# April Fools Day



## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

I think April Fools Day should be a religious holiday where we all pause, thank our creator of choice (or not, if we are creatorless) and stop killing each other for one day each year. Part of the celebration would include spending the day with a group of people that for whatever reason we look down on or despise or hate or have no consideration for or… The next day we resume our normal evil, deceitful, uncaring lives that we so cherish. Truly then we can say we have celebrated being fools.


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## SCOTSMAN (Aug 1, 2008)

spot on my friend only we should abolish wars forever leaving our troops purely as a defensive force in case of likely attack. or imminent. or actual attack .
And stop meddling and interfering with other countries problems there we truly become fools in wars we cannot afford and rely on borrowing money to execute.Alistair


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## madts (Dec 30, 2011)

I agree with both. But how? Even this little spot called LJ cannot keep peace. Here I also might be at fault.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

I'm guessing we don't do good at getting along because the majority of the membership are just like their parents and their parents before them…religious, conservative, republican who do not like change and only a few of us are of the enlightened.


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## renners (Apr 9, 2010)

Part of the celebration would include spending the day with a group of people that for whatever reason we look down on or despise or hate or have no consideration for or… The next day we resume our normal evil, deceitful, uncaring lives that we so cherish.

Sounds like Christmas…


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Scotsman, one sure fire way to end war is to have a worldwide law that states the person or group of persons that declare war on another country must always be in the vanguard of the attack. No leader(s) leading, no war. The military would be free to not fight if not led…


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Renners, how appropriate for a woodworking forum…you hit the nail smack dab on the ol' noggin.


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## roman (Sep 28, 2007)

amusing.

First laugh of the day


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## DaleM (Feb 18, 2009)

DKV said: "I'm guessing we don't do good at getting along because the majority of the membership are just like their parents and their parents before them…religious, conservative, republican who do not like change and only a few of us are of the enlightened."

I'm thinking comments like that is why YOU might not get along too well with others DKV. Not me, as I haven't even commented on anything of yours before I don't believe, but I noticed you like to polarize the membership and label them as belonging to certain groups. Practice what you are preaching please and maybe everyone really can get along.

Oops. By your thinking I should have waited until April 1st to talk to you. Hahaha.


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## craftsman on the lake (Dec 27, 2008)

Aw Dale…. first fish of the day.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Dale, I practice what I preach by being on this site everyday and trying to help you all. I do my best, that's all I can do.

Craftsman, you kill me.


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## roman (Sep 28, 2007)

seems to me, groups polarize each other, due to the fact they all too often talk about the things they know little about so if the big dreamy world of make believe was beside me, what it would it think?

If "it" was alive today, and the event called Easter, April Fools, or Christmas, and every religious and political view was enacted, we would be faced towards a long history of wars lost

pick your poison ?

A holiday is nice where ever you are


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## roman (Sep 28, 2007)

amen


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## ShaneA (Apr 15, 2011)

"Sounds like Christmas"

Now that was funny, but kind of a harsh truth too.


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## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

Did you know that Easter is not a national holiday.


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## roman (Sep 28, 2007)

?

it is, if you work for the government and get a big fat indexed pension based on the ability of the public to pay the taxes, so that pork bellies can remain fat and celebrate where crucifixes cant be hung ?

The ultimate paradox of fairness


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

Ya … I don't even get a day off !


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## DaleM (Feb 18, 2009)

Daniel/Craftsman on the Lake. No fish here. I know what his intent is and don't get reeled in by it and have already said I haven't commented on his posts before. My comment was actually meant to be slightly humorous, but I can see I failed in that. I don't get upset by his posts because I know he doesn't mean almost any of what he says. It's the posts of those who say dumb crap and mean it (cough cough HM cough cough) that I get upset about.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Dale, not to get anyone riled but I mean everything I say…I think. I would like it if you joined in. Contrary to what HMike and some others say I am not a "causer of trouble". I consider myself a "speaker of truth". Neither am I a troll that gets enjoyment out of pissing people off by intentionally posting incendiary topics. I enjoy woodworking, speaking my mind and trying to help the closed minded. That's me in the proverbial nutshell.


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## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

? no it isn't.


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## renners (Apr 9, 2010)

Before you all go judging DKV, look at his avatar, he is simply a kindly old gentleman who means no harm to anyone. Can't you tell? I suspect he always has toffees in his pocket for his Grandchildren and is kind to all animals, including dogs.


