The Passing of Woody Grainly, a Woodworker

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Forum topic by stefang posted 02-28-2013 09:48 PM 1271 views 1 time favorited 18 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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16074 posts in 3512 days

02-28-2013 09:48 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Woody passed at a relatively young age of 68. His wife of 43 years Bella and his three grown children, a daughter and two sons attended the funeral along with members of his extended family and friends.Pastor Frank held a glowing eulogy praising the work Woody had done helping to restore the old but venerable church interior back to it’s former glory using the woodworking skills he had attained during his lifelong hobby. After the service everyone dutifully filed by the coffin to see Woody one last time and then outside to the graveside ceremony.

Later, Bella served a nice buffet to those who had attended. Those present were sober faced and respectful with voices kept in low and speaking in reassuring tones so as to comfort Woody’s wife and children. But the truth be told, Bella was not so sad. Just thinking about all the years of suffering strict household budgets just to fund Woody’s insatiable craving for new and better tools just made her feel bitter, not to mention how difficult it was to get him out of the shop on the weekends to go for a drive or to visit friends and family. She could still hear the dust removal system screaming in the basement and the sound of machines eating up wood at all hours of the day and night. Expensive wood from around the world no less, with half of it left laying around in small heaps here and there. ‘Cut-offs’ Woody called them, like they were worthless outcasts, but still to be hoarded like exotic treasures. Yes thought Bella, I am truly glad to be rid of him!

Meanwhile Woody suddenly found himself in a dimly lit corridor leading to a rather large ornate door. He was surprised to find himself there, as the last thing he remembered was sitting on his patio having a few beers while barbecuing some ribs over the Hickory scraps he saved for such occasions. His favorite pastime next to woodworking.

He approached the door cautiously not knowing what to expect, but just before reaching out to turn the knob, the door slowly opened and Woody came face to face with a man standing before him. Welcome said the man. We have been awaiting your arrival for some time now and the day has finally arrived!

Taken aback at this unusual greeting, Woody asked the man why he was here. The man replied that he shouldn’t be alarmed, but that he had passed away peacefully at home, and after a review of his life he had been chosen to come to this place. In shock at the news of his death, Woody could only stare at the man in disbelief. You mean I’ve come here to the other side? Yes said the man, would you like to have a look? Uh, yes, of course. With that the man stepped aside to reveal a vast forest of virtually every type of known tree, it’s size beyond comprehension. Gazing at this incredible scene, Woody became utterly enthralled. This is absolutely wonderful he said. Yes said the man with a devilish grin, all this wood available to keep the fire burning.

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

18 replies so far

View a1Jim's profile


117283 posts in 3755 days

#1 posted 02-28-2013 10:24 PM

Ha ha ha you got me Mike funny story,thanks for sharing that with us.

-- wood crafting & woodworking classes

View daltxguy's profile


1373 posts in 4092 days

#2 posted 02-28-2013 11:31 PM

You mean I have to keep the fire burning there too?
There is no justice in this world ( or the one after!) :)

-- If you can't joint it, bead it!

View b2rtch's profile


4863 posts in 3226 days

#3 posted 02-28-2013 11:50 PM

Should I laugh?

-- Bert

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile


18381 posts in 3854 days

#4 posted 02-28-2013 11:51 PM


-- Bob in WW ~ "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View GaryL's profile


1099 posts in 3008 days

#5 posted 02-28-2013 11:58 PM

Tree Revenge…?? lol

-- Gary; Marysville, MI...Involve your children in your projects as much as possible, the return is priceless.

View Roger's profile


20949 posts in 2982 days

#6 posted 03-01-2013 12:50 PM

This would make a grown man cry..Thinking of the fact that we would be burning all that nice hardwood, instead of building something with it.. I think of Johnny Cash and “I fell into a burning ring o fire, I went down, down, down, and the flames went higher…............and it burns, burns, burns, the ring o fire…........the ring o fire.” LOL very good, Mike

-- Roger from KY. Work/Play/Travel Safe. Keep your dust collector fed.

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

4245 posts in 3342 days

#7 posted 03-01-2013 03:19 PM

Wait ‘till you see my cutoffs cart, I swear I will finish it today. You’ll see why I won’t end up there, I save every cutoff. Sometimes I just cut up old pieces of wood to have more cutoffs. Actually, I think they are breeding and multiplying at night….........that’s why I have so many cutoffs…........

