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....a shiny object in the wood. As I dug at it with my pocket knife, .......

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

but it was buried too deep for me to successfully dig it out.

-- Chip -- Manchester, Connecticut "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."

I thought the jig saw would be the perfect answer

-- What happens in the workshop stays in the workshop. No wait that doesn't sound right. Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †

and searched the tool drawer until I found just right length…

-- Never board, always knotty, lots of growth rings

Dang that blade was made for my old jig saw now . . .

-- What happens in the workshop stays in the workshop. No wait that doesn't sound right. Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †

I just need to find the blade wrench …

-- Oldworld, Fair Oaks, Ca

I had no choice but to swat the dang thing with my hammer, but…......

-- Thos. Angle

The head fell off the hammer and landed right on my…

-- David, South Windsor, CT "I love the smell of sawdust in the morning"

.....foot, now I guess I’m goint to have…..

start wearing shoes in the shop. I think I broke my…

-- http://www.woodsongsfurniture.com

@%&*#! Foot, got to wrap it with some duct tape, now over to the table saw….

To make a new hammer. Now I just need to…

-- Check out my blog and podcast "The Renaissance Woodworker" at www.rogersfinewoodworking.com/blog

remember what I did with the head of the old one when I tripped on an extention chord and…...

-- Mike. mwurm13@yahoo.com

found it with my chin.

-- If you think healthcare is expensive now, wait until it's free! PJ O'Rourke

...so I took the old hammer head, which I found with my chin and decided to make a handle out of…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

that perfect piece of hickory I’d been saving for just such an occasion…

-- ...it's rennovation time!!!

an old broom stick I was saving for something just like this.

-- Dustygirl..Hastings,Ontario.. How much wood can 1 gal chuck if 1 gal can't cut wood?

I couldn’t find my crosscut sled, so I just…..

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

...with my found chin in hand I placed it on the broom stick and picked up the good hickory…

-- Never board, always knotty, lots of growth rings

>>I couldn’t find my crosscut sled, so I just…..

Called my neighbor and borrowed his….

-- Gene

...wife who was exceptionally skilled at…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

as he dropped it of he pointed out that…

-- mwm! Before you criticise walk a mile in their shoes, and when you do criticise you will be a mile away and have their shoes!

But of course the slots matched up but the blade didn’t. No problem I’ll …

-- What happens in the workshop stays in the workshop. No wait that doesn't sound right. Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †

change it with the thin kerf blade I recently…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

salavaged while dumpster diving

-- RTB. "dumb animals are not stupid they simply can't talk "

I’ll have the neighbor’s wife take the blade into get that tooth re-brazed and then…

-- "Bordnerizing" perfectly good lumber for over a decade.

The neighbor’s husband wanted to know why I was talking kerfs with his wife…..so then

-- Chip -- Manchester, Connecticut "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."

I showed him the shiny object in the wood and asked him if . .

-- What happens in the workshop stays in the workshop. No wait that doesn't sound right. Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †

If he knew what it was, he said it was from…..

... something that had been shot into the wood when the tree was alive. It didn’t look like lead, because it had such a brilliant color. As we got to looking further, we discovered….

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

That it was his car keys he had hung over a branch, while he was …

-- What happens in the workshop stays in the workshop. No wait that doesn't sound right. Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †

reaching into his pocket to get his knife so that he could whittle a …........

Well maybe carve a heart with initials in the tree showing …

-- What happens in the workshop stays in the workshop. No wait that doesn't sound right. Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †

,,,that he is in…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

....love with my wife, because it was HER initials he had carved into the trunk right next to…..

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

big ugly looking

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

me! It was a horrible carving, but is was me, none-the-less! So I…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

got thousands of dollars of plastic surgery so I wouldn’t resemble the carving, but as I was healing from the surgery, the foot that the hammer head fell on started to swell up and turn an ugly shade of purple, and all of the toe nails curled up and…

-- David, South Windsor, CT "I love the smell of sawdust in the morning"

I began to realize that I should ….

