BEER ... It's What's for Dinner

I’ll help!

-- spanky46 -- Never enough clamps...Never enough tools...Never enough time.

so this is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow??? i can just see the spanky and odie leprahchans dancing on the roof…

-- Matt, Napa, CA...fun is beautiful...just trying to have some fun...

Start ‘em young!

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

this is where I work…..

http://lagunitas.com

-- robbi-Yadahooty!

Robbi…..can you send me an application for employment?

-- Scott, South Carolina

every thing English

-- cut it saw it scrap it

Is it True????? The beer in my can has a golden hue? Maybe if i had ever put it in a glass i would’nt have wasted so much time chasing rainbows? I thought it was pot of gold, not can of gold? lol

Is it Beer thirty yet? It must be somewhere

-- There is no such thing as a mistake. Its called a design modification Rick Kruse, Grand Rapids, MI

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

this is for you and dan as you two are the funniest guys on LJ’s

-- cut it saw it scrap it

show me the bar

-- cut it saw it scrap it

Got Brick ?

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

At least the red cooler, holding the beer was undamaged !

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

-- ~ Inspiring those who inspire me ~

I wish I could find a picture of my nephew on his christening day (three or four months old) passed out on my brother’s lap with a Leinie’s bottle in his hand.

-- Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.

-- ~ Inspiring those who inspire me ~

MY KANGAROO LIKES A BEER ANYTIME.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Now that’s fishing … It’s Beer:30

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

soun ds good to me what beach is she at? LOL

-- There is no such thing as a mistake. Its called a design modification Rick Kruse, Grand Rapids, MI

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

oooops one to many

-- cut it saw it scrap it

cool turned lamp I saw on ebay…

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Gene

Dan, I sold the lamp. $18.00 and I had to pay the shipping.

-- Gene

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

I’m not sure what the goal of this forum post is. Anyway, here’s my contribution.

-- The smell of wood, coffee in the cup, the wife let's me do my thing, the lake is peaceful. http://web.me.com/deceiver6/Deceiver/Craftsman_on_the_lake/Craftsman_on_the_lake.html

Humor is what humor does … I haven’t drank booze for 25 yrs …

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

Me either….Beer’s not booze.

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

Daniel , the idea is to have fun … NOT preach!

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- http://www.grandprairiewoodworks.com http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6453794

-- Gene

I’ll drink to that !

-- RTB. "dumb animals are not stupid they simply can't talk "

Odie: “Daniel , the idea is to have fun … NOT preach!”

I guess it depends on your experiences or maybe level of addiction!

Anyway, I thought I was having fun!

-- The smell of wood, coffee in the cup, the wife let's me do my thing, the lake is peaceful. http://web.me.com/deceiver6/Deceiver/Craftsman_on_the_lake/Craftsman_on_the_lake.html

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

Pull up a chair, it’s beer.30

-- ~ Inspiring those who inspire me ~

-- Gene

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

My favorite Irish Beer Toast as he holds a mug of beer up in the air

“TO ALL OUR WIVES AND SWEETHEARTS AND PRAY THEY NEVER MEET”

-- http://www.furnituremann.ca/

Wonder what happened to the pic I posted above? It wasn’t porn, for sure. Let’ see what happens to this one.

-- Gene

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

Odie, even my wife laughed at that one.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

that was too fummy

-- There is no such thing as a mistake. Its called a design modification Rick Kruse, Grand Rapids, MI

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old
biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive
female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled
farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old biker.

“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, “may I help you?”

The old biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering young lady,” he
whispers, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs “Why yes,
yes, I sure am”.

The old biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly,
“Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger”.

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

The Theory of Intelligence

I don’t think I’ve ever heard the concept explained any better than this .

‘Well you see, Norm, it’s like this . . .
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group
keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.’

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

Claudio Pinto can pop both of his eyes 4 cm (about 1 and a half inch) or 95% out of their sockets. He’s now aiming (poppin’?) for a world record. Mr Pinto has undergone various tests and doctors say they have never seen or heard of a person who can pop the eyes as much as him. Mr Pinto, from Belo Horizonte, said: “It is a pretty easy way to make money. “I can pop my eyes out four centimetres each, it is a gift from God, I feel blessed.”

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

I don’t drink yellow beer for the same reason I don’t eat yellow snow!!
If God intended man to drink filtered Beer he wouldn’t have given us a liver!

-- If at first you don't succeed...Don't try skydiving

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

Odie, I NEED one of those shirts!

-- Berta in NC

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis..’

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

————————————————————————————————————————
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Don’t remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It’s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room you’re in.
FAULT: You’ve wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

-- http://www.grandprairiewoodworks.com http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6453794

-- ~ Inspiring those who inspire me ~

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Grumpy, You made me do it.

