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Forum topic by dalec posted 03-27-2008 04:22 PM 1136 views 0 times favorited 8 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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dalec

612 posts in 3886 days


03-27-2008 04:22 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Enjoy,

Dalec

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he p oint ed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’

She again replied, ’ Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’


8 replies so far

View Scott Bryan's profile

Scott Bryan

27250 posts in 3819 days


#1 posted 03-27-2008 06:05 PM

Thanks for the laugh.

-- Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful- Joshua Marine

View dalec's profile

dalec

612 posts in 3886 days


#2 posted 03-27-2008 06:08 PM

You are welcome.

It is pretty good.

Dalec

View GaryK's profile

GaryK

10262 posts in 3986 days


#3 posted 03-27-2008 06:14 PM

Old but still very good!

-- Gary - Never pass up the opportunity to make a mistake look like you planned it that way - Tyler, TX

View TomK 's profile

TomK

504 posts in 3872 days


#4 posted 03-27-2008 08:00 PM

All lawyer jokes welcome, even old ones!

-- If you think healthcare is expensive now, wait until it's free! PJ O'Rourke

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TomK

504 posts in 3872 days


#5 posted 03-27-2008 08:04 PM

“Hello?”

“Hi honey.

This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No Daddy.
She’s upstairs in the bedroom
with Uncle Paul.”

After a brief pause,

Daddy says, “But honey,
you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”

“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room
with Mommy, right now.”

Brief Pause.

“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
and knock on the bedroom door
and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car
just pulled into the driveway.”

“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”

A few minutes later
the little girl comes back to the phone.

“I did it Daddy.”

“And what happened honey?”

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed
with no clothes on and ran around screaming.

Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know
that you took out the water last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.” Long Pause

Longer Pause

Even Longer Pause

Then Daddy says,
“Swimming pool?

Is this 486-5731?”

-- If you think healthcare is expensive now, wait until it's free! PJ O'Rourke

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dalec

612 posts in 3886 days


#6 posted 03-27-2008 08:05 PM

I should retitle this as a “re-circulating funny story”

Dalec

View Dadoo's profile

Dadoo

1789 posts in 3988 days


#7 posted 03-27-2008 08:51 PM

Haaaa! Good one!

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

View teenagewoodworker's profile

teenagewoodworker

2727 posts in 3766 days


#8 posted 03-27-2008 09:15 PM

nice thing to brighten up my day!

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