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Forum topic by Cher posted 03-06-2010 11:06 PM 1120 views 2 times favorited 16 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Cher

934 posts in 1783 days


03-06-2010 11:06 PM

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

10. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

11. ‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.

Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

13. What hair colour do they put on the driver’s licences of bald men?

14. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

15. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

16. No one ever says, ‘It’s only a game’ when their team is winning.

17. Ever wonder about those people who spend €2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

18. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one *

enjoys it?

19. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo?

20. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?

-- When you know better you do better.


16 replies so far

View Jeison's profile

Jeison

947 posts in 1797 days


#1 posted 03-06-2010 11:14 PM

lawl

-- - Jei, Rockford IL - When in doubt, spray it with WD-40 and wrap it with duct tape. The details will attend to themselves.

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patron

13103 posts in 2031 days


#2 posted 03-06-2010 11:18 PM

being the one out of 5 ,
i can say that yes ,
i do enjoy it .
i even look forward to it (LOL) !

great cher ,
is see you are getting in the seashore mode already !

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

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lew

10094 posts in 2445 days


#3 posted 03-06-2010 11:59 PM

Why do people drive on a parkway and park in a drive way?

Do elevators really smell differently to midgets?

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View Abbott's profile

Abbott

2570 posts in 1993 days


#4 posted 03-07-2010 01:53 AM

Life’s a bitch, if it was easy it would be a slut.

-- Ohh mann...pancakes and boobies...I'll bet that's what Heaven is like! ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣

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TopamaxSurvivor

14874 posts in 2365 days


#5 posted 03-07-2010 05:45 AM

All I can say is electricians are delighted ;-))

-- "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View scrappy's profile

scrappy

3505 posts in 2120 days


#6 posted 03-07-2010 07:36 AM

Only in America, are there BRAILE letters on the Drive up ATM machines.

Scrappy

-- Scrap Wood's the best...the projects are smaller, and so is the mess!

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Abbott

2570 posts in 1993 days


#7 posted 03-07-2010 08:20 AM

Only in America, are there BRAILE letters on the Drive up ATM machines.

:)

-- Ohh mann...pancakes and boobies...I'll bet that's what Heaven is like! ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣

View Rick's profile

Rick

6454 posts in 1722 days


#8 posted 03-17-2010 12:05 AM

If someone with a Multiple Personality Disorder threatens to committ suicide, do the Police consider it to be a Hostage Situation? Where do Forest Rangers go to “Get away from it all”? Is it possible to be Totally Partial?

Why is BRA Singular and PANTIES Plural? Can Fat people go Skinny Dipping? What’s another word for Thesaurus?

If A Parsley Farmer goes Broke, can you Garnish his wages? Why is the word Abbreviation so long?

Why isn’t there a Mouse Flavoured Cat Food? If a Stealth Bomber crashes in a Forest, will it make a Sound?

It is fruitless to become lachrymoss because of scattered lacteal fluid. (There’s no point in crying over spilt milk.)

AND… Last but not least..You know your getting old when …Your Pacemaker raises the Garage Door when a Pretty Girl walks by.

-- COMMON SENSE Is Like Deodorant. The People Who need It Most, Never Use It.

View Dennisgrosen's profile

Dennisgrosen

10850 posts in 1805 days


#9 posted 03-17-2010 12:55 AM

thank´s for the laugh every one :—))
needed it just saved a misserable day at work

Cher I expect you overcome your lathe trouble now you are in the mood for joking around words

Dennis

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SnowyRiver

51450 posts in 2170 days


#10 posted 03-17-2010 03:38 AM

Those are great.

-- Wayne - Plymouth MN

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Rick

6454 posts in 1722 days


#11 posted 03-17-2010 04:43 AM

Okay Then. Just a Few More ;-}

You Know Your Getting Old When:

-Everythng hurts and when it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t work.
-You get winded playing Chess.
-You have all the answers but nobody asks the questions.
-You sit in your Rocking Chair and can’t get it going.
-Your knees buckle but your belt won’t.
-You burn the midnight oil until 9:00 P.M.
-Your back goes out more than you do.
-You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
-You go out to paint the town red and pink is the best you can do.

Okay. That’s it. time for my Hot Milk, Hot Water Bottle and I’m off to Bed.

Night All: Rick

Which reminds me …Son goes to visit his Dad in the old folks home. “Sleeping okay now Dad? Not falling out of bed anymore?” Dad says ….”Nope! Doing just fine Son. They give me my Hot Chocolate and Viagra and I sleep real good.” Son: “What!” He goes tearing down to the Nursing station. “You giving my Dad Hot Chocolate and Viagra!?” Nurse says .. “Yes we are. Hot Chocolate puts him right to sleep and the Viagra keeps him from rolling out of bed.”

NYTOL ….ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

-- COMMON SENSE Is Like Deodorant. The People Who need It Most, Never Use It.

View patron's profile (online now)

patron

13103 posts in 2031 days


#12 posted 03-17-2010 04:56 AM

thats just great , rick .

thanks !

And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them !

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

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Rick

6454 posts in 1722 days


#13 posted 03-18-2010 02:19 AM

Thanks Patron. but you beat me out with that “Perky Boobs” thing!!

Even though my Mother passed away in a Nursing Home with Advanced Alzheimers one thing I learned was to go to THEIR WORLD, NOT expect them to come back to YOURS. That helped a LOT and made for some FUN times for my Mother and I. i.e. You learn to deal with whatever Life Hands you.

I laughed myself Silly reading your last statement. I could just picture 10 or 20 of them all running around a Home with a Wild look in their eyes and having NO idea why, and the Nurses going Nuts trying to figure out what to do. Cracks me up! ...LOL…..

-- COMMON SENSE Is Like Deodorant. The People Who need It Most, Never Use It.

View Eric_S's profile

Eric_S

1521 posts in 1885 days


#14 posted 03-18-2010 02:37 AM

Patron that was great! Sounds like something Robin Williams would say.

Another one, sorry if its too basic or boring:

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

-- - Eric Indianapolis, IN

View russv's profile

russv

262 posts in 1859 days


#15 posted 03-18-2010 03:00 AM

if you are a professional couch potato what do you do on your day off?

you might be a redneck . . . oh wait, wrong forum. lol

russv

-- yknotwood.com: where to go because you don't want no stinking plastic!

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