fine.

"It looked like she was comfortable laying there in her bedding and breathing and spunky just like you want to see," Grund said. "It's just that she's got two noses."

That kind of rare deformity is usually not the result of genetics, he said. But breeders do track such mutations.

"We'll fill out a form, send that on to the company in Shawano and they will keep record of it," Grund said. "If by chance this would occur more than a few times, they would start looking at maybe the sire that we're using."

Krombholz said Lucy, who was born May 4, will be a pet and bred if she's able.









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## Grumpy

Dan, is that a 'PiggyCalf', 'CalfyPig', 'CowPig', 'PorkyBovine' or 'BoveyPorky'?. LOL


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## Grumpy

http://i240.photobucket.com/player.swf?file=http://vid240.photobucket.com/albums/ff192/GRUMPY1946/Fun/Fun-03/Fly.flv


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## DanYo

Click Here
The Odds
Ever wondered….

Odds that a person between the age of 18 and 29 does NOT read a newspaper regularly: 3 to 1

Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2

Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1

Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1

Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1

Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to 1

Odds of fatally slipping in bath or shower: 2,232 to 1

Odds of drowning in a bathtub: 685,000 to 1

Odds of being killed on a 5-mile bus trip: 500,000,000 to 1

Odds of being killed sometime in the next year in any sort of transportation accident: 77 to 1

Odds of being killed in any sort of non-transportation accident: 69 to 1

Odds of being struck by lightning: 576,000 to 1

Odds of being killed by lightning: 2,320,000 to 1

Odds of being murdered: 18,000 to 1

Odds of getting away with murder: 2 to 1

Odds of being the victim of serious crime in your lifetime: 20 to 1

Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1

Odds of being considered possessed by Satan: 7,000 to 1

Odds that a first marriage will survive without separation or divorce for 15 years: 1.3 to 1

Odds that a celebrity marriage will last a lifetime: 3 to 1

Odds of getting hemorrhoids: 25 to 1

Odds of being born a twin in North America: 90 to 1

Odds of being on plane with a drunken pilot: 117 to 1

Odds of being audited by the IRS: 175 to 1

Odds of having your identity stolen: 200 to 1

Odds of dating a millionaire: 215 to 1

Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1

Odds of writing a New York Times best seller: 220 to 1

Odds of finding out your child is a genius: 250 to 1

Odds of catching a ball at a major league ballgame: 563 to 1

Odds of becoming a pro athlete: 22,000 to 1

Odds of finding a four-leaf clover on first try: 10,000 to 1

Odds of a person in the military winning the Medal of Honor: 11,000 to 1

Odds of winning an Academy Award: 11,500 to 1

Odds of striking it rich on Antiques Roadshow: 60,000 to 1

Odds of getting a royal flush in poker on first five cards dealt: 649,740 to 1

Odds of spotting a UFO today: 3,000,000 to 1

Odds of becoming president: 10,000,000 to 1

Odds of winning the California lottery: 13,000,000 to 1

Odds of becoming a saint: 20,000,000 to 1

Odds of a meteor landing on your house: 182,138,880,000,000 to 1

Chance of an American home having at least one container of ice cream in the freezer: 9 in 10.

Chance of dying from any kind of injury during the next year: 1 in 1,820

Chance of dying from intentional self-harm: 1 in 9,380

Chance of dying from an assault: 1 in 16,421

Chance of dying from a car accident: 1 in 18,585

Chance of dying from any kind of fall: 1 in 20,666

Chance of dying from accidental drowning: 1 in 79,065

Chance of dying from exposure to smoke, fire, and flames: 1 in 81,524

Chance of dying in an explosion: 1 in 107,787

Chance that Earth will experience a catastrophic collision with an asteroid in the next 100 years: 1 in 5,000

Chance of dying in such a collision: 1 in 20,000

Chance of dying from exposure to forces of nature (heat, cold, lightning, earthquake, flood): 1 in 225,107

Chance of dying in an airplane accident: 1 in 354,319

Chance of dying from choking on food: 1 in 370,035

Chance of dying in a terrorist attack while visiting a foreign country: 1 in 650,000

Chance of dying in a fireworks accident: 1 in 1,000,000

Chance of dying from overexertion, travel or privation: 1 in 1,428,377

Chance of dying from food poisoning: 1 in 3,000,000

Chance of dying from legal execution: 1 in 3,441,325

Chance of dying from contact with hot tap water: 1 in 5,005,564

Chance of dying from parts falling off an airplane: 1 in 10,000,000

Chance of dying from ignition or melting of nightwear: 1 in 30,589,556

Chance of dying from being bitten by a dog: 1 in 700,000

Chance of dying from contact with a venomous animal or plant: 1 in 3,441,325

Chance of dying from being bitten or struck by mammals (other than dogs or humans): 1 in 4,235,477

Chance of dying from a mountain lion attack in California: 1 in 32,000,000

Chance of dying from a shark attack: 1 in 300,000,000

Chance of having a stroke: 1 in 6

Chance of dying from heart disease: 1 in 3

Chance of getting arthritis: 1 in 7

Chance of suffering from asthma or allergy diseases: 1 in 6

Chance of getting the flu this year: 1 in 10

Chance of developing schizophrenia: 1 in 00

Chance of contracting the human version of mad cow disease: 1 in 40,000,000

Chance of dying from SARS in the United States: 1 in 100,000,000

Chance of American man developing cancer in his lifetime: 1 in 2

Chance of an American woman developing cancer in her lifetime: 1 in 3

Chance of getting prostate cancer: 1 in 6

Chance of getting breast cancer: 1 in 9

Chance of getting colon / rectal cancer: 1 in 26

Chance of beating pancreatic or liver cancer: 1 in 9

Chance of beating thyroid or testicular cancer: 9 in 10


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## DanYo

STRANGE FACTS ON FARTS

Where does fart gas come from?

The gas in our intestines comes from several sources: air we swallow, gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, gas produced by chemical reactions in our guts, and gas produced by bacteria living in our guts.

What is fart gas made of?

The composition of fart gas is highly variable.
Most of the air we swallow, especially the oxygen component, is absorbed by the body before the gas gets into the intestines. By the time the air reaches the large intestine, most of what is left is nitrogen. Chemical reactions between stomach acid and intestinal fluids may produce carbon dioxide, which is also a component of air and a product of bacterial action. Bacteria also produce hydrogen and methane.
But the relative proportions of these gases that emerge from our anal opening depend on several factors: what we ate, how much air we swallowed, what kinds of bacteria we have in our intestines, and how long we hold in the fart.
The longer a fart is held in, the larger the proportion of boring, inert nitrogen it contains, because the other gases tend to be absorbed into the bloodstream through the walls of the intestine.
A nervous person who swallows a lot of air and who moves stuff through his digestive system rapidly may have a lot of oxygen in his farts, because his body didn't have time to absorb the oxygen.
Encyclopaedia Britannica offers the intriguing statement that some people's farts contain no methane. The reason for this is apparently unknown. Some researchers suspect a genetic influence, whereas others think the anomaly is due to environmental factors. However, all methane in any farts comes from bacterial action and not from human cells.

What makes farts stink?

The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and skatole in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and skatole will be produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky farts.

Why do farts make noise?

The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus.

How much gas does a normal person pass per day?

On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts.
Whereas it may be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus volume, you can certainly keep track of your daily numerical fart count. You might try this as a science fair project: Keep a journal of everything you eat and a count of your farts. You might make a note of the potency of their odor as well. See if you can discover a relationship between what you eat, how much you fart, and how much they smell.

How does a fart travel to the anus?

One may wonder why fart gas travels downward toward the anus when gas has a lower density than liquids and solids, and should therefore travel upwards.
The intestine squeezes its contents toward the anus in a series of contractions, a process called peristalsis. The process is stimulated by eating, which is why we often need to poop and fart right after a meal. Peristalsis creates a zone of high pressure, forcing all intestinal contents, gas included, to move towards a region of lower pressure, which is toward the anus. Gas is more mobile than other components, and small bubbles coalesce to from larger bubbles en route to the exit. When peristalsis is not active, gas bubbles may begin to percolate upwards again, but they won't get very far due to the complicated and convoluted shape of the intestine. Furthermore, the anus is neither up nor down when a person is lying down.

How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose?

Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity and wind speed, as well as the distance between the fart transmitter and the fart receiver. Farts also disperse (spread out) as they leave the source, and their potency diminishes with dilution. Generally, if the fart is not detected within a few seconds, it will be too dilute for perception and will be lost into the atmosphere forever.
Exceptional conditions exist when the fart is released into a small enclosed area such as an elevator, a small room, or a car. These conditions limit the amount of dilution possible, and the fart may remain in a smellable concentration for a long period of time, until it condenses on the walls.

Is it true that some people never fart?

No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.

Do even movie stars fart?

Yes, of course. So do grandmothers, priests, kings, presidents, opera singers, beauty queens, and nuns. Even Yoda farts.

Do men fart more than women?

No, women fart just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender.
I have read that men fart more often than women. If this is true, then women must be saving it up and expelling more gas per fart than men do.

At what time of day is a gentleman most likely to fart?

A gentleman is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning, while in the bathroom. This is known as "morning thunder," and if the gentleman gets good resonance, it can be heard throughout the household.

Why are beans so notorious for making people fart?

Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. When these sugars reach our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big feast, and make lots of gas!
Other notorious fart-producing foods include corn, bell peppers, cabbage, milk, and raisins.
A friend of mine had a dog who was exceptionally fond of apples and turnips. The dog would eat these things and then get prodigious gas. A dog's digestive system is not equipped to handle such vegetable matter, so the dog's bacteria worked overtime to produce remarkable flatulence.

What things other than diet can make a person fart more than usual?

People who swallow a lot of air fart more than people who don't. This can be cured somewhat by chewing with your mouth closed. Nervous people with fast moving bowels will fart more because less air is absorbed out of the intestines. Some disease conditions can cause excess flatulence. And going up in an airplane or other low-pressure environment can cause the gas inside you to expand and emerge as flatulence.

Is a fart really just a burp that comes out the wrong end?

No, a burp emerges from the stomach and has a different chemical composition from a fart. Farts have less atmospheric gas content and more bacterial gas content than burps.

Is it harmful to hold in farts?

There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have believed for centuries that retaining flatulence is bad for the health. Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of concern for peoples' health. There was a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a disease by retaining farts.
Doctors I have spoken to recently have told me that there is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts will not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure. But one doctor suggested that pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in farts too much.

How long would it be possible to not fart?

As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person relaxes. This means that a lot of people who assiduously refrain from farting during the day do so at great length as soon as they fall asleep. Having been on a great many overnight field trips, long bus trips, and trans-Pacific flights, I can personally vouch for the fact that lots of people do fart voluminously as they doze off. So the answer to the question would be, you can refrain from farting as long as you can stay awake!

Where do farts go when you hold them in?

