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Forum topic by SCOTSMAN posted 06-01-2016 06:26 PM 1604 views 0 times favorited 16 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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SCOTSMAN

5839 posts in 3053 days


06-01-2016 06:26 PM

My lovely wife Bronwen had back surgery a few years ago she is sixty nine. The surgeons operated on one side of her spine in order to help her with severe pain and other problems too. Since then then she is now coming to a stage when walking is becoming very difficult for her and sometimes climbing the stairs is quite a challenge and usually having to do so on her arms and legs making the pain etc now so uncomfortable we must sit down as a family and try to work out where to go from here (LITTERALLY). the boys want us to sell up and get somewhere on the flat. My house is currently reached up a very steep hill overlooking the sea. I suppose the original owners who were distant relatives of the Woolworth family and were then two elderly very religious ladies who had a chauffer. This means I suddenly have to stop in my tracks and rethink my ideas of having a workshop never mind currently having two. I have just turned sixty five and being quite overweight too have problems not all weight related of course. However we aim to get together and quietly and openly discuss this however I feel deep inside it will be the end of my hobby with workshops all together and to be honest I don’t think I have the emotional spiritual and physical energy to make a complete start again. I think maybe even if I get a property with a garage much smaller than I currently have at the moment, I may if lucky, be able to continue with metal work. or a smaller wood workshop, we will see. I just cant seem to see it happen though being honest with you. I currently have a lot of machines so it will be a big task, If some or all will be sold my eldest son Alistair jnr gets the lot as I had a discussion and the other two boys want nothing to do with it and it is in our will that everything with their blessing works out so. We will see . Alistair

-- excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease


16 replies so far

View CFrye's profile

CFrye

8768 posts in 1308 days


#1 posted 06-01-2016 08:12 PM

Alistair, you and Bronwen are in my thoughts and prayers. Starting over is hard. Perhaps this will allow you to focus on what really brings you joy. God bless you, my friends.

-- God bless, Candy

View bruc101's profile

bruc101

1077 posts in 3010 days


#2 posted 06-01-2016 08:35 PM

Alister, you and your wife are in our prayers and thoughts also, and you will find inner comfort and strength seeing that your wife will have a more comfortable life.

Part of marriage is making sacrifices and caring for each other when a health issue makes itself known. If something happened to my wife liked happened to your wife, I wouldn’t hesitate to make any sacrifice I could to let her have a more comfortable life. She is the mother of our children and the grandmother to our grand kids. The sacrifices she’s made just to them is more than anything I could ever try to compete with her with.

Please keep us updated.

-- Bruce Free Plans http://plans.sawmillvalley.org

View JoeinGa's profile

JoeinGa

7489 posts in 1475 days


#3 posted 06-01-2016 09:02 PM

Alistair, I can only say that I hope you and your wife will be able to come to terms with this and have peace in your decision.

Unfortunately, getting older is NOT something any of us can avoid.
I’ll add your family to my prayer list.

-- Perform A Random Act Of Kindness Today ... Pay It Forward

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MrRon

3927 posts in 2711 days


#4 posted 06-01-2016 09:43 PM

I feel for you. I am 81; my wife is 69. We both have back and joint problems, but at least we live on the flat; no stairs to worry about. I can still make my way to my shop which is about 200 feet away. At our age, moving to a new home is not in the works nor even considered. My advise to you would be to stay in your present home and do what has to be done to make it “invalid friendly”. That means eliminating obstacles and installing either a lift or stair lift. Medical insurance, if you have it will pay for most if not all of the cost. Moving from a home you obviously love to a different home can be very traumatic and is best avoided.

View distrbd's profile

distrbd

2228 posts in 1914 days


#5 posted 06-01-2016 11:03 PM

I agree with MrRon that moving could be traumatic, but,,,if it is necessary it will be a temporary pain and once is done you’ll be better off.
You’ll hopefully get settled in your new role in your new environment but what if thing work out better and faster than you had expected? then you may miss your old shop ,so think twice before getting rid of ALL your essential tools, keep a few in case,that’s what I would do.
I sincerely wish you both the best and hope for better days ahead.
Ken.

-- Ken from Ontario, Canada

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Roger

19886 posts in 2272 days


#6 posted 06-01-2016 11:51 PM

My prayers for you and your other half. One step at a time.

-- Roger from KY. Work/Play/Travel Safe. Keep your dust collector fed. Kentuk55@yahoo.com

View pintodeluxe's profile

pintodeluxe

4859 posts in 2281 days


#7 posted 06-02-2016 12:58 AM

Perhaps, just perhaps you can put together something on a much smaller scale and enjoy the craft a bit, while still being there for loved ones.

