Am I alone???

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Forum topic by iamwelty posted 11-29-2009 10:15 PM 1436 views 0 times favorited 27 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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259 posts in 3084 days

11-29-2009 10:15 PM

Every time I get a little upset with the wife… instead of arguing or have a fight… I go out and buy a tool… walking thru the store takes my mind off the problem… and I get the benefit of the new tool as a long term investment… couple of weeks ago… I earned a new Ridgid R4511 Table Saw… She’s working on me getting a Oscillating Sander…

Keeps me calm and at least I have goals…

Seems like perfect therapy to me.

-- There is a fine line between eroticism and nausea...

27 replies so far

View WayneC's profile


13753 posts in 4066 days

#1 posted 11-29-2009 10:18 PM

No, your not alone.

-- We must guard our enthusiasm as we would our life - James Krenov

View mynoblebear's profile


722 posts in 3076 days

#2 posted 11-29-2009 10:29 PM

You are definitely not alone. Although at times I feel transparent but not alone.

-- Best Regards With Personalized Rocking Chairs And Furniture On My Mind,

View rustedknuckles's profile


160 posts in 3720 days

#3 posted 11-29-2009 10:57 PM

I don’t want to start something here but I take offence to those who refer to their wife as “the wife” She is your partner, the mother of your children and not some sort of possession. However, buying a tool instead of scrapping seems like a win win situation.

-- Dave- New Brunswick

View lew's profile


12019 posts in 3724 days

#4 posted 11-29-2009 11:14 PM

If Mimi and I have an argument and I left and came back with a table saw, well lets just say I’d probably be spending the remainder of the day in the emergency room 8^o

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View davidroberts's profile


1027 posts in 3455 days

#5 posted 11-29-2009 11:16 PM

yeah, you need help, probably some marriage consuling if you are really ready for it. but don’t we all. if you don’t want to feel alone, go sit in a psychologist’s office. they are full of people with similar disfunctionalities. unless you both agreed to your big ticket purchase prior to the argument, then you know that’s not right. the good news is, shopping is much safer on society than going postal after an argument. just wondering does she like to buy big ticket items after an argument. as long as you kinda keep the shopping cost even, then what’s the problem ;>)

-- Better woodworking through old hand tools.

View a1Jim's profile


117063 posts in 3546 days

#6 posted 11-29-2009 11:19 PM

I don’t know that I take offence to my wife being referred to as the wife but my wife is my best friend,my partner of 43 years and the best wife and mother I’ve ever know of. I feel if any reference is made of ones wife is disrespectful Then it is totally wrong and offencive to me also.

-- wood crafting & woodworking classes

View GFYS's profile


711 posts in 3440 days

#7 posted 11-29-2009 11:30 PM

So you start an argument with your wife if home depot is having a sale?

View CharlieM1958's profile


16274 posts in 4187 days

#8 posted 11-29-2009 11:45 PM

The great thing about both partners working and having their own checking account is that we don’t have to ask each other’s permission to buy stuff. I will say that back in the day when I was the sole earner but she managed the finances, if I had bought a tool when we had a little upset, I’d have been with Lew in the emergency room a lot. :-)

As far as referring to one’s wife as “the wife”.... Dave, I appreciate what you’re trying to say there, but I think you’re jumping the gun a bit to call it offensive. I’m sure I’ve used that expression myself, and there isn’t a person in the world I love and respect more than my wife of almost 30 years.

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View Padre's profile


930 posts in 3458 days

#9 posted 11-30-2009 12:16 AM

I have done marriage counseling for many, many years. I have done pre-marital counseling, marital counseling, divorce counseling, post-divorce counseling. Here is a tip for disagreements that I came up with as part of my doctorate:

Disagreement Excercise (Copyright 1988)
Duration: 2 weeks (this means you have to do this for two weeks every time a disagreement comes up)

1. Take a sheet of regular 8 1/2” x 11” notebook paper and put a big X on it (the slashes should go from corner to corner). At the top of the paper write in nice lettering “The Point.”

2. Put this newly created point on the refrigerator.

3. Every time a disagreement starts, you both have to go and stand in front of this piece of paper.

4. The “X” or “The Point” is there to remind you that you can only disagree about what you are disagreeing about. For example, if you are disagreeing about where to go to eat, then that’s all you can discuss. NO IMPORTING ALLOWED. You can’t say things like “well, last week I really didn’t want to go to XXXX, but you wanted to go so we did.” No saying “you’re just like your mother/father/aunt/uncle or whoever. Again, NO IMPORTING. You can not bring up what happened before, or who prevailed in the last disagreement, or that your partner got their way for whatever reason whenever. You are only allowed to disagree about what you are disagreeing about. PERIOD. STICK TO THE TOPIC.

