LumberJocks

inteligent trivia

  • Advertise with us

« back to Coffee Lounge forum

Forum topic by patron posted 08-30-2010 07:30 PM 1162 views 2 times favorited 12 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View patron's profile

patron

13187 posts in 2096 days


08-30-2010 07:30 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Subject: Humor for the Intelligencia The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners: 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 2. Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high 8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it. 9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 11. Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer. 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 13. Glibido : All talk and no action. 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit yo u’re eating. The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are: 1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent. 6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle


12 replies so far

View Kent Shepherd's profile

Kent Shepherd

2698 posts in 2041 days


#1 posted 08-30-2010 07:38 PM

Those are great

Thanks David

-- She thought I hung the moon--now she just thinks I did it wrong

View SPalm's profile

SPalm

4941 posts in 2637 days


#2 posted 08-30-2010 07:45 PM

Thanks David. I am still chuckling.

I must admit that I am a closet reader of the WaPost Style Invitational every Saturday morning. I am not so sure that it has been good for me, but I do enjoy it. But I never tell anyone that, because it tends to warp a guy.

Steve

-- -- I'm no rocket surgeon

View webwood's profile

webwood

619 posts in 2005 days


#3 posted 08-30-2010 07:51 PM

so funny – thanks for posting david

-- -erik & christy-

View Dennisgrosen's profile

Dennisgrosen

10850 posts in 1870 days


#4 posted 08-30-2010 08:02 PM

thankĀ“s David for the smile on my face :-)
and the the thing Inoculatte with definition
is used every time together with a coladrop in the other arm
and one with fluid cocolate to the stomack when we drive
a chinese-chift …(not trying to offend anyone) (24 hours or more)......LOL

take care
Dennis

View Bricofleur's profile

Bricofleur

1197 posts in 1948 days


#5 posted 08-30-2010 08:17 PM

So cute. Besides being funny, the idea is just great. Imagination still has no llimit (except for politicians).

Thanks for shating David.

Best,

Serge

-- Learn from yesterday, work today and enjoy success tomorrow. -- http://atelierdubricoleur.wordpress.com

View mafe's profile

mafe

9693 posts in 1844 days


#6 posted 08-30-2010 08:57 PM

Thank you David,
I laugh tonight when I go to bed – thank you.
Best thoughts,
Mads

-- Mad F, the fanatical rhykenologist and vintage architect. Democraticwoodworking.

View BTKS's profile

BTKS

1971 posts in 2219 days


#7 posted 08-30-2010 09:22 PM

Needed a good laugh, thanks.
BTKS

-- "Man's ingenuity has outrun his intelligence" (Joseph Wood Krutch)

View degoose's profile

degoose

7052 posts in 2109 days


#8 posted 08-30-2010 09:39 PM

So funny I reposted on my site…thanks for the post…

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...

View Div's profile

Div

1653 posts in 1695 days


#9 posted 08-30-2010 10:23 PM

Very good,...had to call my wife to see!
Thanks David.

-- Div @ the bottom end of Africa. "A woodworker's sharpest tool should be his mind."

View mtnwild's profile

mtnwild

3474 posts in 2282 days


#10 posted 08-30-2010 11:10 PM

Those are funny! Thanks…..............

-- mtnwild (Jack), It's not what you see, it's how you see it.

View Rick's profile

Rick

7360 posts in 1788 days


#11 posted 08-31-2010 01:42 AM

LMAO! Thanks David! “Ignoranus” is good! “Circumvent” Is Cool even though I’m Not Jewish.

I used to be a Member of Mensa. But I found better things to do with My Life Life. They don’t seem to understand what life is all about…Photobucket

It got a little Stressful putting up with these so called Smart People…Photobucket

They NEVER talk about SEX!PhotobucketPepper Spray

I asked them what a Dildo was and this is the best they could come up withPhotobucket

So! I finally said…Screw You 250x40

Thanks again David: Rick

-- How long is a Minute? That depends on which side of the Bathroom Door You're On!

View Bob Kollman's profile

Bob Kollman

1797 posts in 1946 days


#12 posted 08-31-2010 07:27 AM

Well thanks for taking the fun out of my tax return. :(

-- Bob Kenosha Wi.

Have your say...

You must be signed in to reply.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

HomeRefurbers.com

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

GardenTenders.com :: gardening showcase