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Forum topic by Allison posted 04-05-2009 09:56 PM 1155 views 0 times favorited 12 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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819 posts in 3764 days

04-05-2009 09:56 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Here at the coffee lounge there has been a lot of talk (mainly by me LOL!) about blogging. I had mentioned I had a “Humor Blog” Just those e-mails sent all over the world that are funny, funny jokes, stories etc. This was received by me just a few minutes ago from a girl I have not seen in 33 years but found through “Classmates” just last week. She has not changed. I thought this was hysterical. I just had to share it!

Here it is.It is called

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings
into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,and a bottle of spring-water.

When she’d finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the husband came back with
his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn’t take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later – even though they’d cut their price in half – they couldn’t find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be
willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth … but only if she would sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home …...
and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!

-- Allison, Northeastern Ca. Remember, Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic!

12 replies so far

View Karson's profile


35111 posts in 4366 days

#1 posted 04-05-2009 10:02 PM

That was great Allison. But I don’t know about getting even.

-- I've been blessed with a father who liked to tinker in wood, and a wife who lets me tinker in wood. Southern Delaware soon moving to Virginia †

View cabinetmaster's profile


10874 posts in 3523 days

#2 posted 04-05-2009 10:09 PM

ROFLMAO….............this was absolutely hilarious…............... A good one. Thanks Allison. You made my day.

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

View Allison's profile


819 posts in 3764 days

#3 posted 04-05-2009 10:13 PM

I get a lot of these (jokes sent to me), but this one just struck a funny bone in me also. I think it is GREAT!!! That’s the reason I posted it, it just seems funnier than I have seen in awhile, and well you’d have to know my old girlfriend also, she always seemed to have the best jokes ya know? I think everyone has known someone like that in their lives!

-- Allison, Northeastern Ca. Remember, Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic!

View kolwdwrkr's profile


2821 posts in 3555 days

#4 posted 04-05-2009 10:39 PM

very funny, thanks for sharing

-- ~ Inspiring those who inspire me ~

View Bureaucrat's profile


18339 posts in 3617 days

#5 posted 04-05-2009 10:52 PM

Why don’t cannibals eat divorcee’s? ...........................They are bitter!

From Prairie Home Companion annual joke show.

-- Gary D. Stoughton, WI

View dennis mitchell's profile

dennis mitchell

3994 posts in 4280 days

#6 posted 04-05-2009 11:16 PM

Now I know why my house always has that fishy smell!

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile


18246 posts in 3641 days

#7 posted 04-06-2009 02:10 AM

That one is a pretty good one, thanks for the laugh. I just got one from a woman in Mexico City that had a whole mattress worth of springs wound around her drive shaft when she took the car to the dealer with a little “shimmy”. I don’t know how to post it here with the pictures. If anyone wants to post it, send me a PM with an email to forward it to.

-- Bob in WW ~ "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View cabinetmaster's profile


10874 posts in 3523 days

#8 posted 04-06-2009 02:14 AM

Dennis, you better check them curtain rods…..........LOL

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

View CharlieM1958's profile


16274 posts in 4183 days

#9 posted 04-06-2009 03:05 AM

IF I ever get a divorce, she is definitely getting the curtain rods!

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View mtnwild's profile


3474 posts in 3492 days

#10 posted 04-06-2009 03:25 AM

Friend told me he stapled a banana peel under his supervisors chair. The supervisor could not figure where all the fruit flies were coming from.

-- mtnwild (Jack), It's not what you see, it's how you see it.

View remoc's profile


5 posts in 3393 days

#11 posted 04-06-2009 03:44 AM

Typical Btch… the joke…...I’d never say that about a bitch I didn’t know!

View rtb's profile


1101 posts in 3678 days

#12 posted 04-07-2009 05:28 AM

Never get mad…get even!

-- RTB. stray animals are just looking for love

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