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Forum topic by cabinetmaster posted 1540 days ago 2015 views 2 times favorited 26 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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cabinetmaster

10874 posts in 2057 days


1540 days ago

Topic tags/keywords: humor

——————————————————————————
Thought a lot of you would get some fun out of these….............Enjoy

> > An elderly gentleman…..
> > Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
> > He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have
> > him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the
> > gentleman to hear 100%
> > The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the
> > doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect.
> > Your family must be really pleased that you can hear
> > again.’
> > The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family
> > yet.
> > I just sit around and listen to the conversations..
> > I’ve changed my will three times!’
> >
> >
> > ——————————————————————————
> >
> >
> > Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
> > sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the
> >other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just
> > full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How
> > do you feel?’
> > Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’
> > ‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’
> > ‘Yep.. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my
> > pants.’
> >
> >
> > ——————————————————————————
> >
> >
> >An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house,
> >and after eating, the wives left the table and went into
> > the kitchen.
> > The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last
> > night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really
> > great… I would recommend it very highly.’
> > The other man said, ‘What is the name of the
> > restaurant?’
> > The first man thought and thought and finally said,
> > ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you
> > love?
> > You know…. The one that’s red and has thorns.’
> > ‘Do you mean a rose?’
> > ‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then
> >turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the
> > name of that restaurant we went to last night?’
> >
> >
> > ——————————————————————————
> >
> >
> >Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients
> > being discharged. However, while working as a student
> > nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and
> > sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
> > insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
> > After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly
> > let me wheel him to the elevator.
> > On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting
> > him..
> > ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in
> > the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’
> >
> >
> > ——————————————————————————
> >
> > Couple in their nineties are both having problems
> > remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells
> >them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to
> > start writing things down to help them remember …
> > Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets
> > up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the
> > kitchen?’ he asks.
> > ‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’
> > ‘Sure..’
> > ‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can
> > remember it?’ she asks..
> > ‘No, I can remember it.’
> > ‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe
> > you should write it down, so as not to forget it?’
> > He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of
> > ice cream with strawberries.’
> > ‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll
> > forget that, write it down?’ she asks.
> > Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I
> >can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped
> > cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’
> > Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20
> > minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands
> > his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the
> > plate for a moment.
> > ‘Where’s my toast ?’
> >
> >
> > ——————————————————————————
> >
> >
> > A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> > ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
> > ‘Yep!’
> > ‘Do I know her?’
> > ‘Nope!’
> > ‘This woman, is she good looking?’
> > ‘Not really.’
> > ‘Is she a good cook?’
> > ‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
> > ‘Does she have lots of money?’
> > ‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
> > ‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
> > ‘I don’t know.’
> > ‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
> > ‘Because she can still drive!’
> >
> >
> > ——————————————————————————
> >
> >
> > Three old guys are out walking.
> > First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’
> > Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’
> > Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’
> >
> >
> > ——————————————————————————
> >
> >
> > A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new
> > hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s
> > state of the art.. It’s perfect.’
> > ‘Really,’ answered the neighbor . ‘What kind is it?’
> > ‘Twelve thirty..’
> >
> >
> > ——————————————————————————
> >
> >
> > Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a
> > physical.
> > A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down
> > the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> > A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris
> > and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
> > Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get
> > a hot mamma and be cheerful.’’
> > The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said,
> > ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’
> >
> >
> > ——————————————————————————
> >
> >
> > One more.. . .!
> > A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream
> > parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a
> > stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana
> > split.
> > The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
> > ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis…’
> >

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps


26 replies so far

View Tim Dahn's profile

Tim Dahn

1437 posts in 2064 days


#1 posted 1540 days ago

I’m laughing out loud at these! Thanks for chuckle cabinetmaster

-- Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from poor judgement.

View papadan's profile

papadan

1103 posts in 1867 days


#2 posted 1540 days ago

Dammit Jerry, I resemble them remarks!

-- Carpenter assembles with hands, Designer builds with brains, Artist creates with heart!

View 8iowa's profile

8iowa

1489 posts in 2260 days


#3 posted 1540 days ago

I’m a gittin thar too!

-- "Heaven is North of the Bridge"

View branch's profile

branch

904 posts in 1653 days


#4 posted 1540 days ago

great jocks even if you are old

stiff
deaf

blind

o what was i saying

View woodworm's profile

woodworm

14124 posts in 2090 days


#5 posted 1540 days ago

Ha ha ha…
I can’t finish reading all, coz I haven’t take breakfast, must continue later.
And I think I’m getting toward all that, coz I still cannot recall what I did last year at this time. Do you?

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile

TopamaxSurvivor

14397 posts in 2175 days


#6 posted 1540 days ago

I live all he hearing ones :-))

-- "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View a1Jim's profile

a1Jim

109230 posts in 2076 days


#7 posted 1540 days ago

There all great Jerry can’t stop laughing.

-- http://artisticwoodstudio.com Custom furniture

View woodworm's profile

woodworm

14124 posts in 2090 days


#8 posted 1540 days ago

Return from food stall nearby, still smiling to myself and now start laughting…BUT I do not have heart murmur to myself! LOL

P/S I don’t think I can start painting my Tool rack right now, still chuckling..!

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

View Gary's profile

Gary

6057 posts in 1932 days


#9 posted 1540 days ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lSliucgygc&feature=player_embedded

This is good

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas only 4 miles from the mill

View mikethetermite's profile

mikethetermite

400 posts in 1765 days


#10 posted 1540 days ago

You know you are getting old when you can relate to these old folks jokes.

-- Mike The Termite ~~~~~ Working safely may get old, but so do those who practice it.

View Dusty56's profile

Dusty56

11605 posts in 2187 days


#11 posted 1540 days ago

Started my day off with a few good laughs !!! Thank you so much : )

-- When you arrive at my front door, please knock softly but firmly. I like soft , firm, knockers : )

View David Craig's profile

David Craig

2130 posts in 1608 days


#12 posted 1540 days ago

I would be laughing more if it weren’t for the fact that 3/4 of these jokes could apply to me and I am in my forties….

David

-- There is little that is simple when it comes to making a simple box.

View Dick, & Barb Cain's profile

Dick, & Barb Cain

8693 posts in 2798 days


#13 posted 1539 days ago

Thanks for the morning laughter!

It reminded me of this one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This old timer is in the doctors office.

He said, I can’t remember anything anymore Doc.

The Doc said, How long have you had this problem?

The old timer paused, & said, What problem?

-- -** You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream ****************** Dick, & Barb Cain, Hibbing, MN. http://www.woodcarvingillustrated.com/gallery/member.php?uid=3627&protype=1

View Berg's profile

Berg

116 posts in 1689 days


#14 posted 1539 days ago

Laughing? I thought this was pages from my diary…

-- Pete - "To every thing there is a season Turn! Turn! turn!" [Ecclesiastes and Pete Seeger]

View SnowyRiver's profile

SnowyRiver

51451 posts in 1979 days


#15 posted 1539 days ago

Those are great….especially for us “old folks” :-)

-- Wayne - Plymouth MN

showing 1 through 15 of 26 replies

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