How often have you held in a fart, intending to release it at the first appropriate opportunity, only to find that the fart has disappeared when you are ready for it?
I asked several doctors where the fart goes. Does it leak out slowly without the person knowing it? Is it absorbed into the bloodstream? What happens to it?
The doctors agree that the fart is neither released nor absorbed. It simply migrates back upward into the intestine and comes out later.
It is reassuring to know that such farts aren't really lost, just delayed.

Is it really possible to ignite farts?

The answer to that is yes! However, you should be aware that people get injured igniting flatulence. Not only can the flame back up into your colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may catch on fire. A survey done by Fartcloud (the site, alas! is not more) indicates that about a quarter of the people who ignited their farts got burned doing it. Ignition of flatulence is a hazardous practice.
There have also been cases in which intestinal gases with a higher than normal oxygen content have exploded during surgery when electric cautery was used by the surgeon.

Why is possible to burn farts?

Farts burn because they contain methane (usually) and hydrogen, both of which are flammable gases. (Hydrogen was the same gas that was used in the ill fated Hindenburg dirigible.)
Farts tend to burn with a blue or yellow flame.

Is it possible to light a match with a fart?

No, even strike-anywhere matches have their limits, unless the fart has the consistency of sandpaper! Any fart that rough I would hesitate to call a fart. Also, farts have the same temperature as the body from which they emerge, and aren't hot enough to initiate combustion.

Are there any books about farting?

There are several! My favorite is the new book, Who Cut the Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart by Jim Dawson. This book provides an entertaining and thought-provoking history of the fart in literature, language and society. It is very informative and very funny!
Ben Franklin's classic Fart Proudly is still in print.
There is a collection of suggestive photographs called Who Farted Now? by St. Martin's Press. Most of the photos come from old movies and political shots.
For children, we have the famous The Gas We Pass : The Story of Farts by Shinta Cho, and Amanda Mayer Stinchecum (Translator), and the Canadian picture book, Good Families Don't , by Alan Daniel and Robert N. Munsch, about a highly visible fart infesting a proper middle class family.

Is it possible for a talented person to earn a living through flatulence?

Few people earn their living directly via flatulence. But a friend of mine says that he saw a carnival act in which the performer whistled tunes with his farts, blew out candles on the opposite side of the stage, and sent flames all the way across the stage. A famous performer who earned his living this way was Le Petomane, who performed in France at the beginning of the 20th Century. However, my friend isn't old enough to have seen Le Petomane, so maybe he had a chance to see Mr. Methane. Mr. Methane lays claim to the distinction of being the world's only performing flatulist.
However, people may also earn a living through the prevention of flatulence (as do the manufacturers and sellers of Beano and other products), through the practice of medicine specializing in the treatment of flatulence and other gastrointestinal problems, by writing books about flatulence (see the question before this one), and through the production and sales of various fart gags such as whoopee cushions and farts in a can.
Fartypants sells a fart filter and a number of other fart-related products.
Maybe, if you're lucky, you'll be able to find a copy of Le Petomane's biography by searching at alibris by clicking on the link below. Last time I checked, they had two copies available!

Why do dog and cat farts smell so bad?

A carnivore's protein-rich diet produces relatively small amounts of intensely stinky gas because proteins contain lots of sulfur. A dog's or cat's farts are rarely audible, but the odor is overwhelming. I have asked biologists why dogs and cats generally fart silently, and their theories include: (1) the amount of gas produced is small, but potent, (2) the horizontal orientation of their gastrointestinal system puts less pressure on the anal opening, so the gas is expelled more slowly, (3) their anal sphincters don't close as tightly as humans' because it takes less force to hold in the contents of the colon-again because of the horizontal orientation of the gastrointestinal system-and a loose anus makes less sound, and, my favorite (4) dogs and cats don't feel embarrassed about farting, so their sphincters are more relaxed, leading to less noisy flatulence.
Mike F. points out that many dog foods are soy-based, so on top of all the above factors, add beans and stand back!
Large herbivorous animals such as cows, horses and elephants, on the other hand, produce vast quantities of relatively non-stinky fart gas. The farts of these animals are noisy and can go on for astoundingly long periods of time. Cows in particular are productive, in part because they swallow huge amounts of air. They need oxygen in their guts for the various protozoa employed there as digestive aids.

Do fish fart?

According to our ichthyologist at the University of Guam, fish flatulence per se has not been studied, although people have investigated fish digestion. They find that although most fish have alkaline intestinal environments like our own, coral-eating fish have acidic intestinal contents. The acid serves to dissolve coral skeletal material. Coral has the same composition as Tums (calcium carbonate). One product of the reaction between acid and calcium carbonate is carbon dioxide gas. Therefore, it is logical to assume that coral-eating fish fart a lot.
The other fish probably fart also, for the same reasons that we do.
However, Mike Pulte, a great fish enthusiast, said that he has never seen a fish do it.
I asked our ichthyologist if it were possible that fish gas would go into the swim bladder instead of out the anal opening. He said that modern fish have an air bladder that is independent of the gastrointestinal tract. The gas comes from enzymatic activity and not from the intestine. Older models of fish have their swim bladder connected to the gastrointestinal tract, but it is attached high up, closer to the mouth than to the other end, and these fish come to the surface and gulp air to fill the bladder. Therefore, we can assume that intestinal gas leaves the fish through the anal opening.
We also pondered the possibility of fish making noise via flatulence, but apparently most fish noises are made through belching rather than farting.
Lisa P., an aquarium enthusiast, reports that she has seen her fish fart: "I have four aquariums and many fish, and I have personally witnessed fish farting! My goldfish used to do it all the time! You'd see a little bubble come out of his anus and stay there, trapped in the mucus of a long string of poop. (Ugh!) And my opaline gourami does it too. Neither of these are coral-eating fish. I have only owned two coral-eating fish so far, but I have never seen either of them fart. It seems most likely to me that much of this gas comes from air swallowed during eating. Also, goldfish have a very simple digestive system and their food is absorbed inefficiently, so possibly the bacteria have more to feed on?"

Do turtles fart?

Yes, turtles do fart, and their farts smell incredibly bad, as do the farts of snakes. In fact, it is my opinion, based on personal experience with reptiles and not on any formal research, that many reptiles use farts as a weapon.
Reptile farts smell so bad that sometimes you can tell that one is nearby in the woods, even on a windy day, before you can see the animal. One day I was hiking through the woods in Arkansas with a friend and I told my friend, "I smell a snake fart." A second later, the snake crawled across the path. Astounding but true!

What kind of animal has the highest worldwide output of flatulence?

Believe it or not, the animal that wins this honor is the humble termite. Because of their diet and digestive processes (with more than the usual microbial assistance), they produce as much methane as human industry. Termite farts are believed to be a major contributor towards global warming.

Is there any kind of animal that doesn't fart?

If we define a fart to be an anal escape of intestinal gas, then it follows that animals that lack intestines or an anus cannot fart. Most animals possess intestines and an anus, but there are some that don't. These include:
Sponges: These organisms lack true tissues and organs. They have just a few types of cells organized into a bag with holes in it. Water flows into some holes and out other holes. Sponges are so different from other animals that some biologists think we shouldn't even call them animals.
Cnidaria: This phylum includes the jellyfish, corals, sea anemones and hydra. Their tissues are organized into a bag with a mouth surrounded by stinging tentacles. Food enters the mouth and is digested inside the bag, after which the leftovers are expelled via the same opening. In effect, the same hole serves as both a mouth and an anus. Any gas expelled by a cnidarian would be more appropriately termed a belch rather than a fart, since the animal lacks intestines and separate anus.
Pogonophoran worms: These remarkable animals, who dwell on the sea floor near active volcanic regions associated with mid-ocean ridges, possess no mouth, no stomach, no intestines, and no anus. Apparently they retain their svelte, worm-shaped figures by giving up on eating completely! They survive by means of a mutualistic relationship with chemosynthetic bacteria that live in their flesh. Anyway, these animals cannot possibly fart.

A second category of animals that probably don't fart are animals that live very deep underwater. At high pressures, gas remains in solution rather than forming bubbles. So there is a good chance that all those clams, echinoderms, fish and other animals living near the sealer don't fart because their farts stay in solution and never emerge as bubbles, even though the animals possess perfectly good intestines and anuses.

Is it possible to leave a brown spot on your pants because of a fart, and if so, what causes it?

Judging from what I see when I do the laundry, I'd say that the answer to the first question is definitely yes.
As for the causes, we must remember that what we call "fart" and what we call "poop" are just end-members of a continuum. That is, we can have a pure fart, or a pure poop, or anything in-between, depending upon the admixture of the two.
If a sample consists mostly of poop with only a small fart component, you get such things as jet-propelled bowel movements and spongy, floating fecal masses (you know, the ones that refuse to be flushed down the toilet-they keep popping back up).
If the sample consists mostly of fart with only a small poop component, you get what is known as "skid marks" or "fart art." These can also result from inadequate wiping, but the shape of the stain is different in the two cases. Inadequate wiping leads to elongate marks parallel to one's crack, usually with well-defined edges, whereas fart art is generally more circular and has an air-brushed look.
Fart art is most likely to occur if (1) a person is suffering from diarrhea, (2) the person is trying too hard to fart, and (3) the person mistakenly perceives the pressure against his sphincter to be gas pressure rather than liquid pressure. Again, that last situation is most likely to occur if the person is afflicted with diarrhea.

How can we tell when it's only gas needing to come out, rather than something more serious?

Our ability to distinguish between the need to fart and the need to poop is something that we learn gradually in the process of toilet training and early childhood. With the tactile nerve endings in the rectal area, we can actually feel different sensations depending upon what is waiting by the exit. Of course, sometimes we are fooled, especially if the substance at hand is extremely fluid in nature, and that is when we have the unfortunate accident of venting a squirt of diarrhea rather than an innocent fart.

Why do chicks always deny farting?

I suppose I should start by saying that only some chicks deny farting. The rest of us acknowledge our gaseous accomplishments with pride.
However, a great many sisters do deny farting. The reason is that they have been misled into thinking that farts are not ladylike. It is a great mistake to say that farting is not ladylike. The reason is that all people fart, including ladies. Anything that ladies do is by definition ladylike, and that includes the emission of anal gases.

Is is possible that, by inhaling other people's farts all day long, my own farts will smell more?

No, inhaled farts would go into the lungs rather than into the digestive system, and would simply be exhaled again, although it might be possible that some of the fart components might be absorbed into the blood. If you wanted to benefit from other people's farts in the way you describe, you would have to swallow them somehow.

Is it possible to get stoned after inhaling two or three farts in a row?

I am not aware of any intoxicating agents in flatulence. However, most farts contain very little oxygen, and you may experience dizziness if you are inhaling overly concentrated fart essence, simply from lack of oxygen. On the other hand, if you are inhaling farts in the open air and are breathing rapidly in order to inhale as much fart as possible, you may be hyperventilating, which also induces dizziness.

