• Advertise with us

« back to Coffee Lounge forum

Forum topic by Allison posted 06-11-2010 08:02 PM 1717 views 6 times favorited 20 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View Allison's profile


819 posts in 3222 days

06-11-2010 08:02 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor question

I received this as an e-mail this morning and just wanted to share. I find it personally to be so true! Funny but true. Any others?

1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better.. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

-- Allison, Northeastern Ca. Remember, Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic!

20 replies so far

View a1Jim's profile


115177 posts in 3001 days

#1 posted 06-11-2010 08:04 PM

That’s great Allison good to hear from you.

-- Custom furniture

View CharlieM1958's profile


16229 posts in 3642 days

#2 posted 06-11-2010 08:10 PM

LOL! These are great, Allison… a lot I never heard before, but all very true!

I have a problem with #11 though…. Us aisle people are only surly because the damned middle people keep going in and out and disturbing us! My wife and I went to a Fleetwood Mac concert recently, and these people next to us must have gone for beer and bathroom breaks 20 times! They missed half the songs!!!!

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View savannah505's profile


1781 posts in 3010 days

#3 posted 06-11-2010 08:13 PM

I have experienced all these laws, and this is all true. Thanks Allison.

-- Dan Wiggins

View Knothead62's profile


2581 posts in 2385 days

#4 posted 06-11-2010 08:20 PM

Grafitti on a customer’s file cabinet: Compared to me, Murphy was an optimist!
Edit: No matter how many pieces of hardware or fasteners you have, you will always be short by one!

View Allison's profile


819 posts in 3222 days

#5 posted 06-11-2010 08:32 PM

@Charlie That absolutely drives me nuts when people do that, besides the fact it’s just plain rude!

-- Allison, Northeastern Ca. Remember, Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic!

View JJohnston's profile


1614 posts in 2715 days

#6 posted 06-11-2010 08:50 PM

I had a similar #11 experience at a Cal-State Fresno football game. A guy kept going in and out of the row behind me, and every time he went by, he would push off my shoulder like it was a handrail. I finally turned around and said I wasn’t his $%& handrail, and for this, I was the bad guy. O_o

-- "A man may conduct himself well in both adversity and good fortune, but if you want to test his character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln

View NewPickeringWdWrkr's profile


338 posts in 2437 days

#7 posted 06-11-2010 09:15 PM

Knothead, you just quoted O’Toole’s law! Murphy was an optimist! LOL

-- Mike - Antero's Urban Wood Designs

View mtnwild's profile


3474 posts in 2951 days

#8 posted 06-11-2010 09:35 PM

So true, very funny but, so true…......................

-- mtnwild (Jack), It's not what you see, it's how you see it.

View SCOTSMAN's profile


5839 posts in 3009 days

#9 posted 06-11-2010 09:43 PM

Law number 20 Alison is a top notch Alistair ps that’s a good thing to be

-- excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

View Dennisgrosen's profile


10850 posts in 2539 days

#10 posted 06-11-2010 09:54 PM

thankĀ“s Allison
you safed the day


View Eagle1's profile


2066 posts in 2488 days

#11 posted 06-12-2010 12:29 AM

Very Very True!!! And Funny..

-- Tim, Missouri ....Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened

View Bob Collins's profile

Bob Collins

2263 posts in 3107 days

#12 posted 06-12-2010 01:09 PM

Hi Allison, they all happen down here in Aussie land, specially Law 1 and 2 when in my shop.

-- Bob C, Australia. I love sharing as long as it is not my tools

View buffalo689's profile


174 posts in 2431 days

#13 posted 06-12-2010 05:35 PM

So true…

-- bill

View Kent Shepherd's profile

Kent Shepherd

2715 posts in 2710 days

#14 posted 06-12-2010 05:42 PM

Thganks Allison. These are almost too true to be funny.


View majeagle1's profile


1426 posts in 2920 days

#15 posted 06-12-2010 06:18 PM

ooooooooooooh how I can relate! So many are true !!!!

This is great, tks Allison

-- Gene, Majestic Eagle Woodworks,,

showing 1 through 15 of 20 replies

Have your say...

You must be signed in to reply.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics