Fatal things to say to your pregnant wife

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Forum topic by kiwi1969 posted 1944 days ago 909 views 1 time favorited 9 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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609 posts in 2026 days

1944 days ago

Don,t know how long this has been around , i,ve just seen it on an expats site but it sounds like a “leno”.
Fatal things to say to your pregnant wife.

17 “I,ve just finished the oreos.”
16 “Not to imply anything but I don,t think the kid weighs forty pounds.”
15 “You know, looking at her you would never guess that Pamela Lee has had a baby.”
14 “I sure hope your thighs aren,t going to stay that flabby for ever.”
13 “Well couldn,t they induce labor, the twenty fifth is the superbowl.”
12 “Darned if you aren,t five pounds away from a visit from that Richard Simmons fella.”
11 “Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy thats gotta hurt.”
10 “Whoa for a moment there I thought I woke up next to willard Scott.”
9 “I,m jealous, why can,t men experience the joy of childbirth.”
8 “Your ankles are supposed to look like that?”
7 “Go get your own darned ice cream”
6 “Geez, you,re awfully puffy looking today”
5 “Got milk?
4 “Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.”
3 “Man that rose tatoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar.”
2 “Retaining water? yeah like the Hoover dam retains water.”
And the number one fatal thing to say to your pregnant wife
1 “You don,t have the guts to pull that trigger!
Not sure I agree with the order they are in but I made sure there was a damned good supply of oreos in our house!

-- if the hand is not working it is not a pure hand

9 replies so far

View Mike's profile


391 posts in 2201 days

#1 posted 1944 days ago

The worst is a woman that sort of heavy and someone says when are you due?

Or I’ll get up in the middle of the night for a feeding, but I’ll wake you up if the baby needs a diaper change.

-- Measure once cut twice....oh wait....ooops.

View davyjones's profile


44 posts in 2006 days

#2 posted 1944 days ago

quack, quack, waddle, waddle

-- I came, I sawed I fixed it. (well sort of)

View Karson's profile


34844 posts in 2985 days

#3 posted 1944 days ago

I don’t know if I’ve said any of them but there wer probably some that came close.

-- I've been blessed with a father who liked to tinker in wood, and a wife who lets me tinker in wood. Southern Delaware †

View lew's profile (online now)


9918 posts in 2339 days

#4 posted 1944 days ago

Boy, you guys are just asking for trouble!

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View mmh's profile


3306 posts in 2306 days

#5 posted 1944 days ago

Boy, looks like you guys are “dead meat”. What type of headstones do you want? }:)~

-- "They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." ~ Edgar Allan Poe

View woodsmithshop's profile


1096 posts in 2130 days

#6 posted 1944 days ago

I learned from the 1st wife, that plastic roses just don’t cut it. hey, I thought they would last longer,( not to mention cheaper)

-- Smitty!!!

View ChicoWoodnut's profile


904 posts in 2399 days

#7 posted 1944 days ago

I know Martin has a new bride but he isn’t winning any points with that “How I cured my Stretch Marks” ad at the bottom of this thread.


-- Scott - Chico California

View timrowledge's profile


45 posts in 2117 days

#8 posted 1943 days ago

Met a very pregnant lady once, with a neat-oh sweatshirt that just said
“It started with a Kiss”

View mmh's profile


3306 posts in 2306 days

#9 posted 1943 days ago

RE: Stretch marks ad:
If you’re so “embarrassed of my stretch marks”, then why the heck are you flagging attention to that area by piercing your belly button?

So, if you don’t kiss, you won’t get pregnant?

-- "They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." ~ Edgar Allan Poe

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