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

get some ice for my foot

-- Berta in NC

...as I was picked to be the field goal kicker in the inaugural Lumberjocks vs Jocks footbal game in which the winner would receive a…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

big hug from a…

-- BRODY. NSW AUSTRALIA -arguments with turnings are rarely productive-

South Pole woodworker with an iced-up beard, who asked me…

-- - Please help keep Lumberjocks an enjoyable escape by refusing to participate in political discussions. Simply spit out the bait and ignore the thread...

to demonstrate a beard shaving skill using spokeshave while…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

balancing a screwdriver on my

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas

car keys tht were dug out of the tree….

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

...that was going to be made in to the lectern for President-elect Obamas first speech as President until…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

Supreme Court Justice Roberts screwed up the Oath of Office, and so he wasn’t president when the speech was made so..

-- What happens in the workshop stays in the workshop. No wait that doesn't sound right. Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †

I wonder whether he has to

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

...take the oath over again which apparently he did but it came to Obamas attention that Mr Roberts was not fond of solid wood lecterns due to the fact that…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

they confuse him while he is checking out the nice grain and the…...

absolutely stunning…

-- - Please help keep Lumberjocks an enjoyable escape by refusing to participate in political discussions. Simply spit out the bait and ignore the thread...

..legs…of the lecturn that were in fact taller than Justice Roberts because…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

of the hole he dug himself into.

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas

As he administered the oath a second time, ...

-- Al Navas, St Joseph, MO, http://sandal-woodsblog.com

...it was noticed that HE didn’t use a bible…

but a tools and shops issue of Fine Woodworking, to which Obama replied, ” Ha, I once tried to use a table saw but….

-- David, South Windsor, CT "I love the smell of sawdust in the morning"

...I had to compromise on the blade because I could not afford a Forrest…

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

blade. While testing the cheaper blade I was unable to push the board I was ripping through and instantly switched off the machine because..

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

I pinched my finger between the board and the fence. ;-) It hurt! .....

-- Al Navas, St Joseph, MO, http://sandal-woodsblog.com

so bad my finger got as big as a…......

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

...Washington lobbyist’s expense account. Then all my blood rushed to my humongous ears, causing me to pass out and nearly fall into the….

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

spinning blade of the tablesaw…..............

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

which in fact I already switched off. While still in the state trauma and confusion, I looked around to find….

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

a phone and a rag to….

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

put in Joe Bidan’s mouth…

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

but couldn’t find one.

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

So..

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

my rip fence is not parallel with the blade. Look out!

-- Ron in Osseo, Minnesota

But, Once we got all this straightnd out we then…

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

noticed that the blade was on backwards, so after that I just…....

run all my boards thru backwards too, and…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

I’ll probably do the same thing with the White House. Anyway..my next project will likely be….

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas

a box for Sarah Palins brain, but the box was going to have to be so small I decided to whittle it with my pocket knife as we sat on Sarah’s front porch, while she called everyone a maverick and kept an eye on the Russians when all of a sudden a car pulled up with Joe six pack driving, Joe the plumber (who really even isn’t one but we will keep calling him one so we dont look like a couple of dumb asses) in the passenger seat, and her crazy minister in the back seat and he insisted on performing an exorcism on me, but it turned out he only exorcised some cash from my wallet and just then…

-- David, South Windsor, CT "I love the smell of sawdust in the morning"

the phone rang and it was Sarah’s gynacologist…turns out she’s pregnant again and this time they decided to name the baby “Spatula Tire-iron Palin”. When John McCain heard the news hey screamed “holy S*” and his dentures whistled so loud that every dog in the neighboring three state turned their heads sideways, and….

-- David, South Windsor, CT "I love the smell of sawdust in the morning"

looked at the cockerdalmaschnauzer being led off to the East to its new home where it will be so confused it will fit right in at…

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

The White House…..

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

...where we’ve been using Lincoln’s Bible for toilet paper, due to pay freezes and other cutbacks…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

But the cockerdalmaschnauze got hold of the Lincoln Bible and….