-- Willie, Washington "If You Choose Not To Decide, You Still Have Made a Choice" - Rush

View Robinson's profile

Robinson

41 posts in 2160 days


#8 posted 06-02-2016 02:57 AM

I’m 74 and my wife is about 3 years younger. We have a few come and go problems and I had a quadruple bypass in November 2013. I am remarkably lucky. I still cut trees, I still split firewood by hand with a heavy splitting maul, I was just running my little Woodmizer sawmill this week and expect to be on my old motorcycle in a couple of weeks. We have 6 horses of our own and have 7 belonging to clients. About 10 days after my bypass I was out in 8” of snow working on horse fence…
In spite of all of the things I can do we have had enough recoverable brushes that I/we have spent a LOT of time thinking about and talking about the very kind of things you are pondering… This is a 100 acre farm and we have another smaller farm in the next county. At this point I am stuck at “try to think flexibly” and “expect things to change”.
I have tried to think ahead as best I can. Our house is large but I have all but the attic wheel chair accessible. The basement (and woodshop) would require going outside and would likely require a motorized wheel chair unless I install a stair lift and an extra chair.
We have a couple of rooms we don’t really need and are discussing putting in a small apartment for a part or full time care giver if that is a need. Beyond that I can only try to plan one day at a time and be ready to accept possible needed changes.
Best of luck.

-- Francis Robinson, Central Indiana, USA - - Shopsmith fanatic

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

3965 posts in 2632 days


#9 posted 06-02-2016 04:42 AM

Alistair

First thing to look at is whether you can modify your present home to fit your needs.

There are personal elevators that can be installed right in the stairway. Then look at rearrangement of the home, moving bedrooms to the main floor and other rooms elsewhere. Depending on your finances, arrangements can be made for transportation, and other needs.

Look at your equity in the property and determine whether you can finance modifications using that as leverage, if finances are an issue.

Consider bringing in a consultant familiar with this type of problem. These days, there are consultants for everything.

I am 75 years old, recently retired, and hear your anguish. But don’t give up….......look carefully at the alternatives.

The value of bringing in an expert might be quite considerable. Check with your physician and talk with friends locally. They may be able to give you contacts that could be a lot of help.

Your buddy,

Jim

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

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oldnovice

5734 posts in 2836 days


#10 posted 06-02-2016 05:36 AM

Alistair it may be to early to make decisions and I would follow Jim’s suggestion as to alternative solutions.

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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Clarkie

380 posts in 1309 days


#11 posted 06-02-2016 11:08 AM

Hello Al, be certain that you are not alone in this time of decision. Just do what you can and do use the method of 1 day at a time. In other words slow down and consider all the options like the others have stated. I’m going through changes also, it comes with the territory. That being said, we wood workers love challenges and we also love finding the solutions, so don’t get overwhelmed and think you have to do anything right away. Take your time and do it wisely, to give up a trade is not necessarily giving in. My hands are very contrary to just about anything I try to do now and I’m fighting every inch of the way. I’ve tried getting rid of the tools and I just end up cleaning them and thanking God I have them, but the time is coming and they will have to rip the tools from my cold dead hands, lol. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your wife, have faith, things do work out.

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kepy

293 posts in 1741 days


#12 posted 06-02-2016 12:16 PM

I feel your pain. The advice above about trying to make your current location liveable makes a great deal of sense. I went through a similar situation back in 2009. The family decided we should sell out and move close to them. That worked for a couple of years until they decided that we needed to move to town (you’ll notice that I said they decided). We are now in a rented house with no garage and I have a small workshop that won’t begin to hold all the tools I had (mostly sold). I am taking care of my mother (96) and I am 76. Every day I regret making the move.

