Joke For MrTrim

LOL

-- //FC - Round Rock, TX - "Experience is what you get just after you need it"

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! that was awesome!

Great One! I guess someone had to take over for Charlie :^)

Lew

That’s funny.

-- ~ Inspiring those who inspire me ~

Can the rest of us enjoy it also.

LOL

-- Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com

that is pretty funny

-- Glenn, New Mexico

Good one!

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

good one grumpy !! i guess you have figured out what my weakness is ! heres one back hope the print isnt too small to read .

MrTrim

Great Joke and a great lesson for all of us!

Lew

Great one Mr Trim.

-- Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com

great joke Mr Trim! love it!

haha, Thanx for brightening the morning a little more guys ;)

-- My Drinking Club has a Woodworking Problem...

Those are both great jokes!!!! Thanx Grumpy and Mrtrim.

-- Steve-o

Two Great Jokes!

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke".

LOL

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17)

LOL! LOL!

-- -** You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream ****************** Dick, & Barb Cain, Hibbing, MN. http://www.woodcarvingillustrated.com/gallery/member.php?uid=3627&protype=1

Good ones, guys! :-)

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

Thats a ripper Trim. LOL

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Well while we are at it. ’The Fencepost Turtle’
While stitching up the hand of a 75 year old Queensland farmer, who got cut on a gate while working cattle, the rural doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to politics & the appointment of the Prime Minister of Australia.

“Well, ya know,” drawled the old farmer, “this fella is what they call a fencepost turtle.”

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a fencepost turtle was.

The old farmer said, “when you’re driving along a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s called a fencepost turtle.”

The old farmer saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to explain, “You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he definitely doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there, and you just gotta wonder what kind of dill put him up there in the first place!’‘

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Alright !!! That got to my forum topic as an Obama joke. Go figure.

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke".

Obama? That turtle had Bush written all over it!

-- http://www.woodsongsfurniture.com

lol great grumpy thx i now have a clean term to use on the politicans ! not that i reaaly want a clean term for them ! lol by the way i have no idea what a DILL is but im gonna use it on steve korz right away !! lol

Since Grumpy turned the topic to politics-

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road

when, all of a

sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in

an old farmer’s

field.

The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to

investigate. He

then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few

days later,

the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked

the old farmer

where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer said he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, “Were they ALL dead?”

The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they

weren’t, but you know

how them politicians lie.”

Indian Chief, “Two Eagles,” was asked by a white government
official, “You have observed the white man for 90 years.

You’ve seen his wars and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress, and the damage he’s done.”

The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, “Considering all these events, in your opinion,
where did the white man go wrong?”

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute
and then calmly replied. “When white man find land, Indians
running it. No taxes, No debt, Plenty buffalo, plenty beaver,
Clean Water; women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend
all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.”

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. “Only white man dumb enough
think he improve system like that.”

A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar…. He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds but the Canadian just shrugs, “That’s about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy’s a typical Canadian baby boy.”

Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of “WOW!” were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar. The bartender says “Say, you’re the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren’t you? Everybody’s been makin’ bets about how big he’d be in two weeks. We were gonna call you… so how much does he weigh now?”

The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.” The bartender is puzzled & concerned. “What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born.” The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson Canadian, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender & proudly says, “Had him circumcised”.

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: “My dad’s outside.”
Man: “OK, how much?”
Boy: ”$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.

Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”
Man: “How much?”
Boy: ”$750.”
Man: “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball.”

The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

The son says, ”$1,000.”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again”

Good ones Lew & Trim
Here’s one for Odie’s collection
The definition of waste
A bus full of politicians going over a cliff with one empty seat. LOL

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Trim, a Dill is a nitwit or dumb bugger or someone as thick as a short plank etc.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Odie
What’s the difference between a fish & a politician

One is a scum sucking bottom dweller

and

the other is a fish. LOL

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

I can’t argue with that Grumpy

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke".

One more (from a Republican friend- obviously)

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, ‘What are all those clocks?’

St. Peter answered, ‘Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.’

‘Oh,’ said the man, ‘whose clock is that?’

‘That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating
that she never told a lie.’

‘Incredible,’ said the man. ‘And whose clock is that one?’

St Peter responded, ‘That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands
have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
life.’

‘Where’s Barrack Obama’s clock?’ asked the man.

‘Obama’s clock is in Jesus’ office.

He’s using it as a ceiling
fan.

lew.. funny, I have seen this joke before, but it was for Reagan, Bush Sr. Bush Jr., Chaney and the rest of the liars.. The difference was that those clocks were spinning so fast that they finally found a way to generate electricity and created a plan for alternative energy.

-- making sawdust....

Paddy was a youthful and hard working Irishman at a coastal village in Ireland. Daily he would pole a heavy old punt out to sea then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works. He was a man of regular habits he always arrived home each day at a certain time.

Sadly, Paddy did not realise the heavy grappling was taking a toll on a faulty heart. One day he failed to come home so his wife contacted the Police to investigate him being missing. They rowed out and found Paddy dead in the punt beside him a huge grapple full of oysters he’d tried to hoist aboard.

Headlines next day in the ‘Irish Times Newspaper’
said…..................
....................

....................
....................
....................
.....................

are you ready for this?????

“OYSTERS KILL PATRICK”

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen’s eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman’s garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, “In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I punch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker wins the egg.”

The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and punched him as hard as he could in the nose. The Englishman fell to the ground and was howling in agony and holding his nose for thirty minutes.

Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, “Now it’s my turn to punch you.”

The Scotsman said, “Keep the lousy egg.”

-- ..... art for lifes sake ... danwalters@lumberjocks.com