Things Got Ya Down?

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Forum topic by juniorjock posted 03-11-2009 01:28 PM 1361 views 1 time favorited 14 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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1930 posts in 4006 days

03-11-2009 01:28 PM

Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These ..

In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Kenneth Roberts, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

Betty came home to find Jerry in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? – No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with ‘Return to Sender’ stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. God is Good!

There now, Feeling Better, Are We ?

14 replies so far

View Mario's profile


902 posts in 4292 days

#1 posted 03-11-2009 02:33 PM

Thank you, this made my day.

-- Hope Never fails

View CharlieM1958's profile


16281 posts in 4459 days

#2 posted 03-11-2009 03:18 PM

Rotfl! I’m having an excellent day….now!

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View PurpLev's profile


8548 posts in 3890 days

#3 posted 03-11-2009 03:37 PM

thank…. that was good stuff :o)

-- ㊍ When in doubt - There is no doubt - Go the safer route.

View Kindlingmaker's profile


2658 posts in 3768 days

#4 posted 03-11-2009 03:45 PM

HA! I needed that this morning!

-- Never board, always knotty, lots of growth rings

View Kate's profile


400 posts in 4116 days

#5 posted 03-11-2009 04:11 PM

still chuckling

-- Kate,

View ND2ELK's profile


13495 posts in 4015 days

#6 posted 03-11-2009 05:06 PM

Thank You! You made my day!

God Bless

-- Mc Bridge Cabinets, Iowa

View Tim Pursell's profile

Tim Pursell

499 posts in 4023 days

#7 posted 03-11-2009 05:10 PM

Here’s one of my fav’s:

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail
he sent to his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a
“worst job experience” contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had bad day
at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought
I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few
technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the
sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wetsuit. This time of year the
water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel
powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the
water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps
it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with
no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is
take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my
whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few
seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the
damage was done. In agony I realized what had
happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into
my suit. Now since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t
stick to it.However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I
scratched what I thought was an itch, I was
actually grinding the jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor
of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to
the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing
hysterically.Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was
instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35
minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry
decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my
brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of
laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to
rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire
out, but I couldn’t poop for 2 days because my butthole was swollen shut.

So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it
would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

STILL having a Bad Day????


View Gene Howe's profile

Gene Howe

11167 posts in 3670 days

#8 posted 03-11-2009 05:48 PM

That is hilarious!
Poor guy.

-- Gene 'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton

View Francisco Luna's profile

Francisco Luna

943 posts in 3634 days

#9 posted 03-11-2009 05:50 PM

I feel better!
T h a n k s ! ! !

-- Nature is my manifestation of God. I go to nature every day for inspiration in the day's work. I follow in building the principles which nature has used in its domain" Frank Lloyd Wright

View EEngineer's profile


1119 posts in 3854 days

#10 posted 03-11-2009 09:20 PM

True story – I actually saw this in a newspaper quite a few years back.

A man was admitted to a local ER with:
clawed testicles
broken arm

It seems the man took a shower and was drying himself off, naked. His cat, seeing certain things dangling, jumped up and clawed his testicles. Startled, he fell back into the shower, hit his head, giving himself a concussion, and fell against the water faucet, turning on the hot water and scalding himself.

Oh, and the broken arm? Well, he lived in a second floor apartment. As the EMS team was carrying him down the stairs in a stretcher he told them how it all happened. They started laughing so hard that they dropped the stretcher down the stairs and broke his arm!

Now that’s a bad day.

-- "Find out what you cannot do and then go do it!"

View dhg's profile


197 posts in 3953 days

#11 posted 03-11-2009 10:56 PM

Thanks guys, i needed these!!

-- Talent on Loan from God - Rush Limbaugh

View cabinetmaster's profile


10874 posts in 3799 days

#12 posted 03-11-2009 11:09 PM

ROFLMAO…...........................My what a day! Now my day is much better. Thanks guys

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

View Gene Howe's profile

Gene Howe

11167 posts in 3670 days

#13 posted 03-12-2009 12:37 AM

Talk about a bad day…............

-- Gene 'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton

View Padre's profile


930 posts in 3730 days

#14 posted 03-12-2009 01:06 AM


-- Chip ----------- 6:8

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