Weekly funnies... lol.

  • Advertise with us

« back to Coffee Lounge forum

Forum topic by degoose posted 11-23-2009 12:31 PM 1042 views 0 times favorited 10 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View degoose's profile


7231 posts in 3348 days

11-23-2009 12:31 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.
She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said I had to stop masturbating.
When I asked why she said, “Because I’m trying to examine you!”

I just saw that Harry Potter film.
A bit unrealistic if you ask me.
I mean, a ginger haired kid, with two friends?

When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch.

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.
I said “morning.”
He replied, “No, just having a sh!t.”

Disabled toilets.
Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, “What’s up Abdul, won’t it start?”

-- Don't drink and use power tools @

10 replies so far

View papadan's profile


3584 posts in 3361 days

#1 posted 11-23-2009 01:07 PM

“I went to see the nurse this morning…....” ROTFLMAO

View Russel's profile


2199 posts in 3932 days

#2 posted 11-23-2009 03:11 PM

A good morning chuckle.

-- Working at Woodworking

View CharlieM1958's profile


16274 posts in 4211 days

#3 posted 11-23-2009 03:16 PM

LMAO. Thanks for the morning (here) laugh, Larry.

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View JJohnston's profile


1622 posts in 3284 days

#4 posted 11-23-2009 03:25 PM

Funny stuff!

-- "A man may conduct himself well in both adversity and good fortune, but if you want to test his character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln

View Don Butler's profile

Don Butler

1092 posts in 3388 days

#5 posted 11-23-2009 03:57 PM

How could anyone stoop so low?


Larry, yer killin’ me!

-- No trees were damaged in posting this message, but thousands of electrons were seriously inconvenienced.

View kolwdwrkr's profile


2821 posts in 3583 days

#6 posted 11-23-2009 05:03 PM

what a way to start the morning…LMAO. Thanks Larry

-- ~ Inspiring those who inspire me ~

View PurpLev's profile


8535 posts in 3641 days

#7 posted 11-23-2009 05:10 PM

ha! thanks Larry

-- ㊍ When in doubt - There is no doubt - Go the safer route.

View Dusty56's profile


11819 posts in 3681 days

#8 posted 11-24-2009 06:36 PM

Perfect way to start the day , Mate …thanks for the laughter , Larry : )

-- I'm absolutely positive that I couldn't be more uncertain!

View jockmike2's profile


10635 posts in 4239 days

#9 posted 11-24-2009 07:04 PM

Funny stuff Larry. Did you hear about the guy that went for a vasectomy. The nurse told him to get undressed and go in the next room. He did what he was told, when he entered the room the nurse was giving another guy a b-job, she finished and spit it in a cup. She finished up and handed the guy a cup and told him they needed a specimen of his sperm. The guy being curious asked her what procedure the other guy was having done. She said, ” Oh, the same as you.” The guy said, ” Well why don’t I get a B-job like him.” She replied, “cause he has Blue Cross and you have medicare.”

-- (You just have to please the man in the Mirror) Mike from Michigan -

View russv's profile


262 posts in 3162 days

#10 posted 11-24-2009 08:36 PM

a true story, When I was in my twenties, I lived in a small town with a small town Doctor. He had not only delivered my wife and my kids, he had delivered my wife years before. Anyway, I knew him pretty well. I had gone into the when I had severe back pain. after checking me over he came into my room andf told me i had a kidney stone restricking the tube to my bladder. he said they might have to remove it and proceeded to describe to me the procedure.
they stick a small tube up a certain part of your anatomy thru the bladder into the passageway to the blockage. then they insert a long probe up and it opens up a net and captures the stone. then thay have to pull everything out. By this time, I am groaning and pushing down on my . . . finally i ask him “isn’t that what the head nurse is for?”
he just burst out laughing and started to leave say on the way out “I got to go tell the nurses that one” laughing all the way.
FYI, that night the stone passed on it’s own, thank god!


-- where to go because you don't want no stinking plastic!

Have your say...

You must be signed in to reply.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics