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Forum topic by Don Newton posted 07-02-2008 02:17 PM 1095 views 0 times favorited 10 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Don Newton

716 posts in 3761 days


07-02-2008 02:17 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Well it SEEMED like a good idea. So there I was trying to position the strike plate for the chest lock on my 18th C flatware chest project. The lock was already installed in the box and I was trying to install the strike plate on the underside of the lid. I realized that I was not going to be able to measure my way into it so the creative juices began to flow. When this happens I tend to dehydrate, but the obvious solution was soon apparent. Lipstick! If I could coat the surface of the plate with lipstick and press the lid down onto it the lipstick would transfer the location. Brilliant! My wife wasn’t home so the search began. Where would I be if I was a tube of lipstick? A quick search ruled out anything that I would normally come in contact with. I realized that lipstick is a feminine product so my search led me to the vanity. Low and behold that vanity, which I made 15 years ago, doesn’t contain anything that would be of use to me but it is none the less jam packed. In a drawer I found what I needed, but, what passes for lipstick today really doesn’t have the stick part. But that turned out to be a good thing because the stuff I found had an applicator. What could be easier? I slathered “Nude Beige” or some other such thing on the back of my brass plate and was off and running. My mistake was when I displayed my completed masterpiece to my wife, who already claimed it as her own. I believe her words were pretty close to “Why does that rag have my lipstick on it?” This query was shortly followed by a diatribe on how expensive the good makeup is and how the applicator could be ruined by rubbing it over a piece of metal. So this weekend I will don a pair of dark glasses and make my way to a lipstick store where I will select my own shade. I was thinking a nice “Plum Brandy”, you know, for the darker woods.

-- Don, Pittsburgh


10 replies so far

View CharlieM1958's profile

CharlieM1958

16276 posts in 4361 days


#1 posted 07-02-2008 02:48 PM

LOL! Why do women get upset when we find alternate uses for the “good makeup” or, God forbid, the “good scissors”?

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View Randy Sharp's profile

Randy Sharp

363 posts in 3815 days


#2 posted 07-02-2008 03:08 PM

That’s a hilarious story Don! And, thanks for the idea. I was dealing with a very similar plate mounting issue myself.

-- Randy, Tupelo, MS ~ A man who honors his wife will have children who honor their father.

View Don Newton's profile

Don Newton

716 posts in 3761 days


#3 posted 07-02-2008 03:21 PM

Actually Randy, that idea came from when I was building a Pennsylvania long rifle. There are a lot of metal inlays in the wooden stock and the traditional method was to use candle soot. Of course, the girlie candles we have “Spiring Lilac” and such probably don’t soot!

Disclaimer: I am new to the list and am NOT a chauvanist. How can I be, I probably didn’t spell it correctly?

-- Don, Pittsburgh

View teenagewoodworker's profile

teenagewoodworker

2727 posts in 3911 days


#4 posted 07-02-2008 03:33 PM

thats one crazy story. my mom gets mad when i use our scissors in the shop. don’t really know why, she thinks i’m gonna destroy them!

View stanley2's profile

stanley2

346 posts in 3938 days


#5 posted 07-02-2008 04:29 PM

LOL – the way to stay out of trouble is to only use it when the project is for her – even then it can risky business – anyone would think the lipstick or the scissors are irreplaceable and your project is – yikes – gotta love them though

-- Phil in British Columbia

View Steelmum's profile

Steelmum

355 posts in 4105 days


#6 posted 07-02-2008 04:48 PM

If you gentlemen would go to the local ‘dollar store’ you can get lipstick a whole bunch cheaper, and no one should mind if you use it for whatever. It also works for setting a new door handle striker plate in a door jam. I probably didn’t use the proper terminology but I hope you get the idea.

-- Berta in NC

View Don Newton's profile

Don Newton

716 posts in 3761 days


#7 posted 07-02-2008 04:58 PM

Berta, Hallelujah….a voice of reason!! But honestly isn’t an 18th C cherry flatware chest a good trade for a brush on style lipstick?

-- Don, Pittsburgh

View Steelmum's profile

Steelmum

355 posts in 4105 days


#8 posted 07-02-2008 05:17 PM

Ok, it is as long as you are not going to notice a new purchase that could be $10 or more to replace the lipstick.
Fair is fair. Us girls gotta have it. ;)

-- Berta in NC

View Douglas Bordner's profile

Douglas Bordner

4027 posts in 4206 days


#9 posted 07-02-2008 06:02 PM

Don – That is one great story!

I can imagine you wife’s look oh too well. I’m sure it was very similar to the one on my SWIMBO’s face when I announced I had plans to apply a black parkerization technique to a plane casting in the kitchen, atop the family range. She wasn’t having any of boiling (weak) phenolic acid with blackening chemicals anywhere inside the house.

Oh, and Charlie, you put scissors right back where you found them, Mister.

-- "Bordnerizing" perfectly good lumber for over a decade.

View Don Newton's profile

Don Newton

716 posts in 3761 days


#10 posted 07-02-2008 06:13 PM

Douglas…..Try boiling a cow horn on the kitchen stove! You won’t get away with that more than once.

-- Don, Pittsburgh

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