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

…tongue lolling, thoughtfully placed it back in it’s hallowed nook inside the Rose Mary Woods Memorial Outer Office. Fortunately the only damage done was to three antiquated maps of the Holy Land, ten pages of footnotes to the Apocrypha, six grocery lists (in Mary Todd Lincoln’s own hand) that had been tightly wedged in a flyleaf and a tiny trace of doggy drool on the dove-gray pebble-grained leather spine and gilded page edges. Just then, a convoy of Army surplus M35 “deuce and a halfs” skidded to a halt outside the White House portico. They were filled to capacity with case after case of Angel Soft™ Double Quilted Bath Tissue that had been earmarked for New Orleans during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, but had been stored in a Halliburton Company warehouse just outside of Panguitch, Utah at an expense of $75,000 per year.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief at the rosy prospects of improved hygiene, and saved expenses when suddenly…

-- "Bordnerizing" perfectly good lumber for over a decade.

That’ll do Dog, that’ll do.

The preceding message was brought to you in the public interest by:
The Office of Verbal Verbosity under the direction of the Department of Redundancy Department,
and the Adjectival Awareness Council.

…and now back to our program already in progress…

-- "Bordnerizing" perfectly good lumber for over a decade.

LOL
So, after my reality check, I realized that I’m standing in my shop, holding a hammer, wondering how I’m going to get this shiny thing out of the board when…

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

in walks Spiderman! ...

-- Al Navas, St Joseph, MO, http://sandal-woodsblog.com

Low and behold he….................

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

says, “Here, lemme help you take that shiny thing out of the board.” ...

-- Al Navas, St Joseph, MO, http://sandal-woodsblog.com

he lowers his head to look at the object and….................

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

a bright flash blinds him from the embedded TSA security camera …
(ALWAYS remember to wear your safety glasses and use T8 lights in the shop)

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

and he falls head first to the floor and HE hit his chin on another hammer head that…

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

flipped in the air, landed on the board and knocked the shinney thing right out onto the floor. With that I said…....

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas

holy crap, that’s a

-- robbi-Yadahooty!

a piece of batman’s batmobile that got …...................

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

...confiscated by the thought police. (It was a JP4 burning turbine, after all, and that just couldn’t be tolerated.) Batman turned to the right and said…

”... ummmm … The JP4 fumes are horrible, and are giving me a headache. I wonder where BatWoman is today?.... She had all that wine last night.” ....

-- Al Navas, St Joseph, MO, http://sandal-woodsblog.com

no wonder I wrecked the Batmobile and lost that JP4…............. What will

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

...Robin say when he finds out I’ve been doing Batwoman…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

now where is that Batwoman and ….........................

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

Hey,....Wait a minute ,That was really Batwoman’s initials that he was carving in that tree!!!!....

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

SO….that really make Batwoman…..S..a..r..a..h…....PALIN….....

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

No way…............It can’t be…..................................

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

...but then again, superheros are unpredictable. Later that day, Batman…

s wife bat woman, did an interview with Katie Couric, and couldn’t name any newspapers that she regularly reads, because she really doesn’t read any newspapers she spends most of her time removing books from the library and burning them, and firing people that don’t do what she says, but just then the new batwoman signal ( a woodscrew next to a bowling ball) flared up in the sky and…

-- David, South Windsor, CT "I love the smell of sawdust in the morning"

being out of JP4 she grabbed her broom…

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

...and swept my entire shop floor (wow, it was messy.) So, with a clean shop, I grabbed my board, which is now JP4 engine part free, and continued to make….

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

shiny objects in wood….....

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

to be extracted out without hurting the wood, just like my dentist did to my tooth, but the only different is….

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

The wood doesn’t bleed “BLOOD” but I did, altho…...

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

.. my handy tube of Super Glue sealed the wound but after looking at the tube a little closer I discovered that in fact, I had not used Super Glue afterall but had used…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

Spiderman’s Artificial Web String…

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

..Gel that my four years old kid has been playing with in the shop, trying to swing from the workbench to my brandnew hybrid saw. Although he hasn’t been successful in the experiment so far, I’m happy that he did not get injured and proved that my hybrid saw is…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

...a real piece of Chinese crap! Why did I ever let that guy talk me into buying that? What was his name?

