Lumber humor

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: ‘A beer please, and one for the road.’

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

if you GOOGLE for wood humor or lumber humor be sure to turn on a filter or two

-- keeping myself entertained

Here’s a good link for funnies
http://www.signsanddesigns.ca/toons.html

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

-- keeping myself entertained

The Church Gossiper Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new church member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone who saw it parked there would know exactly what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and then just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny… He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house… Walked home.. And left it there all night. You Gotta love George…

-- -** You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream ****************** Dick, & Barb Cain, Hibbing, MN. http://www.woodcarvingillustrated.com/gallery/member.php?uid=3627&protype=1

Haha…wood workers humor. Good way to start the day.

-- Bill, Turlock California, http://www.brookswoodworks.com

couldn’t resist this one … a little light humor …. still fun

-- keeping myself entertained

Little Johnny was in Sunday school and the teacher was telling them about Sodom and Gomorrah. She said “And as they were running away, Lott’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.”
Little Johnny says “Aw, that ain’t nothin’. The other day my mom was driving us home in the car and looked back and turned into a tree.”

-- Tim-- http://www.tmuli.com

-- keeping myself entertained

Two blonde carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.
The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwing those nails away?”
The first explained, “If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed toward me, I throw it away ‘cause it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!”
The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, “You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!”

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

A workman was killed at a construction site. The police began questioning a number of the other workers. Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers were considered prime suspects. They were a motley crew:
The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.
The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time.
The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past. He still claims that he didn’t do anything; that he was framed.
The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.
The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.
The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.
The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter.
The autopsy led the police to arrest the carpenter, who subsequently confessed. The evidence against him was irrefutable, because it was found that the workman, when he died, was hammered.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

So, a termite walk into a bar and asks “Is the bartender here!”

-- -- Rob Hix, King George, VA

A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed.

The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.

The carpenter replied “twenty seven feet, six and one half inches”.

“What? How come you are so sure of that distance?”, asked the judge.

“Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!” replied the carpenter.

-- Tim D. - Woodstock, GA

-- keeping myself entertained