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Year in Review... Being Blonde...

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Forum topic by degoose posted 1671 days ago 836 views 0 times favorited 9 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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degoose

6996 posts in 1987 days


1671 days ago

Topic tags/keywords: humor



A Blonde’s Year in Review

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won’t fit in printer!!!

March
Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..
Box said ’ 2-4 years!’

April
Trapped on escalator for hours …
Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid…..wrong instructions….
8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing…....
Couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm…..
Car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is ‘C’.....isn’t it???

October
Hate M & M’s…..
They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ...
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December
Couldn’t call 911.
‘Duh’.....there’s no ‘eleven’ button on the stupid phone!!!

THE BEST BLONDE JOK E OF THE YEAR – SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, ‘Is something wrong?’

To which she replied, ‘There certainly is!’

(Are you ready? This is a beauty…)

‘My stupid computer keeps saying, ’YOU’VE GOT MAIL!’

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...


9 replies so far

View hooky's profile

hooky

361 posts in 1951 days


#1 posted 1671 days ago

im still laughing over putting the bottle in the printer

hows sunny QLD larry

Hooky

-- Happiness is a way of travel , not a destination (Roy Goodman)

View lew's profile

lew

10002 posts in 2388 days


#2 posted 1671 days ago

Larry,

Luckily you live all the way “down under”. I think there might be a bunch of blond Lumberjockettes looking for you ;^)

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View patron's profile

patron

13018 posts in 1974 days


#3 posted 1671 days ago

good after nap reading .

thanks for the laugh !

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View a1Jim's profile

a1Jim

112015 posts in 2210 days


#4 posted 1670 days ago

Larry you always have great funnies Thanks.

-- http://artisticwoodstudio.com Custom furniture

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile

TopamaxSurvivor

14726 posts in 2309 days


#5 posted 1670 days ago

Looks like those 2 in your avatar won’t be posing anymore ;-))

-- "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View RichinsCarpentry's profile

RichinsCarpentry

44 posts in 2098 days


#6 posted 1670 days ago

I needed that!!

-- See our blog at http://www.richinscarpentry.com

View stefang's profile

stefang

12940 posts in 1967 days


#7 posted 1670 days ago

Well Larry, these are really funny, but I won’t be telling any of them to my family in the near future. My wife is blond (with some gray now), my DIL is blond, my grandaughter is blond, My youngest grandson is blond and my yougest son’s fiance’ is blond. There aren’t any more left except 4 guys. LOL

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View lilredweldingrod's profile

lilredweldingrod

2495 posts in 1739 days


#8 posted 1660 days ago

This blond in New york got tired of all the blond jokes. She dyed her hair brunette and left for California. Out in New Mexico she got off the interstate and found herself stopped waiting for a large flock of sheep to cross the road.
She called the shepherd over and asked if he would like to play a game to pass the time. He agreed and asked what game would she like to play.
She says, “If I can guess the exact number of sheep, can I have one?”
He grees and she says, “Ohhhhh 1736.”
The shepherd says, “You are right. Go pick your sheep.”
She gets her sheep and returns to the car.
The shepheard says, “I played your game, so now will you play my game?”
The blond agrees and askes, “What is your game?”
The shepherd says, “If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?”

View Radu's profile

Radu

299 posts in 1676 days


#9 posted 1660 days ago

A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator, puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons. ‘If I open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside, leave ’em there for five minutes, then remove my unit unharmed, will each of you buy me a drink?’

The crowd murmurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps.

After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals—unharmed, as promised. The crowd cheers and the first of his free drinks are delivered.

‘Anyone else has the guts to give it a try?’ the man dares the crowd.

After a few seconds, a blonde woman timidly speaks up. ‘I’ll do it, but no hitting me on the head with the bottle.’

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