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Forum topic by Planeman40 posted 17 days ago 410 views 0 times favorited 5 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Planeman40

459 posts in 1362 days


17 days ago

Topic tags/keywords: humor

As a good ole Georgia boy as I am you have to know these things!

Redneck Engineer Exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? (A) ‘65 Ford Fairlane (B) ‘69 Chevrolet Chevelle (C) ‘64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser’s will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet.
The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man’s land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that this test was gonna be an easy one, didn’t ya? It’s okay if y’all didn’t do all that well. Just goes to show ya there’s a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don’t prepare ya for in this life

-- Always remember: It is a mathematical certainty that half the people in this country are below average in intelligence!


5 replies so far

View Bill White's profile

Bill White

3348 posts in 2561 days


#1 posted 17 days ago

Hey! I thought that these were just for we Mississippians. :)
Bill

-- bill@magraphics.us

View JayT's profile

JayT

2089 posts in 812 days


#2 posted 17 days ago

Not fair, #4 is a trick question!

Calculating the average Bud per tree ratio, times the quantity of the time to consume said Buds plus cutting down one tree, there will be new trees growing as fast as the old ones are cut down, so the plot will never be fully harvested, thus leading to an infinite loop an no definitive answer.

-- "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money." Alexis de Tocqueville, 1835

View Monte Pittman's profile (online now)

Monte Pittman

13303 posts in 939 days


#3 posted 17 days ago

Very cute

-- Mother Nature created it, I just assemble it. - It's not ability that we often lack, but the patience to use our ability

View Randy_ATX's profile

Randy_ATX

664 posts in 1043 days


#4 posted 17 days ago

Some good ones!

-- Randy -- Austin, TX by way of Northwest (Woodville), OH

View Planeman40's profile

Planeman40

459 posts in 1362 days


#5 posted 17 days ago

No. 4 is NOT a trick question! Every Georgia tree cutter knows that. Its done each time we leave for the job and stop to pick up beer for the day. We done it so often we can do it in our haid.

Note: A good while back we had some Mississippians cuttin’ wood here in Georgia. We taught ‘em. Georgia is high on educatin’ everyone.

Planeman

-- Always remember: It is a mathematical certainty that half the people in this country are below average in intelligence!

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