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Forum topic by longgone posted 04-29-2014 07:26 PM 1165 views 0 times favorited 10 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View longgone's profile


5688 posts in 3306 days

04-29-2014 07:26 PM

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it’s red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, “Re-calc-u-lating.” You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship…

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven’t figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden “Paper or Plastic?” every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, “Paper or plastic?” I just say, “Doesn’t matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.” Then it’s their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot.”

10 replies so far

View Monte Pittman's profile

Monte Pittman

29226 posts in 2336 days

#1 posted 04-29-2014 07:37 PM

I’m just laughing. Thanks for your post.

-- Nature created it, I just assemble it.

View JoeinGa's profile


7736 posts in 2005 days

#2 posted 04-29-2014 07:45 PM

”My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.”

Good for you, keep it there!

I also fought with my wife and kids about joining FB but finally gave in about 3 or 4 months ago. Now I’m up till WAY PAST bedtime trying to reply to questions asked and clicking “LIKE” on every damn cute Doxie puppy I see! So DONT DO IT! KEEP YOUR SANITY!

I HAVE been able to resist getting a cell phone! Yep! Believe it or not, I DONT have one! About 8 or 9 years ago my wife decided I NEEDED one for the 46 mile drive to and from work I made daily. (My only transportation was a motorcycle then) She said “You drive all that way on the Interstate to work every day and back home at night. What happens if you break down? “

I said “So I’ll wait till some nice soul sees me on the side and stops to offer assistance. I’ll use their phone to call you.”

“But what if no one stops”

“Then I’ll walk to the next exit and call you from there”


“So then the POLICE will call you.”

End of discussion!

-- Perform A Random Act Of Kindness Today ... Pay It Forward

View SuperCubber's profile


1026 posts in 2282 days

#3 posted 04-29-2014 07:50 PM

Anyone else having flashbacks from The Shawshank Redemption?


-- Joe | Spartanburg, SC | "To give anything less than your best is to sacrafice the gift." - Steve Prefontaine

View Cricket's profile


2349 posts in 1590 days

#4 posted 04-30-2014 01:19 AM

I am laughing so hard. Thank you for bring me a smile tonight.

-- Community Manager

View gfadvm's profile


14940 posts in 2688 days

#5 posted 05-01-2014 01:27 AM

Greg, Really good to know I am not alone in my lack of technological know how. I have never been on Facebook, Twitter, and never Skyped anyone. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn once.

-- " I'll try to be nicer, if you'll try to be smarter" gfadvm

View Bill White's profile

Bill White

4929 posts in 3958 days

#6 posted 05-01-2014 01:32 PM

VERY well said Greg.
“Bisacksual”?? Bwahahaha.


View lightcs1776's profile


4200 posts in 1652 days

#7 posted 05-03-2014 12:17 PM

Sure do miss the good old days when folks calling had something of value ro say. My kids will call to ask if there is anything for lunch. Shouldn’t a 21 YO know how to figure out lunch? Oh well, at least all his friends will enjoy tge picture of his peanut butter sandwich. Why they is a mystery to me.

-- Chris ** If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace. — Tom Paine **

View PaulDoug's profile


1535 posts in 1701 days

#8 posted 05-03-2014 02:20 PM

No face book for me, no tweeter for me, no cell phone for me, I like a simple life and what I do is not everyone’s business, nor do I feel I need to know everyone else’s business, (nor do I care). Thanks for the good chuckle this morning, I want you to know you are not alone. I do enjoy my PC and the internet though. I’d be lost without it.

-- “We all die. The goal isn't to live forever; the goal is to create something that will.” - Chuck Palahniuk

View MrRon's profile


4769 posts in 3241 days

#9 posted 05-03-2014 06:38 PM

My Grandkids are trying to get me to do messaging on the cell phone. I won’t do it and that’s that. A cell phone is as far as I go with wireless technology.

View Roger's profile


20928 posts in 2802 days

#10 posted 05-18-2014 12:47 PM

Very funny Greg. It’s amazing to just watch how many people, young and old, are glued to their phones. Everywhere, while doing everything. Thee most rediculous place is the bathroom. Now, Really???? is that text, or call, that important. I always hope the idiots will drop their phones in the porcelain receptacle. Now that would be very funny.

-- Roger from KY. Work/Play/Travel Safe. Keep your dust collector fed.

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