LumberJocks

inteligent trivia

  • Advertise with us

« back to Coffee Lounge forum

Forum topic by patron posted 1423 days ago 1092 views 2 times favorited 12 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View patron's profile

patron

12955 posts in 1938 days


1423 days ago

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Subject: Humor for the Intelligencia The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners: 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 2. Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high 8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it. 9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 11. Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer. 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 13. Glibido : All talk and no action. 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit yo u’re eating. The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are: 1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent. 6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle


12 replies so far

View Kent Shepherd's profile

Kent Shepherd

2697 posts in 1883 days


#1 posted 1423 days ago

Those are great

Thanks David

-- She thought I hung the moon--now she just thinks I did it wrong

View SPalm's profile

SPalm

4743 posts in 2478 days


#2 posted 1423 days ago

Thanks David. I am still chuckling.

I must admit that I am a closet reader of the WaPost Style Invitational every Saturday morning. I am not so sure that it has been good for me, but I do enjoy it. But I never tell anyone that, because it tends to warp a guy.

Steve

-- -- I'm no rocket surgeon

View webwood's profile

webwood

618 posts in 1847 days


#3 posted 1423 days ago

so funny – thanks for posting david

-- -erik & christy-

View Dennisgrosen's profile

Dennisgrosen

10850 posts in 1712 days


#4 posted 1423 days ago

thankĀ“s David for the smile on my face :-)
and the the thing Inoculatte with definition
is used every time together with a coladrop in the other arm
and one with fluid cocolate to the stomack when we drive
a chinese-chift …(not trying to offend anyone) (24 hours or more)......LOL

take care
Dennis

View Bricofleur's profile

Bricofleur

1115 posts in 1790 days


#5 posted 1423 days ago

So cute. Besides being funny, the idea is just great. Imagination still has no llimit (except for politicians).

Thanks for shating David.

Best,

Serge

-- Learn from yesterday, work today and enjoy success tomorrow. -- http://atelierdubricoleur.wordpress.com

View mafe's profile

mafe

9435 posts in 1686 days


#6 posted 1423 days ago

Thank you David,
I laugh tonight when I go to bed – thank you.
Best thoughts,
Mads

-- Mad F, the fanatical rhykenologist and vintage architect. Democraticwoodworking.

View BTKS's profile

BTKS

1967 posts in 2061 days


#7 posted 1423 days ago

Needed a good laugh, thanks.
BTKS

-- "Man's ingenuity has outrun his intelligence" (Joseph Wood Krutch)

View degoose's profile

degoose

6968 posts in 1951 days


#8 posted 1423 days ago

So funny I reposted on my site…thanks for the post…

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...

View Div's profile

Div

1653 posts in 1537 days


#9 posted 1423 days ago

Very good,...had to call my wife to see!
Thanks David.

-- Div @ the bottom end of Africa. "A woodworker's sharpest tool should be his mind."

View mtnwild's profile

mtnwild

3474 posts in 2124 days


#10 posted 1423 days ago

Those are funny! Thanks…..............

-- mtnwild (Jack), It's not what you see, it's how you see it.

View Rick's profile

Rick

6455 posts in 1629 days


#11 posted 1423 days ago

LMAO! Thanks David! “Ignoranus” is good! “Circumvent” Is Cool even though I’m Not Jewish.

I used to be a Member of Mensa. But I found better things to do with My Life Life. They don’t seem to understand what life is all about…Photobucket

It got a little Stressful putting up with these so called Smart People…Photobucket

They NEVER talk about SEX!PhotobucketPepper Spray

I asked them what a Dildo was and this is the best they could come up withPhotobucket

So! I finally said…Screw You 250x40

Thanks again David: Rick

-- COMMON SENSE Is Like Deodorant. The People Who need It Most, Never Use It.

View Bob Kollman's profile

Bob Kollman

1796 posts in 1787 days


#12 posted 1422 days ago

Well thanks for taking the fun out of my tax return. :(

-- Bob Kenosha Wi.

Have your say...

You must be signed in to reply.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

HomeRefurbers.com

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

GardenTenders.com :: gardening showcase