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Darwin awards...

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Forum topic by degoose posted 01-16-2010 12:09 PM 1035 views 1 time favorited 13 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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degoose

7051 posts in 2098 days


01-16-2010 12:09 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

The Darwin Awards – 2009

Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach California , would-be robber James Elliott did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2.. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. ‘Understandably’, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer….. $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID to which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street , he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family…..unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

  • Remember….. They walk among us!!!**

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...


13 replies so far

View Jeison's profile

Jeison

947 posts in 1851 days


#1 posted 01-16-2010 12:10 PM

Well….they USED to walk among us…

-- - Jei, Rockford IL - When in doubt, spray it with WD-40 and wrap it with duct tape. The details will attend to themselves.

View WoodSparky's profile

WoodSparky

200 posts in 1846 days


#2 posted 01-16-2010 12:55 PM

It is these stupid people that keep the lawyers in business. No saftey warning on the pistol.

-- So Many tools, So little time

View Scott Bryan's profile

Scott Bryan

27251 posts in 2566 days


#3 posted 01-16-2010 01:57 PM

I love reading these, Larry. This is a nice way to start the day.

-- Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful- Joshua Marine

View stefang's profile

stefang

13623 posts in 2078 days


#4 posted 01-16-2010 03:44 PM

Definitely not woodworkers then? I think I did something with a bandsaw once that the guy with the 38 who shot himself did, but let’s not talk about that. Besides I was only 57 years old at the time. Too young to know better.

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View Gene Howe's profile

Gene Howe

6032 posts in 2172 days


#5 posted 01-16-2010 03:57 PM

Very funny, Degoose. thanks.

Mike,
Don’t keep us in suspense! I have a story re: the band saw, too.
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
Gene

-- Gene 'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton

View jockmike2's profile

jockmike2

10635 posts in 2990 days


#6 posted 01-16-2010 04:36 PM

Yea, my mistake with the tablesaw kinda puts me in that group.

-- (You just have to please the man in the Mirror) Mike from Michigan -

View KayBee's profile

KayBee

1020 posts in 1990 days


#7 posted 01-16-2010 05:42 PM

I love darwin! LOL Thanks Degoose.

-- Karen - a little bit of stupid goes a long way

View Kent Shepherd's profile

Kent Shepherd

2698 posts in 2030 days


#8 posted 01-16-2010 07:48 PM

Thanks Larry—-made my day

-- She thought I hung the moon--now she just thinks I did it wrong

View marcb's profile

marcb

762 posts in 2417 days


#9 posted 01-17-2010 04:24 AM

I’m trying to figure out how most of these are supposed to be darwin awards since most of them don’t have anyone dying or removing their ability to breed.

http://www.darwinawards.com/ has the actual submissions

View Jeison's profile

Jeison

947 posts in 1851 days


#10 posted 01-17-2010 04:33 AM

2 thru 10 were just honorable mentions

-- - Jei, Rockford IL - When in doubt, spray it with WD-40 and wrap it with duct tape. The details will attend to themselves.

View degoose's profile

degoose

7051 posts in 2098 days


#11 posted 01-17-2010 04:53 AM

No these were awarded in Darwin… in Australia… LOL

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...

View a1Jim's profile

a1Jim

112806 posts in 2321 days


#12 posted 01-17-2010 05:01 AM

crazy and funny Thanks Mate

-- http://artisticwoodstudio.com Custom furniture

View eddy's profile

eddy

930 posts in 2108 days


#13 posted 01-18-2010 03:49 AM

2 laughs in 1 day again thanks

-- self proclaimed copycat

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