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

Ah yeah, Guud Salizman, brother of Sum Yung Guy. I’ll never forget that name. So, I called the company to complain but then, all the sudden….

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

I get” Sorry we are no longer in business and you will have to….....................”

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

...take a long hike through the mountains of outer Mongolia with your hybid tablesaw on your back to walk to our only store. This is the only way to get your refund.”

So I….

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

buy a pocket knife. You know, they’re real good at digging shiny objects out of wood that you might be thinking of ripping.

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas

...Sum Yung Guy but on second thought it would be more economical to…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

search for my Rainbow knife I bought 50 years ago when I visited Hollywood. I hope this would help solve the shiny object’s problem.
Nevertheless, my “hybrid saw issue” is still pinching my artery and caused blood clogging at the back of my skull. Why so unfortunate that every time I wanted to solve a problem, I always encounter another new one?
“There you are…” finally I found my fold-knife. “phew…!” looked like it was not readily usable. While trying to unfold it ”...darling, can you help me prepare breakfast…?” That whisel from a lady refree distracted my attention and has caused…”ouch…” I got cut on my palm. Applied two-part CA and it was immediately..

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

cured. But I pressed on, hiking through the mountains with my hybrid table saw strapped to my back when I was feeling really tired, so I laid down and took a nap. I had an awful nitemare…I dreamed I belonged to an on-line woodworking site and loved to post abrasive obnoxious messages declaring my vast knowledge and telling everyone else they are wrong about everything…then all of a sudden I was in bed snuggling with my wife but when I looked closer it wasn’t my wife, it was a table saw trunion…but I didn’t seem to mind…in fact I liked it better than my wife….but then the trunnion exposed itself for what it truly was…top mounted not cabinet mounted, and Chinese in origin!...I was shocked and I screamed like a school girl and ran away flailing my arms like a T-Rex, with the trunnion chasing me, and I woke up violently in a pool of sweat and somebody…

-- David, South Windsor, CT "I love the smell of sawdust in the morning"

…had absconded with my cursed hybid saw (good riddance to bad rubbish, I thought), leaving only a dozuki that looked like it had been made from a flattened gallon pickle can. There was even a Heinz 57 Varieties logo faintly visible near the heel of the blade. And the handle wasn’t wrapped with rattan, but was a roughly varnished nondescript pale hardwood. As I held the saw up closer to my eyes, I noticed something shiny, something metallic firmly embedded in the handle. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end and my blood ran cold when I realized…

-- "Bordnerizing" perfectly good lumber for over a decade.

that…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

it was the original piece of wood with the shiny object embedded in it from about a hundred posts ago. I smashed the dozuki with my fist causing the blade to fly up and hit me in the forehead leaving a reverse impression of the Heinz logo faintly visible on my skin. Just then I noticed some tracks in the snow that weren’t mine and I followed them along for a while till I came upon a camp of Himalayan Sherpas and one of them had my hybrid saw strapped to his yak. I yelled to them calling them thieves but to no avail because they only spoke Sherpa, and the sub titles were turned off. So I picked up some snow and made a quick statue of…

-- David, South Windsor, CT "I love the smell of sawdust in the morning"

a giant Yetti. The Sherpa’s all ran off in fear like a schoolgirl with flailing hands like a T-Rex from a couple posts ago… (lol)

I knew that the Yetti gig would only work for a short period of time, so in order to communicate to the Sherpas, I quickly made a remote control to turn on the subtitles.

Just when I thought I had this problem solved…

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

I noticed that my snow Yetti was shivering, so I moved closer to have a very close look at his face… Thanks God you’re my real..

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

snow Yettie savior! But upon close inspection I realized it was that Sasquatch from the Jack Links beef jerky commercials. So I played a cruel trick on him and he proceeded to fling me 100 feet into the air where I landed in a tree right next to a….

-- David, South Windsor, CT "I love the smell of sawdust in the morning"

brand spanking new quality cabinet style tablesaw. I tried to take off with it, but the thing must’ve weighed 600 pounds. I fed the Sasquatch my beef jerky and he gladly picked up the saw with ease. So, with the saw on the Sasquatch’s back, me without beef jerky, and a handle of a dozuki in my pocket, we were off. As we were heading out, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the handle to the Dozuki. Immediately, I stopped in my tracks as my gaze fixated back on the shiny thing in the handle, similar to that from 100 posts ago. I thought, “Is this a sign? An omen? Surely not… or is it?”

So, I showed the wooden handle with the shiny thing to my Sasquatch friend. When he saw it, he…..

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

old saw mill built on an old mobile home trailer bed run by a 1966 pontiac V8

-- Humble Wood Servant

exclaimed, “OneHunglo! What has happened to you??? Please tell me it ain’t so…Gone…Forever…The shiny thing…<sigh> Please…don’t let it be so…this can’t be real.”

Just then…

-- Al Navas, St Joseph, MO, http://sandal-woodsblog.com

a shimmering fissure formed in the sky itself. The sky folded aside like the walls of a cheap pasteboard box, revealing an infinite jet black fundament, devoid of any feature – starless, lightless, beyond the capacity of the human mind to fathom.

Just then I heard the sawmill engine of the ‘66 Pontiac begin to grind and labor. “Great”, I thought; “this is either the end of the world or I’ve entered the space-time rift and am about to discover that OneHunglo/Spatula Tire Iron Palin/Batman are one entity with the ability to move through time and space with complete impunity, assuming any form it desires. What an absolutely crummy time to throw a rod.” But you know…

-- "Bordnerizing" perfectly good lumber for over a decade.

Things look different as the giant Yetti looks on….

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

he could tell I was only hallucinating, because of the cold and hunger, all that I had thought was going on, was just a hallucination. The Yetti made me some kind of tea, made from droppings, in melted snow (something he learned from Bear Grylle, I imagine) w..hen

suddenly, drops landing on my face from above woke me from the dream I was having only to open my hand and see the shinning object that…...

fell out of the wood and ….............................

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

made me instantly awaken. I looked at it in all it’s metallic brilliance, then I realized one very important thing….

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

I never made it to the hospital to have my foot looked at after dropping the hammer head on it. I must have passed out on the way. So I called my …..

therapist and asked him what this all meant. He said…......

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas

you LJ’s are a bunch of lunatics that need…...................

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

more therapy than I have time for. Hey, all I wanted was an answer. Anyway, I started off to the hospital and….

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

just ignored the shiny object in the wood, my so-called Hybrid Saw and my…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

Rainbo knife gone forever….I started to dream about….......

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas

chocolate covered marshmallow pinwheel cookies, which are awesome when you…

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

come to visit me and enjoy the spinning pinwheel cookies while I am bussy building my log-home from aromatic cedar after my feet

is totally cured. Since I can wear my boots again, I set out to…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

find a computer so I could order another knife from Lee Valley. Just as I found the computer and got on line, a pop-up came on the screen. It said…...

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas

“click here, you are this sites one millionth customer. You’ve won a cheap Chinese hybrid saw and a handleless hammer… “

I sighed, then….

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

closed that nonsense ad and made a fresh search. While navigating the internet I heard an irritating cough came from..

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

Spatula Tire Iron Palin, who due to his close proximity to Russia came down with the Bulgarian whooping cough. When his mother was asked if she had any non narcotic cough syrup with an expectorant, she replied “you betcha”, just as Spatulas father mushed up on the back of a dog sled loaded with a case of chocolate covered marshmallow pinwheel cookies, a new handle for the hammer head, a new rainbow knife fresh from Lee Valley, some Jack Links beef jerky and an American made cabinet mounted table saw trunnion and said…

-- David, South Windsor, CT "I love the smell of sawdust in the morning"

I think that giant Yetti was REAL…

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

YES he was REAL ….! A real marketing rep. OR rapper, sent by a reknown giant conglomerates of “Woodworking Missionery Manupulators” which were originated from No mans land and claimed operate their business in…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

The beautiful wooded area of…...