Then there is the intrinsic hilarity factor: farts are so funny in both sound and odor that you might feel high just from the basic entertainment value of farts.

Is it possible for a fart to kill you?

A great many of you have asked if farts can be fatal, or if you can die from smelling a particularly bad fart. My initial response to this question was "no," but I thought I'd better ask a doctor. So now it is official, the medical opinion I received is no, a fart can't kill you.
However, if you really work hard at it, you can manage to kill yourself with just about anything. I recently read of a man who hooked up his nose to his anus with a system involving a gas mask, rubber tubing and a hollow wooden post. He died of suffocation. This story comes from the Darwin Awards, and I personally cannot attest to the overall veracity of their stories.
The story of the bed-bound obese man who died from inhaling his own flatulence (and whose farts almost killed the paramedics) is an urban legend that has been in circulation for some time.

Can excessive farting cause impotence?

That depends on the tolerance level of the person with whom one is trying to be potent!
Fortunately for humans, farting doesn't cause tissue damage. Other animals aren't so lucky. Soldier termites can actually turn themselves into bombs by detonating themselves via the explosive release of gas and feces, a process called "autothysis."

Is it possible to inhale (suck in air) via one's anal opening?

Yes, but it's a rare talent. The great early 20th Century French flatulist, Le Petomane, was able to do this, and in fact was able to suck up an entire bowlful of water (just the water, not the bowl) into his colon and expel it again with considerable force. By sucking in large quantities of air, he was able to perform lengthy shows on stage, and could imitate musical instruments, farm animals, and bird songs, whistle melodies, and play the ocarina. His productions were said to be virtually odorless, which is to be expected from air obtained directly from the outside.
Here is a message I received recently (November, 1999) regarding the skill of inhaling via the anus:

"i would just like you to know that i am part of a trio, who can suck in air in our anal openings. we are somewhat air-bandits. we can let the longest farts you have ever heard. our record holder, chad, stands at 24 sec. the record for most farts in a row is derek, at 492. and i, robert, have earned such nicknames as: Mad Crapper, gurglemeister, and old wetful. We have followed Le Petomane example, and have mastered the art of farting."

What causes the burning sensation that sometimes accompanies a fart?

This is generally caused by a recent meal of hot peppers or related spices. The oils associated with these foods remain intact and active all the way through one's gastrointestinal system.

If you fart in the bathtub, is the water polluted and should you refill the tub?

As long as what comes out is only fart and no poop, your bath water should not be significantly polluted. Most of the gas just bubbles up and contaminates the air rather than the water.

Is it true that a woman can fart out of her, shall we say, frontal opening, and if so, where does the gas come from?

Yes, it is true! The gas that emerges is simply trapped air, for there is no gas production in the genitalia of a woman. The air can enter because the system is open to the outside. This highly specialized kind of fart is sometimes called a queef.

Can a man fart out of his genital opening?

I have asked various men this question and they all deny it emphatically.

Is it possible to capture a fart in a jar and save it for later use?

It should be theoretically possible to do this, but there would be lots of logistical problems. I would suggest using a plastic bag instead of a jar. You might try the following as a science fair experiment:
Fart into several plastic bags and seal them carefully. Then fill several other plastic bags with ordinary air. Wait 24 hours. Then get volunteers to smell the contents of the bags to see if they can correctly identify which ones contain the farts. This should tell you if it is possible to store a fart in any useful way.

Malachi and Megaera have come up with a way to capture a fart in a jar. They say to do it in the bathtub while bathing. Fill the jar with bath water and then hold it with the open end downward. Lean back in the bathtub so that your fart bubbles will emerge in front of you rather than behind you where you can't see them. Catch the bubbles in the jar, and put the lid on the jar while it's still underwater. This way, you capture a fairly pure fart uncontaminated by atmospheric air. To enjoy your captured fart to the fullest extent, make sure that your jar does not already smell like whatever was it it before, like pickles or peanut butter.

Is it weird to enjoy farting?

It is not unusual to enjoy farting. I believe that enjoyment of farting is a healthy attitude, since everyone has to fart. If a person is farting to the extent that it creates problems and unhappiness, then a visit to a doctor is in order.

What color is a fart?

Farts are, alas, colorless. All of the gases that make up farts have no inherent color. But just think of how interesting it would be if farts were bright orange like nitrogen dioxide gas! It would certainly take the mystery out of who farted.
Never-the-less, a high-personality gas like fart gas suggests color to people. Some people envision farts as brown, others as green or yellow. I have always thought of farts as brown, presumably because poop is brown. When someone farts in our car, that person might say, "You better not breathe through your mouth for awhile, or your teeth will turn brown." 
I knew a toddler who used to draw pictures of farts as yellow rectangles full of holes, like a slice of Swiss cheese. She thought of farts as yellow, and said that she knew they were rectangular because she could feel the sharp corners scraping against her on the way out!

Do other people smell a fart better than the farter?

The fart should smell just as much for the person who created it as it does for other people. However, the farter is somewhat protected by having the fart propelled away from his body in a direction opposite to his nose. Farting upwind nullifies this advantage.

Why is it that when you scratch your ass through two layers of clothing (your underwear and your jeans) your fingers still stink?

As pointed out by Barb F., who contributed the term listed below, a fart can be regarded as "aerosolized poop," which means that microscopic fragments and droplets of poop are actually distributed throughout the gaseous matrix of the fart. When delivered from the anus with some force, the components of the fart can penetrate one's clothing and these tiny particles can be trapped in the fibers of the cloth. The particles are transferred to your fingers and then your nose when you scratch and sniff.

Where does the word "fart" come from?

According to Eric Partridge in his excellent book of word origins (Origins: A Short Etymological Dictionary of Modern English), our word fart comes from the Old English word feortan, presumably of echoic origin, meaning that the word was chosen to sound like the object named.

When it is cold outside and you fart, can you see it like you can see your breath?

Now, that's an interesting idea! My guess would be yes, since farts are nice and moist like our breath, but this is one question that I'm not in a position to answer. I live in the tropics, and it never gets cold here. So all of you who live in cold places, try it out and let me know. I'd guess that there are really two questions here: can you see the fart with no pants on, and can you see the fart even with pants on…


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## DanYo

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station.

They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it.

"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace" said the younger of the two.
"Take us to your leader."

The gas pump (of course) didn't respond.

The younger alien looked cross, and the older one spotted this. "I wouldn't push it, if I were you" suggested the older one.

The younger creature ignored the warning and repeated the greeting.
Again there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade, "You don't want to do that."

"You really don't want to make him mad!"

"Rubbish" replied the younger alien at his rapidly retreating comrade.
He carefully aimed his weapon at the pump and fired. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared outwards and towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him in a burnt and crumpled less 200 yards into the desert.

Thirty-five Earth minutes later, when he finally regained consciousness, re-focused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna array, he looked dazedly up at the wiser one, who was standing over him, slowly shaking his big green head.
"What a ferocious creature", said the young, fried one. "It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler onto the crispy, peeling flesh and shared some knowledge. "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy." said the healthier one. "When a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, you don't mess with him."


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## Grumpy

http://i70.photobucket.com/player.swf?file=http://vid70.photobucket.com/albums/i107/pengwinzroc/Funny%20Video/ffcb346c.flv&sr=1


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## Grumpy

A fart is just a gust of wind
it gives the body ease
it warms the bed on winters nights
and gasses all the fleas


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## DanYo

​


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

​


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## DanYo

​


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## Grumpy

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales. 
So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. 
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. 
The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another 
fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. 
Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. 
You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 
'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'

Paddy replied, 'No it ain't, Mick. It's not rigged at all. 
My wife won twice last week.'


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## DanYo

Top Ten Signs Gas Is Expensive

10. It's so expensive, Batman is patrolling the streets on a Schwinn

9. It's so expensive, mobsters are dousing snitches with olive oil

8. It's so expensive, Domino's only delivers within walking distance

7. It's so expensive, moviegoers flock to "RV" just to see someone driving

6. It's so expensive, Tom Cruise agreed to be a guest for 5 gallons of unleaded

5. It's so expensive, you're actually willing to carpool with Regis

4. It's so expensive, Starbucks is selling Gasaccino

3. It's so expensive, it's negatively influencing our foreign policy, hurting millions of hardworking Americans and threatening to throw our economy into absolute chaos

2. It's so expensive, Anna Nicole Smith married the night manager of a Texaco

1. It's so expensive, Britney Spears' baby is driving a Prius


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## odie




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## Grumpy

http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e279/LoveableAmanda/Funny%20********************/passinggas.jpg


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## DanYo

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## bowyer

A fart is just a turd honking to get out


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## odie




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## DanYo

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## DanYo

STRANGE FACTS ON FARTS

Where does fart gas come from?

The gas in our intestines comes from several sources: air we swallow, gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, gas produced by chemical reactions in our guts, and gas produced by bacteria living in our guts.

What is fart gas made of?

The composition of fart gas is highly variable.
Most of the air we swallow, especially the oxygen component, is absorbed by the body before the gas gets into the intestines. By the time the air reaches the large intestine, most of what is left is nitrogen. Chemical reactions between stomach acid and intestinal fluids may produce carbon dioxide, which is also a component of air and a product of bacterial action. Bacteria also produce hydrogen and methane.
But the relative proportions of these gases that emerge from our anal opening depend on several factors: what we ate, how much air we swallowed, what kinds of bacteria we have in our intestines, and how long we hold in the fart.
The longer a fart is held in, the larger the proportion of boring, inert nitrogen it contains, because the other gases tend to be absorbed into the bloodstream through the walls of the intestine.
A nervous person who swallows a lot of air and who moves stuff through his digestive system rapidly may have a lot of oxygen in his farts, because his body didn't have time to absorb the oxygen.
Encyclopaedia Britannica offers the intriguing statement that some people's farts contain no methane. The reason for this is apparently unknown. Some researchers suspect a genetic influence, whereas others think the anomaly is due to environmental factors. However, all methane in any farts comes from bacterial action and not from human cells.

What makes farts stink?

The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and skatole in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and skatole will be produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky farts.

Why do farts make noise?

The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus.

How much gas does a normal person pass per day?

On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts.
Whereas it may be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus volume, you can certainly keep track of your daily numerical fart count. You might try this as a science fair project: Keep a journal of everything you eat and a count of your farts. You might make a note of the potency of their odor as well. See if you can discover a relationship between what you eat, how much you fart, and how much they smell.

How does a fart travel to the anus?

One may wonder why fart gas travels downward toward the anus when gas has a lower density than liquids and solids, and should therefore travel upwards.
The intestine squeezes its contents toward the anus in a series of contractions, a process called peristalsis. The process is stimulated by eating, which is why we often need to poop and fart right after a meal. Peristalsis creates a zone of high pressure, forcing all intestinal contents, gas included, to move towards a region of lower pressure, which is toward the anus. Gas is more mobile than other components, and small bubbles coalesce to from larger bubbles en route to the exit. When peristalsis is not active, gas bubbles may begin to percolate upwards again, but they won't get very far due to the complicated and convoluted shape of the intestine. Furthermore, the anus is neither up nor down when a person is lying down.

