LumberJocks

-JOBS -

« back to Coffee Lounge forum

Forum topic by DAN posted 64 days ago 391 views 0 times favorited 34 replies Add to Favorites
View DAN's profile

DAN

2845 posts in 425 days


64 days ago

Topic tags/keywords: jobs humor

Thought it would be fun to start a humous JOBS topic

I’ll start the list

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I
couldn’t concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it,
so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it—
mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

View Mark Shymanski's profile

Mark Shymanski

389 posts in 155 days


64 days ago

4 I worked at a mine and had a blast until I got shafted.

-- ....next big purchase is wood for the next project, Mark

View FlWoodRat's profile

FlWoodRat

237 posts in 351 days


64 days ago

5. I tried to get a job in a shoe store, but I couldn’t get a foot in the door. Seems like I just wasn’t a good fit. They must have thought I was a loafer or too straight laced.

-- Even the best of men relish a little spice every now and then... HG Somers, circa 1905

View motthunter's profile

motthunter

1155 posts in 241 days


64 days ago

I had a fiend in sewage.. it was a sh%tty job.. His brother was a funeral director and his business was just dying. Down the street was a dog trainer who spent half his time dealing with real B#tches and his cousin worked cutting onions in a kitchen and it was a real tear jerker

-- making sawdust....

View Lee A. Jesberger's profile

Lee A. Jesberger

2579 posts in 422 days


64 days ago

You guys are pretty clever!

I thought I might take a turn at lathe work, but I couldn’t put the proper spin on it. And the thought of price gouging is a turn off.

Then I thought I might try sheet metal work, but that didn’t pan out.

So I switched to wood working. I had no idea how hard I would be working.

Lee

-- by Lee A. Jesberger http://www.prowoodworkingtips.com http://www.ezee-feed.com

View DAN's profile

DAN

2845 posts in 425 days


64 days ago

12
Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

View GaryK's profile

GaryK

8401 posts in 431 days


64 days ago

Well, I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

-- Gary, East TX -- The longest journey begins with a single step.

View odie's profile

odie

574 posts in 282 days


64 days ago

I was with the telephone company for thirty years until it got too high speed for this slow mind.

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke".

View CharlieM1958's profile

CharlieM1958

3965 posts in 661 days


64 days ago

I have a liberal arts degree also. Do you want ketchup for Gary’s fries?

I tell people I’m a pilot. (My wife saves everything, and I have to pile-it up in the attic.)

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View sjdickey's profile

sjdickey

63 posts in 241 days


64 days ago

I used to work ay a Bingo Parlor, but I found another calling.

View Jeff_T's profile

Jeff_T

31 posts in 114 days


64 days ago

I ran an elevator in a large office building, but things were to up and down for me.

Then I became a window washer but that was a pane in the a**.

So I took off to become a writer, just could not get things right.

After all this I decided to marry a rich woman, unfortunately she had a hearing problem and she thought I said bitch not rich, that ended in divorce.

-- Jeff T in Westport CT.

View gizmodyne's profile

gizmodyne

1476 posts in 532 days


64 days ago

This is too weird.

It’s not in my profile, but I once worked at an Oreo cookie factory. I eventually quit.

I could never get out of middle management. Plus I was starting to see the world in just black and white.

-- -John "Do I have to keep typing a smiley? Just assume it's a joke." www.flickr.com/photos/gizmodyne

View DAN's profile

DAN

2845 posts in 425 days


64 days ago

I tried to be a Chef – figured it would add a little spice to my
life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

View FlWoodRat's profile

FlWoodRat

237 posts in 351 days


63 days ago

I thought about becoming a banker, but just couldnt develop any real interest.

-- Even the best of men relish a little spice every now and then... HG Somers, circa 1905

View DAN's profile

DAN

2845 posts in 425 days


63 days ago

My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy

-- ..... art for lifes sake

View ChicoWoodnut's profile

ChicoWoodnut

549 posts in 258 days


63 days ago

I was a programmer till I found out they all followed a strange code

-- Scott - Chico California http://chicowoodnut.home.comcast.net

View CedarFreakCarl's profile

CedarFreakCarl

319 posts in 496 days


63 days ago

I work for an environmental engineering company that designs sewage systems.

1. We’re no. 1 in the no. 2 business.

2. When you pull the handle, we take over.

3. It smells like money to me.

Take your pick.

-- Carl Rast, Pelion, SC

View FlWoodRat's profile

FlWoodRat

237 posts in 351 days


63 days ago

Cedar, I’m FLUSH out of comments now pal. Your job must be Comical, Realistic, And Poignant. Oh…..by the way, in my ‘used to life’ I was a licensed sewage treatment plant operator in the Garden State. For my geographically challenged LJ’s, that would have been New Jersey.

