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Forum topic by degoose posted 10-26-2009 09:55 PM 1057 views 0 times favorited 5 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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degoose

7196 posts in 2820 days


10-26-2009 09:55 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor modern

Actual call center conversations!

Customer: ‘I’ve been calling 700-1000 for two days and can’t get through; can you help?’
Operator: ; ‘Where did you get that number, sir?’
Customer: ‘It’s on the door of your business.’
Operator: ‘Sir, those are the hours that we are open.’
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the nbsp; number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’
———————————————————————————————————
Directory Enquiries
Caller: ‘I’d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?’
Caller: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off.’
———————————————————————————————————
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a
worried operator: ‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on.’
———————————————————————————————————
Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.’
Customer: ‘OK.’
Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’
Customer: ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.’
———————————————————————————————————
Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my
system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?’
———————————————————————————————————
This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause.’

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’
Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller: ‘They disappeared’
Operator: ‘Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller: ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?’
Caller: ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?’
Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’
Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?’
Caller: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’
Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? ‘
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’
Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into &nbs p; the back of your computer.’
Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ‘OK. Well, can you see if it is?’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?’
Caller: ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle—it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator: ‘Dark?’
Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.’
Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller: ‘I can’t.’
Operator: ‘No? Why not?’
Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power …. A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?’
Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’
Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’
Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too damned stupid to own a computer!’

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...


5 replies so far

View jerryz's profile

jerryz

164 posts in 2744 days


#1 posted 10-26-2009 10:21 PM

A computer customer calls the tech support and asks if they can send him a cup holder replacement for his computer since the one he has been using broke.

The tech support is miffed about such an accessory and asks the customer that may be he bought somewhere else since he was not aware that the computers they manufacture had this “feature” installed.

The customer adamantly states that no, the cup holder came with the machine when he bought it.

Hopefully by now you have realized what the customer was using as the cup holder….

And if you are tempted to also begin using your CD-ROM as a cup holder beware that when window restarts or you shut down the machine, it will close automatically and your cup may end up in the floor… and your holder could also break…. Don’t call Tech support for a replacement then….

View a1Jim's profile

a1Jim

115202 posts in 3043 days


#2 posted 10-26-2009 10:25 PM

Thanks Larry carzy fun

-- http://artisticwoodstudio.com Custom furniture

View Scott Bryan's profile

Scott Bryan

27251 posts in 3288 days


#3 posted 10-26-2009 11:55 PM

Thanks, Larry. I will have to forward this one to my son who manages a help section. He should appreciate it.

-- Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful- Joshua Marine

View DTWoodknot's profile

DTWoodknot

150 posts in 2652 days


#4 posted 10-27-2009 04:01 AM

Thanks Larry I needed that LOL

-- Dave, I wood if I could but I can't so I woodknot

View NY_Rocking_Chairs's profile

NY_Rocking_Chairs

507 posts in 3063 days


#5 posted 10-27-2009 11:29 AM

A couple more from a friend who works customer service at a cable company, specifically he works in collections, these are customer quotes:
“I am not paying my $500 porn bill because then God will know.”

“Give me your address cause I am going to come over there and cut your balls off.”

“I am concerned about this bill that shows we ordered these pornographic movies, they seem to have been ordered while I was at work and my husband was home sick…oh wait, never mind.”

“You cannot cut off my service! I’m a veteran!”

“What? Who is this? You want me to stick my cable where? Oh hang on man, let me get my dad.” —Dude was stoned higher than a kite. He hung up and they called back the next day and spoke to the “dad”.

-- Rich, anybody want a peanut?

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