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Deer live in the WOODs, right?

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Forum topic by saddletramp posted 05-03-2011 08:52 PM 2286 views 1 time favorited 22 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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saddletramp

994 posts in 1294 days


05-03-2011 08:52 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

The only wood relationship that I can find for this story is that deer do live in the woods but this supposedly true story is so darn funny (I was ROTFLMAO and spewing coffee all over my keyboard when I read it) that I just had
to share it.

Subject: Deer Ropin, or Doh! A Deer!
>
> Why we shoot deer in the wild
> (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this)
>
> I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it
> up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first
> step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they
> congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me
> when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff
> at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet
> away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a
> bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it
> home.
>
> I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The
> cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They
> were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up—
> 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end
> of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared
> at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I
> would have a good hold..
>
> The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was
> mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards
> it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope .., and
> then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that,
> while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope
> it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
>
> That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for
> pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt
> in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some
> dignity. A deer—no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and
> pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to
> it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the
> ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly
> as good an idea as I had originally imagined.. The only upside is that
> they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.
>
> A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk
> me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few
> minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood
> flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my
> taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature
> off the end of that rope.
>
> I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck,
> it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there
> was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated
> the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
> Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had
> cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against
> various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still
> think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I
> shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were
> in. I didn’t want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I
> managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder – a
> little trap I had set before hand…kind of like a squeeze chute. I
> got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope
> back.
>
> Did you know that deer bite?
>
> They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer
> would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ….. I reached up
> there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now,
> when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they
> just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and
> shakes its head—almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
>
> The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and
> draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
> ineffective.
>
> It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but
> it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer
> (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I
> kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up
> with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
>
> That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.
>
> Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on
> their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and
> their hooves are surprisingly sharp… I learned a long time ago that,
> when an animal -like a horse—strikes at you with their hooves and
> you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud
> noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will
> usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.
>
> This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery
> would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different
> strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The
> reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse
> that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you
> in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses
> after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because
> the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head
> and knocked me down.
>
> Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not
> immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has
> passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on
> you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering
> your head.
>
> I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So
> now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a
> scope…...to sort of even the odds!!
>
> All these events are true so help me God…
>—An Educated Farmer

-- ♫♪♪♫♫ Saddletramp, saddletramp, I'm as free as the breeze and I ride where I please, saddletramp ♪♪♪♫♪ ...... Bob W....NW Michigan (Traverse City area)


22 replies so far

View DaleM's profile

DaleM

913 posts in 2039 days


#1 posted 05-03-2011 09:09 PM

Are you talking about one of these wooden cattle feeders? Great joke too.

-- Dale Manning, Carthage, NY

View Bertha's profile

Bertha

12951 posts in 1348 days


#2 posted 05-03-2011 09:12 PM

That is so badass that I’m speechless. I’ve got knee-high Whitetail institute red clover on my plot right now. Perhaps I should stop on my way home and get a lasso :)

-- My dad and I built a 65 chev pick up.I killed trannys in that thing for some reason-Hog

View patron's profile

patron

13034 posts in 1996 days


#3 posted 05-03-2011 09:30 PM

makes a big mack
sound pretty good
after all
that drippy sauce is a lot easier to deal with

we have elk around here
i think i’ll just leave them be
and wait for a friend
to give me some wrapped and ready
for the freezer

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View Bertha's profile

Bertha

12951 posts in 1348 days


#4 posted 05-03-2011 09:37 PM

It’s funny, Patron (incidentally, I moved to WV from Albuquerque last year, so we have lots to talk about, especially Espanola), there are “deer” and there are “my deer”. I have foot plots, game paths, feeders, blocks, etc. but I’d never shoot one of “my” deer. I grow crops to feed them, for goodness sake. When I go hunting, I go out of town and eat everything I kill. Nature’s way. No excuses, as far as I’m concerned.

-- My dad and I built a 65 chev pick up.I killed trannys in that thing for some reason-Hog

View Brit's profile

Brit

5152 posts in 1498 days


#5 posted 05-03-2011 09:42 PM

That’s hilarious. Thanks for sharing it.

-- Andy -- Old Chinese proverb say: If you think something can't be done, don't interrupt man who is doing it.

View CharlieM1958's profile

CharlieM1958

15698 posts in 2874 days


#6 posted 05-03-2011 09:43 PM

LMAO.

Deer-1
Farmer-0

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View Verna's profile

Verna

202 posts in 1429 days


#7 posted 05-03-2011 09:50 PM

Thank you, Saddletramp…...yup, I’m still laughing so hard it’s hard to type!!!

-- Verna -- Indianapolis, IN

View Dennisgrosen's profile

Dennisgrosen

10850 posts in 1770 days


#8 posted 05-03-2011 11:01 PM

thank´s for the warning before the read :-)
so this time it didn´t cost me a keyboard …lol

great story on how to loose both a meal and the enjoy of seeing wildlife on the farm here after

take care
Dennis

View Jack_T's profile

Jack_T

621 posts in 1687 days


#9 posted 05-04-2011 01:47 AM

That is really good.

-- Jack T, John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life."

View Dave's profile

Dave

11168 posts in 1495 days


#10 posted 05-04-2011 02:51 AM

Saddetramp, my wife and I dearly needed a laugh today. Major drama was in our lives today and this was a very needed laugh. Thank you with you permission I would like to cut and paste this. To email some of my deer hunting friends. Thank you for posting.
Keyboard 1 Dennis 20.

-- Superdav "No matter where you go - there you are." http://chiselandforge.com

View saddletramp's profile

saddletramp

994 posts in 1294 days


#11 posted 05-04-2011 03:21 AM

By all means Dav. Glad that you enjoyed it. Hope everything is OK.

-- ♫♪♪♫♫ Saddletramp, saddletramp, I'm as free as the breeze and I ride where I please, saddletramp ♪♪♪♫♪ ...... Bob W....NW Michigan (Traverse City area)

View gfadvm's profile

gfadvm

10874 posts in 1345 days


#12 posted 05-04-2011 05:01 AM

I believe this is probably a true story as us cowboys often rope before we think. I roped a full grown cow off of a small shetland when I was 9 years old. When the dust cleared the pony and I were unhurt[God looks after fools,drunks,and children] but the saddle was toast and my dad wasnt too proud of me.The deer roping sounds like good materiel for a Baxter Black story.

-- " I'll try to be nicer, if you'll try to be smarter" gfadvm

View devann's profile

devann

1735 posts in 1348 days


#13 posted 05-04-2011 05:35 AM

I got this same email a couple months ago from one of my cowhand friends. He’s about like the fellow in the story, he tried a “Rambo” move on a buck one day and I ended up taking him to the ER to be stitched up.

-- Darrell, making more sawdust than I know what to do with

View fredf's profile

fredf

495 posts in 2365 days


#14 posted 05-04-2011 05:58 AM

gfadvm +1 on the Baxter Black story!! He sure has had some great tales over the years!!

-- Fred, Springfield, Ma

View Mickey Cassiba's profile

Mickey Cassiba

312 posts in 1687 days


#15 posted 05-04-2011 08:09 AM

I needed that ST. It’s been a crappy week. That didn’t make it any better, but, I got a much needed grin…thanks

-- One of these hammers oughta fix that...

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