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Tools Defined - certainly explained a lot to me

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Forum topic by hjt posted 08-04-2011 12:17 AM 694 views 0 times favorited 4 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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hjt

779 posts in 1892 days


08-04-2011 12:17 AM

Topic tags/keywords: humor drill skil saws belt sander table saw band saw

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle… It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to strip out Phillips head screws.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans and to release press of vacuum sealed cans.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ‘Son of a BITCH!’ at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Hope you found this informative, and now know all about the tools you use.

-- Harold


4 replies so far

View Tim Kindrick's profile

Tim Kindrick

369 posts in 1308 days


#1 posted 08-04-2011 12:29 AM

I have several SOB tools!!!!

-- I have metal in my neck but wood in my blood!!

View Tim Kindrick's profile

Tim Kindrick

369 posts in 1308 days


#2 posted 08-04-2011 12:32 AM

CLAMPS: Tool used to fumbler around with while your using both hands to hold wood joints together until the glue dries.

-- I have metal in my neck but wood in my blood!!

View Tim Kindrick's profile

Tim Kindrick

369 posts in 1308 days


#3 posted 08-04-2011 12:36 AM

CHISEL: Tool used to waste hours and hours of time sharpening to perfection only to used once or twice before it’s back to the hours and hours of sharpening.

-- I have metal in my neck but wood in my blood!!

View Tim Kindrick's profile

Tim Kindrick

369 posts in 1308 days


#4 posted 08-04-2011 12:43 AM

KREG POCKET HOLE JIG: NOT a tool for drilling holes in your jean pockets while wearing them!!! Trust me!!!!!!!! LOL

-- I have metal in my neck but wood in my blood!!

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