If I have offended anyone, please forgive me. I’ve never been too polically correct and probably never will be.

-- Even the best of men relish a little spice every now and then... HG Somers, circa 1905

View CedarFreakCarl's profile

CedarFreakCarl

319 posts in 496 days


63 days ago

FlW: While we don’t need to quit our day jobs and go into comedy, I forgot to post one…

4. It might be crap to you, but it’s bread and butter to us!

-- Carl Rast, Pelion, SC

View pashley's profile

pashley

247 posts in 160 days


63 days ago

Oh, you guys picked on the wrong guy for THIS kinda humor!

I was sick of my job, so I thought I’d try something different – tree cutting. I know I was going out on a limb – barking up the wrong tree, if you will, but I thought I was branch out a bit. Now, I never did pine for a job like this, nor wood I; tree cutting just seemed like an old saw. However, something about it just took root in me, and I couldn’t leaf it alone. Some of you guys probably think I’m a sap for doing a job like this, but I like it.

-- -Be Blessed!, Patrick

View SteveKorz's profile

SteveKorz

1114 posts in 156 days


63 days ago

I used to work in a fan factory, that job was a breese until I started running in circles all day. My employer started belting me over production.

I quit to work for a “Sweet’n’Low” manufacturer… man, what a sweet job. When I was at home after working at the mill, I couldn’t leave work behind… it always left a bad aftertaste when I’d walk out the doors. Wife made me quit.

I then tried my hand at experimental “Stop Saw” technology tesing… I was split half and half over that job. Half of me loved it, the other half was just torn to pieces over it. They never found me to be too handy at finding their solutions, so I quit. However, there will always be a piece of me at that job.

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17)

View DAN's profile

DAN

2845 posts in 425 days


63 days ago

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a
Historian – until I realized there was no future in it.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

View FlWoodRat's profile

FlWoodRat

237 posts in 351 days


63 days ago

I was hooked on to becoming a professional bass fisherman before the concept caught on. Now, I have a different line of work. Oh that sinking feeling, as my head bobs up and down, chasing the lures of fast fortune. Strike that last comment.

-- Even the best of men relish a little spice every now and then... HG Somers, circa 1905

View DAN's profile

DAN

2845 posts in 425 days


62 days ago

I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

View CelticDreamer's profile

CelticDreamer

23 posts in 97 days


62 days ago

I worked in a pottery factory for a while, until the boss caught me half crocked…

-- last night I played a blank tape at full volume - the mime next door went nuts!

View DAN's profile

DAN

2845 posts in 425 days


62 days ago

I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn’t cut the mustard.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

View SteveKorz's profile

SteveKorz

1114 posts in 156 days


62 days ago

I worked under a gunsmith one year until I shot my mouth off in front of my boss… He had a hairline trigger anger problem and fired me.

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17)

View DAN's profile

DAN

2845 posts in 425 days


62 days ago

Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn’t fit in.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

View sjdickey's profile

sjdickey

63 posts in 241 days


61 days ago

Before I became a singer I was a tailor, I had an aptitude for it and thought I had things all sewed up but after a time I had to quit because I was feeling all hemmed in.

View DAN's profile

DAN

2845 posts in 425 days


60 days ago

....... I then became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

View odie's profile

odie

574 posts in 282 days


60 days ago

Hot water heaters were my game, until I got so steamed up.

-- Odie, Confucius say, "He who laughs at one's self is BUTT of joke".

View DAN's profile

DAN

2845 posts in 425 days


60 days ago

for awhile I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

View TomK 's profile

TomK

354 posts in 317 days


59 days ago

I used to be a network engineer, but I was deleted because I preferred the router table in my shop.

-- North Texas

View BertJ's profile

BertJ

49 posts in 140 days


59 days ago

I applied for a job as a pilot. I didn’t have a pilot’s license, so I just winged it. Lost the job when I took off too much. All the taxiing helped me land a job driving a cab.

View DAN's profile

DAN

2845 posts in 425 days


58 days ago

So then I got a job in a Workout Center , but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

You must be signed in to reply.

Your Online Shop - Your Support Is Greatly Appreciated - Your Woodworking Showcase - 3 Ways To Help, Financially - Your Woodworking Community

Woodworking StoreApparel StoreMake a Donation
Bookmark And Share This Page
  • View all advertisers
  • Advertise with us

DISCLAIMER: All views and comments posted by members are not necessarily those of LumberJocks.com or of those working on the site.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

HomeRefurbers.com

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

GardenTenders.com :: gardening showcase