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

A.N.W.R.

Totally befuddled, the Yeti declared…

their Hybrid Saw is The Beast Hybrid Saw from 10 other makes being cynically tested and reviewed…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

by the A.N.W.R. TOOL REVIEW TRIBUNE and they always….

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

give free pocket knives with every purchase. So I considered….

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

they carry out fair and unbiased Tools & Fool reviews without due and undue influence or conflicting interest whilst maintain good repoire with…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

...the people who live in the trees and make such delicious pinwheel cookies! Then all of a sudden there was a huge rumbling noise…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

...and it was the Yetti making his way through the brush. Turns out that he was actually a sales rep/quality control manager for the Hybrid saw company and they were looking for…..

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

Pocket knives and shiny objects that they could hide in pieces of ….

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

aromatic cedar brought by yetti’s with two left feet…

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

meanwhile, back at the ranch, FEDSAWDAVE was making up a new story. It all started one dark and rainy day when FEDSAWDAVE said…........

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas

I was in the shop gluing up some boards, when suddenly I discovered…....

my glue bottle was as empty as….

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

it was really sunny, and not a cloud in the sky.

Suddenly, FesSawDave realized all of this had taken place in one single day. As he munched on one cookie, and drank the remaining milk, he heard footsteps. Or… is it… is it possible??? Nah, it can’t be! ... She left hours ago…

-- Al Navas, St Joseph, MO, http://sandal-woodsblog.com

with a rattan basket full of assorted cookies but without pinwheel cookies she has finished.

She looked in a hurry heading towards…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

..the bathroom. Some of those cookies contained salmonella contaminated peanuts and they were beginning to take their toll on her bowels. Upon arriving on the throne, and none too late mind you, she horribly discovered that there was no toilet paper! Oh the horrors she screamed! But thinking quickly she…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

remembered asking me what 0000’ steel wool has to do with woodworking. So she had better idea to use it for…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

cleaning. She found out that that “stuff” cleaned better with less tear out. With peaceful mind and relieved emotion she decided to make…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

steelwool and peanut paste cleaning pads to sell to…..

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

7,640 Lumberjocks, under the brand name of Woodworking Missionery Manupulator, the dying conglomerates which operate their business in A.N.W.R that were bailed out….

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

....suddenly, she noticed a herd of wild elephants, attracted by the abundance of peanuts. They got terribly excited when….

...the hysterical monkey, that had been plaguing the yeti, suddenly…

jumped on the elephants back, just as the salmonella struck the elephants G.I. track…..

and the elephant trainer said…”who is this Sal Monella guy anyway?”

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas

“Salmonella is not a guy, neither is a gal…” replied the Yetti with anger, and started beating his..

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

...sausage on a nearby rock. “Look! Now it’s hamburg!” he stated as the end suddenly came flying off and went like a 2×4 shot out of a tablesaw at the…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

IWF show, where Rainbow demonstrated how to safely use his knife in an attempt to prove that Riving Knife
is…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

Is not the correct type of knife to dig out the shiny objects from the

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

wood for some reasons. Firstly, Riving Knife is not sharp enough, secondly you tend to forget to put it back to where it belongs, and…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

Thirdly…Hey! Lookit at the cute bunny! Lookit at him hoppin across the…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

mountain high sawdust pile at the back of…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

...the elephant’s dressing room, where…

the monkey had hidden the Rainbow Knife of which no one knew that until…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

The yetti went looking for it to….....

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

...clean his toenails.

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

But when the Yetti found it too small for his 16sq. in palm, he threw it away and…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

then he felt something in his pocket and pulled out a …........

-- -JimmyC...Clayton,NC- "Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave"

pockethole jig he took it when he sneaked in someone’s workshop located at the boarder of A.N.W.R. Since he did not know how to use it, he decided to…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

Find some nice elves to help him…

-- Rich, WNY, www.nyrockingchairs.com

assemble the jig and show how to use it. Upon receiving a sms from Yetti, three beautiful elves agreed to help Yetti.

After waited for about 25 minutes, finally…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

(though he didn’t find them beautiful…...not hairy enough!) He sat on a pile of lumber and spread
his toes and….....................

showed his ebonized toenails to one of those beautiful elves and said…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

do you want some of this?.....

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

Yes, there were dozens of slow running sherpas, neatly jammed under his toe nails, one with a shiny little object between his teeth, that….

closely resembled the shiny thing in the wood at the beginning of this post. So, I grabbed the sherpa and showed him to the Yetti. The Yetti growled like a 100 mile per hour freight train. The Sherpa opened his mouth wide and screamed. When his little mouth was open, I could clearly see the shiny thing. It was…...

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

The end of the story, PLEASE?

-- If a man says something in the forest and there's no woman to hear it, is he still wrong?

imbeded in a small piece of wood that…

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

was jammed between his two front teeth. The Yetti quickly grabbed a hammer and…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

....knocked 3 times….. on his hardcore skull in an attempt to..

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

...learn the meaning of life. Failing at that, he quickly…

ditched the hammer for a toothpick, where he easily picked the piece of wood with the shiny object out of the Sherpa’s teeth. Once the Sherpa realized that he wasn’t going to be eaten, and his teeth felt better, he quickly explained that he had lodged the wood with the shiny object in his mouth on accident while….

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

cleaning his teeth, which had become so full of gunk from something or someone that he had…...

-- -JimmyC...Clayton,NC- "Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave"

...covered in chocolate and eaten. “Boy! Was that ever good” said the Sherpa when suddenly Barack Obama walked into view. “What is with those big ears?” the Sherpa declared. “I’ll bet they’re tasty covered in chocolate!” he declared again as he likes to declare stuff. But Barack was captivated by something else…Something shiny sticking out of a piece of wood.

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

Barack said, “Hey, I’m a woodworker. I think I’ve seen this before. My father and grandfather taught me. I’ve seen something like this in their shop before. It was highly valued and treasured. My grandfather said that only a handful of trees per millennium have this trait.” Barack was then whisked away by secret service and CIA to keep him from talking. I was standing there, holding the wood, wondering about the mystery, when…

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

Gov. Blogoyovich{spelling}told me he would sell me the answer to the mystry for $250,000.

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

but 1st, I had to do the woodworkers dance with Mrs Blago who was…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

... still cussing like a sailor on leave with his ….

-- Just 'cause a cat has kittens in the oven, it don't make 'em biscuits.

...leave cut short so I did a little dance, made a little Blago, got down tonight but when I turned around to see if Ex-Gov Blagos wife was still offering the $250,000.00 I realized that Blago was now out and after his Letterman stint he decided to pursue a career in…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

late night comedy in taxi cabs in New York’s China Town where he …..

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

finally got put in prison for extortion. So, after I almost had the answer through former Gov Blago, I had to come to the realization that I was on my own to solve this mystery. So, there I am, still standing there with the Yetti and Sherpa, all three of us looking at this object in the wood, staring in amazement. The Yetti suggested that we go to a local university and have them take a look at it. We all agreed and started on our way when another person….

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

it appeared to be …..yeah it is….Gov. Palin was back to help solve this mystery for FREE…

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

...but her husband, the 1st dude interupted and said…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

“Oh Sara baby! You are sooo hot!” and then leaped up into the air, executed a perfect 3 1/2 Gainer and plunged headfirst down into a hole in the ground. SteveKorz, not to be outdone and desperately needing to impress Sara Palin shouted “I can do that! Hey watch this!” as he leaped up about two feet, tried to turn and immediately belly flopped to the ground! Sara, none too impressed then said…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

“Famous last words of any Hillbilly—”Hey Y’all, watch this!”” Palin disappeared into the hole after the first dude when I realized…

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

the hole went all the way to China! Governor Palin poked her head out of the hole and shouted…

-- Adventure? Heh! Excitement? Heh! A Woodworker craves not these things!

Wow, look at that big wall…and look at those tanks….they look just like the tanks that I can see across my back yard to Russia !