Why did the trees end up in hell…....I thought they were the victims?.............(-:

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View stefang's profile


16074 posts in 3512 days

#8 posted 03-01-2013 06:27 PM

Jim My intention with this story was, as I’m sure you understand, to remind myself and others not to become so obsessed with our woodworking that we ignore the needs of our loved ones. I put the trees in just to raise Woody’s hopes before he realizes where he has actually landed, as I thought that would be amusing. I do love trees and I certainly don’t want to see them unnecessarily harmed. I can see that this story didn’t sit so well with everyone for whatever reasons. As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Cutoffs are the biggest problem in my small shop. I find it very difficult to love them, but at the same time I find it equally difficult to let them go. And I am sure that you’re breeding theory is entirely correct! Maybe one day a woodworking super hero will emerge who can show us how to man ourselves up and just deal with them!

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View Schwieb's profile


1871 posts in 3639 days

#9 posted 03-01-2013 08:28 PM

Good story Mike, with a moral to it if you pay attention. I do love my shop time, but I also like to get away some. I just a few hours ago returned home after an all night trip from Rio. One of the things I love to do when I visit other countries is to look at how the solve the same problems or needs. Housing, furniture, cooking, plumbing, sanitary needs, etc. You can learn a lot about a people when you visit their hardware and housewares stores.It was quite interesting to see all of the totally different plumbing and electrical systems the use in Brazil. I hope not to end up like Woody.

-- Dr. Ken, Florida - Durch harte arbeit werden Träume wahr.

View stefang's profile


16074 posts in 3512 days

#10 posted 03-01-2013 10:17 PM

Glad to hear you have arrived home safe and sound Ken. From your blog it seemed like you were really enjoying your trip. I hope you will be blogging some photos. It is always interesting to observe foreign cultures and try to make sense out of the way others do things. A typical first reaction is to wonder why in the world people do things so differently than we do. I have found from experience that the way they do things usually makes perfect sense once you understand the framework they are living within, including their cultural inheritance.

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile


18381 posts in 3854 days

#11 posted 03-01-2013 11:06 PM

I thought it was good too , Mike. It doesn’t matter whether it is wood working, hunting, fishing or what ever else might catch your fancy, one needs to pay enough attention to the loved ones they come to the funeral for a better reason than to be sure you’re really dead!

Heating with wood doesn’t bother me any. i have done it too. I never thought the devil might heat with it ;-))

-- Bob in WW ~ "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View lanwater's profile


3111 posts in 3112 days

#12 posted 03-02-2013 04:24 AM

half of it is been my story for last 3 to 4 years Mike.

I haven’t reach the other half. This said I am very sure my “Bella” will be extremly sad.

-- Abbas, Castro Valley, CA

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

4245 posts in 3342 days

#13 posted 03-02-2013 04:40 PM

I am actually applying my usual shop finish, Watco, to the cart. But it will take enough Watco, that it will be hard to deal with the fumes since it is still below freezing and hard to air out the shop.

My current problem with my shop is that Sherie’s rec room, at least part of it, and the wall receptacles in the shop, are on the same circuit. Yesterday my compressor cycled and took down Sheries long arm project (which runs on a Windows 8 tablet computer) that she hadn’t gotten around to saving. So I will get a UPS for her, the last one bit the dust, and encourage her to save her projects. Think I will also need to run a separate circuit to the wall where many of my tools are plugged in. My big power hogs are on 220V, and I have the dust collector on its own circuit, and the big saws on another circuit. The compressor really doesn’t draw that much current…...

So it isn’t just about money, trying to get the hobby to coexist with the spouse…........(-:

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View justoneofme's profile


665 posts in 2658 days

#14 posted 03-02-2013 05:20 PM

That was a very touching obit Mike!! Sometimes my problem is that too much of family blocks the pathway to my workshop! Of course I love everything life has to offer … but eventually the needs and desires of workshop become irresistible. When that urge builds to a crescendo, all is put on the back-burner so I can get my fill of creativity!! I’m very thankful to have it both ways! The one good thing about ‘burning in hell’ is that I’m sure I’ll be surrounded by friends :)

-- Elaine in Duncan

View stefang's profile


16074 posts in 3512 days

#15 posted 03-02-2013 05:44 PM

One would certainly hope so Elaine, misery loves company!

Jim If you hadn’t become a doctor I would have thought you could have made one heck of an electrical or electronics engineer.

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

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