What NOT to say to your wife

LOL, That was a good one.
I get the hour long how my day went at work thing from my wife everyday. I lovingly offered solutions, but she said I don’t want you to fix it just let it go in and out the other ear. So taking her advice I started acting like I was listening to her. Till the day she came home and started in and I got on the phone and started talking to a buddy. After I got off the phone she says you just ignored me. I said isn’t that what you told me to do? Wrong thing to say at that moment. I now patiently wait till she is done with her rant.

-- I don't make mistakes, I have great learning lessons, Greg

Sounds like we are married to the same woman!

-- Gerry -- "I don't plan to ever really grow up ... I'm just going to learn how to act in public!"

Shortly after we got married we had an innocent conversation about ketchup. I said that I generally don’t like ketchup on my food unless the food was too dry or didn’t taste right.

For 39 years I have been unable to use any ketchup under any circumstances if my wife prepared the food.

-- Rich, Cedar Rapids, IA - I'm a woodworker. I don't create beauty, I reveal it.

My wife and all 3 of my daughters are like that. They have all explained to me that I am supposed to listen and try to empathize with their feelings. I haven’t figured out how to do that.

-- Greg D. -- the price of freedom is tolerance

If a man tells you about a problem he’s most-likely looking for advice. Women seem to just want to bounce their frustrations off someone. I try the sympathize and move-on approach. Remember, A HAPPY WIFE IS A HAPPY LIFE! :)

-- You're a unique and special person, just like everyone else.

Greg…I think you’re right but the part I don’t understand is that women seem willing to just hang out with their emotions while never getting to the root of their emotion and fixing it so it doesn’t happen again. I too sometimes want to bounce my frustrations off someone, but by the time I’m done, I’m looking for a fix because I don’t want to feel the same thing the next day.

On the average, a man uses 352 words a day. A woman speaks 10, 428.

My wife usually uses 8579 of hers after I lie down to go to sleep…

Happily married for 34 years…but sleep deprived.

-- Randy "You are judged as much by the questions you ask as the answers you give..."

Ha ha ha…good one. I usually dont drink beer, but then I dont have to, I’m single :-)

-- Wayne - Plymouth MN

God created the world and man in 6 days and on the 7th day he rested.
It took God 5 minutes to create a woman, and since then Nobody’s rested!!!!!

And anything my wife says doesn’t bother me, I have selective hearing.

-- Roger-R, Republic of Texas. "Always look on the Bright Side of Life" - An eyeball to eyeball confrontation with a blind person is as complete waste of Time.

Learned to quietly listen because a comment or remark that doesn’t start a war seems to just incite more commentary. Gotta love em though without em I go crazy.

The great part about not having good hearing is when anyone talks to me I listen for the jist of what there saying and if I dont like it i walk away and they thing I didnt hear them. The bad part is they can talk behind my back or anywhere they choose.

-- GO DAWGS!

This very God fearing man was walking on the beach praying about his marriage problems. He suddenly blurted out, “LORD why can’t you just build me a bridge between California and Hawaii. Then I could just go there and relax a bit.”
The LORD appeared in a cloud and said,”How could you ask for such a selfish thing. You should be concerned about the glorification of my name.”
The guy said, ” I’m sorry LORD. I just became overwhelmed by my troubles at home.”
The LORD said, “It’s not that I can’t build this bridge for you but, I will grant you one wish if you can think of something that is not so selfish.”
He thinks for a while and then says, “LORD can you allow me to understand women?”
The LORD is quiet for a bit then he says, “How many lanes do you want on that bridge, four or six?”

Apart from my selective hearing, when I do listen to her I can hardly understand what she is saying because she never opens her mouth enough to let her out words clearly, she kinda talks through here teeth.
And it is worse when she takes them out !!!
PAX, PAX, PAX

-- Roger-R, Republic of Texas. "Always look on the Bright Side of Life" - An eyeball to eyeball confrontation with a blind person is as complete waste of Time.

Roger that crossed a line Im telling

-- GO DAWGS!

And you guys think you have women troubles…...Wait until you have three daughters in the middle of bitter divorces and they ALL come to dad to tell their stories of woe to, and they are all talking at the same time.

I am deaf in the left ear and have lost half in the right ear, and when more than one is talking, everything becomes one long monotone of noise.

I just take turns looking at each one and nod in a sagely way. Take a sip of coffee and wish it was scotch. I got rid of most of the mirrors to keep from having to look at my now white hair.

Hey TheDane and Gregn, reckon you might be husband-in-laws?