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Forum topic by Grumpy posted 05-12-2009 12:37 AM 1285 views 0 times favorited 20 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Grumpy

21559 posts in 3312 days


05-12-2009 12:37 AM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, ‘Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see? ‘
‘The Lone Ranger replies, ‘I see millions of stars.’
‘What that tell you?’ asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, ‘Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What’s it tell you, Tonto?’

‘You dumber than buffalo sh.t. It means someone stole the tent. Lone Ranger and Tonto Pictures, Images and Photos

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python


20 replies so far

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Dick, & Barb Cain

8693 posts in 3760 days


#1 posted 05-12-2009 12:39 AM

HA HA HA!!!

-- -** You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream ****************** Dick, & Barb Cain, Hibbing, MN. http://www.woodcarvingillustrated.com/gallery/member.php?uid=3627&protype=1

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Gary

8968 posts in 2893 days


#2 posted 05-12-2009 12:50 AM

GREAT!

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas only 4 miles from the mill

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lew

11335 posts in 3216 days


#3 posted 05-12-2009 12:51 AM

Great One, Grumpy!

Reminds me of the time the Lone Ranger and Tonto were trapped in a box canyon by half the Apache nation. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and says- “well Tonto, it looks like we’ve had it”. Tonto replies- “what you me we, white man”.

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

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MsDebbieP

18615 posts in 3621 days


#4 posted 05-12-2009 12:58 AM

chuckled out loud on that one (I guess that is “COL” )
:)

-- ~ Debbie, Canada (https://www.facebook.com/DebbiePribeleENJOConsultant)

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a1Jim

115202 posts in 3038 days


#5 posted 05-12-2009 01:03 AM

Me say funny hmm

-- http://artisticwoodstudio.com Custom furniture

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3443 days


#6 posted 05-12-2009 01:14 AM

good one !!!

-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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Gary

8968 posts in 2893 days


#7 posted 05-12-2009 01:45 AM

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog “the sign says you have to be good with a computer.” The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.
By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.”
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said “yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.”
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, “Meow!”

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas only 4 miles from the mill

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Scott Bryan

27251 posts in 3282 days


#8 posted 05-12-2009 01:48 AM

Thanks Grumpy and Gary. These were fun to read.

-- Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful- Joshua Marine

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odie

1690 posts in 3301 days


#9 posted 05-12-2009 01:49 AM

—- Subject: A salesman

A salesman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when he sees a Navajo
man hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car
and the Navajo man climbs in.

During their small talk, the Navajo man glances surreptitiously at a brown
bag on the front seat between them.

“If you’re wondering what’s in the bag,” offers the salesman, “it’s a bottle
of wine. I got it for my wife.”

The Navajo man is silent for awhile, nods several times and says, “Good
trade.”

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

View Woodwrecker's profile

Woodwrecker

3925 posts in 3036 days


#10 posted 05-12-2009 02:23 AM

Those helped after a hard night at work.
Thanks to all of you!

-- Eric, central Florida

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Gary

8968 posts in 2893 days


#11 posted 05-12-2009 02:23 AM

How is your new job at the factory?” One guy asked another.
“I’m not going back there.”
Why not?”
“For many reasons,” he answered. “The sloppiness, the shoddy workmanship, the awful language – they just couldn’t put up with it.

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas only 4 miles from the mill

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Gary

8968 posts in 2893 days


#12 posted 05-12-2009 02:25 AM

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry, and was not happy about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, “Well, I’ll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!”
“Don’t worry, ma’am,” replied the clerk. “With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom, you’ll be home in no time.”

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas only 4 miles from the mill

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3443 days


#13 posted 05-15-2009 02:47 AM

Indian Humor

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks.

The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question.

His son translated for the NASA people:
“What are these guys in the big suits doing?”

One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon.

When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, “Why certainly!” and told an underling to get a tape recorder.

The Navajo elder’s comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said.

The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate. So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder’s message to the moon.

Finally, an official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing the translator relayed the message:

“Watch out for these assholes. They have come to steal your land.”

-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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TopamaxSurvivor

17654 posts in 3136 days


#14 posted 05-15-2009 04:13 AM

BOY SITTING ON TOILET

————————————————————————————————————————

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET.

HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG,

SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT’S UP.

THE LITTLE BOY IS GRIPPING ON TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITTING

HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAYS: “BILLY, ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU’VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE.”

BILLY SAYS: “I’M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN’T GONE ‘POOPY’ YET.”

MOTHER SAYS: “OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU
HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?”

BILLY SAYS: “WORKS FOR KETCHUP..”

-- Bob in WW ~ "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3443 days


#15 posted 05-15-2009 04:23 AM

Once upon a time….

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by a savage Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?”

The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger whispers in Silver’s ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blond woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blond enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed. “You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?”
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and again, he whispers in the horse’s ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunet, even more attractive than the blond. She enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. “You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your final request.”
The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse, alone.”

The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent. Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by one ear, then grabs him by the other, looks him square in the eye and says,

“Listen carefully, you dummy! For the last time, it is a Posse I need! A POSSE!!!!”

-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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