LumberJocks

People...

  • Advertise with us

« back to Coffee Lounge forum

Forum topic by MarkTheFiddler posted 08-19-2013 11:00 PM 729 views 0 times favorited 10 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View MarkTheFiddler's profile

MarkTheFiddler

1837 posts in 908 days


08-19-2013 11:00 PM

Topic tags/keywords: wool gathering

Friends,

What makes us Tick? What do we need? I’m no expert on your needs because I’m hardly an expert on my own needs. But – And there had to be a But – I know a little about respect.

I have a quick anecdote.

Yesterday, 2 young men were stranded at convenience store and needed to be somewhere else. That somewhere else was 3 miles away and I couldn’t see them walking it out real easily. I piled them into the car and off we went. The guy up front was telling about automotive maintenance. The guy in the back said something that came from some far off place. I can’t even imagine the context that made him say, “I told this guy that if he disrespected me I’d punch him in the mouth.”

Huh…

I ‘sorta’ get were he is coming from. There may have been that tough guy jockying going on. Perhaps there was a little warning to me. Maybe he was telling me that I was tolerated as long as I played by his needs and wants. Maybe he was acting the part of a young gorilla who wants the old silver back to know that his day is passed. I knew this for sure, my passenger was fragile.

Have you ever said something like my 25-ish year old passenger?

I know I have. I made brazen statements before and I could have used those exact same words at one time. I never had a clue that the one thing I was looking for, a bit respect, was the thing I had damaged the most.

I think we all need respect and a lot of it. The more the better. Let’s call a huge section of our needs, the need for respect. Pile it ON Baby!

Let’s go back to my young passenger for a moment. I could not know what was disrespectful to him until he “punched me in the mouth”. Yeah sure, there are the obvious things like direct and demeaning insults. All of us get that. It’s those hidden things I don’t have a clue about. Those hidden things are the little wild animals that bite him. They are the things that hurt his feelings. They are the things that present an element of truth that he does not like. They are things he wants to hide from everyone.

When someone disagrees with us – does it hurt? Does it hurt our image? Does it feel like others are now staring at that wild animal we try to keep in a cage? Examining our flaws?

If someone says something that hurts me, “I” have to work on “Me”. What is it I don’t like about what you said? What wild animal did you let out of my cage. What flaw did you come dangerously close to revealing?

Here’s a secret to losing the respect others might hold for you. Defend your flaw to the death. Manipulate others into believing it’s not you who is flawed but the person who pointed it out. Conversely, you can gain respect by acknowledging your flaws and learning from others.

If we can start working on the things that hurt us, even a little at a time, we can grow. We might gain a little insight into why some people moved away from us. We might learn that we were acting a fool.

Little by little something wonderful is going to happen. You will gain all the respect you ever needed. It’s called self respect. When you have self respect – someone can say “Only a Moron would do it your way.” They can say it in front of a thousand people and it won’t hurt. You can reply with something like this, “Im not too happy about it either. Do you have any suggestions?”

It’s possible that the gentle soul who called you a moron will feel vindicated (less often than you might think.) But don’t forget about the 1000 others who were spectating. Most of them, the good ones, just gained a whole pile of respect for you.

My friends, Have a great day!
Mark.

-- Thanks for all the lessons!


10 replies so far

View jordanp's profile

jordanp

1046 posts in 660 days


#1 posted 08-20-2013 12:26 AM

Awesome story. Great insight
Keep it up brother..

-- J. Palmer Woodworks - Rockwall TX -I woke up this morning thinking “man, I really hope someone posted some soul scarring sh*t on LJs today.” -- - Billy

View bygrace's profile

bygrace

135 posts in 689 days


#2 posted 08-20-2013 12:47 AM

I’ve noticed that most of the people so concerned about others respecting them don’t even respect themselves.

-- Andy, Waxahachie, Tx.

View GrandpaLen's profile

GrandpaLen

1575 posts in 992 days


#3 posted 08-20-2013 08:39 AM

At times we act as if our peace and confidence is a matter of effort and self-control.

Work Safely and have Fun. – Grandpa Len

-- Mother Nature should be proud of what you've done with her tree. - Len ...just north of a stone's throw from the oHIo, river that is, in So. Indiana.

View MarkTheFiddler's profile

MarkTheFiddler

1837 posts in 908 days


#4 posted 08-20-2013 10:06 PM

“At times we act as if our peace and confidence is a matter of effort and self-control.”

I have not heard it put that way Len. I believe I agree with what you said.

  • We act as if our peace is a matter of Effort.- That one I understand all the way and I can speak from – “I” or “Me” experience. I used to have one definition for peace and it meant “not at war”. Effort meant “trying hard”. So “Trying Hard” to be “Not at War”. Would you believe that was the absolute best I could manage? It’s exhausting too. At some point I thought – “I’m tired of trying to be peaceful.” I could not experience peace at all until I spent years letting go of broken behavior and beliefs. Nowadays, It comes – sometimes. I can’t will it to come

so:

  • We act as if our peace is a matter of Self Control. – Guilty.

The TV is a horrible instructor on life. Most of the writers have no idea what peace is so they make a mockery of it on the tube. You would hear a guru saying “Release all of your tension, let it flow from your finger tips and away from you.” And of course such a saying sounds vaguely supernatural. I formed my second definitiion of peace based on nonsense like that and I declared it unacheivable. Oh yeah – I put in the effort ;) and then some. I know this may be a little of the mark but I learned how to “Breath” correctly.

