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FOR THE OLDER FOLKS ON HERE

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humor
4K views 26 replies 21 participants last post by  odie 
#1 · (Edited by Moderator)
--------------------------
Thought a lot of you would get some fun out of these….............Enjoy

> > An elderly gentleman…..
> > Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
> > He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have
> > him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the
> > gentleman to hear 100%
> > The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the
> > doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.
> > Your family must be really pleased that you can hear
> > again.'
> > The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family
> > yet.
> > I just sit around and listen to the conversations..
> > I've changed my will three times!'
> >
> >
> > --------------------------
> >
> >
> > Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
> > sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the
> >other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just
> > full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How
> > do you feel?'
> > Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
> > 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
> > 'Yep.. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my
> > pants.'
> >
> >
> > --------------------------
> >
> >
> >An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house,
> >and after eating, the wives left the table and went into
> > the kitchen.
> > The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last
> > night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really
> > great… I would recommend it very highly.'
> > The other man said, 'What is the name of the
> > restaurant?'
> > The first man thought and thought and finally said,
> > 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you
> > love?
> > You know…. The one that's red and has thorns.'
> > 'Do you mean a rose?'
> > 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then
> >turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the
> > name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
> >
> >
> > --------------------------
> >
> >
> >Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients
> > being discharged. However, while working as a student
> > nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and
> > sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
> > insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
> > After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly
> > let me wheel him to the elevator.
> > On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting
> > him..
> > 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in
> > the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
> >
> >
> > --------------------------
> >
> > Couple in their nineties are both having problems
> > remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells
> >them that they're physically okay, but they might want to
> > start writing things down to help them remember …
> > Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets
> > up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the
> > kitchen?' he asks.
> > 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
> > 'Sure..'
> > 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can
> > remember it?' she asks..
> > 'No, I can remember it.'
> > 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe
> > you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
> > He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of
> > ice cream with strawberries.'
> > 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll
> > forget that, write it down?' she asks.
> > Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I
> >can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped
> > cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
> > Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20
> > minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands
> > his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the
> > plate for a moment.
> > 'Where's my toast ?'
> >
> >
> > --------------------------
> >
> >
> > A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> > 'So I hear you're getting married?'
> > 'Yep!'
> > 'Do I know her?'
> > 'Nope!'
> > 'This woman, is she good looking?'
> > 'Not really.'
> > 'Is she a good cook?'
> > 'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
> > 'Does she have lots of money?'
> > 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
> > 'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
> > 'I don't know.'
> > 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
> > 'Because she can still drive!'
> >
> >
> > --------------------------
> >
> >
> > Three old guys are out walking.
> > First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
> > Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
> > Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
> >
> >
> > --------------------------
> >
> >
> > A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new
> > hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's
> > state of the art.. It's perfect.'
> > 'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
> > 'Twelve thirty..'
> >
> >
> > --------------------------
> >
> >
> > Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a
> > physical.
> > A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down
> > the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> > A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris
> > and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
> > Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get
> > a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
> > The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said,
> > 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
> >
> >
> > --------------------------
> >
> >
> > One more.. . .!
> > A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream
> > parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a
> > stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana
> > split.
> > The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
> > 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis…'
> >
 
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#14 ·
Thanks for the morning laughter!

It reminded me of this one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This old timer is in the doctors office.

He said, I can't remember anything anymore Doc.

The Doc said, How long have you had this problem?

The old timer paused, & said, What problem?
 
#18 ·
jerry , glad you are improving ,
and over the ' withdrawals ' ,
i think it happens to us all a bit at times .
in the end , the good out weighs the bad ,
and well , hard to forget good friends .

bill , HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!

now we need to pace ourselves ,
even if we can't remember why !(LOL) .
 
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