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The Questions asked about Australia...

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humor
3K views 22 replies 22 participants last post by  cabinetmaster 
#1 · (Edited by Moderator)
I hope this passes for humour.. Martin

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.

A: Sure, it's only five thousand miles, take lots of water.


Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?


Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.


Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do…


Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.


Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?


Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.


Q:please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.


Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.
_

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
 
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#3 ·
Australians are prejudiced. There were more questions from the USA than any other continent.
I'm going to get the ALCU to file suit.
When I was there you could buy the fountain of youth (at least that's what she said) in Kings Cross. She was almost naked.

Pretty funny stuff. But I don't know where it was 5,000 mile from. I guess, from the tone of the post that someone wanted to know if they could walk to Austria.

Lee
 
#4 ·
Might I suggest for anyone thinking of going to Australia the movie "Wolf Creek" It is clear in this documentary that any young Americans exploring the Outback will be tortured, killed, raped and eaten. Yes in that order, by the "harmless locals" walking around in jumpsuits and Japanese work shoes.
 
#7 ·
A coworker and his new wife went to Australia for their honeymoon. He got a great video of a UK guy walking up to a kangaroo to shake its hand for a video by his spouse. Seems kangaroos don't have reverse and get threatened when you corner them by standing directly in front of them. Guy shouldn't have picked on one his own size. Pretty efficient on knocking him to the ground. Voted "Best Honeymoon Video" of the year for our office.

Of course, he didn't show us the video of hippo races with naked spectators. Are they still allowed the #1 foam fingers at the races?

Steve.
 
#13 ·
Ah, Ignorance and stupidity is in fact a very important element in our society as human beings especially during these tough and troubled times, for with out Ignorance and stupidity, what would we have to laugh at? L.O.L. good one Larry, it brought a chuckle to my frustrated butt this morning.
 
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