Why woodworking is safer than golf....

  • Advertise with us

« back to Coffee Lounge forum

Forum topic by degoose posted 1675 days ago 1030 views 0 times favorited 13 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View degoose's profile


6958 posts in 1940 days

1675 days ago

Topic tags/keywords: humor tip


A foursome of guys are waiting at the men’s tee while a foursome of
women is hitting from the ladies’ tee.

The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit
her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she

goes over and misses it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet,
and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, “I
guess all those f – - -ing lessons I took over the winter didn’t help.”

One of the men immediately responds, “Well, there you have it! You
should have taken golf lessons instead!”

He never even had a chance to duck ..

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ For lovers of all things timber...

13 replies so far

View Jeison's profile


947 posts in 1693 days

#1 posted 1675 days ago

One night a wife saw her husband standing over the baby’s crib.

She stood watching him silently, he looked down with mixed emotions, disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and skepticism.

She slipped her arm around him, “Penny for your thoughts?” she whispered.

“It’s amazing, how can they make a crib like that for $49.99?”

-- - Jei, Rockford IL - When in doubt, spray it with WD-40 and wrap it with duct tape. The details will attend to themselves.

View lew's profile


9918 posts in 2341 days

#2 posted 1675 days ago

I’ll say…. Just ask Tiger

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View jockmike2's profile


10635 posts in 2832 days

#3 posted 1675 days ago

LMAO. Very funny. You know what the Chinese call the game of golf, AW SHi*!

-- (You just have to please the man in the Mirror) Mike from Michigan -

View pommy's profile


1697 posts in 2277 days

#4 posted 1675 days ago

my father used to say it’s a very good walk ruined

-- cut it saw it scrap it SKPE: ANDREW.CARTER69

View Brian Havens's profile

Brian Havens

194 posts in 1691 days

#5 posted 1675 days ago

LOL Reminds me of this one:

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
‘We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting In a chair…..Kill her!!’ The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.’

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for a bout 5minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I tried, But I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said, ‘You don’t, Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.’

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another.. They heard screaming, crashing, Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. ‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said. ‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.’

-- Brian Havens, Woodworker

View Dennisgrosen's profile


10850 posts in 1700 days

#6 posted 1675 days ago

watch your mauth when you answer a women (big smile on my face my day is safed now

her is a different one

to norwegien has decidet that they want to get a chrismas tree on the mauntainforrest and 3 – 4 aurs later when they were freezingblue and chaking all over one of them said let´s cut down the next tree that has the right sice decorated or not

merry chrismas to all of you


View reggiek's profile


2240 posts in 1855 days

#7 posted 1675 days ago

Good one! ...I always enjoy a good laugh…

-- Woodworking.....My small slice of heaven!

View cabinetmaster's profile


10874 posts in 2143 days

#8 posted 1674 days ago

ROTFLMAO…................those are all good. Thanks for the laughs guys.

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

View JCantin's profile


129 posts in 1997 days

#9 posted 1674 days ago

My dad’s FAVORITE joke (and he had a bag full of them):

A foursome has just made it to the green on a hole that has a road running alongiside it. As they are lining up their putts a funeral procession appears over the hill and drives slowly by. One of the golfers stops, removes his cap, places it over his heart, and bows his head until the procession passes. Another golfer remarks “That was a very honorable gesture you just made.” To which the golfer replies: “Well, we WERE married for 47 years.”


View Jeison's profile


947 posts in 1693 days

#10 posted 1674 days ago

A scrawny little carpenter is sitting at the bar having a beer, a big burly goof walks in and WHACK, smacks the little carpenter on the ear knocking him off his stool.

“That was a karate chop from Korea,” the big goof laughs as he sits down and orders a beer.

No sooner had the little carpenter settled himself back on the stool, when the big goof stands up and WHACK, smacks him on the other ear knocking him off the stool again.

“That was a judo chop from Japan,” he laughs going back to his beer.

The little guy gets up, dusts himself off and leaves the bar.

He returns a couple minutes later, walks up behind the big goof, WHACK, knocks him out cold.

“When he comes to tell him that was a wrecking-bar from Sears,” he grins to the bartender as he leaves.

-- - Jei, Rockford IL - When in doubt, spray it with WD-40 and wrap it with duct tape. The details will attend to themselves.

View khop's profile


134 posts in 2261 days

#11 posted 1674 days ago

Maybe heard this one on LJ’s but here goes.
Woman standing in front of full mirror in bedroom nude, she said to her husband, “Look how old, wrinkly, sagging, and grey I’m getting, can’t you at least pay me some kind of compliment ?” He said, ” your eyesight is excellent”.

-- How am I doing? Better than I deserve. Dave Ramsey

View NoSlivers's profile


210 posts in 1675 days

#12 posted 1674 days ago

I’ve always been in favor of combining sports/activities. For instance skeet/golf. If the ball takes off towards an undesirable location you have a second or two to blow it out of the sky. I don’t recommend playing with Dick Cheney, however. Trust me on this.

-- If you don't have time to do it right, do you have time to do it twice?

View Jeison's profile


947 posts in 1693 days

#13 posted 1674 days ago

Back in new york we used to play paintball on a small golf course that my friends dad operated when it was shut down on the winters. New York paintball is a bit different that typical tho. Screw CO2 cartridges, we used gas powered compressors mounted on golf carts powering the paint ball equivalent of elephant rifles. The team that inflicted the most concussions on the other was declared the winner.

Ah, Good times, good times :D

-- - Jei, Rockford IL - When in doubt, spray it with WD-40 and wrap it with duct tape. The details will attend to themselves.

Have your say...

You must be signed in to reply.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics :: gardening showcase