LumberJocks

I might need some help or somthing

  • Advertise with us

« back to Coffee Lounge forum

Forum topic by therookie posted 07-25-2011 03:27 AM 1377 views 0 times favorited 29 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View therookie's profile

therookie

887 posts in 1581 days


07-25-2011 03:27 AM

I am in a very bad position right I have annoyed my dad beyond belief and I am feeling really bad right now he wont talk to me and I want to just disappear right now weather I go away by running away to another state or going away permanently I just want to leave and go some where else.

-- http://aewoodworks.webs.com


29 replies so far

View sarahss's profile

sarahss

254 posts in 1403 days


#1 posted 07-25-2011 03:43 AM

No matter what, remember that your dad loves you very much. Running away won’t help, and could put you in danger. Maybe once your dad has time to get over his anger, you can talk it out and solve whatever the problem is. Just don’t do anything rash that might cause permanent damage to your relationship.

View Rustic's profile

Rustic

3156 posts in 2350 days


#2 posted 07-25-2011 03:49 AM

Sarahss has said it perfectly. Let things die down and approach him like a man and discuss the problem. You both will not regret it.

-- www.carvingandturningsbyrick.com, Rick Kruse, Grand Rapids, MI

View therookie's profile

therookie

887 posts in 1581 days


#3 posted 07-25-2011 03:55 AM

View JFobare's profile

JFobare

41 posts in 1826 days


#4 posted 07-25-2011 04:10 AM

I can speak from experience…you’ll never find your answers/solutions by running away. Listen to what everyone here is saying, take some time, stay with a relative for a couple days; some time and space will give you both the time to cool down and reflect. There is nothing in life that a father and son cannot mend.
I am writing to you from Texas and the family lives in Upstate NY…and I miss them everyday!

View Bertha's profile

Bertha

12951 posts in 1447 days


#5 posted 07-25-2011 04:24 AM

Give it some time, brother. It’ll iron out before you know it. time.

-- My dad and I built a 65 chev pick up.I killed trannys in that thing for some reason-Hog

View ShaneA's profile

ShaneA

5453 posts in 1352 days


#6 posted 07-25-2011 04:44 AM

Running away is not the answer, if you know what has been done that annoyed your father or caused the problem, make your best attempt to correct it. If you make a sincere effort surely you dad will be able to see that and appreciate your heart felt effort. Patience, time and honest effort can mend almost anything. I hope things work out for you. Taking a step back, and being patient may help you see things in a new light. But running is seldomly ever the answer. It can be difficult to be young, we have all been there before. Best of luck.

View Grandpa's profile

Grandpa

3212 posts in 1429 days


#7 posted 07-25-2011 06:13 AM

When my son was 12 he and I had a big argument about not much probably. I don’t remember the subject but I remember what I told him later. After we both got control half hour later I went to his room and sat down with him and told him this: You are 12 years old. The next 5 years will probably be the most difficult years of your life because you are growing up and you think you are right while I sometimes think you are wrong. The point is we are both right part of the time and wrong part of the time. We are going to do this and we are going to do this together. We just have to try to be patient with each other and some day we will both be better for it. I am responsible for you and your well being so I will get the final say whether I am right or wrong. I have to have the final say but we can talk about it. This conversation did great things for us.

View Howie's profile

Howie

2656 posts in 1677 days


#8 posted 07-25-2011 09:42 AM

I am really amazed at how smart my Dad got after I was about 19.
If you are looking for sympathy it’s between shit and syphliss in the dictionary. Suck it up and be a man. Running away from your problems just compounds them.

-- Life is good.

View degoose's profile (online now)

degoose

7052 posts in 2108 days


#9 posted 07-25-2011 12:04 PM

My dad passed on over 20 years ago and I still miss him… don’t let a little misunderstanding ruin your relationship with your dad…

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...

View MsDebbieP's profile

MsDebbieP

18615 posts in 2914 days


#10 posted 07-25-2011 12:37 PM

sometimes we don’t talk because we don’t want to say something we’d regret later…
the time of silence is a good time to think about what words would help the situation, think about what you learned from the experience and think about how you can make things right

Good luck

-- ~ Debbie, Canada (https://www.facebook.com/DebbiePribeleENJOConsultant)

View GMman's profile

GMman

3902 posts in 2451 days


#11 posted 07-25-2011 01:47 PM

Nobody can run away from their problems you have face them.
You can run to China and the problem will still be with you.

View HorizontalMike's profile

HorizontalMike

6968 posts in 1668 days


#12 posted 07-25-2011 02:13 PM

Been there, done that. Well it looks like you are either coming up on 17yr old or maybe already there…

Simple solution, JOIN THE MILITARY (I went Navy):

1. It gets you away from your Dad
2. It will give you guidance, thus helping you mature
3. You will actually EARN your freedoms in America, not just leaching off of others’ sacrifices
4. You get paid for doing this.
5. And you will gain the respect and satisfaction of earning your own way.

As for me, doing the above payed for TWO of my three college degrees via the GI Bill.

-- HorizontalMike -- "Woodpeckers understand..."

View chrisstef's profile

chrisstef

11483 posts in 1760 days


#13 posted 07-25-2011 02:38 PM

Rook, the hardest part of being a man is admitting when you are wrong. When i was probably around your age i made a mistake while i was working for a catering company, it wasnt huge but it was just enough to mess up the flow of a wedding parties service. I realized the ramifications of my mistake instantly. I went over to the owner, who was also the head chef and a real hard ass, and told him “Dave, i was the one who screwed that up”. After getting chewed out for a quick minute and doing my best to make up for the mistake he pulled me outside and told me “Chris, it took a lot of guts to own up to that mistake, if at any point after you leave here you need somewhere to work please call me”. Moral of the story is that we all make mistakes, im not trying to determine who might be at fault here for your argument with your dad, but sometimes saying you’re sorry and being honest makes things a hell of a lot easier. I hope it all turns out better for you Rook.