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

...But then I could only see them when I was playing Tina Fay on TV. Just then the Yeti exclaimed…

I’m going to the office of silly walks, there, I believe I can get some answers, or at least a good five minute argument. If not maybe Douglas could…

-- Mike. mwurm13@yahoo.com

...do a Shop Tour of her place! (get some bikini shots in there Doug!)

But meanwhile, not too far away, on the other side of the planet, in an old crumbling castle with pink curtains, and a moat full of voracious Large Mouthed Bass, a sinister giggle was heard.

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

Yes, it was Bill Clinton, holding onto Hillary’s belt loop….eyeballing another chubby little lady, behind Hillary’s back.
Bill looking for the nearest sink…..

hoping to spit out the saliva that he had swapped with his wife. While at the sink he saw a cigar on the floor, not just any cigar but a very large one, he picked it up, looked at it a started gazing….......

-- -JimmyC...Clayton,NC- "Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave"

(Eeeeew! Swapping spit with Hillary?!)

...then he noticed an odor. Something familiar yet faint. “Strange”, he mused, “I wonder why this smells of fish?” “Maybe Hillary knows”, as he turned towards his wife, and then suddenly…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

...Hilary turned around wieliding a Cocobolo night stick, pointed it at Bill and exclaimed…........

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

You want some of this????..........................then she noticed …there was something shiny in the Cocobolo nigh stick…......

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

... She looked like she went into a deep gaze, time seemed to have frozen still… she could only hear the faint playing of some dramatic, suspenseful music, and a single Yetti yell. Just then, she realized that this was part of a much bigger, deeper mystery. It’s as if the different pieces of wood with the shiny things in it are all related…. given to the people to discover for one, single, related cause. She felt as if the wood was drawing her to….

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

...seek help from a qualified psychotherapist and join a recovery group funded by…

-- Dan, Sterling Alaska, http://sullcon.homestead.com/ Before you criticise some one, walk a mile in their shoes...then you will be a mile away and you have their shoes!

...ACORN. This little side adventure lead quickly to a place where…

a community organizer moves into government supplied housing with a cockerdalmaschnauzer that hunts squirrels and barks a song about economic stimulus…

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

a place where there was a complete shop full of brand new tools. A brand new hybrid saw, a brand new rainbow knife. All of the latest new features were on each of the tools . All except…..................

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

...the newest alternative energy power tool…the STIMULIZER…which…..

-- Dan, Sterling Alaska, http://sullcon.homestead.com/ Before you criticise some one, walk a mile in their shoes...then you will be a mile away and you have their shoes!

should revolutionize the housing starts in this country ,by making private homes available in the range of $1200 to $1500…..this solves the mystery of what the yetti’s (and Robert Gibbs) were trying to tell us.This will put people back to work, even if…......................

-- Life used to be soooo much simpler!!!!

the $1200 to $1500 houses are extreme birdhouses built by…. john. Not realizing that grown people can’t live in 12 to 15 sq ft houses….he went out and bought millions of dollars worth of frisbees and condoms for some country in Europe. Then pissed the rest of the money into some bank or inferior car makers account when…

...all of a sudden Bernie Madoff appeared offering to double your frisbee account if you’r only help him build a…

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

...laminated wife attitude alignment tool with an automatic anti-whine feature built into the handle that when activated…

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

loudly proclaim, ” you know full well what the definition of “is” is and no you cannot go with me when Obama sends me to…...

-- Gary, Huntsville. May you live as long as you want and not want as long as you live.

...a 3 year advanced woodworking school which I have just enrolled in thanks to the stimulus package.

In the end, the sun came up, the lumber dries…Bernie Madoff looks wonderful in pinstripes, the three elves and the Yetti lived happily ever after eating chocolate covered pinwheels while handing out free pocket knives and all Lumber Jocks balanced a screwdriver on their car keys while Gov. Blago and Gov. Palin learned the true meaning of life from the powers of the Rainbow Knife!

THE END~~~~~~~~~~~

To be continued…..............................................

-- http://www.federalsaw.com

And the snapshots of the next episod is…

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.