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Forum topic by mike1950 posted 09-21-2013 01:06 PM 1372 views 0 times favorited 14 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View mike1950's profile


363 posts in 1826 days

09-21-2013 01:06 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

>> When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space. > >> > >> That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twitterific, Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting World. > >> > >> My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag. > >> > >> The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it’s red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone within 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud. > >> > >> I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying and rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes she would sarcastically say, “Re-calc-u-lating.” You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship… > >> When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and, while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me. > >> > >> To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven’t figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings. > >> > >> The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden “Paper or Plastic?” every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me. > >> > >> Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, “Paper or plastic?” I just say, “It doesn’t matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.” Then it’s their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot.” > >> > >> P.S. I know some of you are not over 60. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are. > >> > >> We senior citizens don’t need anymore gadgets. The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle

-- "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is."– Albert Einstein

14 replies so far

View DIYaholic's profile


19623 posts in 2703 days

#1 posted 09-21-2013 01:54 PM

Could you please type slower next time….
I can’t read all that fast!!!

Funny stuff there!!!

-- Randy-- I may not be good...but I am slow! If good things come to those who wait.... Why is procrastination a bad thing?

View Woodknack's profile


11821 posts in 2408 days

#2 posted 09-21-2013 01:55 PM

Bi-sacksual, gotta remember that one.

-- Rick M,

View Gary's profile


9333 posts in 3461 days

#3 posted 09-21-2013 01:59 PM

Reading your post makes me feel like someone has been reading my thoughts. Thanks for the post, and the chuckle.

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas only 4 miles from the mill

View Jay Nolet's profile

Jay Nolet

75 posts in 2067 days

#4 posted 09-21-2013 02:42 PM

Hah, I got a toilet that if I do a number one I have to flush a certain way. If I do a number two I have to flush a different way.


-- I think, therefore I think I am.

View GrandpaLen's profile


1650 posts in 2300 days

#5 posted 09-21-2013 03:11 PM

Who would have ever thought, 20 years ago, that our future generations would communicate with their THUMBS rather than their MOUTH.

I am occasionally asked to provide Taxi Service for my nearly grown, cell phone totin’ Grandchildren.
Now don’t get me wrong, I dearly love interacting with them, but when they ask for a 20 mile round trip ride and the conversation consists of “Hi Grandpa” when they get in my truck and “Thanks for the ride” when I drop them off back at the house, I find that a little off-putting.

I now get quite tickled at the ‘Deer in the Headlights Stare’ when I ask them to turn off the cell phone, or ride in the back seat like a real Taxi Cab and please have the correct change at the end of your ride. “I know you can talk ‘cause you did when you called me for a ride”.

Today’s Cell Phone has become a verbal communication ‘wedge’.
...just call me ‘old school’ if you must, but don’t do it with your thumbs. :-)

Best Regards. – Grandpa Len.

Work safely and have Fun.

-- Mother Nature should be proud of what you've done with her tree. - Len ...just north of a stone's throw from the oHIo, river that is, in So. Indiana.

View Gary's profile


9333 posts in 3461 days

#6 posted 09-21-2013 03:16 PM

Another thought. Last summer my son was with me in the truck. Headed for town to the feed store, we passed 4 young guys on horses. My son who is 44 said, “I wonder what Roy Rogers would thing of cowboys on a horse, wearing ball caps and texting on their cell phones?” lol

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas only 4 miles from the mill

View mike1950's profile


363 posts in 1826 days

#7 posted 09-21-2013 03:20 PM

Grandpalen- I feel exactly the same. I get together with daughter to have a conversation and she is texting the whole time. Love your comments. Thanks all I thought this was way too funny not to share and at 63 I am not about to put my whole life on facebook- hell, the speed at which I type it would take the rest of my life to type it.

-- "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is."– Albert Einstein

View bhack's profile


349 posts in 3748 days

#8 posted 09-21-2013 04:22 PM

Apparently you have placed a devise in my bedroom and read my mind. Do you argue with Gypsy out loud? I do and it drives my wife crazy.

-- Bill - If I knew GRANDKIDS were so much fun I would have had them first.

View Howie's profile


2656 posts in 2951 days

#9 posted 09-21-2013 04:29 PM

While this post is so true and I got several laughs out of it, I have to say it’s a sad day for the younger people that have to have a phone by the time they are 5, cannot write cursive(they don’t teach it anymore) and can do hardly no math without a calculator.
Good post Mike.

-- Life is good.

View DKV's profile


3940 posts in 2532 days

#10 posted 09-21-2013 04:57 PM

Mike, I truly hope, wish and even pray that you are not one of those people that insists on using a check to pay for your groceries in a long checkout line. Or the type that waits until they hear how much the total is before even pulling out the checkbook. Or the type that forgets they have coupons until after the total is given. Or the type that has to start over because they decided they want some extra cash included in the total. Or…

-- This is a Troll Free zone.

View mike1950's profile


363 posts in 1826 days

#11 posted 09-21-2013 05:38 PM

DKV- have not written a check for 15 yrs- never used coupons and never get cash at the store.
Sorry you do not see the humor. If you are lucky you WILL get old enough to understand this mans rant. :) :)

Howie- I share your fears…....

-- "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is."– Albert Einstein

View Jorge G.'s profile

Jorge G.

1537 posts in 2503 days

#12 posted 09-21-2013 05:44 PM

LOL…nice rant.

-- To surrender a dream leaves life as it is — and not as it could be.

View Bluepine38's profile


3379 posts in 3113 days

#13 posted 09-21-2013 05:54 PM

I had to get on facebook to keep up with the kids, grandkids and great grandkids. Got a cell phone so I
could text and leave quick messages when I remembered something and did not want to get sidetracked.
I only tend to get a little confused if I hike back in too far in the dark on opening day of hunting season, but
a GPS is great to make sure you are hunting on the correct section of land. I do not tend to travel too much
lately, but when the wife retires, I will probably get even more confused in strange cities. Costco puts my
stuff in big boxes if I forget my bags, so I tend to remember them. The beautiful lady buys the small stuff
in the grocery stores so I do not get lost in them. The people at Superior Hardwood just let me wander until
I find what I want to buy and bring it to the counter, but I wish they would quit turning out the lights on me.

-- As ever, Gus-the 79 yr young apprentice carpenter

View oldnovice's profile


6902 posts in 3395 days

#14 posted 09-22-2013 11:28 PM

Cell phones have destroyed face to face conversation and will prove detrimental in family relationships which is something our society do not need.

I worked on cell phones and cell phone measurements for two years … the worst two years of my 40 years of my engineering career.

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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