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

Subject: Police Warning – Beer

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.

Many females use a date-rape-drug on the market called ’ Beer’ ..

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs.

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers , men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that ‘something bad’ occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life’s savings, in a familiar scam known as ‘a relationship’. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as ‘marriage’.

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this ’ Beer’ scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up ‘Golf Courses’ in the phone book.

For a video to see how Beer works click here:

http://www.brackenspub.com/beer.swf

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

DAN, BEER IS GOOD FOR YOU !

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Oregon City Fish Story

This is a darn interesting picture and story even if you aren’t into fishing, but please show it to anyone you know that likes to fish.

FYI: This sturgeon is still alive, just worn out from the fight. They turned him loose after the photo.

This Sturgeon was caught on the Willamette River just below Oregon City two weeks ago. It weighed out at over 1,000 lbs and measured out at 11’1”. It was 56” around the girth and took over 6 and a half hours, and 4 dozen beers, for the 4 guys taking turns at the reeling it in.

Any Sturgeon OVER about five feet has to be released unharmed and cannot be removed from the water. They are brood / breeding stock and probably older than most of us.

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Odie you did it again!!! First it was Dogs now it’s Beer!!!! Another endless thread that made fall out of my chair laughing. Can’t wait for your next one

-- If at first you don't succeed...Don't try skydiving

A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”

An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do I come here often?”

A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.

A young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. “Got any ID?” asks the bartender. The Texan replies, “About what?”

A pair of battery jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, “You can come in here, but you better not start anything!”

A Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a martinus.” The bartender asks him. “Don’t you mean martini?” The man tells the bartender, “Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them.”

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “So, why the long face?” A variant on this joke during the 2004 presidential campaign substituted John Kerry for the horse, but the punch line remains the same.

A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Has my father been in here?” The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a beer, please.” The bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re out of your head.”

A little pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them and the bartender says, “Don’t you want to know where the toilet is?” The pig says, “No, thanks, I go wee-wee-wee all the way home.”

René Descartes is in a bar at closing time. The bartender asks him if he’d like another drink. Descartes says, “I think not,” and he disappears.

A bear walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts. The barman says, why the big pause?”

A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “That’ll be $10. You know, we don’t get many kangaroos coming in here.” The kangaroo says, “At $10 a beer, it’s not hard to understand.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”

A dog with his foot wrapped in a bloody bandage hobbles into a Western saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: “I’m lookin’ fer the man that shot my paw.”

A baby seal walks into a bar. “What can I get you?” asks the bartender. “Anything but a Canadian Club,” replies the seal.

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Steve?”

A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The goldfish says, “Water.”

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, “Does your dog bite?” The lady answers, “Never!” The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” The woman replies, “He doesn’t. That’s not my dog.”

A guy walks into a bar. A horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?” The guy says, “Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “What’ll you have?” The skeleton says, “Give me a beer, and a mop.”

A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: “What’s the quickest way to get to Dublin?” “Are you walking or driving?” asks the barman. “Driving,” says a man. “That’s the quickest way,” says the barman.

A fellow walks into a pub near Buckingham Palace in London, sits down, and says, “Give me a beer. I’ve had a rough day at work.” And the bartender says, “Oh? What do you do?” The guy says, “I take care of the corgis—you know, the dogs the royal family owns.” The bartender asks, “Tough job, huh? The guy says, “Yeah. All that inbreeding has led to low intelligence and bad temperaments. And the dogs aren’t too smart, either.”

A man goes into a bar and says, “Give me a drink before the trouble starts.” And the bartender pours him a drink. He drinks it and says, “Give me another drink before the trouble starts.” He downs that one and says quotation mark, give me another drink before the trouble starts.” Finally, the bartender asks, “Just when is this trouble going to start?” The man says, “The trouble starts just as soon as I tell you that I don’t have any money.”

A tourist goes into a bar where a dog is sitting in a chair playing poker. He asks, “Is that dog there really playing poker?” And the bartender says, “Yeah, but he’s not too smart. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail.”

This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper. And so are his shirt, vest, chaps, pants, and boots. His spurs are also made of paper. Pretty soon, the sheriff arrives and arrests him for rustling.

A guy goes into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive 30-year-old single malt Scotch whisky and downs them one after the other. The bartender says, “You seem to be in a great hurry.” The guy says, “You would be too if you had what I have.” The bartender asks, “What have you got? “Fifty cents,” is the reply.

A Northerner walks into a bar in the Deep South around Christmas time. A small nativity scene is behind the bar, and the guy says, “That’s a nice nativity scene. But how come the three wise men are all wearing firemen’s hats?” And the bartender says, “Well, it says right there in the Bible—the three wise men came from afar.”