5. If your partner starts to import, gently remind them by pointing to the X and saying “please” that you both need to stick to the topic. PERIOD.

6. If your partner will not stop importing, then you have to say “I cannot continue this disagreement/argument if you are not going to stick to the topic. We can discuss it when you are ready to stick to the topic.” Then CALMLY go do something else. I would suggest going out into the shop, or reading a newspaper, or just going somewhere alone and counting to 10.

7. If you had to do step 6, then go back after 15 minutes MAX and ask if your partner would like to continue to TALK about about the disagreement.

8. Come to a resolution. But remember, sometimes we humans just need to agree to disagree.

9. Hug, kiss…......whatever makes you comfortable. Just remember that you love each other dearly and that the disagreement is not bigger than your love and your relationship.

If you do this for 2 weeks, you will be amazed at how your heated arguments will disappear and instead you will have meaningful discussions. We need to be heard, and our points need to be considered, but our partners need to be heard and his/her points need to be considered with as much interest and care as your own.

-- Chip ----------- 6:8

View CharlieM1958's profile


16274 posts in 4187 days

#10 posted 11-30-2009 12:29 AM

Great advice, Chip!

Along with “importing” is another common problem I’d call “substituting”. That’s when you’re standing there arguing about where to go for dinner, except that you’re really not arguing about that at all. You’re really still mad at each other about that unresolved issue from last week. :-)

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View papadan's profile


3584 posts in 3337 days

#11 posted 11-30-2009 01:12 AM

Now if I called the wife, the old lady, I would expect to be blasted by everyone here after i got out of the hospital. LOL My wife knows that “hey you” is a loving reference.

View Rileysdad's profile


110 posts in 3247 days

#12 posted 11-30-2009 01:24 AM

If I bought a tool every time I have an argument with my wife, I’d have a shop the size of a convention center.


-- Measure twice, cut once, buy extra stock.

View rtb's profile


1101 posts in 3682 days

#13 posted 11-30-2009 01:34 AM

After you’ve been married for a while you will no longer be ” a little upset with wife ”. Probably because you will have been taught better. ( and yes you will no longer refer to her as ‘the wife’)

-- RTB. stray animals are just looking for love

View End_Grain's profile


95 posts in 3106 days

#14 posted 11-30-2009 05:17 AM

I have found that there has been only one outcome of the two options to disagreements in my 30 year plus marriage: to the same woman.

A. Lose the battle, lose the war.
B. Win the battle, lose the war.

I haven’t sweated the small stuff in our marriage for close to 25 years because at the end of the day it really doesn’t matter. I credit the initial success in our marriage to my eldest daughter who is now a vet. When she was 8 or so she wanted a horse. Don’t all girls? Well one day I brought home a retired barrel horse that had been turned out as a brood mare because of hip problems. Nothing serious but enough to put it out of competition. I’m a farm boy but I knew nothing about horses other than they no longer had a purpose on a farm. That knowledge base deficiency was about to be corrected. As I was reading several books, I came across a chapter concerning the social hierarchy of horses in the wild. It stated that the stallion’s only purpose in life was to be available to ensure continuation of the species. The alpha brood mare was in charge of the when and where the herd would move to, when it would eat, drink and when it was time to sleep and wake. AND all the mares would decide when it was time for the stallion’s services. I reread that and thought those stupid hay burners are pretty smart. I took a lesson from that chapter and everything has been smooth sailing for the last 25 years and no it hasn’t stopped me from collecting my toys. If anything I have more than the average man engaging in martial battles and losing wars.

-- My greatest fear is that when I die, my wife will sell all my stuff for what I told her I bought it for.

View longgone's profile


5688 posts in 3277 days

#15 posted 11-30-2009 06:44 AM

Everyone who knows my wife and I tells us how fortunate we are, and believe me I certainly know it. In the 20+ years my wife and I have been together we have NEVER had an argument or fight. Carol never complains about any tools I buy or the large shop I built in our back yard to work in. She knows how much I enjoy my woodworking. I wouldn’t think of complaining when she wanted to do a kitchen renovation or when she wanted a pool in the back yard.
She is my best friend…we laugh together, act silly together and plain out just enjoy being together and doing things together.You only live once, and besides Life is too short to not enjoy every moment of it, especially with the person who means the most to you.
Buying new tools (toys) big deal.

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