The heaviest element yet known to science

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Forum topic by Bob #2 posted 03-08-2009 04:10 PM 965 views 1 time favorited 11 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Bob #2

3809 posts in 3443 days

03-08-2009 04:10 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

I thought this appropriate given the current state of the world.


-- A mind, like a home, is furnished by its owner

11 replies so far

View CharlieM1958's profile


16229 posts in 3640 days

#1 posted 03-08-2009 04:12 PM

Bob, this is a pretty old piece.

It just goes to show, though….. some things never change!

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View Karson's profile


35032 posts in 3822 days

#2 posted 03-08-2009 04:17 PM

A great review. Thanks Bob

-- I've been blessed with a father who liked to tinker in wood, and a wife who lets me tinker in wood. Southern Delaware soon moving to Virginia †

View Scott Bryan's profile

Scott Bryan

27251 posts in 3243 days

#3 posted 03-08-2009 04:17 PM

Thanks, Bob. That was better than a cup of coffee today.

-- Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful- Joshua Marine

View gbvinc's profile


629 posts in 3368 days

#4 posted 03-08-2009 04:27 PM

Interestingly, this element becomes increasingly unsustainable when multiple like-charged Czar neutrons bond between the assistant neutrons and the Gv nuetron, increasing mass substantially.

View Bob #2's profile

Bob #2

3809 posts in 3443 days

#5 posted 03-08-2009 04:38 PM

I thought this appropriate a this juncture as the “rest” of us are being asked to tighten our belts and subsidize Corporate failure there has been no move on the part of any Government to reduce it’s numbers or halt incremental increases to wages a benefits, indexed pensions etc.

Charlie, when originally written, this was a joke but in this current set of circumstance it is called a liability


-- A mind, like a home, is furnished by its owner

View kolwdwrkr's profile


2821 posts in 3012 days

#6 posted 03-08-2009 07:32 PM

Bob are you sure you aren’t talking about an incurrable VIRUS here? It’s definitely something poisonous that effects us all. I’d stay away from it if I were you.

-- ~ Inspiring those who inspire me ~

View Thos. Angle's profile

Thos. Angle

4445 posts in 3384 days

#7 posted 03-08-2009 10:36 PM

Get ‘em, Bob, get ‘em

-- Thos. Angle, Jordan Valley, Oregon

View rikkor's profile


11295 posts in 3296 days

#8 posted 03-08-2009 10:51 PM

Sad but all too true.

I hope everyone’s grandchildren get really good jobs to pay for all of this.

View papadan's profile


1166 posts in 2790 days

#9 posted 03-08-2009 10:52 PM

Stay away from it? You can run, but you can’t hide from a bug this big!

-- Carpenter assembles with hands, Designer builds with brains, Artist creates with heart!

View Sawdust2's profile


1467 posts in 3509 days

#10 posted 03-08-2009 11:15 PM


WE are the grandchildren who have to pay for all those before us. It just never ends.


-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

View Grumpy's profile


21459 posts in 3273 days

#11 posted 03-09-2009 01:58 AM

Good one Bob.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

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