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Forum topic by Karson posted 1680 days ago 885 views 0 times favorited 10 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Karson

34860 posts in 3003 days


1680 days ago

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Remember This At Christmas Time

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa ’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should’ve known… ONLY women would be able to drag an overweight man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

-- I've been blessed with a father who liked to tinker in wood, and a wife who lets me tinker in wood. Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †


10 replies so far

View Roger Clark aka Rex's profile

Roger Clark aka Rex

6940 posts in 2037 days


#1 posted 1680 days ago

Yes Karson, I get what you mean. Here’s another fact they are trying to alter:

Christmas celebrates the Birth of Christ which we are told was in Bethlehem in the Middle East, but would you believe it the New American World history book has made another startling “fact” that Jesus was born in Bethlehem PA. This is the same book that tells you that Gore invented the Internet, U571’s stolen engima machine was a result of a US sub crew operation in May 1941, Television was a US invention as was the jet engine, Radar, magnetron and a host of other important tiems.
So this latest claim needs to be reviewed. It would appear that Bethelehem PA does have barns, hay, carpenters and animals, But this new claim does not hold water because where in the world would they find 3 wise men and a virgin in Bethlehem PA?

Santa’s one liner:
Dammit Rudolph, I said the Shmidt house.

-- Roger-R, Republic of Texas. "Always look on the Bright Side of Life" - An eyeball to eyeball confrontation with a blind person is as complete waste of Time.

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lew

9951 posts in 2357 days


#2 posted 1680 days ago

While we are on the subject of Christmas humor:

In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!”

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage.

Sticking it in my face she said, “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise men came from afar.’”

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

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lew

9951 posts in 2357 days


#3 posted 1680 days ago

And this:

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip… but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit.

This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas Santa. Isn’t it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn’t it just a lovely tree?
Where would you like me to stick it?”

And thus began the tradition of sticking the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

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patron

12964 posts in 1943 days


#4 posted 1679 days ago

the origins of santa and the reindeer .

this was told to me some years ago ,

in siberia many years ago , there was some mushrooms , that made the people die if eaten .
but some sharp guy noticed that the reindeer could eat them , and they seemed to dance around !
no problem ! they were all very happy .
it seems that they were not affected by the toxins in the mushrooms ?
so this guy got a pan and collected the urine from them , and tried some .
( this i have read about in mongolia and new guinea , with salt ).
well , he started having visions and was feeling prety good ,
so he went back to his village ,
and shared this with everyone there .
( what else does one do in siberia in the middle of winter ) ?
pretty soon they all started feeling pretty good ,
and got to giving each other gifts and sharing everything together in friendship .
they talked about the little people ( elves ) that could do anything and always helped out .
and about this old guy that was dressed in a red suit , that talked to all the reindeer and gave everyone presents once a year .
so once a year , they all drank mushroom from the happy reindeer , and watched them fly around the world and give away all the things they had made to everyone !
eventually this story spread through out the world ,
and santa still comes , and people still have the joy he brings to all !

Merry Christmas !

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View Richard Williams's profile

Richard Williams

162 posts in 2394 days


#5 posted 1679 days ago

Very Interesting. Merry Christmas to All and to All a good-night.

-- Rich, Nevada,

View jeffthewoodwacker's profile

jeffthewoodwacker

603 posts in 2406 days


#6 posted 1679 days ago

sounds about right to me!

-- Those that say it can't be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.

View jockmike2's profile

jockmike2

10635 posts in 2849 days


#7 posted 1679 days ago

So true I guess?

-- (You just have to please the man in the Mirror) Mike from Michigan -

View dustygirl's profile

dustygirl

862 posts in 2331 days


#8 posted 1679 days ago

(LOL)

-- Dustygirl..Hastings,Ontario.. How much wood can 1 gal chuck if 1 gal can't cut wood?

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mmh

3326 posts in 2324 days


#9 posted 1679 days ago

And then the fat guy with the beard expected dinner on the table when they all got home . . . Hope the reindeer got some warm hay too!

Have a Merry Christmas!

-- "They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." ~ Edgar Allan Poe

View Karson's profile

Karson

34860 posts in 3003 days


#10 posted 1679 days ago

Meilie: I was waiting to see what your commment would be. Very good.

-- I've been blessed with a father who liked to tinker in wood, and a wife who lets me tinker in wood. Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †

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