-- Kepy

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SCOTSMAN

5839 posts in 3053 days


#13 posted 06-02-2016 09:01 PM

You guys are truly the best pals anyone could ever have I tell the truth your caring ways have touched me deeply and I feel a bit overwhelmed in fact quite often these days I have a good cry usually on my own. I am not afraid of going home spiritually as you may know I believe in the love of God and dearly love Jesus too. I don’t believe we ever die. Of course we die physically, but the spirit never dies as I believe. I believe and it is being currently proven that the brain does not control or create our conscious self I believe we are all rather than human beings here on Earth trying to find spiritual meaning I believe we are spiritual beings and incarnate and re-incarnate and come here for to gather different experiences and not to gain knowledge back home were we come from call it heaven if you will we live in spiritual groups and occasionally not through force we have the freedom to come back to earth to gain these experiences. and that as spiritual beings we never die if you are interested look up youtube and watch the interview with a Dutch heart surgeon who has altered his life to study out of body experiences and near death experiences which show that we do not die. His name is PIM Van LOMELL .I am sure you will find it as I did fascinating . it answered on FURTHER STUDY the many problems and difficulties I encountered over many years with Christianity, which was developed and created by the Romans, as was the bible. Jesus had no input to writing it at all. I had a very difficult upbringing in Glasgow we were very poor and my father used to beat me even as a small child he would punch me on the side of the face, and I would lose the ability to hear .I could only detect a ringing or whistling sensation for about I guess forty minutes or so then my hearing would come back. When I was a young man I became heavily involved in the church and Christianity. MY mother seemed good to me when she was younger but then we children started working and she could not somehow seem to control the sudden new found although small wealth of having within a few years four pay packets coming in to the household. She seemed to alter from then on and became very mercenary and started to act rather strangely. I did an apprenticeship then and brought in only a fraction during my training compared to the others and she never let me forget it. She went a bit over the top and I never felt until her dying day that she really loved me .She singled me out and treated me quite openly different from the others. She used to make me pay her to have a bath whilst the other siblings did as they pleased. I used to be given an exact amount each day for my bus fare to work and was never given food to eat during the day she openly told me for all the money I was handing in that I didn’t deserve to have these things. I used to be sent in the pouring rain to buy things for the others to eat while they staid in and watched t v. The church people always told me that it was the devil working through them to get to me and always to turn the other cheek. But I never felt loved. Once I remember when I had a girly over to the house to visit me she demanded a payment for the electricity I used when we listened to a few records. In that room she barged in and raising her voice demanded in front of the girl extra money because I had the light on as well as the record player . I didn’t have any more money and was very embarrassed when she turned out the light and left us there in the dark with the glow only from the old radiogram player . One day I remember my elder brother who had learning difficulties knocked over all the money my mother had laid out for each of our bus fares, when I went to get mine it was a few pence short I asked my mother for the extra two pence and she called me all the fu ing liars of the day to Me a caring and loving son , I who took this Christianity so seriously was being accused by my mother in no uncertain terms of being a thief and a liar
the last straw was, when she told me to get to eff out of her house and don’t come effing well back
I remember it clearly to this day get you she said to fu out of my fu ing house and don’t come effing back for all the money you hand in see if a landlady will look after you the way I have and you’ll come effing back with your tail between your legs and you’ll hand in every effing penny. I was desperate to leave. and eventually managed to find a placement in London where a friend of mine had just moved to. I went down to London, and I remember I got a little room about ten feet by six feet or so with a bed and a gas fire into which you had to put money. I was in that room and it was Christmas my friend went home to Scotland and I staid that period I never felt so low in my life The landlady was paid for board and meals she never put much on the plate and I went out and bought a loaf it was snowing and I kid you not I had a pair of old shoes with two large holes in them when I came back with some margarine and bread I tried to toast the bread by the gas fire and my knife went right through my hand. I sat down and I tell you I never felt so low in my life. I seriously started feeling and thinking about suicide and I started to worry about this. Very shortly after that date I was with my Jewish pal and we found a wet card on the ground it was an invitation to a Christian coffee night on behalf of the church we had nothing better to do so we both went along. There I met the absolute love of my life Bronwen. I was flabbergasted by the way she treated me over the coming days she was so kind I was stunned by her actions, and soon after about three days or four I asked her to marry me .I was nineteen and she was twenty four a schoolteacher working in a nearby school .For the first time in my life I finally discovered what love was real love truly committed love she treated me in a way I thought was only for movies and the television. For the first time in my life I truly was in love. We have been together for forty five years and she has always been my beautiful best friend all those years and now to watch her crawling up the stairs with her hands and feet breaks my heart, I am sure you can understand that she never deserved that. We have as said three wonderful boys all went to university Alistair got an honours degree in law next Russell studied medicine and he and his wife are now consultant psychiatrists Ewen who always was gifted at writing did journalism at Cardiff university where he is now assistant editor on magazine dedicated to whisky and all that it entails. The Jewish Boy Irving is still my best friend in the world apart from my family he was best man at our wedding and we still see him regularly. I am sorry to be so long winded over this but I just wanted you to understand what Bronwen has and still means to me. I do get down about things but I do want you people all to know from the very depths of my heart how very kind and dare I say wonderful people God blessing on you all and thanks for your support and kindness you will never fully realise what it means to me and the strength it provides me. Alistair Hosie

-- excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

View Joe Lyddon's profile

Joe Lyddon

9451 posts in 3520 days


#14 posted 06-02-2016 09:10 PM

Scotsman:

You & yours are in our prayers…

Suggestion: Push the Return / Enter key once in awhile to break up your posts instead of all one paragraph…
... would make it much easier to read.

God Bless you…

Y’all will be OK.

Thank you…

-- Have Fun! Joe Lyddon - Alta Loma, CA USA - Home: http://www.WoodworkStuff.net ... My Small Gallery: http://www.ncwoodworker.net/pp/showgallery.php?ppuser=1389&cat=500"

View SCOTSMAN's profile

SCOTSMAN

5839 posts in 3053 days


#15 posted 06-03-2016 09:03 PM

Thank you Joe sorry about that. Alistair

-- excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

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