A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie.” Looking around, he saw that the bar was empty except for him and the bartender. A few sips later, another voice said, “Beautiful shirt.” At this, the man calls the bartender over. “Say, I must be losing my mind,” he tells him. “I keep hearing these voices say nice things, and there is not a soul in here but us.” “It’s the peanuts,” explains the bartender, indicating a dish on the bar. “The peanuts?” “That’s right, the peanuts—they’re complementary.”

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He says, “A beer for me and one for my giraffe.” And they stand around drinking for hours until the giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender says, “Hey! You’re not going to leave that lyin’ on the floor, are you?” The man says, “That’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”

A guy walks into a bar with a German shepherd dog. The bartender says, “Hey buddy, can’t you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!” The man replies, “No, I can’t read the sign—I’m blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog.” The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the man tells his friend about it: “I told him I was blind, and I got a free beer!” The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down. The bartender says, “The sign says no dogs allowed! You’ll have to leave!” The friend says, “Sorry, I can’t see the sign because I’m blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog.” The bartender replies, “Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye dogs?” The man says, “They gave me a Chihuahua?”

A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, “Hey, buddy, what are you doing?” And the blind man says, “Don’t mind me. I’m just looking around.”

A man walks into a bar looking sad, and the bartender asks him, “What’s the matter?” The man says, “My wife and I had a fight, and she told me she wasn’t going to speak to me for a month. The month is up today.”

This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He looks in his pocket and orders another drink, looks in his pocket and orders still another drink. His curiosity aroused, the bartender asks, “What are you doing? What’s in your pocket?” And the guy says, “It’s a picture of my wife. When she starts looking good to me, I know it’s time to go home.”

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

Beer can also do this ….

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

It was a HOT day in Minnesota. Helga hung out the wash to dry, put a
roast in the oven, and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.

“Gootness, it’s hotter dan hell today,” she mused to herself as she
walked down Main Street.

She passed a tavern and thought “vy nodt.”

So she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The bartender walked up and
asked her what she would like to drink.

“Ya Know,” Helga said, “it is so hot, I think I’ll have myself a cold
beer.”

“Anheuser Busch?” the bartender asked.

Helga blushed and replied, “Vell, fine, tanks, und how’s yur viener?”

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

Wisdom Of A Retiree:

I’ve often been asked, ‘What do you old folks do now that you’re retired?’ Well..I’m fortunate to have a chemistry degree, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine.
And I’m pretty damn good at it, too!!

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

Dan, There’s no way I can top that !

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- http://www.grandprairiewoodworks.com http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6453794

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

Beer is for my Horses and Whiskey is for me

-- Jim, Kentucky

Douglas swears by this brand.

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight, I’m the Designated Decoy.”

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

repeat After Me

I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN ,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN,
I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!!!

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

She can hold my beer anytime.

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

That cat looks guilty. Do you think it’s a ’cat burgular’?. LOL

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

When property manager Ryan Froerer got a call from a realtor to check on a townhouse, he knew something was up. “It was the sickest thing I’ve ever seen. Just unimaginable that someone could live in that.” He couldn’t even open the front door. It was blocked from inside. As he finally entered the house, he found about 70,000 empty beer cans.

Inside, he took just a few snapshots to document the scene. Beer cans by the tens of thousands. Mountains of cans burying the furniture. Froerer e-mailed his photos to a couple of friends, who sent them to friends, and so the news spread through the internet.
The water and heat were shut off, apparently on purpose by the tenant, who evidently drank Coors Light beer exclusively for the eight years he lived there. “It’s just unbelievable that a human being could live like that”, said Froerer.
To all outward appearances, the person who lived in the townhouse was the perfect tenant. He always paid on time and he never complained. He kept a low profile in the neighborhood. The cans were finally recycled for 800 dollars, an estimated 70,000 cans: 24 beers a day for 8 years.

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

Two guys from Daniels County are sitting quietly in a boat at Fort Peck, Montana, fishing and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Mel says, “I think I’m going to divorce my wife – she hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.”

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, “You better think it over – women like that are hard to find.”

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

Hello,
This was a great post and has a lot of funny replies.
Have a good one.
Paul

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

boy crushes beer can in a new way
...

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

The secret of enjoying a good red wine.
1 Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.
2 If it does not look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

Hymn #365

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, ‘If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’

With even greater emphasis he said, ‘And if I had
All the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, ‘And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I’d take it and pour it into the river.’

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, ‘For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River.’

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

beer belly WAR !!!!

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU ODIE BUT I THINK THEY ARE SAFE.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

I love beer.

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke". http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/ (my funny blog)