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Ramblings of a Retired Mind (for fun)

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Forum topic by juniorjock posted 02-03-2014 11:00 PM 830 views 0 times favorited 6 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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juniorjock

1930 posts in 3231 days


02-03-2014 11:00 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor funny stuff

> Ramblings of a Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those

> cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.
> I can’t afford one. So, I’m wearing my garage door opener.

> I also made a cover for myhearing aid and
> now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

> You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before
> I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.

> I was thinking that women should

> put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

> I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age,
> and call it ‘Pumping Rust’.

> I’ve gotten that dreaded furniture disease.
> That’s when your chest is falling into your drawers!

> When people see a cat’s litter box, they always say,
> ‘Oh, have yougot a cat?’ Just once I want to say,
> ‘No, it’s for company!’
>
>
> Employment application blanks always ask who is to
> be notified in case of an emergency. I think you
> should write, ‘A Good Doctor’!

> I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible
> a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned
> on me. They were cramming for their finals.

> As for me, I’m just hoping God
> grades on the curve.

> Birds of a feather flock
> together . . . .and then poop on your car.

> A penny saved is a government
> oversight.

> The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
> because by then your body and your fat have
> gotten to be really good friends.

> The easiest way to find something lost around
> the house is to buy a replacement.

> He who hesitates is probably right.

> Did you ever notice: The Roman
> Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

> If you can smile when things go wrong,
> you have someone in mind to blame.

> The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is
> so he can tell when he’s really in trouble..

> Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
> ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs…’

> Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you
> stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

> Some people try to turn back their odometers.
> Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this
> way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the
> roads weren’t paved.

> When you are dissatisfied and would like to go
> back to your youth, think of Algebra.

> One of the many things no one tells you about aging
> is that it is such a nice change from being young.
> Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.


6 replies so far

View Karson's profile

Karson

35035 posts in 3866 days


#1 posted 02-03-2014 11:17 PM

No tell them the litter box is for Justin Bieber.

-- I've been blessed with a father who liked to tinker in wood, and a wife who lets me tinker in wood. Southern Delaware soon moving to Virginia karsonwm@gmail.com †

View Bill White's profile

Bill White

4456 posts in 3426 days


#2 posted 02-03-2014 11:25 PM

Junior, you have WAY too much time, but why do I understand all you post. Hee hee!
Bill

-- bill@magraphics.us

View juniorjock's profile

juniorjock

1930 posts in 3231 days


#3 posted 02-03-2014 11:31 PM

I can’t take credit for this one. Got it from my brother. What Karson said!! For sure!

View ralbuck's profile

ralbuck

2005 posts in 1732 days


#4 posted 02-03-2014 11:36 PM

One of the major comforts of being”old”——I use this term carefully as I hope to someday make to there!——-

IS you DO not CARE what people think except the guy in the mirro and a few others!!!

You do not give DAMN what the neighbors like or don’t about you!

Sometime the tinntanitus can keep you from hearing things you did NOT want to anyway!

Some of the roads that I have been dragged dwon were not even good prarie trails!! Yeah; I have the DAMAGE to prove it—- Hopefull I get to the “DAMNED AGE” to really enjoy it! I am trying to get the money the from 45+ years I paid into ss back.

At least I am so far not real sick;; damage is easier to recover from than sick!

-- just rjR

View Texcaster's profile

Texcaster

1140 posts in 1139 days


#5 posted 02-03-2014 11:54 PM

At a press conference on his 100th birthday, George Burns was asked….” George, who would want to be 100? ”
sez George.. ” Anyone who is 99! “

-- Mama calls me Texcaster but my real name is Mr. Earl.

View woodbutcherbynight's profile

woodbutcherbynight

2448 posts in 1875 days


#6 posted 02-04-2014 12:28 AM

ROFLMAO

-- Live to tell the stories, they sound better that way.

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