How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose?

Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity and wind speed, as well as the distance between the fart transmitter and the fart receiver. Farts also disperse (spread out) as they leave the source, and their potency diminishes with dilution. Generally, if the fart is not detected within a few seconds, it will be too dilute for perception and will be lost into the atmosphere forever.
Exceptional conditions exist when the fart is released into a small enclosed area such as an elevator, a small room, or a car. These conditions limit the amount of dilution possible, and the fart may remain in a smellable concentration for a long period of time, until it condenses on the walls.

Is it true that some people never fart?

No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.

Do even movie stars fart?

Yes, of course. So do grandmothers, priests, kings, presidents, opera singers, beauty queens, and nuns. Even Yoda farts.

Do men fart more than women?

No, women fart just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender.
I have read that men fart more often than women. If this is true, then women must be saving it up and expelling more gas per fart than men do.

At what time of day is a gentleman most likely to fart?

A gentleman is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning, while in the bathroom. This is known as "morning thunder," and if the gentleman gets good resonance, it can be heard throughout the household.

Why are beans so notorious for making people fart?

Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. When these sugars reach our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big feast, and make lots of gas!
Other notorious fart-producing foods include corn, bell peppers, cabbage, milk, and raisins.
A friend of mine had a dog who was exceptionally fond of apples and turnips. The dog would eat these things and then get prodigious gas. A dog's digestive system is not equipped to handle such vegetable matter, so the dog's bacteria worked overtime to produce remarkable flatulence.

What things other than diet can make a person fart more than usual?

People who swallow a lot of air fart more than people who don't. This can be cured somewhat by chewing with your mouth closed. Nervous people with fast moving bowels will fart more because less air is absorbed out of the intestines. Some disease conditions can cause excess flatulence. And going up in an airplane or other low-pressure environment can cause the gas inside you to expand and emerge as flatulence.

Is a fart really just a burp that comes out the wrong end?

No, a burp emerges from the stomach and has a different chemical composition from a fart. Farts have less atmospheric gas content and more bacterial gas content than burps.

Is it harmful to hold in farts?

There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have believed for centuries that retaining flatulence is bad for the health. Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of concern for peoples' health. There was a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a disease by retaining farts.
Doctors I have spoken to recently have told me that there is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts will not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure. But one doctor suggested that pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in farts too much.

How long would it be possible to not fart?

As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person relaxes. This means that a lot of people who assiduously refrain from farting during the day do so at great length as soon as they fall asleep. Having been on a great many overnight field trips, long bus trips, and trans-Pacific flights, I can personally vouch for the fact that lots of people do fart voluminously as they doze off. So the answer to the question would be, you can refrain from farting as long as you can stay awake!

Where do farts go when you hold them in?

How often have you held in a fart, intending to release it at the first appropriate opportunity, only to find that the fart has disappeared when you are ready for it?
I asked several doctors where the fart goes. Does it leak out slowly without the person knowing it? Is it absorbed into the bloodstream? What happens to it?
The doctors agree that the fart is neither released nor absorbed. It simply migrates back upward into the intestine and comes out later.
It is reassuring to know that such farts aren't really lost, just delayed.

Is it really possible to ignite farts?

The answer to that is yes! However, you should be aware that people get injured igniting flatulence. Not only can the flame back up into your colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may catch on fire. A survey done by Fartcloud (the site, alas! is not more) indicates that about a quarter of the people who ignited their farts got burned doing it. Ignition of flatulence is a hazardous practice.
There have also been cases in which intestinal gases with a higher than normal oxygen content have exploded during surgery when electric cautery was used by the surgeon.

Why is possible to burn farts?

Farts burn because they contain methane (usually) and hydrogen, both of which are flammable gases. (Hydrogen was the same gas that was used in the ill fated Hindenburg dirigible.)
Farts tend to burn with a blue or yellow flame.

Is it possible to light a match with a fart?

No, even strike-anywhere matches have their limits, unless the fart has the consistency of sandpaper! Any fart that rough I would hesitate to call a fart. Also, farts have the same temperature as the body from which they emerge, and aren't hot enough to initiate combustion.

Are there any books about farting?

There are several! My favorite is the new book, Who Cut the Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart by Jim Dawson. This book provides an entertaining and thought-provoking history of the fart in literature, language and society. It is very informative and very funny!
Ben Franklin's classic Fart Proudly is still in print.
There is a collection of suggestive photographs called Who Farted Now? by St. Martin's Press. Most of the photos come from old movies and political shots.
For children, we have the famous The Gas We Pass : The Story of Farts by Shinta Cho, and Amanda Mayer Stinchecum (Translator), and the Canadian picture book, Good Families Don't , by Alan Daniel and Robert N. Munsch, about a highly visible fart infesting a proper middle class family.

Is it possible for a talented person to earn a living through flatulence?

Few people earn their living directly via flatulence. But a friend of mine says that he saw a carnival act in which the performer whistled tunes with his farts, blew out candles on the opposite side of the stage, and sent flames all the way across the stage. A famous performer who earned his living this way was Le Petomane, who performed in France at the beginning of the 20th Century. However, my friend isn't old enough to have seen Le Petomane, so maybe he had a chance to see Mr. Methane. Mr. Methane lays claim to the distinction of being the world's only performing flatulist.
However, people may also earn a living through the prevention of flatulence (as do the manufacturers and sellers of Beano and other products), through the practice of medicine specializing in the treatment of flatulence and other gastrointestinal problems, by writing books about flatulence (see the question before this one), and through the production and sales of various fart gags such as whoopee cushions and farts in a can.
Fartypants sells a fart filter and a number of other fart-related products.
Maybe, if you're lucky, you'll be able to find a copy of Le Petomane's biography by searching at alibris by clicking on the link below. Last time I checked, they had two copies available!

Why do dog and cat farts smell so bad?

A carnivore's protein-rich diet produces relatively small amounts of intensely stinky gas because proteins contain lots of sulfur. A dog's or cat's farts are rarely audible, but the odor is overwhelming. I have asked biologists why dogs and cats generally fart silently, and their theories include: (1) the amount of gas produced is small, but potent, (2) the horizontal orientation of their gastrointestinal system puts less pressure on the anal opening, so the gas is expelled more slowly, (3) their anal sphincters don't close as tightly as humans' because it takes less force to hold in the contents of the colon-again because of the horizontal orientation of the gastrointestinal system-and a loose anus makes less sound, and, my favorite (4) dogs and cats don't feel embarrassed about farting, so their sphincters are more relaxed, leading to less noisy flatulence.
Mike F. points out that many dog foods are soy-based, so on top of all the above factors, add beans and stand back!
Large herbivorous animals such as cows, horses and elephants, on the other hand, produce vast quantities of relatively non-stinky fart gas. The farts of these animals are noisy and can go on for astoundingly long periods of time. Cows in particular are productive, in part because they swallow huge amounts of air. They need oxygen in their guts for the various protozoa employed there as digestive aids.

Do fish fart?

According to our ichthyologist at the University of Guam, fish flatulence per se has not been studied, although people have investigated fish digestion. They find that although most fish have alkaline intestinal environments like our own, coral-eating fish have acidic intestinal contents. The acid serves to dissolve coral skeletal material. Coral has the same composition as Tums (calcium carbonate). One product of the reaction between acid and calcium carbonate is carbon dioxide gas. Therefore, it is logical to assume that coral-eating fish fart a lot.
The other fish probably fart also, for the same reasons that we do.
However, Mike Pulte, a great fish enthusiast, said that he has never seen a fish do it.
I asked our ichthyologist if it were possible that fish gas would go into the swim bladder instead of out the anal opening. He said that modern fish have an air bladder that is independent of the gastrointestinal tract. The gas comes from enzymatic activity and not from the intestine. Older models of fish have their swim bladder connected to the gastrointestinal tract, but it is attached high up, closer to the mouth than to the other end, and these fish come to the surface and gulp air to fill the bladder. Therefore, we can assume that intestinal gas leaves the fish through the anal opening.
We also pondered the possibility of fish making noise via flatulence, but apparently most fish noises are made through belching rather than farting.
Lisa P., an aquarium enthusiast, reports that she has seen her fish fart: "I have four aquariums and many fish, and I have personally witnessed fish farting! My goldfish used to do it all the time! You'd see a little bubble come out of his anus and stay there, trapped in the mucus of a long string of poop. (Ugh!) And my opaline gourami does it too. Neither of these are coral-eating fish. I have only owned two coral-eating fish so far, but I have never seen either of them fart. It seems most likely to me that much of this gas comes from air swallowed during eating. Also, goldfish have a very simple digestive system and their food is absorbed inefficiently, so possibly the bacteria have more to feed on?"

Do turtles fart?

Yes, turtles do fart, and their farts smell incredibly bad, as do the farts of snakes. In fact, it is my opinion, based on personal experience with reptiles and not on any formal research, that many reptiles use farts as a weapon.
Reptile farts smell so bad that sometimes you can tell that one is nearby in the woods, even on a windy day, before you can see the animal. One day I was hiking through the woods in Arkansas with a friend and I told my friend, "I smell a snake fart." A second later, the snake crawled across the path. Astounding but true!

What kind of animal has the highest worldwide output of flatulence?

Believe it or not, the animal that wins this honor is the humble termite. Because of their diet and digestive processes (with more than the usual microbial assistance), they produce as much methane as human industry. Termite farts are believed to be a major contributor towards global warming.

Is there any kind of animal that doesn't fart?

If we define a fart to be an anal escape of intestinal gas, then it follows that animals that lack intestines or an anus cannot fart. Most animals possess intestines and an anus, but there are some that don't. These include:
Sponges: These organisms lack true tissues and organs. They have just a few types of cells organized into a bag with holes in it. Water flows into some holes and out other holes. Sponges are so different from other animals that some biologists think we shouldn't even call them animals.
Cnidaria: This phylum includes the jellyfish, corals, sea anemones and hydra. Their tissues are organized into a bag with a mouth surrounded by stinging tentacles. Food enters the mouth and is digested inside the bag, after which the leftovers are expelled via the same opening. In effect, the same hole serves as both a mouth and an anus. Any gas expelled by a cnidarian would be more appropriately termed a belch rather than a fart, since the animal lacks intestines and separate anus.
Pogonophoran worms: These remarkable animals, who dwell on the sea floor near active volcanic regions associated with mid-ocean ridges, possess no mouth, no stomach, no intestines, and no anus. Apparently they retain their svelte, worm-shaped figures by giving up on eating completely! They survive by means of a mutualistic relationship with chemosynthetic bacteria that live in their flesh. Anyway, these animals cannot possibly fart.