One of the very first steps to peace is saying “My life Hurts”.

Hmm – No time for the soapbox today. I want to take a look at confidence tomorrow. Tonight – I’ll be “Releasing my tension into the ether….”. ;)

-- Thanks for all the lessons!

View JoeinGa's profile

JoeinGa

3497 posts in 726 days


#5 posted 08-20-2013 10:16 PM

A wise man once told me… ”If you dont want somebody to get your goat… Dont tell him where you put it”

Words to live by.

-- Perform A Random Act Of Kindness Today ... Pay It Forward

View bygrace's profile

bygrace

135 posts in 689 days


#6 posted 08-20-2013 10:24 PM

Joe – I’ve heard it put this way – “if you don’t want someone to get your goat, don’t tie it up in the front yard.” words to live by indeed.

-- Andy, Waxahachie, Tx.

View MarkTheFiddler's profile

MarkTheFiddler

1837 posts in 908 days


#7 posted 08-21-2013 01:40 AM

The “Getting your Goat” cliche is so appropriate. I like the clever twists you two included. I guess my favorite is the same thing. “If you don’t want someone to push your buttons, don’t walk around wearing a keyboard. ;) Just kidding. I was trying to be clever and made it up.

I had to leave the “peace” conversation undone. I kept dwelling on words that would explain how I view it in very simple terms. I can’t come up with a single thing that someone who needs it will understand in one try. I know it takes a journey to find it but you can’t look for it. That my friends is seriously unhelpful.

What is helpful then? You need forgiveness, knowledge of your own worth, transparency. Nope – not helpful. You all help me out. I just deleted about a page of my soapbox. It wasn’t helpful either.

-- Thanks for all the lessons!

View GrandpaLen's profile

GrandpaLen

1575 posts in 992 days


#8 posted 08-21-2013 02:32 PM

Is there a limit to the number of cliches allowed in a single reply? I guess that may well be a matter of ‘Opinion’.

Opinions are based on knowledge, or lack there of, and everyone is entitled to theirs. It is my opinion that most will agree on that.

Drama is a Head Game, perpetuated by opinions and in my opinion, much like the game of baseball, requires a pitcher and a catcher. How many innings will be played if either refuses to contribute.

Self control, in my opinion, lends itself to Harmony, and harmony is what I seek at the end of my day.

Did my efforts today satisfy SWMBO? ...was she pleased?

You can please most of the people some of the time, some of the people most of the time, but never all of the people all of the time.

In my opinion, I slept well last night, with the peace and confidence that thru self control, I dispatched the day’s challenges with my best efforts. This is not always the case, in my opinion.

”At times we act as if our peace and confidence is a matter of effort and self-control.”

Best Regards. – Len

Work Safely and have Fun.

-- Mother Nature should be proud of what you've done with her tree. - Len ...just north of a stone's throw from the oHIo, river that is, in So. Indiana.

View MarkTheFiddler's profile

MarkTheFiddler

1837 posts in 908 days


#9 posted 08-24-2013 02:43 AM

Nice one Len. I was keeping count. You are two cliches short of the limit. Everything you said has good ‘life’ value – in my opinion.

Confidence.

That’s a funny thing that many people misunderstand. People come off looking very cocky sometimes. It’s the “I can do everything attitude” that indicates a lack of knowledge and a flimsy grip on reality. “I am the best at what I do.” I am the best here at work.” “Without me this place would fold.” Heard it? Said it? Either way, it’s not true.

I believe a confident person can say – “I don’t know how to do that, but I’d like to learn.” There is no fear of looking bad. There is no fear of being diminished. There is an understanding of current limitations and and an awareness of potential.

If I gave the same task to the cocky person and the humble person, they would handle stumbling blocks very differently. The cocky person has set themselves up for a fall. They can’t admit that they can’t get past a problem. Getting assistance is usually out of the question. The humble person will seek assistance and get past the issue. The cocky person blames others for their own failures. The humble person gives credit to the people who helped him succeed.

I think a sign of great confidence is best represented by a humble person. No aires or bragging. No ‘one upping’ everyone else. Quick to compliment. Comfortable with accolades delivered to others. A confident person would lift a person above themselves. What would the other kind do?

Len, thank you very much for every time you have lifted me up. Thank you for pouring your knowledge into me. Thanks for being gentle when I didn’t do it the way you recommended. Thank you for the accolades when I do something well. Thanks for the encouragement when I try something new. Thank you for being my friend.

-- Thanks for all the lessons!

View GrandpaLen's profile

GrandpaLen

1575 posts in 992 days


#10 posted 08-24-2013 01:20 PM

I met a man without a smile and gave him one of mine…

...now go and “Pay it Forward”.

Thank you for being my friend, Mark.

Best Regards.

Work Safely and have Fun in Life. – Grandpa Len.

-- Mother Nature should be proud of what you've done with her tree. - Len ...just north of a stone's throw from the oHIo, river that is, in So. Indiana.

Have your say...

You must be signed in to reply.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

HomeRefurbers.com

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

GardenTenders.com :: gardening showcase