humor

Dan,

If that is legitimate, and it appears to be, it certainly lends credence to the Cell Phone/Brain Tumor theory.

I’ve worked in electronics all my live and this opened my eyes!

Lew

Explains the mushy area behind my left ear…
Actually I never keep mine on, just in my man-bag for road emergencies etc. I think I’ll keep it that way.

-- "Bordnerizing" perfectly good lumber for over a decade.

Wow, this is scary. Guess how I spend a good deal of my day!

Douglas, based on where I see people wearing those “man bags” may I suggest for your other man bag’s sake, you leave it off!

Imagine if they start popping! lol

Lee

-- by Lee A. Jesberger http://www.prowoodworkingtips.com http://www.ezee-feed.com

its a FAKE
http://blog.wired.com/underwire/2008/06/bluetooth-compa.html
http://urbanlegends.about.com/b/2008/07/09/cell-phone-popcorn-trick-revealed.htm
http://forums.gametrailers.com/showthread.php?t=423337

-- Fred, Springfield, Ma

Thanks, Fred!

I feel kind of foolish- I usually check these things out, but didn’t this time.

Lew

the double posting faerie strikes again

-- Fred, Springfield, Ma

Not to worry Lew, magicians do illusions all the time, you KNOW is a trick but your eye is fooled anyway. How much easier with editing software . . . .the hand is quicker than the eye etc. Let’s face it we WANT to believe

-- Fred, Springfield, Ma

Whew… Actually Lee it’s not one of those metrosexual man-bags, just a decade old L.L. Bean Campus Tote. But when the shoulder strap went south, they were good to their word about sending out a replacement (even if they were incredulous that I didn’t want a brand new bag to replace the stained and rumpled old one — Hell, old, stained and rumpled is my fashion statement).

-- "Bordnerizing" perfectly good lumber for over a decade.

taught me a lesson … still pretty cool.

-- ..... art for lifes sake ... danwalters@lumberjocks.com

You have been sprung Dan. Hide your head in shame. LOL

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Dan running from the scene.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

FUNNIEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER!

Dear Wife:
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I
are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But then I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed ,
Your Ex-Wife,
Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.
I hope that’s not a problem.

-- ..... art for lifes sake ... danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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.
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-- ..... art for lifes sake ... danwalters@lumberjocks.com

I’ve always thought that wearing a pager at my waist was not a wise thing to do…we’ll know in a decade or so what the effects are of our current lifestyle

-- "Functional WoodArt" by Debbie, Canada (http://www.execulink.com/~yohan)

-- ..... art for lifes sake ... danwalters@lumberjocks.com

oh wow… where was this creature found??
freaky weird but with a cute face.

-- "Functional WoodArt" by Debbie, Canada (http://www.execulink.com/~yohan)

It is a rare internet animal. Not many left out there !

-- ..... art for lifes sake ... danwalters@lumberjocks.com

Mutated after eating popcorn popped by cellphones.

Lee

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

CINCINNATI – It’s one of the latest mass e-mails you might have in your inbox: Someone asking why, if the government has $700 billion to bail out Wall Street, why it can’t just give Americans $1 million or more to solve their own problems?

Actor Russell Crowe even mentioned the idea on the Tonight Show a week or so ago.

The immediate problem is that giving about 300 million Americans $1 million each would actually cost $300 trillion, far more than the $13 trillion gross domestic product of the United States.
Story continues below ↓advertisement

But even if it were possible, economists say that while that solution sounds simple, it would also lead to disaster.

The problem is that, virtually instantly,

hyperinflation

would strike because currency would be devalued as more money was created and/or printed.

A $1 loaf of bread would suddenly cost $15 or more. Going to the movies would cost hundreds. Cars would cost millions of dollars. Don’t even ask what a house would cost.

Here’s some examples of hyperinflation in modern history.

#

In Germany, between World War I and II, paying wartime reparations to the Allies caused the Weimar government to simply print more money. The end result was that people were using wheelbarrows to take money to the store to buy bread. Workers would toss their pay out factory windows to relatives below to go buy things because if they waited until the end of their shift, the money would be worth less.

#

After World War II, Hungary experienced 41,900,000,000,000,000 percent inflation. At that level, prices of items essentially doubled every 15 hours.

#

Currently, Zimbabwe is dealing with an estimated 150,000 percent inflation. The government recently began printing $100 billion bills. By comparison, the highest denomination ever printed in the United States was $100,000, which was only used between banks. No bill larger than $100 has been printed since the 1930s.

Incidently, the inflation rate for the U.S. in August was 5.37 percent

-- ..... art for lifes sake ... danwalters@lumberjocks.com

Although prices are inflating, with today’s market conditions, our net worths are deflating. Good thing we have each other because as we can all tell, the material things just don’t hold their value as much as our investment in LumberJocks!

-- Smile. Life can be FUN!

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS for 2008 and beyond.
CEO—Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO—Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET—A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET—A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no new tools.
VALUE INVESTING—The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO—The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER—What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR—Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST—Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT—When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER—A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION—The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW—The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
WINDOWS—What you jump out of when your shares plunge.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR—Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT—An archaic word no longer in use.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

A little girl asked her father:
‘How did the human race appear?’
The father answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve;
they had children; and so was all mankind made.’
Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.
The mother answered,
‘Many years ago there were monkeys from
which the human race evolved.’
The confused girl returned to her father and said,
‘Dad, how is it possible that you told me the
human race was created by God,
and Mom said they developed from monkeys?’
The father answered,
‘Well, Dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family,
and your mother told you about hers.’

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke".

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Your sister

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.

Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families,

etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front

entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving…

seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he

walked up to the man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”

The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”

Satan asked, “Aren’t you afraid of me?”

“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”

-- ..... art for lifes sake ... danwalters@lumberjocks.com