A second category of animals that probably don't fart are animals that live very deep underwater. At high pressures, gas remains in solution rather than forming bubbles. So there is a good chance that all those clams, echinoderms, fish and other animals living near the sealer don't fart because their farts stay in solution and never emerge as bubbles, even though the animals possess perfectly good intestines and anuses.

Is it possible to leave a brown spot on your pants because of a fart, and if so, what causes it?

Judging from what I see when I do the laundry, I'd say that the answer to the first question is definitely yes.
As for the causes, we must remember that what we call "fart" and what we call "poop" are just end-members of a continuum. That is, we can have a pure fart, or a pure poop, or anything in-between, depending upon the admixture of the two.
If a sample consists mostly of poop with only a small fart component, you get such things as jet-propelled bowel movements and spongy, floating fecal masses (you know, the ones that refuse to be flushed down the toilet-they keep popping back up).
If the sample consists mostly of fart with only a small poop component, you get what is known as "skid marks" or "fart art." These can also result from inadequate wiping, but the shape of the stain is different in the two cases. Inadequate wiping leads to elongate marks parallel to one's crack, usually with well-defined edges, whereas fart art is generally more circular and has an air-brushed look.
Fart art is most likely to occur if (1) a person is suffering from diarrhea, (2) the person is trying too hard to fart, and (3) the person mistakenly perceives the pressure against his sphincter to be gas pressure rather than liquid pressure. Again, that last situation is most likely to occur if the person is afflicted with diarrhea.

How can we tell when it's only gas needing to come out, rather than something more serious?

Our ability to distinguish between the need to fart and the need to poop is something that we learn gradually in the process of toilet training and early childhood. With the tactile nerve endings in the rectal area, we can actually feel different sensations depending upon what is waiting by the exit. Of course, sometimes we are fooled, especially if the substance at hand is extremely fluid in nature, and that is when we have the unfortunate accident of venting a squirt of diarrhea rather than an innocent fart.

Why do chicks always deny farting?

I suppose I should start by saying that only some chicks deny farting. The rest of us acknowledge our gaseous accomplishments with pride.
However, a great many sisters do deny farting. The reason is that they have been misled into thinking that farts are not ladylike. It is a great mistake to say that farting is not ladylike. The reason is that all people fart, including ladies. Anything that ladies do is by definition ladylike, and that includes the emission of anal gases.

Is is possible that, by inhaling other people's farts all day long, my own farts will smell more?

No, inhaled farts would go into the lungs rather than into the digestive system, and would simply be exhaled again, although it might be possible that some of the fart components might be absorbed into the blood. If you wanted to benefit from other people's farts in the way you describe, you would have to swallow them somehow.

Is it possible to get stoned after inhaling two or three farts in a row?

I am not aware of any intoxicating agents in flatulence. However, most farts contain very little oxygen, and you may experience dizziness if you are inhaling overly concentrated fart essence, simply from lack of oxygen. On the other hand, if you are inhaling farts in the open air and are breathing rapidly in order to inhale as much fart as possible, you may be hyperventilating, which also induces dizziness.

Then there is the intrinsic hilarity factor: farts are so funny in both sound and odor that you might feel high just from the basic entertainment value of farts.

Is it possible for a fart to kill you?

A great many of you have asked if farts can be fatal, or if you can die from smelling a particularly bad fart. My initial response to this question was "no," but I thought I'd better ask a doctor. So now it is official, the medical opinion I received is no, a fart can't kill you.
However, if you really work hard at it, you can manage to kill yourself with just about anything. I recently read of a man who hooked up his nose to his anus with a system involving a gas mask, rubber tubing and a hollow wooden post. He died of suffocation. This story comes from the Darwin Awards, and I personally cannot attest to the overall veracity of their stories.
The story of the bed-bound obese man who died from inhaling his own flatulence (and whose farts almost killed the paramedics) is an urban legend that has been in circulation for some time.

Can excessive farting cause impotence?

That depends on the tolerance level of the person with whom one is trying to be potent!
Fortunately for humans, farting doesn't cause tissue damage. Other animals aren't so lucky. Soldier termites can actually turn themselves into bombs by detonating themselves via the explosive release of gas and feces, a process called "autothysis."

Is it possible to inhale (suck in air) via one's anal opening?

Yes, but it's a rare talent. The great early 20th Century French flatulist, Le Petomane, was able to do this, and in fact was able to suck up an entire bowlful of water (just the water, not the bowl) into his colon and expel it again with considerable force. By sucking in large quantities of air, he was able to perform lengthy shows on stage, and could imitate musical instruments, farm animals, and bird songs, whistle melodies, and play the ocarina. His productions were said to be virtually odorless, which is to be expected from air obtained directly from the outside.
Here is a message I received recently (November, 1999) regarding the skill of inhaling via the anus:

"i would just like you to know that i am part of a trio, who can suck in air in our anal openings. we are somewhat air-bandits. we can let the longest farts you have ever heard. our record holder, chad, stands at 24 sec. the record for most farts in a row is derek, at 492. and i, robert, have earned such nicknames as: Mad Crapper, gurglemeister, and old wetful. We have followed Le Petomane example, and have mastered the art of farting."

What causes the burning sensation that sometimes accompanies a fart?

This is generally caused by a recent meal of hot peppers or related spices. The oils associated with these foods remain intact and active all the way through one's gastrointestinal system.

If you fart in the bathtub, is the water polluted and should you refill the tub?

As long as what comes out is only fart and no poop, your bath water should not be significantly polluted. Most of the gas just bubbles up and contaminates the air rather than the water.

Is it true that a woman can fart out of her, shall we say, frontal opening, and if so, where does the gas come from?

Yes, it is true! The gas that emerges is simply trapped air, for there is no gas production in the genitalia of a woman. The air can enter because the system is open to the outside. This highly specialized kind of fart is sometimes called a queef.

Can a man fart out of his genital opening?

I have asked various men this question and they all deny it emphatically.

Is it possible to capture a fart in a jar and save it for later use?

It should be theoretically possible to do this, but there would be lots of logistical problems. I would suggest using a plastic bag instead of a jar. You might try the following as a science fair experiment:
Fart into several plastic bags and seal them carefully. Then fill several other plastic bags with ordinary air. Wait 24 hours. Then get volunteers to smell the contents of the bags to see if they can correctly identify which ones contain the farts. This should tell you if it is possible to store a fart in any useful way.

Malachi and Megaera have come up with a way to capture a fart in a jar. They say to do it in the bathtub while bathing. Fill the jar with bath water and then hold it with the open end downward. Lean back in the bathtub so that your fart bubbles will emerge in front of you rather than behind you where you can't see them. Catch the bubbles in the jar, and put the lid on the jar while it's still underwater. This way, you capture a fairly pure fart uncontaminated by atmospheric air. To enjoy your captured fart to the fullest extent, make sure that your jar does not already smell like whatever was it it before, like pickles or peanut butter.

Is it weird to enjoy farting?

It is not unusual to enjoy farting. I believe that enjoyment of farting is a healthy attitude, since everyone has to fart. If a person is farting to the extent that it creates problems and unhappiness, then a visit to a doctor is in order.

What color is a fart?

Farts are, alas, colorless. All of the gases that make up farts have no inherent color. But just think of how interesting it would be if farts were bright orange like nitrogen dioxide gas! It would certainly take the mystery out of who farted.
Never-the-less, a high-personality gas like fart gas suggests color to people. Some people envision farts as brown, others as green or yellow. I have always thought of farts as brown, presumably because poop is brown. When someone farts in our car, that person might say, "You better not breathe through your mouth for awhile, or your teeth will turn brown." 
I knew a toddler who used to draw pictures of farts as yellow rectangles full of holes, like a slice of Swiss cheese. She thought of farts as yellow, and said that she knew they were rectangular because she could feel the sharp corners scraping against her on the way out!

Do other people smell a fart better than the farter?

The fart should smell just as much for the person who created it as it does for other people. However, the farter is somewhat protected by having the fart propelled away from his body in a direction opposite to his nose. Farting upwind nullifies this advantage.

Why is it that when you scratch your ass through two layers of clothing (your underwear and your jeans) your fingers still stink?

As pointed out by Barb F., who contributed the term listed below, a fart can be regarded as "aerosolized poop," which means that microscopic fragments and droplets of poop are actually distributed throughout the gaseous matrix of the fart. When delivered from the anus with some force, the components of the fart can penetrate one's clothing and these tiny particles can be trapped in the fibers of the cloth. The particles are transferred to your fingers and then your nose when you scratch and sniff.

Where does the word "fart" come from?

According to Eric Partridge in his excellent book of word origins (Origins: A Short Etymological Dictionary of Modern English), our word fart comes from the Old English word feortan, presumably of echoic origin, meaning that the word was chosen to sound like the object named.

When it is cold outside and you fart, can you see it like you can see your breath?

Now, that's an interesting idea! My guess would be yes, since farts are nice and moist like our breath, but this is one question that I'm not in a position to answer. I live in the tropics, and it never gets cold here. So all of you who live in cold places, try it out and let me know. I'd guess that there are really two questions here: can you see the fart with no pants on, and can you see the fart even with pants on…


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar, turns to the astonished patrons and says, "I'll make you a deal. "I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up, "I'll try it - just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"


----------



## DanYo

At the 1996 COMDEX … computer show …. , Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the automotive indusrty by stating: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars that cost $25.00 and get 1,00 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bills comment, General Motors issued A press release making the following statement: "If we (GM) had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1) for no reson whatsoever, your car would crash twice per day.

2) Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3) Your car would occasionally stop on the freeway without reason. In order to get started again, you would have to pull off to the side of the road, close all the windowsshut off the car resart it and open all the windows again. For some unknown reason, you would simply do this without question.

4) Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to resart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5) Only one person could use the car at one time unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT", but then you would also have to buy more seats.

6) The new seats you would need would force everyone to have the same size butt.

7) You would press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

8) The oil warning light, water warning light, and alternator warning light would all be replaced by a single "Unidentified System Error" light.

9) The air bag would ask ur freshly mangled body "are you sure" before going off.

10) Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you back inuntill you simultaneously lifted the driver side door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.

11) The radio antenna would be internally mounted on the passenger side of the car.

12) buying a new car would force you to also purchase a new set of Deluxe Rand McNally road maps, dispite the fact that you niether need nor want them. Attempting to delet this otion would immediately cause your cars performance to diminish by 50% or more.

13) every time GM introduced a new car, people would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the old controls would function in the new car.

14) Macintosh would make a car that was five times faster, ten times more reliable and easier to mantain, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads."


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

​


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## DanYo

​


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## DanYo

​


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

​


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## odie




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## DanYo

​


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## DanYo

​


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## DanYo

​


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

​

















​


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## DanYo

​


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## odie

*DAN … You rock !*


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## odie




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

Dan, thats what I call overtime.


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## Grumpy

Dan, thats what I call overtime.