-- "there aren’t many hand tools as awe-inspiring as the #8 jointer. I mean, it just reeks of cast iron heft and hubris" - Smitty

View William's profile

William

9287 posts in 1596 days


#14 posted 07-25-2011 02:39 PM

First, let me say this. I am a father of eight kids, seven boys and one girl. So I know what I’m talking about on this matter.
Us Dads love our kids no matter what you do. As a matter fact, 99.9% of everything you do wrong, we done it too at some point or another. Sometimes, our anger/aggrevation is simply within ourselves because we don’t want our kids making the same mistakes we made.
We may get angry. We may get upset. We may not want to talk to you at the moment. It is in no way, shape, or form a sign that we do not love our kids. Somtimes its that we don’t know what to say. Sometimes its that we don’t want to say the wrong thing. Sometimes its simply that we don’t want to lose our tempers. In the end, we just want things right with our kids. We want to say the right things, do the right things, make our kids better than we are. Sometimes though all this is impossible though until we can calm down and regain our composure.
My grandmother (she raised me) told me something once that didn’t register until I went through it. She said that when raising kids, you always learn from your first.
My oldest son and I, you would have thought we hated each other. It seemed that he knew just how to push my buttons and I’d fall into it and lose my temper every time. When he finally left home, he was grown, but he and I didn’t speak to each other for close to three years. It killed me. Every single night I wondered about him and if things would ever be right between us. I wished that there was a way for me to go back and take back some things I said. Well I finally talked to him and we met up to spend some time alone, just me and him. We are closer than ever now.
Here’s the thing though, the day we first spent that time alone, I learned a few things. The most important thing I learned was that he had wondered and wished about the exact same things as I. We both had made mistakes. He was just as hardheaded as I. He learned it from me. That’s where I realized the most valuable lesson I ever have learned as a parent. Most of my kids shortcomings, they learned from me.
Now I am so proud of my oldest son. He has turned out to be a respectable, hard working, famly oriented, young man. I see so much of myself in him now though, both good and bad. As my grandmother told me though, I learned so much from my mistakes with him. I know longer lose my temper with any of my kids. Oh, I get aggrevated. I tell them what I think. I set them right when they do wrong. However, I only do so when my temper is under control. This keeps me from saying things I will later lie in bed at night and wish I had not said.
So please, do not try running away. Calm down. Give it time. I’m sure your Dad loves you. Things will get better. You are at an age when you get on your Dad’s nerves because everything you do will remind him of things he done wrong himself. Every mistake you make feels to him like a mistake he made in raising you. On the other side of the coin is your own self. You are also at an age where you think everything he does or says is wrong. You are growing into a young man and wish to spread your wings and be your own man. That will come in time. You Dad’s job isn’t quite done yet though.
That brings up a whole other can of worms. There seems to be this magic age for most kids around sixteen where you think you’re mature enough to make your own decisions. You are not. You may make mostly good choices. It is still us Dad’s jobs tough to make sure you make the right ones. You are still at the age where your failures or mistakes cost us way more than it costs you. Sometimes, we have to let you make your own mistakes. That’s how you learn. Other times though, we have to carefully gauge whether we are willing to pay the cost of the potential mistake, whether is be financially, or emotionally.
Things will get better. Before you know it you will be grown, out on your own, with worries all your own. It is then that you will realize how right your father was on so many things. Then one day maybe you’ll have kids. Your kids will reach the age you are now. You’ll have the same problems with your children. You’ll still think your father was wrong on this one. You’ll handle it in a completely different manner, but with similar results. Then the cycle starts again. That is this beautiful thing my friend we call life.
.................................................
I do so much hope you stick it out and come back in a few days or a few weeks and tell us you and your Dad are doing fine. I promise you, give it time, be respectful, fix whatever part of the problem you are able to without him having to ask, and things will return to normal. Actually, if you really want to, go that extra mile and prove your own maturity if this situation allows. If there is a way for you to fix the problem completely without his help, then it may take him a bit to see it, but it will show him something in you that makes him think of you as more of a man. Lord knows some of my kids have done that. They have taken the bull by the horns and showed me that I raised them to be a little more of a man than I was giving them credit for. It happens. I also have a couple of kids that showed me the exact opposite, but we won’t get into that because it does nothing to serve the purpose of this situation.
Good luck and I can’t wait to hear how things are going.

-- http://wddsrfinewoodworks.blogspot.com/

View Gregn's profile

Gregn

1642 posts in 1737 days


#15 posted 07-25-2011 05:35 PM

I have to echo what William has said as well. My daughter and I went through the same thing when she was that age. While she didn’t agree with me but she respected me, even when I was wrong. She is 21 now and one day we had a heart to heart while spending time together. She said to me Papa you’ve changed, I asked her what she meant. She said you don’t tell me what to do anymore. I told her that I taught her everything I know to be the best person she could be. She now comes to me with problems and I will tell her what I think, and I always say to her after I’ve said my piece, but you will do what you want to do anyway. Sometimes she takes my advice and sometimes she doesn’t. No matter what though she knows I love her even when I don’t agree with her decisions. I couldn’t be more proud of her.

-- I don't make mistakes, I have great learning lessons, Greg

showing 1 through 15 of 29 replies

Have your say...

You must be signed in to reply.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

HomeRefurbers.com

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

GardenTenders.com :: gardening showcase