|Forum topic by MarkTheFiddler||posted 08-19-2013 11:00 PM||781 views||0 times favorited||10 replies|
08-19-2013 11:00 PM
What makes us Tick? What do we need? I’m no expert on your needs because I’m hardly an expert on my own needs. But – And there had to be a But – I know a little about respect.
I have a quick anecdote.
Yesterday, 2 young men were stranded at convenience store and needed to be somewhere else. That somewhere else was 3 miles away and I couldn’t see them walking it out real easily. I piled them into the car and off we went. The guy up front was telling about automotive maintenance. The guy in the back said something that came from some far off place. I can’t even imagine the context that made him say, “I told this guy that if he disrespected me I’d punch him in the mouth.”
I ‘sorta’ get were he is coming from. There may have been that tough guy jockying going on. Perhaps there was a little warning to me. Maybe he was telling me that I was tolerated as long as I played by his needs and wants. Maybe he was acting the part of a young gorilla who wants the old silver back to know that his day is passed. I knew this for sure, my passenger was fragile.
Have you ever said something like my 25-ish year old passenger?
I know I have. I made brazen statements before and I could have used those exact same words at one time. I never had a clue that the one thing I was looking for, a bit respect, was the thing I had damaged the most.
I think we all need respect and a lot of it. The more the better. Let’s call a huge section of our needs, the need for respect. Pile it ON Baby!
Let’s go back to my young passenger for a moment. I could not know what was disrespectful to him until he “punched me in the mouth”. Yeah sure, there are the obvious things like direct and demeaning insults. All of us get that. It’s those hidden things I don’t have a clue about. Those hidden things are the little wild animals that bite him. They are the things that hurt his feelings. They are the things that present an element of truth that he does not like. They are things he wants to hide from everyone.
When someone disagrees with us – does it hurt? Does it hurt our image? Does it feel like others are now staring at that wild animal we try to keep in a cage? Examining our flaws?
If someone says something that hurts me, “I” have to work on “Me”. What is it I don’t like about what you said? What wild animal did you let out of my cage. What flaw did you come dangerously close to revealing?
Here’s a secret to losing the respect others might hold for you. Defend your flaw to the death. Manipulate others into believing it’s not you who is flawed but the person who pointed it out. Conversely, you can gain respect by acknowledging your flaws and learning from others.
If we can start working on the things that hurt us, even a little at a time, we can grow. We might gain a little insight into why some people moved away from us. We might learn that we were acting a fool.
Little by little something wonderful is going to happen. You will gain all the respect you ever needed. It’s called self respect. When you have self respect – someone can say “Only a Moron would do it your way.” They can say it in front of a thousand people and it won’t hurt. You can reply with something like this, “Im not too happy about it either. Do you have any suggestions?”
It’s possible that the gentle soul who called you a moron will feel vindicated (less often than you might think.) But don’t forget about the 1000 others who were spectating. Most of them, the good ones, just gained a whole pile of respect for you.
My friends, Have a great day!
-- Thanks for all the lessons!