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

I spent 3 years worth of holidays in Iraq with people that professed they wanted to kill Ameircans, reasons were varied end result was the same. Having done my time in Hell I am none to intersted in sharing a meal and putting on a happy face about it while they plot. I would rather endure a circumcision via chainsaw with a rusty blade. (laughing)


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## juniorjock (Feb 3, 2008)

Thank you woodbutcher…..thank you for your service.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Wood, I second junior's thank you. I am sad you even had to be there. You were only doing what you thought was right. I'm sure your senator and congressman were right there with you fighting the good fight…our good vs their evil. Someday you need to read The Prize.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Damn! If you snooze you lose. When I was sitting home Friday night feeling sorry for myself because I was bored out of my mind with nothing to do I could have been nailed to a cross. Now that's entertainment…


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## renners (Apr 9, 2010)

^One guy has done it for 27 years, "Crowds of up to 50,000 go to see the crucifixions". 
I am amazed. Astounded. Apalled.
The year is 2013 isn't it?


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

renners said - Before you all go judging DKV, look at his avatar, he is simply a kindly old gentleman who means no harm to anyone. Can't you tell? I suspect he always has toffees in his pocket for his Grandchildren and is kind to all animals, including dogs.

And look at my avatar,,, am I a 6'8" NBA superstar or the *TROLL HUNTER * incognito ?

An just look at DKV's thumbs. One for each hand.


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## renners (Apr 9, 2010)

I am a statue. Rock on!


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

DKV, juniorjock, others, you are welcome. Allow me to give you a glimpse of what those that endure such actions feel.

I have walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, 
Past the twin pillars of fire at the Gates of Hell, and descended into the depths of that Abyss.
There we have done battle with the Furies. Many of those comrades have fallen at my side.

Words cannot express what it is like to hold a fallen comrade in your arms, hear him call for his Mother, pray with him that God will take away the pain, and listen as he begs you to take him home because he is cold.

Nor can mere words do justice to the emotions you experience as you watch the last breath of life leave the body, see the eyes go cold and grey, then feel the gentle whisper of the wind as the spirit departs the body.

I have avenged my fallen comrades, tenfold as Honor demands. The enemy has known true fear, and experienced the vicious taste of my wrath. They have learned I will show no mercy. But it did not bring them back.

My experience has taught me two lessons; the first is that life is short and should be enjoyed; the second is that Freedom is not free. It is paid for with blood and the sacrifice of those who stand on the line and say nothing crosses me on my watch. *If you want past me you must go through me and I will not go quietly into the night.*

Today I enjoy the beauty of a soft rain on a lazy afternoon. I am grateful that God allowed me to come home to be one of the "Returned".

As you go your ways thank those who have served and if you have a moment take time to
"Remember the Fallen".


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## Airspeed (Mar 11, 2013)

Renners, that was truly funny!


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## roman (Sep 28, 2007)

let there b light

where tunnels insist trains exist


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## roman (Sep 28, 2007)

the dead guy just spoke

he's new

perhaps we should sick A1 on him ?


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## roman (Sep 28, 2007)

Chim in ?


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## roman (Sep 28, 2007)

crazy


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## tomd (Jan 29, 2008)

A bunny that lays colored eggs, makes sense to me. Fish #2.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Tomd, let me get this straight. Anyone that replies to one of my posts is a fish? How does that work and who determined the rules for fish/not fish? I am not a troll…so how can you be a fish?


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## tomd (Jan 29, 2008)

In America you can be anything you want to be, I chose a fish.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

More power to you tomd. Now go out and do good. Kinda makes you think, what do fish do good? Oh,that's right…you and a loaf of Wonder fed thousands. Well, keep it up…I guess.


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## tomd (Jan 29, 2008)

There is nothing like a good fish sandwich.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Here's one I hope turns out to be a bad April Fools joke. A teacher in Idaho is being investigated by the state standards board for using the word vagina in a biology sex education class. According to state officials the proper term for those nether regions is "lady parts". Personally, I prefer the term "virginia".


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

anyone else think this is a fish face?