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

.
.
must be a land without over passes


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## odie




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## DanYo

​


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

​


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## odie

*Funny, funny, ha, ha … swim with DAN and me, Grumpy.*


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## DanYo




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## DanYo

Buck Weimer (Pueblo, Colorado) invented "Under-Ease", airtight underwear with a replaceable charcoal filter that removes bad-smelling gases before they escape. As the slogan says: "Wear them for the ones you love".

you can buy them here …. http://www.under-tec.com/index.php


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## odie




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## DanYo




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## odie




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

​


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## odie




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## DanYo

​


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grandpaw

this has been a funny thread.

now I'll add my cents on gas

I'll be dead before peak oil - SUCKERS!


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo

http://izismile.com/video/player2/player.swf


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3352/3618071442_e5cdc8b0f1.jpg[/IMG]


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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3058/2551097115_817875914b.jpg[/IMG]


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2518/3680445827_31708bdb2d.jpg[/IMG]


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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1313/539467722_df32663dd7.jpg[/IMG]


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

It's cute, frugal on gas and has a high safety rating according to the manufacturer. 



Still want one? ( Picture taken outside New Orleans )


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## DanYo

The bug car is cool. I think it might need a tall aerial with a flag on it to protect it in a similar situation. 
I drove a 69 fiat spider many years ago. It was about the same size and a blast.


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1313/539467722_df32663dd7.jpg[/IMG]


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2484/3820600073_d40018dd41.jpg[/IMG]


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

The North Yungas Road, also known as The Death Road, is a 61 to 69 km road leading from La Paz to Coroico (Bolivia's capital, to the Amazon region) in the Yungas region of Bolivia. It is legendary for its extreme danger: in 1995 the Inter-American Development Bank christened it as the "world's most dangerous road. " One estimate is that 200-300 travelers were killed yearly along the road. The road includes crosses marking many of the spots where such vehicles have fallen.


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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1268/691319322_54e90bc352.jpg[/IMG]


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## odie

*I've been away too long !*


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

http://i240.photobucket.com/player.swf?file=http://vid240.photobucket.com/albums/ff192/GRUMPY1946/Fun/Fun-04/Squeaky.flv


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3120/2619356825_1bc427b766.jpg[/IMG]


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo

http://backend.deviantart.com/embed/view.swf
Das Beans - Episode 2 by ~nickowolf on deviantART


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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://www.popularwealth.com/funny-pictures/funny-gas-sign-04.jpg[/IMG]


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## odie




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo

A Device for the "Respiratory Hindrance of the Inhalation of Noxious Odours" or RHINO. This mask is for sale on Etsy until January 31, item #290395129819.


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## DanYo




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## odie

*Happy Valentine's Day Grumpy !*


----------



## Grumpy

Thanks Odie. Now I know who sent the flowers. LOL


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo

hey Grumpy … whats up ?


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## Grumpy

NUTTIN WRONG DIS END DAN, HOW ABOUT YOU?.
[IMG]http://coolstuffclickhere.com/_newpages/gas_files/FunnyGas.jpg[/IMG]


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

There's a double decker bus driving down the street full of passengers, blonde and brunette.

On the lower level of the bus, the brunettes are having a good time, talking, laughing, and singing along to the music playing.

On the upper part of the bus, the blondes are seated… they're in a panic. They're screaming, terrified, and holding onto each other as the bus moves along the street.

Finally, a brunette gets up and walks to the top of the bus to ask whats wrong, and one of the blonde's replies, "what's wrong?!? well, you'd be screaming too if you didnt have a driver!!!"


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

[IMG]http://www.funnytimes.com/playground/img/126418886275750.png[/IMG]


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## DanYo

I saw my best friend, Steve, on Saturday morning, and the left side of his face was all swolen and his eye was black. I asked what the heck happened! He told me that he had gotten into an argument with his wife and he called her a 25 cent whore.

She then hit him with a bag of quarters.


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Dennisgrosen

is this you and your fammely on vacation ?


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

Good one. You might say he is a bit of a fan of saving on gas. LOL


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## DanYo




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## odie




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## DanYo




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## Jim Jakosh

Tony, you started a good one!!


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## DanYo




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## DrDirt




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Dennisgrosen

I´ll bett he can´t cross the road before it had changed to red again

Dennis


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## odie




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## helluvawreck

Grumpy, please don't give the government any new ideas. They may just jump on this idea and spend several $billion on actually trying to develop it. ;-|

helluvawreck
https://woodworkingexpo.wordpress.com


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## Dennisgrosen

but it will atleast create three more jobs 
one to write the weekly check ….one to think and one to be guiniepig 

Dennis


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## helluvawreck

Now see, Dennis, you're already turning it into another bureaucracy. See how these things get out of hand. ;-|

helluvawreck
https://woodworkingexpo.wordpress.com


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## Dennisgrosen

yep better a try to be dustmaker does it than a real bureaucrat do it it


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## helluvawreck

I was just wondering how many miles per 100 cow farts do you suppose that vehicle will get?

helluvawreck
https://woodworkingexpo.wordpress.com


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## Dennisgrosen

what do I know …. as long as I get the paycheck for not thinking ….. LOL
somebody has to use the milions ))


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## Dennisgrosen

but I know they talked about a law in EU about taxing the farts from 
cows , pigs etc. on farms so some nerd most have been paid to calculate it 
I gess we just have to get on the net and ask in bruxells …. lol

Dennis


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## helluvawreck

Dan, have you read the scientific study about dinasaur farts? They really did a number on the climate of the planet supposedly. They supposedly changed the whole world's climate -*BIG TIME*. Not kidding - a recent scientific study. The dinasaurs were big time plant eaters - you know? Many of them were voracious salad eaters. Of course there were a few meat eaters as well but fortunately for the salad eaters they were not near as numerous. The article didn't say what kind of salad dressing they used. Fortunately, the earth has had a good many millions of years to settle down from that terrible disaster. Perhaps you could come up with some cartoons about that one. You should be able to find the whole article with good ole google. I don't have the link right off hand. ;-|

helluvawreck aka Charles
http://woodworkingexpo.wordpress.com


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## helluvawreck

The first one looks like he (or she) could possibly have been the first astranaut. He actually looks quite happy during blast off. Are those horns on his head or antennae? I only ask the question because surely he would want to be in communication with mother earth while heading into the great unknown. The head gear could have been the model that the ancient warriors used for their funny looking helmets. Maybe they adopted the design from those funny cave drawings that were left behind. I doubt it but I suppose it's worth thinking about. Maybe the question could lead to another scientific study for those who are so inclined.

The second one looks quite happy as well. I know he does because I see a big smile on his face but at the same time he looks a little surprised but at the same time has a great deal of satisfaction in accomplishing this great feat. Perhaps he has heard of his duty all of his life about contributing to climate change and this is his first contribution.

helluvawreck aka Charles
http://woodworkingexpo.wordpress.com


----------



## helluvawreck

You know, Dan, you might be a good illustrator for young children's scientific textbooks. Perhaps you should give it some thought.

helluvawreck aka Charles
http://woodworkingexpo.wordpress.com


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Dennisgrosen

)


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

http://www.freefunny********************.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/nice-bike.jpg


----------



## DrDirt

Wow dan…. a Kaw--Ass--aki


----------



## Dennisgrosen

thats a silencer !!..... lol


----------



## PineChopper

As long as it's NOT made in China!


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy

Lombok Indonesia


----------



## Grumpy

Lombok Indonesia


----------



## Grumpy

Lombok Indonesia


----------



## Grumpy

Lombok Indonesia


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## Grumpy

Lombok Indonesia


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## odie




----------



## DrDirt

Decided to renew the cowasaki!


----------



## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

The 'Henley-on-Todd Regatta' down under. Only time it's cancelled is when it rains which is rare.
They leg it.


----------



## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Dennisgrosen

so thats how they transport electricity from the windmills ….. didn´t knew that ….

Dennis


----------



## huff

Dennis,

Now that's funny!


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Momcanfixit

If the wheels fall off, you'll have ground beef…


----------



## oldnovice

*Anyone seen the latest headlines that the U.S. is now the worlds #1 oil producer!*

Does anyone think our gas prices will go down … if you do, I have bridge I have for sale!


----------



## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## oldnovice

Love that Chrysler! Saw two of them when they were around.


----------



## Grumpy

Dan, they look like gas guzzlers not savers. LOL


----------



## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

What's with the suit Danno?


----------



## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

Keeping myself entertained again Grumpman !


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## matk

ride a bike.


----------



## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## odie




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## DanYo

Odie ! u r the BEST. Grumpman will luv it.


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## waho6o9




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

That's really cutting edge Grumpman ! Good one … the kind of experience that sticks in your mind >grinz<


----------



## helluvawreck

Retire and really get into your hobbies (like woodworking). A few weeks ago there was one stretch where I went 10 days without cranking my truck up.  I've been a workaholic all of my life and gas was a big expense.

helluvawreck aka Charles
http://woodworkingexpo.wordpress.com


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

A bit hard to beat that one Danny Boy


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## JoeinGa

Yes! We have no bananas!


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

http://static.photobucket.com/player.swf


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Dennisgrosen

thanks for the laugh Grumpy and Dan 
thanks for letting this blog continue …. enjoy it alot

Dennis


----------



## Grumpy

http://static.photobucket.com/player.swf


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy

This is a real gas saver. Everyone should have one.
There is a video of this amazing little vehicle

http://pal-v.com/


----------



## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

Alerted by the smell of a broken bottle of liquor, Federal Agents inspect a "lumber truck". Los Angeles, 1926


----------



## Dennisgrosen

so thats why you are knarvorn …. still grumling over the lost bottle 

that Idea will still be used in the future


----------



## Grumpy

Yes Dennis, they may be hiding their gas instead. Prices are going through the roof.


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## HorizontalMike




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Dennisgrosen

why can´t people take a pratical joke anymore :-(
I can understand the no driving and alcohol to the pilot

thanks for the laugh …laugh….laugh….

Dennis


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy

http://static.photobucket.com/player.swf


----------



## Knothead62

There is an electric car for $100. But….......the extension cord costs $8,000. 
Seriously, I recall a pig farmer in England who "fermented" the pig manure, captured it some way and used it in his car. People laughed at him but his fuel cost was zero.
Two things about the Cowasaki: first, are the exhaust emissions; second, it's a real moooover!
The human cannonball? Hard to find someone of the right caliber.


