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Forum topic by jim C posted 01-30-2013 07:15 PM 552 views 1 time favorited 12 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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jim C

1455 posts in 1820 days


01-30-2013 07:15 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

On a lighter note.

COSMIC LAWS…...


1. Law of Mechanical Repair -After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal – and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone
that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!

10. Law of Bio-Mechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces -The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument -Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking—A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!

18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better.. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

-- When I was a boy, I was told "anyone can be President", now I'm beginning to believe it!


12 replies so far

View RonInOhio's profile

RonInOhio

720 posts in 1585 days


#1 posted 01-30-2013 07:44 PM

Good post. Got a laugh out of me. But aren’t these all just a summation of Murphy’s Law ?

View BRAVOGOLFTANGO's profile

BRAVOGOLFTANGO

271 posts in 724 days


#2 posted 01-30-2013 07:50 PM

#1 & #2 are spot on!

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile

TopamaxSurvivor

15011 posts in 2397 days


#3 posted 01-30-2013 08:41 PM

Jim, Good one. All as fool proof as Newton’s Laws. You forgot #20. LJ Law of Non-Shop Talk. Any thread without a controversy will fade fast for lack of a bickering point. ;-))

-- "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View JoeinGa's profile

JoeinGa

3505 posts in 728 days


#4 posted 01-30-2013 09:01 PM

”Any thread without a controversy will fade fast for lack of a bickering point.”

WILL NOT!

-- Perform A Random Act Of Kindness Today ... Pay It Forward

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile

TopamaxSurvivor

15011 posts in 2397 days


#5 posted 01-30-2013 09:07 PM

WILL TOO

-- "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View jim C's profile

jim C

1455 posts in 1820 days


#6 posted 01-30-2013 10:07 PM

Excellent Topa!

Will TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-- When I was a boy, I was told "anyone can be President", now I'm beginning to believe it!

View teejk's profile

teejk

1215 posts in 1406 days


#7 posted 01-30-2013 10:14 PM

nope…it will result in a dicussion of SawStop or Dust Collection (or lately whether to block or not block).

View DS's profile

DS

2132 posts in 1142 days


#8 posted 01-30-2013 10:23 PM

I thought #15 was the Non-shop talk forum rule… just sayin’.

-- "Hard work is not defined by the difficulty of the task as much as a person's desire to perform it.", DS251

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile

TopamaxSurvivor

15011 posts in 2397 days


#9 posted 01-31-2013 12:14 AM

Good point on #15 ;-)

-- "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View Sandra's profile

Sandra

4850 posts in 796 days


#10 posted 01-31-2013 02:45 AM

Well I for one am deeply offended by any derogatory comment made about the proud Murphy name
We all know and love the legendary Murphy bed and we’ve all drank at some place named after Murphy.
I expect a full public apology or I’ll un-buddy all of you!

Just kidding. Good post!

-- No, I don't want to buy the pink hammer.

View teejk's profile

teejk

1215 posts in 1406 days


#11 posted 01-31-2013 03:03 AM

sandra…I worked with a woman named Murphy once…she fell down one night with a flask in her hip pocket…feeling a warm liquid running down her leg she said “I sure hope that’s blood”.

as for your signature line, I knew a guy that always painted his tools hot pink. he never lost a tool on a job site.

View Eric in central Florida's profile

Eric in central Florida

3663 posts in 2297 days


#12 posted 01-31-2013 04:07 AM

Scary how many of those apply to me. lol

-- All glory comes from daring to begin.

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