Nothing going right?

  • Advertise with us

« back to Coffee Lounge forum

Forum topic by TopamaxSurvivor posted 04-06-2010 07:36 AM 1421 views 0 times favorited 16 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View TopamaxSurvivor's profile


17574 posts in 3095 days

04-06-2010 07:36 AM

Topic tags/keywords: joke humor

A little guy is sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.

“Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as the little guy bursts into tears.

“Come on, man,” the biker says, ” I didn’t think you’d CRY.

“This is the worst day of my life,” says the little guy. ” I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting, and my Boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car stolen and I don’t have any insurance, I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me, so I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve, then a wise ass like you shows up and drinks the whole thing! Jeez, I just can’t win!!!!”

-- Bob in WW ~ "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

16 replies so far

View Dez's profile


1162 posts in 3496 days

#1 posted 04-06-2010 08:02 AM

Some days Murphy is sitting on your shoulder laughing!

-- Folly ever comes cloaked in opportunity!

View studie's profile


618 posts in 2566 days

#2 posted 04-06-2010 09:09 AM

When I showed up late for the interview I told them I would leave early to make up for being late, well ok. How about your rate? I told them I’m slow but expensive, I then made it clear that I want the first week off with pay as I’d planned to do a little drinkin. After I explained the Mall bombing that killed his mother in law he hired me on the spot.

-- $tudie

View GMman's profile


3902 posts in 3116 days

#3 posted 04-06-2010 04:24 PM

That is a good one LOL LOL.

View mafe's profile


11061 posts in 2508 days

#4 posted 04-07-2010 10:54 AM

Thank you for the laugh – Topamax

The 3 years old boy in the shower, looking down at his balls:
Boy: ‘mom, are this my brain?’
Mom: ‘No but it will be!’

-- MAD F, the fanatical rhykenologist and vintage architect. Democraticwoodworking.

View Kent Shepherd's profile

Kent Shepherd

2715 posts in 2705 days

#5 posted 04-07-2010 03:53 PM



View Chase's profile


448 posts in 2445 days

#6 posted 04-07-2010 04:26 PM

hahahaha nice one!

-- Every neighborhood has an eccentric neighbor. I wondered for years "who was ours?" Then I realized it was me.

View Rick's profile


8287 posts in 2452 days

#7 posted 04-10-2010 12:44 PM

Guy walks into a bar with his dog. Bartender yells at him …”Hey You! We don’t allow dogs in here!” Guy says ...”I’m Blind. This is my Seeing Eye Dog.” Bartender says .. “Geez! I’m sorry Mister. Drinks are on the house.”

Guy leaves, tells his SEEING Friend about it. Next day HE goes into a bar with a dog. Bartender Yells … “Hey you. We don’t allow dogs in here!” Guy says “I’m Blind. He’s my seeing eye dog.” Bartender says …”Since when did they start using Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye Dogs?” Guy says …”They gave me a Chihuahua?”

-- Hope Everyone Is Doing Well! .... Best Regards: Rick

View Craftsman on the lake's profile

Craftsman on the lake

2506 posts in 2856 days

#8 posted 04-10-2010 12:54 PM

Grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we’ve got a drink named after you”. The Grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Bob?”.

A horse walks into a bar, The bartender says, “Why the long face?”.

-- The smell of wood, coffee in the cup, the wife let's me do my thing, the lake is peaceful.

View Uncle_Salty's profile


183 posts in 2492 days

#9 posted 04-10-2010 02:00 PM

A Priest, a Methodist Minister, and a Rabbi all walk into a tavern and approach the bar.

Bartender looks them and says “Whats the punch line?”

View poopiekat's profile


4188 posts in 3153 days

#10 posted 04-10-2010 02:43 PM

A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. “Don’t you try and start something” warned the bartender…..

-- Einstein: "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." I'm Poopiekat!!

View kshipp's profile


179 posts in 3197 days

#11 posted 04-10-2010 03:06 PM

A rope walks into a bar and the bar tender says “Hey, get out of here! We don’t allow ropes in here.”
So the rope walks back out, ties himself in a not, and messes up his hair.
He goes back into the bar and the bar tender says, “Didn’t I tell you we don’t allow ropes in here?”
The rope says, “I’m a frayed knot.”

-- Kyle Shipp,

View Dennisgrosen's profile


10850 posts in 2534 days

#12 posted 04-10-2010 03:33 PM

thankĀ“s for the laugh Topamax
I just needed that


View SnowyRiver's profile


51452 posts in 2899 days

#13 posted 04-10-2010 05:04 PM

Ha ha ha…good one.

-- Wayne - Plymouth MN

View Gene Howe's profile

Gene Howe

8089 posts in 2847 days

#14 posted 04-10-2010 10:41 PM

A snail crawl’s up to this bar as it was being closed. The snail pounds and pounds on the door until the bar tender finally opens the door. Bar tender looks around and sees nothing until the snail demanded a beer. The bar tender looked down and sees him but replies, “Hey, we’re closed now and besides we don’t serve snails!” and then
proceeds to slam the door. The snail again pounds on the door until the bar tender got so frustrated that he opened the door again and kicks the snail away.

A year later as the bartender was about to close again, he hears a pounding on the door again. He opens the door and looks down to see the same snail again.

The snail looked up and asks, “What’d you do that for?”

-- Gene 'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton

View lilredweldingrod's profile


2495 posts in 2526 days

#15 posted 04-12-2010 03:01 AM

Three preachers meet to confess their sins. The first says, “I have a bad problem, brothers. I can’t keep my hands off the ladies in my congregation.” They all agree that this is bad and promise to pray for him.The second one says, “I have a problem too. I always take up to half the offerings each Sunday just for myself.” They agree that this is a bad thing and promise to pray for him. The third one says, ” I really like to gossip, brothers. And I just can’t wait for this meeting to end.”

showing 1 through 15 of 16 replies

Have your say...

You must be signed in to reply.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics