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Scoring Brownie Points

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Forum topic by lew posted 08-15-2010 07:42 PM 1112 views 0 times favorited 21 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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lew

11347 posts in 3222 days


08-15-2010 07:42 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Div’s post on Scoring Brownie points reminded me of a recent email which precisely calculated just how these points are awarded (or more often deducted).

The Female Demerit System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It’s her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (+2)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicone implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It’s called ‘Death Cop’ (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, “Where?” (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

Hope this helps. In the immortal words of Red Green “Remember, we’re all in this together. I’m pulling for you.”

Lew

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.


21 replies so far

View CharlieM1958's profile

CharlieM1958

16244 posts in 3685 days


#1 posted 08-15-2010 07:56 PM

Funny, funny, funny!!!!!

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View CharlieM1958's profile

CharlieM1958

16244 posts in 3685 days


#2 posted 08-15-2010 07:58 PM

Here is another one that is strange but true:

Listen to her complain about one of her relatives for 20 minutes straight, while nodding silently (+50)

You say something bad about the same relative (-200)

Go figure. :-)

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View Dennisgrosen's profile

Dennisgrosen

10850 posts in 2582 days


#3 posted 08-15-2010 08:04 PM

OOHH is it this what happen to me all the time , thankĀ“s for telling me…......Gess its too late to change

View wseand's profile

wseand

2754 posts in 2509 days


#4 posted 08-15-2010 08:10 PM

I don’t get it how do you win.

-- Bill - "Freedom flies in your heart like an Eagle" Audie Murphy

View Div's profile

Div

1653 posts in 2407 days


#5 posted 08-15-2010 08:10 PM

That was quick Lew! I’ll have to print this and put it up in my shop. At least I’ll have system to work too!!

Ha, ha! The big question is just the best! This was written by an expert!

-- Div @ the bottom end of Africa. "A woodworker's sharpest tool should be his mind."

View Div's profile

Div

1653 posts in 2407 days


#6 posted 08-15-2010 08:13 PM

wseand, winning is not an option. The object of the game is stay at 0. Mostly impossible!

-- Div @ the bottom end of Africa. "A woodworker's sharpest tool should be his mind."

View lew's profile

lew

11347 posts in 3222 days


#7 posted 08-15-2010 08:34 PM

Ahhh, Bill, Bill, Bill- what an optimist. As Div said, winning is not an option and the odds of breaking even ain’t too good either.

Lew

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View wseand's profile

wseand

2754 posts in 2509 days


#8 posted 08-15-2010 08:49 PM

If you go into it expecting to loose then you are a winner, now I get it. Thanks Div. I am certainly in the (-) column.

-- Bill - "Freedom flies in your heart like an Eagle" Audie Murphy

View Cher's profile

Cher

942 posts in 2561 days


#9 posted 08-15-2010 08:53 PM

It isn’t a case of ‘winning’ it is about getting things right.

Good for you Div you definitely want to get it right….

-- When you know better you do better.

View BarbS's profile

BarbS

2434 posts in 3552 days


#10 posted 08-15-2010 08:54 PM

Lew – unfortunately, all of that strikes me as, well, all too true!

-- http://barbsid.blogspot.com/

View Cher's profile

Cher

942 posts in 2561 days


#11 posted 08-15-2010 08:59 PM

Just a thought Lew, it isnt what gets said and done
it is the WAY it gets said and done

-- When you know better you do better.

View sedcokid's profile

sedcokid

2715 posts in 3066 days


#12 posted 08-15-2010 09:03 PM

I am all to well acquainted with all of this, thanks for sending….... I Always say it is Cheaper to Keep her ;) I wouldn’t give her up anyway…

-- Chuck Emery, Michigan,

View lew's profile

lew

11347 posts in 3222 days


#13 posted 08-15-2010 09:49 PM

Cher-

Yes, Dear- he says with a smile while handing over a bouquet of flowers.

Learned this from 35 years of wedded bliss- Mimi made me say that part ;^)

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View wseand's profile

wseand

2754 posts in 2509 days


#14 posted 08-15-2010 09:51 PM

I am no optimist Lew, I am just not very smart. They didn’t teach us much about women in Infantry school.LOL The LOML doesn’t understand the chain of command, somehow she thinks she’s the General.LOL I guess in this house she is.

-- Bill - "Freedom flies in your heart like an Eagle" Audie Murphy

View Cher's profile

Cher

942 posts in 2561 days


#15 posted 08-15-2010 09:55 PM

Lew she was wise from the start, and if you’re saying
35 years of wedded bliss then you are a happy man.
Most men think if they please their wives, they are hen pecked.
I think it shows they love them and that is what it is supposed to be.

-- When you know better you do better.

showing 1 through 15 of 21 replies

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