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Forum topic by TopamaxSurvivor posted 04-16-2009 07:18 AM 1088 views 0 times favorited 5 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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18293 posts in 3705 days

04-16-2009 07:18 AM

Topic tags/keywords: humor jokes

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, ‘Why is the bride dressed in white?’‘
The mother replied, ‘Because white is the color of happiness, and today
is the happiest day of her life.’
The child thought about this for a moment then said, ‘So why is the
groom wearing black?’
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed,
‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord,
please don’t let me be late!’
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed
herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began
to pray, ‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t
shove me either!’
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The
first boy says, ‘My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he
calls it a poem, they give him $50.’
The second boy says, ‘That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on
piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.’
The third boy says, ‘I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to
collect all the money!’
An elderly woman died last month.. Having never married, she requested
no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, ‘They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I
don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.’
A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you
had to arrest your own mother?’ He answered, ‘Call for backup.’
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, ! ‘They couldn’t get a
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to ‘Honor thy
father and thy mother,’ she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches
us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they
told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were
ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’ Little Johnny
responded, ‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.’
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
preaching on the devil. One said to the other, ‘What do you think about
all this Satan stuff?’
The other boy replied, ‘Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s
probably just your Dad.’

-- Bob in WW ~ "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

5 replies so far

View Mark Shymanski's profile

Mark Shymanski

5621 posts in 3741 days

#1 posted 07-06-2009 01:09 PM

Eight people to collect the money…LOL!

-- "Checking for square? What madness is this! The cabinet is square because I will it to be so!" Jeremy Greiner LJ Topic#20953 2011 Feb 2

View a1Jim's profile


117128 posts in 3606 days

#2 posted 07-07-2009 03:16 AM

funny stuff

-- wood crafting & woodworking classes

View John 's profile


253 posts in 3431 days

#3 posted 07-07-2009 03:43 AM

Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!’


-- John

View SnowyRiver's profile


51457 posts in 3509 days

#4 posted 07-07-2009 06:15 PM

Those are great !!

-- Wayne - Plymouth MN

View pommy's profile


1697 posts in 3720 days

#5 posted 07-07-2009 10:37 PM

Thats Funny !!!!!!!!!!!!


-- cut it saw it scrap it SKPE: ANDREW.CARTER69

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