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The Questions asked about Australia...

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Forum topic by degoose posted 12-07-2009 11:27 AM 993 views 0 times favorited 22 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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degoose

7010 posts in 2007 days


12-07-2009 11:27 AM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

I hope this passes for humour.. Martin

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A:Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

A: Sure, it’s only five thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do…

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas. _

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...


22 replies so far

View hooky's profile

hooky

361 posts in 1971 days


#1 posted 12-07-2009 12:37 PM

I dont know if martin will find it funny but i thought it was hilarious

Hooky

-- Happiness is a way of travel , not a destination (Roy Goodman)

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Sawdust2

1467 posts in 2740 days


#2 posted 12-07-2009 01:33 PM

Australians are prejudiced. There were more questions from the USA than any other continent.
I’m going to get the ALCU to file suit.
When I was there you could buy the fountain of youth (at least that’s what she said) in Kings Cross. She was almost naked.

Pretty funny stuff. But I don’t know where it was 5,000 mile from. I guess, from the tone of the post that someone wanted to know if they could walk to Austria.

Lee

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

View poroskywood's profile

poroskywood

614 posts in 2016 days


#3 posted 12-07-2009 03:20 PM

Might I suggest for anyone thinking of going to Australia the movie “Wolf Creek” It is clear in this documentary that any young Americans exploring the Outback will be tortured, killed, raped and eaten. Yes in that order, by the “harmless locals” walking around in jumpsuits and Japanese work shoes.

-- There's many a slip betwixt a cup and a lip.--Scott

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sras

3835 posts in 1781 days


#4 posted 12-07-2009 04:34 PM

Doesn’t the blood run to your head from being on the bottom of the globe?

-- Steve - Impatience is Expensive

View Kent Shepherd's profile

Kent Shepherd

2698 posts in 1938 days


#5 posted 12-07-2009 04:42 PM

Funny Larry.

Thanks, you brightened my day

-- She thought I hung the moon--now she just thinks I did it wrong

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SteveMI

852 posts in 1946 days


#6 posted 12-07-2009 04:47 PM

A coworker and his new wife went to Australia for their honeymoon. He got a great video of a UK guy walking up to a kangaroo to shake its hand for a video by his spouse. Seems kangaroos don’t have reverse and get threatened when you corner them by standing directly in front of them. Guy shouldn’t have picked on one his own size. Pretty efficient on knocking him to the ground. Voted “Best Honeymoon Video” of the year for our office.

Of course, he didn’t show us the video of hippo races with naked spectators. Are they still allowed the #1 foam fingers at the races?

Steve.

View pommy's profile

pommy

1697 posts in 2343 days


#7 posted 12-07-2009 07:39 PM

Larry Q: is it true the water runs in the opsite way down under

-- cut it saw it scrap it SKPE: ANDREW.CARTER69

View stefang's profile

stefang

13019 posts in 1986 days


#8 posted 12-07-2009 07:47 PM

Is it true that Quantas dumps it’s passengers (or at least tries to) before they land?

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View Pat Cavanaugh's profile

Pat Cavanaugh

132 posts in 2023 days


#9 posted 12-07-2009 07:56 PM

That is some funny stuff Larry. It had me laughing out loud. Thanks for sharing.

-- Pat - Biloxi, MS

View Dusty56's profile

Dusty56

11657 posts in 2340 days


#10 posted 12-07-2009 08:51 PM

A Sheila once explained the term ”Austrailian Kissing”to me…....

..........seems it is just like “French Kissing” , only “down under” : )

Stop picking on us inquisitive Americans so darn often , Larry ! LOL : )

-- I'm absolutely positive that I couldn't be more uncertain!

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a1Jim

112082 posts in 2229 days


#11 posted 12-07-2009 09:15 PM

funny stuff Larry got a kick out of all of em

-- http://artisticwoodstudio.com Custom furniture

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GaryBuck

268 posts in 1878 days


#12 posted 12-07-2009 09:17 PM

Ah, Ignorance and stupidity is in fact a very important element in our society as human beings especially during these tough and troubled times, for with out Ignorance and stupidity, what would we have to laugh at? L.O.L. good one Larry, it brought a chuckle to my frustrated butt this morning.

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TopamaxSurvivor

14742 posts in 2328 days


#13 posted 12-07-2009 09:19 PM

Mike, yes they do to keep tire wear to a minimum.

Larry, I’m fine and this definitely passes as humor:-)) :-)) :-))

-- "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View lilredweldingrod's profile

lilredweldingrod

2495 posts in 1759 days


#14 posted 12-07-2009 11:28 PM

I’m gonna sue! As soon as my cheeks quit hurting and I get off the phone sharing this with everyone I know, that’ll be in about 3 min.

View rtb's profile

rtb

1099 posts in 2365 days


#15 posted 12-07-2009 11:30 PM

Larry, I think that you must have far to much time on your hands. On the other hand you are entertaining.

-- RTB. stray animals are just looking for love

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