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Forum topic by cabinetmaster posted 05-11-2009 02:17 AM 1465 views 0 times favorited 16 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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cabinetmaster

10874 posts in 3023 days


05-11-2009 02:17 AM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

A man boarded an airplane in New
Orleans with a box of
frozen crabs and asked a blonde, female crew member to
take care of the box
for him. She took the box and promised to put it in
the crew’s refrigerator.
personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen,
mentioned that he was a
lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would
happen if she let them
thaw out..

He pointedly advised her that he was holding her

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New
York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would
the gentleman who gave me
the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your
hand?”

Not one hand went up … so she took them home and ate
them.

Two lessons here:

1. Men never learn..

2. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most men think.

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps


16 replies so far

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FEDSAWDAVE

293 posts in 2897 days


#1 posted 05-11-2009 02:19 AM

#3) Stay out of New Orleans

-- David, Tools4solidsurface.com

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Karson

35035 posts in 3865 days


#2 posted 05-11-2009 02:27 AM

Very Good.

-- I've been blessed with a father who liked to tinker in wood, and a wife who lets me tinker in wood. Southern Delaware soon moving to Virginia karsonwm@gmail.com †

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3448 days


#3 posted 05-11-2009 02:30 AM



-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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woodworm

14164 posts in 3055 days


#4 posted 05-11-2009 02:37 AM

I think the blonds also did not learn from the crabs too, otherwise she wouldn’t that straightforward…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3448 days


#5 posted 05-14-2009 05:20 AM



-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3448 days


#6 posted 05-14-2009 05:22 AM



-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3448 days


#7 posted 05-14-2009 05:26 AM

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
Both are empty from the neck up.

What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row?
A wind tunnel.

If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
The brunette the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool.

Why does a blonde only change her baby’s diapers once a month?
Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.

How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.

How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in her shoulder pads.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.

What would a blonde say if you blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill!

Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don’t know any better.

How can you tell if a blonde has used your computer?
There’ll be white-out on the screen.

What’s the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to put information into a computer once.

Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off of a cliff.

How does a blonde do a High-Five?
She smacks herself in the forehead.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To try and catch everything that’s over their heads.

What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
They can’t dial 911 there’s no eleven on a telephone.

Why don’t blondes eat pickles?
Their heads always get stuck in the jar.

Why don’t blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
Because they can’t fit 8 cups of water into those little packages.

Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on her shoes?
Toes Go In First.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
That’s where you wash vegetables.

What’s the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You can park in a handicapped zone.

Why dont blondes get coffee breaks?
It takes too long to re-train them.

What do you call a zit on a blonde’s backside?
A brain tumor.

What did the blonde call her zebra?
Spot.

What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common.
You often hear about them, but you never see one.

Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.?
Because they can’t spell it.

How many blonde jokes are there?
None, they’re all true.

What does a blonde who has dyed her hair brown have?
Artificial intelligence.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her.

What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes.

How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof?
Tell her that the drinks are on the house.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.

What’s a blonde’s favorite T-shirt slogan?
I’m a natural blonde, please speak slowly.

What’s the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.

Why did the blonde freeze in the winter?
Because she went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season.

Why can’t blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can’t get the bottles into the typewriter.

How do you measure a blonde’s I.Q.?
With a tire gauge.

How do you change a blonde’s mind?
Blow in her ear.

What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident?
I’ll go and call 911, what’s the number?

What goes vroom-screech, vroom-screech?
A blonde driving through a flashing red light.

What’s a blonde doing when she grasps at thin air?
Collecting her thoughts.

What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other?
An air mattress.

What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever.

Why do blondes wear a ponytail?
To hide the valve stem.

How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
She has a checkbook.

How do you keep a blonde busy?
Give her a pack of M&M’s and ask her to alphabetize them.

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
100; 1 to make the batter, and 99 to peel the M&M’s.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Because she kept eating all of the ones with W’s on them.

What is the only job a blonde can do in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.

Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
Because red means Stop.

What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

What is the mating call of a blonde?
I’m soooo drunk!

What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
I said, I’m drunk!

What is the mating call of a brunette?
Is that @$#&! blonde gone yet?

Why do blondes always fail driver’s tests?
Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat.

What would a blonde say if her doctor told her that she was pregnant?
Is it mine?

What did the blonde’s mom say before her daughter went out on a date?
If you’re not in bed by 10 PM, come home!

What does a blonde use for birth control?
Brown hair-dye.

How does a blonde like her eggs?
Unfertilized.

What are the first two things that a blonde does in the morning?
1. She introduces herself. 2. She goes home.

-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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Gary

8968 posts in 2898 days


#8 posted 05-14-2009 05:46 AM

An old blind man stumbles into a bar. It just happens to be a lesbian bar. He makes his way over to the bar stool and sits down. The bartendar ask’s what he wants. He asks for a beer. When she brings it to him, he ask’s if she would like to hear a “blond” joke. She says, mister, I’m 5”10”, I way 140lbs and I’m a professional boxer and I’m a blond. The woman to your left has a black belt in Karati and she’s a blond. The woman to your right is a professional wrestler and she’s a blond. Are you sure you want to tell that “Blond” joke? The old guy says, aahhh, probably not…I don’t want to have to expalin it three times.

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas only 4 miles from the mill

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3448 days


#9 posted 05-14-2009 06:40 AM





-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3448 days


#10 posted 05-16-2009 05:52 PM

A guy picks up a five-dollar hooker and gets the crabs from her.
Seeing her the following week, he confronts her and says, “You gave me the crabs!”
She replies, “What did you expect for five bucks, lobster?”

-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3448 days


#11 posted 05-25-2009 03:32 AM



-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3448 days


#12 posted 05-25-2009 03:33 AM









-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3448 days


#13 posted 05-29-2009 06:57 AM


Holy crap, look at that thing. Hoping that was just a tiny trash can but, no, it’s a coconut crab, which is the biggest arthropod that lives on land.

-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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Dan'um Style

14167 posts in 3448 days


#14 posted 06-01-2009 01:56 AM

-- keeping myself entertained ... Humor and fun lubricate the brain

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mski

418 posts in 3445 days


#15 posted 06-01-2009 03:15 AM

Another Airline incident!!!

A mother and her 5 yr. old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas
> City to Chicago… The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to
> his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby
> cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
>
> The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, told her son to ask the
> stewardess. So the boy walked to the galley and asked the stewardess, “If
> big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes
> have baby planes?”
>
> The stewardess responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?”
>
> The boy said, “Yes, she did….”
>
> “Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because
> Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you.”
>

-- MARK IN BOB, So. CAL

showing 1 through 15 of 16 replies

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