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My Next Life (a joke)

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Forum topic by Joe Lyddon posted 03-12-2018 07:47 PM 400 views 0 times favorited 8 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Joe Lyddon

10119 posts in 4077 days


03-12-2018 07:47 PM

Topic tags/keywords: joke george carlin george carlin next life a joke

My Next Life
George Carlin (1937 – 2008)

I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.

Then, you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you’re too young to work.

You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party and you’re generally promiscuous.

Then, you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.

Then, you become a baby, and then… you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in Spa-like conditions – Central heating, room service on tap, and then…

You finish off as an orgasm!

.

.

-- Have Fun! Joe Lyddon - Alta Loma, CA USA - Home: http://www.WoodworkStuff.net ... My Small Gallery: http://www.ncwoodworker.net/pp/showgallery.php?ppuser=1389&cat=500"


8 replies so far

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Ripper70

1023 posts in 933 days


#1 posted 03-12-2018 09:00 PM

Actually it was Sean Morey who wrote and performed that bit on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson back in 1980. Both Carlin and Woody Allen are often credited with the routine.

-- "You know, I'm such a great driver, it's incomprehensible that they took my license away." --Vince Ricardo

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Joe Lyddon

10119 posts in 4077 days


#2 posted 03-12-2018 09:10 PM



Actually it was Sean Morey who wrote and performed that bit on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson back in 1980. Both Carlin and Woody Allen are often credited with the routine.

- Ripper70

Thank you for the correction!!
... I could just see George Carlin doing that one… Glad that was cleared up… :)

-- Have Fun! Joe Lyddon - Alta Loma, CA USA - Home: http://www.WoodworkStuff.net ... My Small Gallery: http://www.ncwoodworker.net/pp/showgallery.php?ppuser=1389&cat=500"

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Kilo19

84 posts in 250 days


#3 posted 03-12-2018 09:17 PM

LMFAO.!!!!!!!!!!

-- Justin

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Steve

426 posts in 607 days


#4 posted 03-12-2018 09:21 PM

what was the movie called with brad pitt? the curious case of benjamin button?

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doubleDD

7437 posts in 2068 days


#5 posted 03-12-2018 11:45 PM

My laugh for the day.

-- Dave, Downers Grove, Il. -------- When you run out of ideas, start building your dreams.

View woodbutcherbynight's profile

woodbutcherbynight

4843 posts in 2434 days


#6 posted 03-13-2018 02:10 AM

ROFLMAO, sent this to my Father he enjoyed!!

-- Live to tell the stories, they sound better that way.

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Dark_Lightning

3165 posts in 3134 days


#7 posted 03-13-2018 02:56 AM

Too funny! I’ve always said that I wanted to die at the point of orgasm. Might be problematic for the wife, though.

-- Random Orbital Nailer

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caboxmaker

281 posts in 413 days


#8 posted 03-13-2018 04:32 AM

Joe, how did the hip replacement go?

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