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WORDS OF WISDOM!

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Forum topic by Dick, & Barb Cain posted 11-12-2009 03:32 PM 927 views 0 times favorited 11 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Dick, & Barb Cain

8693 posts in 3767 days


11-12-2009 03:32 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

1.A day without sunshine is like night.

2.. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in
the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’

22. Just remember—if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

-- -** You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream ****************** Dick, & Barb Cain, Hibbing, MN. http://www.woodcarvingillustrated.com/gallery/member.php?uid=3627&protype=1


11 replies so far

View nailbanger2's profile

nailbanger2

1041 posts in 2611 days


#1 posted 11-12-2009 04:03 PM

I see you are a fan of Stephen Wright also! I’ll watch him whenever I can, even if I’ve heard the jokes before.

-- Wish I were Norm's Nephew

View CharlieM1958's profile

CharlieM1958

16244 posts in 3686 days


#2 posted 11-12-2009 04:05 PM

Funny stuff.

#23 is especially true here in the academic world.

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View jockmike2's profile

jockmike2

10635 posts in 3714 days


#3 posted 11-12-2009 04:39 PM

50% of half of everything you just said is probably true, or not.

-- (You just have to please the man in the Mirror) Mike from Michigan -

View sharad's profile

sharad

1108 posts in 3272 days


#4 posted 11-12-2009 05:03 PM

Very good words of wisdom. I liked No. 15.
Sharad

-- “If someone feels that they had never made a mistake in their life, then it means they have never tried a new thing in their life”.-Albert Einstein

View dustygirl's profile

dustygirl

862 posts in 3196 days


#5 posted 11-12-2009 05:05 PM

Thanks for the chuckle.

-- Dustygirl..Hastings,Ontario.. How much wood can 1 gal chuck if 1 gal can't cut wood?

View Roger Clark aka Rex's profile

Roger Clark aka Rex

6940 posts in 2902 days


#6 posted 11-12-2009 05:06 PM

Excellent, that is a great way to start my day, Thank you.
BTW #21 is ME.

-- Roger-R, Republic of Texas. "Always look on the Bright Side of Life" - An eyeball to eyeball confrontation with a blind person is as complete waste of Time.

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

3965 posts in 2632 days


#7 posted 11-12-2009 05:29 PM

There is too much reality in that posting….......and reality is highly overrated….....fantasy and self-deception have a lot going for them (-:

Thanks for a good start to the day…...........

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View Dick, & Barb Cain's profile

Dick, & Barb Cain

8693 posts in 3767 days


#8 posted 11-12-2009 06:49 PM

Up until today, I had never heard of Steven Wright.

Here's some more of his wisdom.

-- -** You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream ****************** Dick, & Barb Cain, Hibbing, MN. http://www.woodcarvingillustrated.com/gallery/member.php?uid=3627&protype=1

View a1Jim's profile (online now)

a1Jim

115207 posts in 3045 days


#9 posted 11-12-2009 07:27 PM

Funny funny funny

-- http://artisticwoodstudio.com Custom furniture

View reggiek's profile

reggiek

2240 posts in 2737 days


#10 posted 11-12-2009 08:40 PM

Thanks for the levity….always time for a good laugh….

-- Woodworking.....My small slice of heaven!

View nailbanger2's profile

nailbanger2

1041 posts in 2611 days


#11 posted 11-12-2009 08:57 PM

His jokes are great, but his delivery is priceless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1HYUyhujl4&feature=related

-- Wish I were Norm's Nephew

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