----------



## Grumpy

Very good Knothead. You might be guilty of a 'Cow' of a thing to say but it was quite a 'gas'. LOL


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

The meteor over Russia 15 February 2013


----------



## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## odie




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

Out of the plane and into the pub


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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

Solar powered flight across America 2013


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

SKYACTIV is a series of technologies developed by Mazda which increase fuel efficiency and engine output. The initial announcement of the SKYACTIV technologies include new engines, transmissions, body, chassis, which would appear in Mazda products from 2011
SKYACTIV-D is a family of turbocharged Diesel engines, designed to comply with global emissions regulations.
To eliminate the need of NOx and particulate treatment in contemporary Diesel engines, the cylinder compression ratio is reduced to 14.0:1. Cold engine start is achieved via multi-hole piezo injectors with 3 programmable injection patterns, adoption of ceramic glow plugs. Engine misfiring is prevented via variable valve lift at exhaust, which opens exhaust valves during the intake stroke, which increases engine air temperature. SKYACTIV-D also uses a two-stage turbocharger in which one small and one large turbo are selectively operated according to driving conditions.


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy

Thanks Dan


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo

Designer Funfere Koroye from Savannah College of Art and Design introduces a novel wind-powered car dubbed M6 that flatteringly mimics a flying machine. Aside from the winged form factor and the "pretty lady standing next to it," the wind-powered motor backs up a direct current motor to supply it with enormous thrust to reach 120 miles an hour. The cruising speed is attributable to its rudder and wings too, mind you.








Highly appreciable is the neat design flaunting an over-sized fin on the back and the Formula 1 carbon composite body parts. However, the fact that it's a zero-emission vehicle elevates it beyond any measures. It's pretty impressive, to say the least!


----------



## DanYo

1973 









dodge


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo

*Mr McAldowe Homemade 147cc 1950

Tired of waiting for a new car Mr McAldowe from Cheltenham, GB, built his own car at the cost of £20. It had a 147cc motorcycle engine, and did 120 miles on a gallon of fuel. The chassis, constructed of tubes clamped together, could be dismantled in 20 minutes.
Black & white photo - by Getty Images - colorized.*


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy

The Number Plate is nearly wider than the car!!!


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

I bought a Jeep!
Yes I bought a Jeep
Yes, a Jeep


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## redSLED




----------



## redSLED




----------



## DanYo




----------



## redSLED




----------



## redSLED




----------



## redSLED




----------



## Grumpy

HaHa, very good RedSLED.


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## redSLED




----------



## redSLED




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DrDirt

John Suter racing poodles in Alaska…


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## redSLED




----------



## redSLED




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## redSLED




----------



## DanYo

*And that boys and girls is why you are supposed to wear a helmet. *


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## redSLED




----------



## redSLED




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## redSLED




----------



## redSLED




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## redSLED




----------



## redSLED




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo

*..
anyone else think roller skating is a good way to save gas?*


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo

I owned a 1975 Suzuki 500. It was scary fast…. but it drank gas. I got about 25mpg.


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Kentuk55

Ok, how mooooo-ch does it cost?


----------



## GaryC




----------



## GaryC




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy

Spider Man looks a bit air sick !


----------



## Grumpy

Looks like Bruce Willis !
-
-
-
-


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo

It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo

*http://www.eliomotors.com/


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## 111




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo

....
.


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## toeachhisown (Eddie)

1000 ways to save on gas


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy

That double Decker is 'Armed'. LOL


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo

1930s: The Malvern Star sociable bicycle


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe and placed his order.
He said, 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of 
running boards.'
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?'

'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires… mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights… is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards… Are 2 slices of crisp bacon!'
'Oh… OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?'

(I love this one…! )

She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, 
headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!'

FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!!!!!


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo

*BUENOS AIRES (Reuters) - Argentine scientists have found a way to transform the gas created by the bovine digestive system into fuel, an innovation that could curb greenhouse gases that cause global warming.

Using a system of valves and pumps, the experimental technique developed by Argentina's National Institute of Agricultural Technology (INTA) channels the digestive gases from bovine stomach cavities through a tube and into a tank.

The gases - which otherwise are commonly known as burps, or "eruptos" in Spanish - are then processed to separate methane from other gases such as carbon dioxide.

Methane is the main component of natural gas, used to fuel everything from cars to power plants.

"Once you get it compressed, it's the same as having natural gas," said Guillermo Berra, head of INTA's animal physiology group.

"As an energy source it is not very practical at the moment, but if you look ahead to 2050, when fossil fuel reserves are going to be in trouble, it is an alternative," he told Reuters.

Each head of cattle emits between 250 and 300 liters of pure methane a day, enough energy to keep a refrigerator running for 24 hours.

Argentina is one of the world's top beef exporters, with around 51 million heads of cattle. Gases emitted from those animals account for 30 percent of the country's total greenhouse gas emissions, according to INTA, with methane having 23 times the global warming effect as carbon dioxide.

"This is also a way to mitigate that," Berra said.*


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo

1939 Schloerwagen, Streamliner


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

The Renovo Bike. Has a wooden frame. A very eye catching product.
.









http://www.renovobikes.com/


----------



## Grumpy

The Icon A5. I want one!
.


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

CHINA'S NEW "LITTLE CAR" aka "THE HIGHWAY SUPPOSITORY" 
This is not a joke, they do sell for $600.00 and they won't be able to make them fast enough.

Here's a one seater car that will get you back and forth to work on the cheap…
This $600 Volkswagen's car gets 258 mpg, 109.687 km/l or 0,9 liter per 100 km!!!









This $600 car is not a toy; it is ready to be released in China next year.

The single aeater aero car totes VW (Volkswagen) branding.

Volkswagen did a lot of very highly protected testing of this car in Germany; it was not announced until now where the car would make its first appearance…

The car was introduced at the VW stockholders meeting as the most economical car in the world !

The initial objective of the prototype was to prove that 1 liter of fuel could deliver 100 kilometers of travel. 









Its Spartan interior does not sacrifice safety; the impact and roll-over protection is comparable to a GT racing cars. ( I'm not convinced, wouldn't get me driving it on the Pacific highway!)

The aero design proved essential to getting the desired result.
The body is 3.47 meters long and just 1.25 meters wide, and a little over a meter high.The prototype was made completely of carbon fiber and is not painted to save weight.

The power plant is a one cylinder diesel, positioned ahead of the rear axle and combined with an automatic shift controlled by a knob in the interior.

The Most Economic Car in the World will be on sale next year:

Better than Electric Car - 258 miles/gallon: IPO 2010 in Shanghai
This is a single-seat car 
From conception to production: 3 years and the company is headquartered in Hamburg , Germany .
Will be selling for 4000 Yuan, equivalent to US $600..
Gas tank capacity = 1.7 gallons 
Speed = 62 - 74.6 Miles/hour
Fuel efficiency = 258 miles/gallon
Travel distance with a full tank = 404 miles or 646 km !!!


----------



## Dark_Lightning

Nice. I'd like one, but have mortal fear of the steaming butt-crack driving his monster truck or SUV 10 feet behind me at 65 MPH on the 405 FWY in southern California during rush hour, which I do every day. My Corolla is SLIGHTLY better in a crash.


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy

He looks like Adolf


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

New gas coming to your gas station; PAY ATTENTION!


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

.
.
If you watch the video I think you will be impressed
.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=pcZSU40RBrg


----------



## odie




----------



## Grumpy

Welcome back Odie. 
Good to see you haven't lost your sense of humour.


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo

Kurunkov Autoaeromobil 1966

Designed and built in 1966 by V. Kurunkov from the former USSR. The engine did not power the wheels, but the air propeller. On the road the vehicle reached a speed of 120 km/h. In the snow on skis a speed of 80 km/h was achieved. On water as an amphicar a speed of 50 km/h could be obtained. Great performance in those years.


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## 111




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## boxedin

This thread is udderly ridiculous ;-)


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## 111




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## NoThanks




----------



## NoThanks




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy

Working overtime there Danny
.


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DS

Methane powered law mower saves gas…










As long as your girlfriend doesn't mind filling it for you!

(She doesn't look very happy about it to me)


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo

very cool


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## NoThanks

Some cool old gas station pics.


----------



## DanYo

good gas station link … brings back memories


----------



## DanYo

1956 Zündapp Delta


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo

*Pyroil The Wonder Gas*


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## realcowtown_eric

air-tabs 3-5% fuel savings on highway, apparently equally effective on city driving with cube vans.

Eric


----------



## patron

1949 bentley mark VI woody wagon
factory made !


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## patron




----------



## Grumpy

Your car David?


----------



## patron

Diana Dors' stunning 1949 Delahaye Type 175 Roadster. At the height of her career, Diana was the British equivalent of Marilyn Monroe and she had a car to match that profile - a 1949 Delahaye Type 175 Roadster by French manufacturer Saoutchik. It's a stunning, futuristic car, one of only 51 made and owned by Dors when she was just 17 and unable to drive ! Check out the interior of this car here ! Who would think the 40's could produce a car like this?


----------



## Grumpy

Ah! the memories David


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

The new Flatulent Backfire
http://static.photobucket.com/player.swf


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## patron

1940 Ford COE …(Cab-over-Engine)


----------



## Grumpy

Patron, very cute but not built for speed bumps. LOL
.


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## patron




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## patron

1949 Delahaye Type 175 Saoutchik Coupe de Ville


----------



## Bonka




----------



## DanYo

> 1949 Delahaye Type 175 Saoutchik Coupe de Ville
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> - patron


beautiful color and sleek shape.


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## patron

The von Krieger Special Roadster, a 1936 Mercedes-Benz 540 K, sold for $11,770,000


----------



## Grumpy

Light my fire
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=511140508976606


----------



## GaryC




----------



## patron




----------



## Grumpy

David. I would like to be there when that big one tried to take off. LOL


----------



## Dark_Lightning

> Patron, very cute but not built for speed bumps. LOL
> .
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> - Grumpy


I think I saw this one at work a couple of years ago. Is it from the University of Michigan?


----------



## Grumpy

The YikeBike









.
http://www.yikebike.com/design/video-gallery/yikebike-discovery-channel


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## NoThanks




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

A case of Japanese ingenuity and perseverance.
.


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Dark_Lightning

> - Dan um Style


My brother was putting gas in his blown 383 stroker motor '62 Chevy truck one day and some bimbo with a Prius complained to him about the fuel usage. He thanked her for saving what he would end up using. The thing that those people usually don't realize is that the electricity they charge their cars with is made from fossil fuel in another state, thus only moving the pollution to somewhere else.


----------



## DanYo




----------



## waho6o9

"My brother was putting gas in his blown 383 stroker motor '62 Chevy truck one day and some bimbo with a Prius complained to him about the fuel usage."

What's scarier is these bimbos may vote.


----------



## lan04

lol


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

*********************************** Gas Saver









https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10201677077718343&fref=nf


----------



## patron




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Dark_Lightning

> "My brother was putting gas in his blown 383 stroker motor '62 Chevy truck one day and some bimbo with a Prius complained to him about the fuel usage."
> 
> What s scarier is these bimbos may vote.
> 
> - waho6o9


Maybe they don't vote, given the deplorable state of voter participation in this country. Another time, on the freeway, I saw a Tesla with the following quote (paraphrased, I don't remember it exactly) in the back window of the car-

"If you use gasoline for your vehicle, you are responsible for global warming , wars and subjugation of people world wide". The guy is obviously clueless as to where his electrons came from.