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## DanYo (Jun 30, 2007)

This guy is fishy too.

http://www.biwook.net/gallery/funny-********************/more-weird-people/fish%20face.jpg


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

I've done more research. Four families complained about the v word. According to the Spokane Spokesman no one in the four families has a virginia nor did anyone in the four families pass through virginia when they were born. We're either talking magic or miracle…go figure. I was under the impression that that kind of stuff only happened in ancient books.


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## mbmattvt (Mar 3, 2013)

DKV,

I am not the moderator. However your postings are not allowed by the rules I've read - I think its important for you to read the "view the posting rules" link before you post. It can be found at the top of the posting window in red with a "+" sign in front of it.

*Excerpt Citation - 
3. Non-shop Talk

In order to keep the Projects, Blogs and Forums as "woodworking-related only" as well as to provide a place for members to socialize about things other than woodworking, we have introduced a "Non-shop Talk" section, located here.
The rules are the same as above. The "Non-shop Talk", although not about woodworking, is still a component of the site and the same rules and expectations apply. "Play nice" sums it up nicely.
Because of their divisive nature, political and religious debates, and thus postings, are prohibited at LumberJocks.com. Please refrain from starting or taking part in such discussions.*

I signed up on this site to learn from and enjoy the work of others (and maybe avoid the news we hear every day) and to be "enlightened" in other ways.

- Please read the rules -

Note to moderator - this is a time to step in, I feel, with a reminder to all of the posting rules.

Happy Easter everyone.

Matt


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## DaleM (Feb 18, 2009)

I came from Kentucky, which was once part of Virginia territory. The US once had a much larger Virginia.


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## 280305 (Sep 28, 2008)

That thums-up guy sure gets around:
http://cambridge.tab.co.uk/2012/05/15/daddy-knows-breast/


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

*Dan'um Style* Put up a warning or something before we look at those pics, I just got up…....(Laughing).


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

mb, be specific as to my indiscretions. I don't want to search through each of my postings to try and figure out where I rubbed across your thin skin. I am sure I did not break a rule. Prove me wrong friend and I will gladly apologize…I'm like that, I concede gracefully when shown the light. Speaking of light, you do know that I'm one of the Enlightened?


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## tomd (Jan 29, 2008)

Can't we all just get along ?


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

tomd, I get along with everyone. It is the others that can not seem to understand me and my sincere, pure motivations to upgrade the quality of the LJ mental state. That mental state is "be like me or get out". You can not be different on this site. I'm sad about that small mindeness.


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## renners (Apr 9, 2010)

Hey Deek, you cracked 2000 posts, CONGRATULATIONS! you still have a long way to go to catch up with the ambassador, I only noticed looking at that complaining guys post count. Pah! 16 and he's pointing out the error of your ways. Like one of those new guys moving into the neighbourhood and wanting to shake things up. Typical. Prolly someone who calls breasts 'dirty pillows'.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

renners, I've decided to stop posting at 2013. From that point on I will post once a year so my post number coincides with the year. Something magical about that…


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## 280305 (Sep 28, 2008)

DKV,

If you get into a bind, you might want to look into adopting the Assyrian calendar.

That will keep you going for a while.


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## renners (Apr 9, 2010)

Damn, you just wasted one…


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## Tony_S (Dec 16, 2009)

I ran over a Jackrabbit today….doin' 'bout 60. He was doing cartwheels when I looked in the rearview…He never felt a thing(little bastard broke the mudflap on my truck though!).
Considering this isn't April fools day….I should be ok on the 'no killing' part of your deal, but, seeing how it's Easter….Bad JU-JU…No?

Renners…Dirty Pillows? LOL!


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Well, today is the day. This is the day that my new celebration of humanity day begins. I still lack a couple of traditions that need to be put into place so we can say "It is a tradition" when asked why we do stupid crazy things. I need a saint…either a volunteer or suggestion to who you think would make a good saint for our April 1st humanity day celebration. In the next couple days I'll also be looking for suggestions on any "ancient" rituals we can invent to mesh nicely with the "ancient" traditions. Also, I need a Pooba to rule over the whole thing. I would like that we only elect LJs to that exalted office since we started it all.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

James, since I feel so strongly about this I am not referring to this holiday as religious but as a celebration. That way I stay out of trouble and we have a new holiday which we can petition the government to recognize and give all gov workers another day of rest.

Also, if anyone is interested in joining please let me.

