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A few "Laffs"

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Forum topic by Dusty56 posted 11-05-2009 05:25 AM 1164 views 0 times favorited 8 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Dusty56

11806 posts in 3148 days


11-05-2009 05:25 AM

Topic tags/keywords: humor question

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cottonballs and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, ‘Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, ‘You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo—oo-ooomuch cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own …....... so does she

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
.

-- I'm absolutely positive that I couldn't be more uncertain!


8 replies so far

View degoose's profile

degoose

7196 posts in 2815 days


#1 posted 11-05-2009 05:35 AM

If a Male athletes are JOCKS Are female athletes JOCKETTES
[Translated from the original AUSTRALIAN… Jockettes are a brand of Underwear here.]

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...

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MsDebbieP

18615 posts in 3621 days


#2 posted 11-05-2009 12:24 PM

good ones :) (except the roll your own!! Doh)
and Thanks for the Aussie translation—makes it SO much funnier lol

-- ~ Debbie, Canada (https://www.facebook.com/DebbiePribeleENJOConsultant)

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degoose

7196 posts in 2815 days


#3 posted 11-05-2009 12:31 PM

a few more

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME ????

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

I just had to ask

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...

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ellen35

2724 posts in 2893 days


#4 posted 11-05-2009 01:32 PM

You guys are just tooooooooo funny!
Thanks for the laughs.
Ellen

-- "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." Voltaire

View cowdog80's profile

cowdog80

32 posts in 2607 days


#5 posted 11-05-2009 03:34 PM

can you sharpen water?

J. Behlen
Waterlox Inc.

-- http://woodworker.com

View eddy's profile

eddy

936 posts in 2825 days


#6 posted 11-05-2009 03:52 PM

nice morning laff
thanks guys

-- self proclaimed copycat

View huff's profile

huff

2828 posts in 2745 days


#7 posted 11-05-2009 04:12 PM

Good way to start the day! with a good laugh. Thanks

-- John @ http://www.thehuffordfurnituregroup.com

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cabinetmaster

10874 posts in 3018 days


#8 posted 11-06-2009 03:07 AM

Some great ones there. Thanks for the laughs.

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

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