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Forum topic by Rick Dennington posted 09-06-2011 04:12 AM 8798 views 0 times favorited 25 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Rick Dennington

4622 posts in 2281 days

09-06-2011 04:12 AM


To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I
hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,
threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and
earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important

First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn’t expect you to
actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket..
The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason..
my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a
Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom
Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder
holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head

... isn’t it?!

I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with
that brown sludge in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse walking
bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with
me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help
mug us again].

After I called your mother or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, I
explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled up
my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station,—on
your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was
extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with
all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked at
the curb …. after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the
entire driver’s side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell
just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little
over a day now, so what ’s going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in
two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while
mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while
he traced your number etc.).

;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … but I feel
this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your
threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these
rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the
opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you’ve
chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,


-- " I don't makes my coffee spill...."

25 replies so far

View CharlieM1958's profile


16143 posts in 3305 days

#1 posted 09-06-2011 04:20 AM

I don’t know if that actually happened, but I’d sure love to believe it did. :-)

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View patron's profile


13421 posts in 2428 days

#2 posted 09-06-2011 04:26 AM

some justice in the making

somehow we need to get our moral compass
working again

and learn to help each other
instead of going it alone

a good story
but some bs mixed in too

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View C_PLUS_Woodworker's profile


599 posts in 1994 days

#3 posted 09-06-2011 04:27 AM

Love it, Rick. Thanks. I have just sent it on to some of my buddies. Best.

-- We must all walk our own green mile

View pariswoodworking's profile


381 posts in 1571 days

#4 posted 09-06-2011 04:51 AM

I love it! Thats really funny.

-- Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -- Albert Einstein

View Mike's profile


370 posts in 1774 days

#5 posted 09-06-2011 05:43 AM

A mugger is a fool
To attempt to steal from a marine
Semper Fi bulldog

-- look Ma! I still got all eleven of my fingers! - -

View Rick  Dennington's profile

Rick Dennington

4622 posts in 2281 days

#6 posted 09-06-2011 06:21 AM

Well guys, I don’t know if it’s true or not, but it sure is a good story…..

Like Charlie said, I’d like to believe it really happened…..If it is, the sucker got what he deserved…

-- " I don't makes my coffee spill...."

View BarneyTomB's profile


28 posts in 1604 days

#7 posted 09-06-2011 06:46 AM

This really brightened my day. I’m going to chose to believe it did happen. I’m sure Homeland Security will help that mugger get those sludge stains out of his drawers, maybe with a little water boarding.

-- Profanity; The last refuge of the limited intellect.

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile


16727 posts in 2762 days

#8 posted 09-06-2011 06:55 AM

I’d like to believe it too. I have seen this in my inbox several times. I always wondered what the low life who tried to steal my tools out the van thought when they got hit by an electric fencer jolt tyning the back door to see if it would open ;-)) That got to be a pain to set up every night, so I just wired the back door to my truck alarm and 3 500 watt quartz lights; instant daylight!! and lots of noise ;-)) Never did see any signs of brown in the driveway. Must have had good tight diapers on ;-))

-- Bob in WW ~ "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile


16727 posts in 2762 days

#9 posted 09-06-2011 07:07 AM

I just remembered an action pistol shooter who was told to surrender his cash at a cash machine in Tacoma one night about 20 years ago. He just glared at his potential assailants. They wisely fled ;-)) That was a wise move, he could easily have dropped all three before they figured out where their trigger was!!

One night I was coming home from the range after the Sat night Bar-B-Que at a match. I needed a little cash for Sunday’s entry fees. There was a bank on South Tacoma Way that I had to pass going to the freeway. I drove around it but didn’t see a cash machine. I parked and walked around it, but couldn’t find one. It finally dawned on me, only totally brain dead fool would use a cash machine in that part of Tacoma in those days. ;-)) The bank knew better than to put one on their building.

-- Bob in WW ~ "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View Rick  Dennington's profile

Rick Dennington

4622 posts in 2281 days

#10 posted 09-06-2011 07:53 AM

I can say there is nothing like a good s#@t stain to ruin a good pair of drawers when there’s a .45 leveled at your head….He’s lucky the Marine didn’t blow his head off. But….fact or fiction…..we don’t know.

-- " I don't makes my coffee spill...."

View bluekingfisher's profile


1197 posts in 2066 days

#11 posted 09-06-2011 10:14 AM

You have to love the story Rick – good one. Maybe you guys should bring Dirty Harry back out of retirement – couldn’t we all, just too much of that cr*p taking place these days.

I was reading in this mornings newspaper you have some serious rain coming to your part of the country mate? no doubt you could could use some, just not a years downpour at once.

I hope your well buddy.


-- No one plans to fail, they just, just fail to plan

View Scott Bryan's profile

Scott Bryan

27251 posts in 2908 days

#12 posted 09-06-2011 01:02 PM

Rick, this made my day!

-- Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful- Joshua Marine

View Rick  Dennington's profile

Rick Dennington

4622 posts in 2281 days

#13 posted 09-06-2011 03:14 PM

When I first read this story, I was wondering why he posted it on Craigslist, of all places. Do you think he might be a woodworker in the real world? It is possible, you know…...!!!!

-- " I don't makes my coffee spill...."

View knotscott's profile


6365 posts in 2462 days

#14 posted 09-06-2011 03:27 PM

Love it! (true or not…)

-- Happiness is like wetting your pants...everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth....

View Sawkerf's profile


1730 posts in 2155 days

#15 posted 09-06-2011 03:34 PM

Not to burst anyone’s bubble, but that “letter” has been around for years. Different cities and details, but the story is basically the same. An oldie, but a goodie. – lol

-- Adversity doesn't build reveals it.

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