----------



## realcowtown_eric

air tabs….

http://www.fuelly.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12068

This fella relates 17% savings, but generally expected to be 5ish%

Take note on stability.

Eric


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy

In this case big is better!.
.
http://vid240.photobucket.com/albums/ff192/GRUMPY1946/Smart%20car.mp4!https://storage.googleapis.com/aws-s3-lumberjocks-com/ndz2wap.jpg!


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo

ride a bike !


----------



## Bluepine38

I do ride a bike,but I can not ride fast enough to catch her.


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## JollyGreen67

Don't eat any kind of ruffage.


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy

This Guy is an Idiot!








.
http://www.bu2z.com/v/petard-dans-bouse-de-vache


----------



## gfadvm

That guy is waaay beyond idiot!!!


----------



## patron

seemed like fun at the time

i guess i'll write this one off
the bucket list


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## patron




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Picklehead

^^^^ WTF? ^^^^


----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## patron




----------



## Picklehead

^^^ Even the TRUCK looks drunk!^^^


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy

I bet that croc card nips along. LOL
.


----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Dark_Lightning

> - Grumpy


I remember that, it's at the Burbank, CA airport! Race car airline pilot.


----------



## patron




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Grumpy




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## Dark_Lightning

My middle son saw a guy riding a skateboard and using a leaf blower for propulsion. Said the guy was moving right along down the street. Couldn't give you a speed, though.


----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## DanYo




----------



## patron

HERE IS A BIT OF HISTORY I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW…

Hours after Pearl Harbor was bombed on December 7, 1941,the Secret Service found themselves in a bind. 
President Franklin D. Roosevelt was to give his Day of Infamy speech to Congress on Monday, and although the trip from the White House to Capitol Hill was short, agents weren't sure how to transport him safely. 
At the time, Federal Law prohibited buying any cars that cost more than $750, so they would have to get clearance from Congress to do that, and nobody had time for that. 
One of the Secret Service members, however, discovered that the US Treasury had seized the bulletproof car that mobster Al Capone owned when he was sent to jail in 1931. 
They cleaned it, made sure it was running perfectly and had it ready for the President the next day.

Al Capone's 1928 Cadillac V-8 "Al Capone" Town Sedan Became the President's Limo in December 1941.


















Mechanics are said to have cleaned and checked each feature of the Caddy well into the night of December 7th,to make sure that it would run properly the next day for the Commander in Chief. 
And run properly it did. It had been painted black and green to look identical to Chicago 's police cars at the time. 
To top it off, the gangster's1928 Cadillac Town Sedan had 3,000 pounds of armor and inch-thick bulletproof windows.

It also had a specially installed siren and flashing lights hidden behind the grille, along with a police scanner radio.

"Previous Owner." 









Footnote: The car sold at auction in 2012 for $341,000.00.


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Dark_Lightning

> - Dan um Style


Thia appears to be the bird being taken to static display in Palmdale. Hard to believe that it is sitting out in the desert like that.


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DrDirt

Just need a spoiler and ground effects kit!


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## BJODay

Interesting,

No helmet but he does have hearing protection.


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy

Said to be The oldest known documented wheelie, 1936 
.


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## Grumpy

Teddy Roosevelt was the first president to fly. 1910 
.


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## patron




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## Grumpy

Look out David. You will be in trouble with the ladies.


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Dark_Lightning

> - Grumpy


Appear to be Ford engines- make more noise than speed… ;^)


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## Dark_Lightning

> - Grumpy


This plant got shut down recently due to the large number of birds (nicknamed "streamers") getting toasted at a rate of one about every two minutes.


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## Grumpy

If it was in Kentucky, you can guess what the fried birds would be called. LOL


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo

ha


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## DanYo

Mermaid Tail Fins

Swim as graceful as a mythical half-human sea creature the next time you go into the beach wearing mermaid tail fins. The fins are joined together in order to mimic the anatomy of a mermaid fin, allowing you to swim faster and more efficiently underwater. Totally gasoline free. Million miles a gallon.
$99.00

Check It Out

Awesome Sh*t You Can Buy


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## Grumpy




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## patron




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## Grumpy

Now that is an outdoor dunny


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy

Solar Impulse
.

http://info.solarimpulse.com/en/solar-flights/#.VbBEMqQrJr0
.
.


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## MLWilson

California cheese is so good that we eat it. We don't wear it on our heads.


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy

.
One crazy Aussie stunt man
.


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## Bluepine38

Snowmobilers have been racing on the water for a few years. I notice that he keeps most of his weight
over the rear tire, and just lets the front wheel have enough contact to steer, at the revs he has to
turn to stay afloat, he must have ruined a motor or two from hydrolock-water will not compress like
air when it gets sucked into the motor-while he was learining how to do this. He is a damn good rider,
and not too shabby on the design side either.


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## waho6o9

What a ride, cool video thanks Grumpy


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## LumberJax

Tesla cars also don't use gas.


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## DanYo




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## Picklehead

Nice rig!

(car ain't bad either)


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## DanYo

Heard car really saves on gas.

Really nice head lights too.


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## madts

The back-up lights are just so so.


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Daruc

I don't see any gas or weed!


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## Bonka

De Tomaso Pantera


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## patron




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## MrUnix

> - Dan um Style


OMG… I actually had one like that in my youth… but with regular handlebars instead of a steering wheel! The looks from people was priceless, and I even once caused a cop to run into an old lady pushing a shopping cart in front of the grocery store, because he was looking at me and not paying attention!

Cheers,
Brad


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy

You could take a ride on this fella
.


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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## odie

Hi Guys, long time no see.

!!

Darn it I thought I could delete this … Ah Crap!


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## Grumpy

You up to mischief again Odie?


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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Bluepine38

Cannot translate, but the rear wheels have the traction tread and no drive mechanism. Looks like an air 
cooled engine with Renault Le Car 3 bolt wheels. No rear view mirrors so he must think no one can 
catch it.


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## BJODay

From google translate:
denis is bonnel sculptor 2CV year passes, he brings a nice car turned into a kind of mask rocketeer. This year he reiterated that box with e canned real skin wild van. The driving gear is an experience that defies the imagination.


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## wood2woodknot

Official delivery vehicle for Chick-fila????


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## Grumpy




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## Bluepine38

The first official version of a 5th wheel trailer a forerunner of the semi-trailer?


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## Grumpy

Like this one Bluepine38?


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## Grumpy




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## 000




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy

Compliments from Dan
.


----------



## gfadvm

I saw the 20 mule team hitch 2 weeks ago in Bishop, Ca during Mule Days. Unbelievable!


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## Grumpy

Lucky you gfadvm.


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## patron




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## Grumpy




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## DrDirt

The Flatula Backfire…


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DanYo




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## 000




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## Grumpy




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## mikegulo

The most better way is not to use the Gas if you would like to save. hehe!


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## Grumpy

This one looks a bit of a thirsty type!.
.


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## patron

looks like the same one don
this one rusty
from the drink you mentioned


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## Grumpy

My how time can change an appearance. Reminds me I just turned 70. LOL


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## corelz125




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## Grumpy




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## doubleDD

> I heard that guys take their bikes on comping trips to save on gas.
> - Grumpy


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## patron

The all-terrain Model T was a brief entry into the Ford line of vehicles. Rather than using a modern day 4-wheel drive system, this puppy relied on large military wheels and snow cables.


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## Grumpy

Very inventive.


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## Grumpy




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## papadan

Nobody wants to tailgate a garbage truck. LOL


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy

Will be in Utah in September if any LJ's want to catch up 
.


----------



## AndrewLara

LOL..!


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## Grumpy




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## Dark_Lightning

> Will be in Utah in September if any LJ s want to catch up
> .
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> - Grumpy


Potentially camping in Oregon or Wyoming for a view of the total eclipse. I'll know more as time goes by.

As far as Utah's gas prices go, they don't have a state sales tax added on the price, like California does. We pay (where I live) an additional 7.5%, or about 20¢ over what they pay…plus the extra cost for "low emissions fuel", which is oxygenated (reduces mileage while reducing emissions!).


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## TopamaxSurvivor

> - Grumpy


Bet that little buggy scoots right along ;-)


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## BJODay

I didn't know that Canada had any ****************************************. I think that flag was photo-shopped.


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## TheDane

> I didn t know that Canada had any ****************************************.


Then you haven't met my cousins kids in Winnipeg!


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy

This one looks like it's been doctored!.
.


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## Grumpy

As does this one!.
.


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## Dark_Lightning

That's going to be tough to keep upright in the slaloms.


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Bonka

Beer Run?


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## Grumpy

No wonder this guy is grimacing !!!
'


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## DS

Amazon Prime 2nd day delivery. (literally)


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Bonka

Anyone getting this trying to log on? "Ruby on Rails application could not be started." I get this on the weather site and when I try to log on to LJ.


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## TopamaxSurvivor

What is that red arrow trying to point out?


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## Grumpy

Bob, it was already on the photo.


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Dark_Lightning

> - Grumpy


lol. Couldn't put Baby Moon hub caps on it, I guess.


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## DanYo

BMW pony


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Magnum

> BMW pony
> 
> - Dan um Style


*
REMOVED!*


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## Grumpy




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## MSquared

That's art!


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Dark_Lightning

A lot of these point out just what contempt people hold for human life.


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## MSquared

... Or disregard. But, there's some ingenuity in there.


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## TopamaxSurvivor

I have stacked and loaded enough hay bales to doubt those loads of hay and sacks are pictures of actual loads.


----------



## Peter101

> OK jocks, there is now a new vehicle that needs no gas, it produces it s own gas (methane) which can be recycled, also used as a fertiliser plant a milk vending machine & a ride for the kids.
> 
> *It s called a Cowasaki*
> 
> LOL
> 
> - Grumpy


i have a unit that produces her own gas too.
She does the laundry as well!!


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## Grumpy

Peter101, are you still in one piece after making that comment, LOL.


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## Grumpy




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## bigblockyeti

> I have stacked and loaded enough hay bales to doubt those loads of hay and sacks are pictures of actual loads.
> 
> - TopamaxSurvivor


Yeah many of those loaded wagon pictures, especially the stacked hay, look photoshopped.


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## bigblockyeti

double post


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## Grumpy




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## MSquared

Well, if one were going downhill …. Just watch that first curve!! 

P.S.; 'Taina' can crack Walnuts with her thigh muscles!!


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## Grumpy

I would be worried about the brakes as well
.


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## MSquared

Indeed!


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## Grumpy




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## bigblockyeti

I'm not sure how much worse pulling the log trailer would be vs. riding the bike with two big side sprint tires. At least one I suppose you could get going but would be a heck of a workout. Personally I have a kid hauling trailer similar in size to the one pictured above and it works great for getting whatever I need within two miles of the house. The biggest problem is needing more braking power on my bike.


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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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## Grumpy




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