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23 Adult Truths

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Forum topic by wseand posted 01-24-2014 02:52 PM 1406 views 0 times favorited 10 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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wseand

2754 posts in 2507 days


01-24-2014 02:52 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Got this email today.

23 ADULT TRUTHS

1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest or Google Maps really need to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection… again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

It just gets better as you get older, doesn’t it?

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod (with ear piece) – and how was your day?

This is what happens when old people start using technology!

-- Bill - "Freedom flies in your heart like an Eagle" Audie Murphy


10 replies so far

View DIYaholic's profile

DIYaholic

19179 posts in 2140 days


#1 posted 01-24-2014 04:22 PM

Great stuff….
Put a smile on my face!

-- Randy-- I may not be good...but I am slow! If good things come to those who wait.... Why is procrastination a bad thing?

View wseand's profile

wseand

2754 posts in 2507 days


#2 posted 01-24-2014 04:43 PM

Had a great laugh myself.

-- Bill - "Freedom flies in your heart like an Eagle" Audie Murphy

View Texcaster's profile

Texcaster

1140 posts in 1139 days


#3 posted 01-24-2014 06:34 PM

I’m going to start writing notes to myself in the shed, so when I get up to the house I’ll know why I’m there.

I like #19.

-- Mama calls me Texcaster but my real name is Mr. Earl.

View Woodbum's profile

Woodbum

732 posts in 2531 days


#4 posted 01-24-2014 08:35 PM

Thank you for making a BORING Friday PM at work bearable for 90 more minutes.

-- "Now I'm just another old guy wearing funny clothes"

View ChuckV's profile

ChuckV

2880 posts in 2992 days


#5 posted 01-24-2014 08:40 PM

Thanks for the laughs Bill. So many of these are dead-on.

-- “Big man, pig man, ha ha, charade you are.” ― R. Waters

View madts's profile

madts

1685 posts in 1805 days


#6 posted 01-24-2014 08:46 PM

Great fun and alas also true.

-- Thor and Odin are still the greatest of Gods.

View wseand's profile

wseand

2754 posts in 2507 days


#7 posted 01-25-2014 01:19 AM

Git to laugh as much as you can.

Well not too much or the guys in the white jackets show up.

-- Bill - "Freedom flies in your heart like an Eagle" Audie Murphy

View woodbutcherbynight's profile

woodbutcherbynight

2440 posts in 1874 days


#8 posted 01-25-2014 01:59 AM

This was great!

-- Live to tell the stories, they sound better that way.

View wseand's profile

wseand

2754 posts in 2507 days


#9 posted 01-25-2014 05:53 AM

Thanks Wood Butcher, I’m all about #21.

-- Bill - "Freedom flies in your heart like an Eagle" Audie Murphy

View woodbutcherbynight's profile

woodbutcherbynight

2440 posts in 1874 days


#10 posted 01-26-2014 01:28 AM

#10 for me. LOL

-- Live to tell the stories, they sound better that way.

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