|Forum topic by PittsburghTim||posted 04-14-2013 09:19 PM||952 views||0 times favorited||13 replies|
04-14-2013 09:19 PM
The other day, after hearing about the nut in Texas who went crazy with a knife followed by a story on Congress trying to stop gun violence, it came to me. Our country does not have a problem with gun violence or knife violence, but hand violence. Behind every knifing or shooting, there’s a hand. I’ve yet to see a gun or knife be violent. They are inanimate objects. But hands… Think of all the trouble they cause. Finger pointing, trigger pulling, holding a knife. All over. Legs are ok, but not hands. That runner without legs from South Africa was still able to shoot his girlfriend, because he had hands! How many crimes are committed by the handless. Think of the bad habits that would stop. No hands, no smoking. No nose picking. Think of the prevention of blindness. (Think about it guys.)
Texting while driving would come to an end. So would rude people using cell phones in the stores and check-out lines. No more stooge-like eye poking. This would bring a new meaning to the saying, “cover your stump before you hump.” Stumpy Nubs would no longer be a clever misnomer. Try picking pockets with a stump.
Criminals would be easy to spot as it would be hard to hide a hook or arm-mounted gun like Robocop used.
I propose hear and now that all hands be removed. We could get an expert or two in hand removal from the Middle East. They could train a legion of government-sanctioned hand removal experts. This would create good-paying jobs that could not be outsourced. Though a hand removal-industrial complex may develop, selling overpriced hand removal accessories like chopping blocks and automated hand removal equipment to the government. There would be no need to buy that SawStop. In fact, we could repurpose those saws without flesh-sensing technology to aid in the cause.
Of course, Congress would exempt themselves from such a law. Me too.
-- She asked me, "Who are you going to please with that?" I said, "Me."