Bah Humbug - An Arizona Christmas Tale

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Forum topic by JustJoe posted 12-25-2013 02:44 PM 1014 views 0 times favorited 16 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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1554 posts in 1461 days

12-25-2013 02:44 PM

Santa got plastered on eggnog and thought he’d sneak over while I was asleep and watch pay-per-view on my big screen. Well he couldn’t navigate the little roof on this shack I call home so he ended up clipping the satellite dish before putting a big dent in the swamp cooler. Then, rather than ring the doorbell like a normal person he thought he’d just slide on down the chimney.
Jokes on him – I don’t have a chimney. So he preceded on trying to slide on down the next best thing and ended up getting stuck in the exhaust stack from the bathroom. The noise woke me up and I walked out back with a flashlight to find a dozen reindeer pooping on my roof (yea, that’ll smell good come July.) I figured it was out of my hands, so I called the fire department and they came with sirens ablazing. Two hours of pushing and pulling and they hadn’t gotten anywhere until one of them got this bright idea – he went over to the other exhaust pipe from the kitchen, dropped in a match and quickly covered the hole. The resulting explosion popped that old Santa right outta there with just a little flame damage to that red velvet jumpsuit he insists on wearing everywhere. Unfortunately it also scared the cr@p out of the reindeer and they took off in all directions, dragging sled and reins and bags of toys everywhere (If your little rugrat didn’t get what Santa promised, it’s probably scattered about my backyard.) Except the youngest one up front, he had no sense at all because he headed straight for the street-side of the house where he hit the transformer sitting on top of the pole. It went up in a flash and a bang, the town went dark, and little Rudolph went down in a burning mass. We yelled at him to roll on the ground but it was too late. So now we’re sitting here in the dark on Christmas day. The insurance adjuster won’t come out until tomorrow, so we’ve got the bbq fired up – no use letting a good reindeer go to waste (No, it doesn’t taste like chicken)...

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16 replies so far

View woodsmithshop's profile


1250 posts in 2969 days

#1 posted 12-25-2013 03:50 PM

and a Merry Christmas to you!!! lol

-- Smitty!!!

View upchuck's profile


540 posts in 1088 days

#2 posted 12-25-2013 04:09 PM


Your sense of reality is twisted again. Maybe you should check yourself into the group home for another short stay while they try to adjust your meds.


View CharlieM1958's profile


16229 posts in 3641 days

#3 posted 12-25-2013 04:25 PM

I’ve heard of spiking the eggnog, but this takes it to a whole new level. :-)

Merry Christmas!

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View Monte Pittman's profile

Monte Pittman

21580 posts in 1761 days

#4 posted 12-25-2013 05:50 PM

So you’re saying that Santa is for real….................... ;-)

-- Mother Nature created it, I just assemble it.

View Nicky's profile


695 posts in 3515 days

#5 posted 12-25-2013 06:43 PM

Very funny!

Merry Christmas.

-- Nicky

View shipwright's profile


7094 posts in 2221 days

#6 posted 12-25-2013 06:44 PM

I hear lichen goes well with reindeer.
Merry Christmas Joe.

-- Paul M ..............If God wanted us to have fiberglass boats he would have given us fibreglass trees.

View Greg In Maryland's profile

Greg In Maryland

550 posts in 2421 days

#7 posted 12-25-2013 09:09 PM

I’m glad you are ok. Events like that can be traumatic. Take care of yourself and don’t blame yourself—there’s no way you could have foreseen this and installed a chimney.

Merry Christmas Joe.


View distrbd's profile


2220 posts in 1869 days

#8 posted 12-25-2013 09:20 PM

Am I the only one who thinks Santa should loose some weight?

-- Ken from Ontario, Canada

View Bill White's profile (online now)

Bill White

4408 posts in 3383 days

#9 posted 12-25-2013 11:10 PM

Joe, You are NOT well. :)


View Hybridwoodworker's profile


28 posts in 1555 days

#10 posted 12-25-2013 11:56 PM

Joe, you are not only well, you’re possible saner than most of us. The last of our relatives have just left and our house looks similar to yours so I thought you story was funny.

BTW, I usually use a dry rub on reindeer and put Memphis style sauce on the table for those that like it that way.


-- Life is hard, it is harder if you are stupid.

View Jorge G.'s profile

Jorge G.

1537 posts in 1898 days

#11 posted 12-26-2013 12:58 AM

So what makes Rudolph’s nose light up? Whatever it is I hope you did not eat with the bbq, or you will have a lighted belly button for a while… :-)

merry xmas…

-- To surrender a dream leaves life as it is — and not as it could be.

View CL810's profile


3405 posts in 2411 days

#12 posted 12-26-2013 02:20 AM

Joe, do you know how many times your parents dropped you? ;-)

-- "The only limits to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today." - FDR

View OldRick's profile


72 posts in 1117 days

#13 posted 12-26-2013 02:37 AM

Joe…I think your dust collector is getting full. Just sayin. Merry Christmas. 0_o

View theoldfart's profile


7942 posts in 1874 days

#14 posted 12-26-2013 03:05 AM

Joe, I haven’t had an irreverent laugh like that in a long time. THANK YOU. Maybe it’s the two or three bottles of wine we’ve been having with friends, but I doubt it.

-- "With every tool obtained, there is another that is needed" DonW ( Kevin )

View gfadvm's profile


14932 posts in 2113 days

#15 posted 12-26-2013 03:22 AM

Joe, You really need to take your act on the road! Worked for Jeff Foxworthy!

Thanks for the great story.

-- " I'll try to be nicer, if you'll try to be smarter" gfadvm

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