Here are a couple examples of possible Poopa attire.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

As our membership spreads across the world I would like to standardize on what our places of exaltation will look like. Here are some examples. I'm looking for unique but not ostentatious. Something we can be proud of and at the same time humble. Something that shouts the core values of our Congregation of Doctrinites. A building that leaves people wondering what type people meet there. I want envy to build within those that gaze upon our house of meeting because they are not part of the select. A sanctum of officium that will make our membership drives effortless.


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## renners (Apr 9, 2010)

Something like this perhaps…


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## madts (Dec 30, 2011)

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=wnAAr1Slj58Y5M&tbnid=Xcwh1cfxjxw19M:&ved=&url=http%3A%2F%2Fgoingtocopenhagen.com%2Frundetarn-round-tower%2F&ei=5fZZUb7gN4G69QTPwoHIDw&bvm=bv.44442042,d.eWU&psig=AFQjCNE4r0K4qi7bjVmLxJYpEkknWKxO_w&ust=1364936806307425


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

renners, does it scale beyond 3 or 4 members? Remember, we're going worldwide and we're moving quickly.


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## renners (Apr 9, 2010)

or this…









...with a Grand Council, composed of the elders to greet all new members, whether they be woodworkers or peddlers of anti wrinkle creme. They could also serve as a disciplinary committee to deal with any undesirables.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Since a1jim seems to be the unofficial leader of our current LJ membership maybe we can ask him to be Poopa Jim I. Thoughts? I think Jim would look good in red and blue.


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## renners (Apr 9, 2010)

Red and blue? I think this would be far more fetching…


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## madts (Dec 30, 2011)

Good one Deek.


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

Congregation of Doctrinites


> ?


????


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## roman (Sep 28, 2007)

Dad


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## waho6o9 (May 6, 2011)

Will the meeting place have a view for inspiration 
and reflection?


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Wood, once indoctrinated you are known as a doctrinite. Numerous examples on this site.
Wah, view and location is always determined by the wealth of the doctrinites. We need a Tom Cruise or two.
Renners, I know, I know I've gone over. I'm borrowing from the future…

About the headgear. It has to be tall, glorious and wonderfying. Our Poopa, Jim I, will except no less and justifiable so.

Since I have not heard from a1Jim I'll have to pm him. He's probably in shock…


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

In the Congregation of Doctrinite tradition of transparency and glassification, below is the pm I sent to a1Jim.

Jim, the Congregation of Doctrinites has selected you as our first ever Poopa. If you need help with your acceptance speech I'm sure I can find a wordsmith on this site to assist. Congratulations and long live Jim I.

PS You can select any name you like. I think Jim I has a certain certainous about it.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Horizontal Mike, are you jealous? That is exactly why you will never be one of our Doctrinites. Envy is not one of our virtues.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Good news everyone…Please welcome Poopa Jim I. Below is his acceptance pm.

From a1JimSent
11 hours ago
Subject Re: Rare Honor
Message I promise to fulfill my duties to best of my abilities and never to kick small puppies or pee on the toilet seats. May the farce be with us , this concludes our table saw side chat )Jim I, LJs first Poopa-

W James Brokenbourgh Custom furniture maker http://artisticwoodstudio.com/


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

Can I claim tax exempt status for all tools and other needed materials associated with making things from wood I am if a member of the Congregation of Doctrinites??

Where do I find the traditions and virtues of the Congregation of Doctrinites, maybe I need to keep up on this stuff.

Have you heard back from a1Jim? I plan to take the day off to be at his cornation so I need a few weeks notice and all.


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## DKV (Jul 18, 2011)

Wood, all questions will be answered shortly. I am researching tax exempt status. The Book of Doctrine will be published shortly. More later…


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

DKV, what happened man? I am looking for an invite to the Cornation of our Poopa JIM 1. Dates, time, place how much booze with be available etc etc. Nevermind the dancing girls I have that at home..


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## madts (Dec 30, 2011)

I am sorry to say I think, that all that are/were a little bit edgy have moved to a different site, where there is more tolerance. I hear that the Mongolian Trout Fishing Web site allows a lot of banter.


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## renners (Apr 9, 2010)

Deek may be missing a while. He is very busy cultivating silkworms for the poopal robes at the moment.


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## woodbutcherbynight (Oct 21, 2011)

lol


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