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Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot - An Anthropological Thesis

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Forum topic by Toolz posted 12-04-2009 01:38 PM 5360 views 0 times favorited 17 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Toolz

1004 posts in 3527 days


12-04-2009 01:38 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

I received this from my brother-in-law and wanted to share…

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint.  You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit – shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of running shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20’s:
Stop what you are doing.  Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes.  Check yourself in the mirror and flex.  Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chic while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30’s:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.  Change shoes.
You married the hot chic so no need for much else.  Wash your hands and comb your hair.  Check yourself in the mirror…you still got it.
Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.  The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40’s:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.  Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.  Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don’t want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.  The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter’s age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50’s:
Stop what you are doing.  Put a hat on; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.  Change shoes because you don’t want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car.  Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.
The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy’s Bait, Beer & Bar and it says, ‘I Got Worms’.

In your 60’s:
Stop what you are doing.  No need for a hat anymore.  Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50’s.  You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.  The girl running the register may be cute, but you don’t have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70’s:
Stop what you are doing.  Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready too.  Don’t even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80’s:
Stop what you are doing.  Start again.  Then stop again.  Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot.  Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

-- Larry "Work like a Captain but Play like a Pirate!"


17 replies so far

View papadan's profile

papadan

3584 posts in 3153 days


#1 posted 12-04-2009 02:05 PM

ROTFLMAO I’ve been through a few of those phases.

View MoreWoodPlease's profile

MoreWoodPlease

95 posts in 2957 days


#2 posted 12-04-2009 02:19 PM

I think I started it backwards.

-- Integrity is who we are when no one else is watching.

View Russel's profile

Russel

2199 posts in 3723 days


#3 posted 12-04-2009 04:27 PM

I’m not in my 80’s yet.

-- Working at Woodworking http://www.VillageLaneFurniture.com

View Gary's profile

Gary

9127 posts in 3217 days


#4 posted 12-04-2009 04:34 PM

Dang, I’m a decade ahead of myself…

-- Gary, DeKalb Texas only 4 miles from the mill

View Rick  Dennington's profile

Rick Dennington

5538 posts in 2979 days


#5 posted 12-04-2009 06:10 PM

Lordie,lordie, that’s funny!!!!!!!!! Don’t worry guys, it’s coming, trust me. I dread hitting the 70’s and on!!!!
I think I remember that woman at Wal Mart—- she looks kinda familiar!! Keep on keeping on!

-- My grandpa used to say: "Y'all come back when you can....come after dinner, and leave before supper.."

View Seer's profile

Seer

304 posts in 3427 days


#6 posted 12-04-2009 06:18 PM

Been there done that and still have a ways to go.
Thanks for making me laugh on this Friday

-- www.cabinfevercreations.com

View JJohnston's profile

JJohnston

1622 posts in 3076 days


#7 posted 12-04-2009 06:18 PM

Mine’s always been “just get in the truck and go get what you need and get out of there.” I’ve never been good-looking or popular enough to worry about what the girl at the register thinks.

My dad, on the other hand, is 70, and won’t go if he’s wearing his grubby clothes. He won’t even go to the one in my neighborhood, much less his. Go figure.

-- "A man may conduct himself well in both adversity and good fortune, but if you want to test his character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln

View mgoins's profile

mgoins

5 posts in 2911 days


#8 posted 12-06-2009 03:09 PM

Was pretty funny – til I realized I’m running a decade ahead of schedule…

Thanks for sharing

-- Marvin - from the hills of East Tennessee

View Tim Dahn's profile

Tim Dahn

1555 posts in 3349 days


#9 posted 12-06-2009 03:14 PM

That’s just not right…..............hahahahahahaha!

-- Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from poor judgement.

View F Dudak's profile

F Dudak

342 posts in 3595 days


#10 posted 12-06-2009 04:28 PM

Went out in my 20’s like you described here your 40’s! Minus the sucking and flexing of course. Figured if I saw that hotty and she was digging me in the grungy construction worker look, there may be a snow ball’s chance in hell! LOL

-- Fred.... Poconos, PA ---- Chairwright in the making ----

View jockmike2's profile

jockmike2

10635 posts in 4031 days


#11 posted 12-06-2009 04:52 PM

Yea, I’m 59 and been like 60 for about 6 years now. That ain’t funny. But is in a way. If you can laugh at yourself and I’ve been doing that for a long time.

-- (You just have to please the man in the Mirror) Mike from Michigan -

View a1Jim's profile (online now)

a1Jim

116349 posts in 3361 days


#12 posted 12-06-2009 05:06 PM

Funny stuff I’m still trying to find the store ,what was the name of that place agian?

-- http://artisticwoodstudio.com Custom furniture

View patron's profile

patron

13578 posts in 3125 days


#13 posted 12-06-2009 05:07 PM

now i just ask them if they want to have lunch ,
when they give me my change ,

we could do taco bell !

at least they laugh .

wow , i still got it !

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View SteveMI's profile

SteveMI

1040 posts in 3079 days


#14 posted 12-06-2009 05:25 PM

I’m on track for the 50’s except I don’t have a dog. Not sure about losing my hat in the 60’s because it became important in the 40’s due to sun, rain or cold on the bare spot.

My HD register gals are past being candidates for Hooters, but if I knew they had a cabinet saw…

Steve.

View  annie 's profile

annie

12 posts in 3076 days


#15 posted 12-06-2009 05:52 PM

Maybe I’m partial to his charm, but when we make a run to the Home Depot, IMHO, my guy is always the greatest looking male in the store, no matter what his age or what he is or isn’t wearing or what he might still have hanging off his shoes! And because I’ve come along for the ride, that cute chick at the checkout had better keep her eyes on the register, because I’m buying a chain saw and I know how to use it! (Kidding, I’d just give her an icy stare and gloat!)

-- annie

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